Chapter 1: What unexpected experience did Vogue have in Australia?
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Hello, welcome to the bonus of My Therapist Ghosted Me. It's me, Joanne McNally. It's her, Vogue Williams. It's him, Jo Ashewell. It's the usual crowd.
It's the usual crowd.
Can I say how secure I feel knowing that you're at the end of the road? I know, it's nice. It's not that I'm around.
I just feel like Australia's like not just a different time zone, it's a different world.
It's a different fucking world. You're in the upside down. It's all very Stranger Things coded, yeah.
I do love Australia and I drank all the coffee that I could possibly fit into my body in the time that I had to fit it in because obviously I had no coffee in the jungle. And when I say cutting caffeine...
and sugar I had the worst headaches they were like expect really bad headaches on day two and I was like not gonna happen to me oh my god I nearly had to cut the head off I nearly had to cut it off can I just say we're so lucky to have you back and have you publicly said that you were hypnotized against insects yeah oh grant I was like I don't know if that's
public knowledge or am I like I mean satting a story on her for free it's not against the rules and I think that I was I think I was hypnotized against like the odd insect I don't think I was hypnotized against hundreds of them being poured on my head but still
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Chapter 2: What happened during Vogue's Thai massage experience?
no, no, I just can't.
And a bin bag. They're like cutting up plastic and they're burning it down into chicken. And I'm like, delish. Put a bit of mayo on it.
And the pathetic looking salad leaves that get thrown in there.
But anyway, so I was like, I'm not really feeling myself at the moment. And a woman said to me, oh, it's just winter, Joanne. And I was like, oh my God, you're so right. I'm just, it's winter me. And Australia, because their winters are not like our winters. So, Of course they're super hot because they're always on display in a way that this side of the world, we're not.
Like we can all get a bit like lazy and sassy and sit on the couch and like eat with our hands and like throw a lot of carbs down us and just enjoy that season. Whereas if you're in Australia and your body is always on display because it's fucking roasting, it's a different energy over there.
But I do, it's not just that, it's the way their timings sit. I just really like them. And since I got home, I don't like jet lag on the way over there because I find it torturous to be sitting up on your own. And I had no phone, keep in mind. So like I was, obviously I had my literature, so it was okay. But a book recommendation, The Wedding People. Very good. Oh! What's it about?
I just feel like I'll give away a spoiler. It's very good because very early on she comes out with this thing and it's just like, whoa, I just wasn't expecting that. But it's a really, really good book to read. So I was reading that over there.
Brilliant. And I will read your recs. And can I give a rec? Have I spoken about Kathy Burke yet? Now, I did her podcast about death. She had that amazing death podcast that she has now.
There's a will.
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Chapter 3: How did Vogue react to the unexpected washing during her massage?
Stop. Yeah, she wrote it on her phone. And like, I... So... What's it about, first of all? Her life. It's a memoir. It's a memoir.
A mind of my own.
A mind of my own. Now, I'm only halfway through. Like, she hasn't hit the Kevin and Perry stage. Like, she's not in... She's starting to act as such. But my God, that woman had a life. And as you know, I've been very vocal about the fact that... And I love a celebrity memoir. I love, like, getting into the nitty gritty of people's lives.
But Cathy writes about her childhood in a way that's so engaging... I'm thoroughly enjoying it. And she doesn't fluff things. She's quite like measured in how she speaks. But apparently she wrote the whole thing on her phone. But anyway, it's thoroughly enjoyable. But she, my God, her mother died when she was, I don't know if she was even a year old.
And then she was raised by her father, who was a raving alcoholic and her two older brothers. And she was kind of raised like a little boy for a very long time. And then she talks about like her punk era. And so I'm just finishing her punk era. And it's really, really good. She's such an interesting person. But also, I have a podcast recommendation.
Would you mind if I, can I put on my face mask? Because this isn't recorded. It's not going to block anything, is it?
Smash on me.
Can you hear me still? Or no?
Yeah. When you said a face mask, I thought you meant like a... Yeah. You sound like the man in the Iron Mask.
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Chapter 4: What humorous insights did Joanne share about food preferences?
Okay. It's called, sorry, it's called In the Dark. So it's from The New Yorker. So I'm just going to read you the description and then you can make up your, I don't want to spoil it. On August 7th, 1985, five family members were shot dead in their English country manor White House farm.
It looked like an open and shut case, but The New Yorker staff writer Heidi Blake finds that almost nothing about the story is as it seems. It's really, really good.
I don't want to spoil it I've watched the show on that but Joanne you're always here for the really uplifting pod recommendations if you'd like anything around murder and death Joanne is your woman and sorry Peppa Pig I mean what you want come on I'm a woman in my 40s I want Care Bears and Peppa Pig I can't be listening to that kind of stuff and just going about my daily life I hear Rainbow Bride is bringing out a pilot soon so you'll be delighted five murders five not just one just five murders casually at a farm the more the merrier great I'll just pop it on before bed
Like the New Yorker, they're like, it's so well made. It's so well produced. And I will, I don't think I'm giving away a spoiler by saying it's a suggestive miscarriage of justice. And it is, it's full on. It's really well made and highly recommend. That's all I'll say.
Thanks. That's a great thought for me to have now. It's getting close to my bedtime. It's 20 past six. My aura is about to tell me to start preparing for bed.
Well, let's pray you wake up, folk. That's all I'm going to say because it's going for us all. I have some exciting news. I know, Vogue, you will appreciate this. She's leaning in. I'm adding a ninth Apollo.
Fuck me.
Oh, my God. A ninth Apollo. But guess, Vogue, and this is for you. This is me. Why did you just do the O2? You could have done the O2 over here. It's not the same vibe, but you can never predict how it's going to go. But this one's for you, Vogue. This is me literally doing a titty dance for you because the ninth Apollo is... It's a matinee, baby. Yes! Matinee. Oh my fucking God. Matinee.
I said, if I'm going to get Vogue Williams out of the house... Between three and six. I'm going to rent out the Hammersmith Apollo and tap dance for her. So I'm in. So there's only one Apollo left with tickets available. And it's the 15th of February. And I've been wanting to do this matinee thing for ages because I have had questions about it.
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Chapter 5: What book recommendations were discussed in the episode?
Anyway, so I'm like, fuck it, I'll go in early.
Gross, I'm not going that night. Get lost. I am at the matinee. Jo, let's go to the matinee. 3pm. 3pm. I just cannot.
It's the parents of your children show. Okay, Jo. It's the hatred tea show.
We start drinking at 12. We start drinking at 12. We go for lunch. We don't want to get too messy because we might start shouting at her. 3 o'clock. We sit down. We watch Joanne.
Bed by 7. Well, look. This is a massive experiment on my part. And I'm willing to do the work and I'm willing to trial it. Because... You know, you obviously, you know, like I rent that venue. So obviously I have to, you know, you don't want to lose money on the venue. But because I'm in the venue that night, the costs are already there. So I'm like, OK, let's see.
Let's see if this is actually going to work. I'll do a 3 p.m. and then I'll do an 8 p.m.
You should go down for a coffee morning that morning as well.
What's his name? What's his name? Daniel O'Donnell. She's the new Daniel O'Donnell. We can have a coffee.
Wildly insulting. As well, you know. Oh, she's the Daniel O'Donnell of standard comedy.
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Chapter 6: What exciting news did Joanne share about her upcoming tour?
He doesn't understand what you say anyway, so it's fine.
Exactly, it's the accent.
Hello, Joanne, Vogue and Jo. Just listening to the bonus episode with Gerold howling with laughter at his experience of massage. The bonus episode reminded me, sorry, did Gerold do the bonus?
Yeah, he did a bonus, yeah.
Sounds like you've got some catching up to do, mate.
OK, sorry, Joe. I literally just landed. Sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been able to catch up fully for you. Lazy. My Christ. The amount of shit I got off people yesterday. And I'm like, I have been flying for 26 hours. Can you just give me a little break? OK. The bonus reminded me of my one and only Thai massage.
A story about my complete naivety and innocence to the world of illegal massage parlours in Glasgow.
I was walking through Glasgow city centre after a very tough morning then I saw a handwritten sign advertising time aside 45 pounds and I thought barking this is the sign I needed this will pull me out of my slump I walked into the parlour sorry like wank her out of her slump or pull her out come on carry on do you know what I mean come on which was literally it's it's right in itself
which was literally just someone's house. Two women looked at me like I'd just walked into their living room uninvited, because I basically had. When I asked for the massage, they spoke to each other in Mandarin, looking absolutely baffled. But I was committed to this bargain, this sounds like me.
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Chapter 7: How did the hosts reflect on the concept of 'happy endings' in massages?
I need to get back to work, I said, asking for a tell. She looked genuinely disappointed, but was very quick to demand the 45 pounds. Yeah, of course, yeah. Obviously, they didn't take courage. So I got escorted by a 10-year-old boy to the cash machine to make sure I didn't do a runner.
Sorry now. Like, nothing but respect for this woman who's actually putting a pre-work into the work. I'm not going to soap a lad down. I'm just going to go straight in with a dry hand. So I think, frankly, it's worth the 45 quid.
What a dry hand. Come on. You can't be that dry.
A bit of sawdust, actually. I'm in a bad place.
A little bit of sandpaper on a sandpaper glove.
I'm like, you will not enjoy this for a second. I will do it.
Would you like to borrow my electric sander? So there it is. I paid 50 pounds. The boy didn't give me any change for the world's most awkward sponge bath. Left with damp knickers and learned the handwritten signs in Glasgow are not to be trusted. On the plus side, it definitely took my mind off the funeral. Love the podcast and Joanne, can't wait to see you in Glasgow in February.
Joanne, get the address for yourself.
Get the address. Look, listen, and I, you know, like, I'm not, I don't have... You would take the happy ending, aren't you, Joanne? Well, I'd take the bathing and then be like, just cut out the end. I'm tired.
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Chapter 8: What light-hearted conclusion did the hosts reach about crocodiles and gum shields?
Get what you want.
Okay. If you're paying the £44 in Glasgow, which you certainly will, Joanne, I think these... Do you know what? You owe us this. We want it for a bit of content. Tell us how you go. Enjoy the bath and enjoy the happy ending.
I'm turning into a middle-aged man where I'm like, oh, do I have to pay for it now? How sad.
Don't look at it, just look at it as how empowering. How empowering.
Sorry, Bonnie Blue has been arrested, speaking of sex work.
Oh God, I thought we'd get away with it, but maybe 15 years in jail. At least we won't hear from her anymore.
No, more than me not getting my head around AI and I'm sharing photos of like, fish with binoculars on their eyes I'm concerned I'm like is this real or is it a PR stunt so I'm going to hang up on this call now I'm going to go and I'm going to find out I think she's genuine you've only been arrested but you wouldn't know her it's all press and all it's all bullshit but I don't know
That came out from the authorities in Bali. Will I tell you how much I believe everything everyone says about me? So in the jungle, Ginge told me that like, you come back, you tell each other about your trial. So he came back and he was like, yeah. And then I went into this other thing and there was two crocodiles, but it was fine because they had gum shields on. I was like,
And I went into the BT and I was like, how did she just get gum shields for the crocodiles? I was like, that is amazing. I was like, I can't believe that. Believed it the whole time until the end. He was like, Vogue, they didn't have gum shields.
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