Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
I'm going to address the elephant in the room. Happy New Year, happy Christmas, blah, blah, blah. 1, 2, 3, skip a few. Vogue. Yeah. It's very clear. There's information required. What are you doing?
tell the listeners what are you wearing what are you wearing Vogue I bought this hat off a company called Wolf and Badger last year oh I know them I didn't get the wear out of it yeah I didn't get the wear out of it does it suit me not really but I said to myself I'll bring it away again and I might wear it this time and I haven't worn it yet so I said do you know what I'll wear it on the pod so everyone knows I'm skiing once again Vogue has forgotten that this is an audible platform and has not explained what she's wearing of course I have strong start to the year Vogue
we're nothing if not consistent never change folks like I'm a TV star okay if they can't see it it's not my fucking problem Joanne obviously fucked up with the set up got locked out of her room and yes I'm explaining things but no nothing behind it okay folks wearing quite a large oh my god what just happened there the lights keep going They're scared. There's a ghost in the house.
Vogue is wearing quite a large, high, white, traditional, culturally inappropriate skiing hat.
like it's culturally inappropriate it's a skiing hat and am I regretting it one minute 47 seconds into the pod yes I am because I'm fucking pointing it looks native to me Vogue I'm just gonna call it it's not native it's not native it looks native that's like saying you shouldn't be wearing those glasses because you are trying to look like that penis what's his name are you talking about blind people yeah Stevie Wonder yeah
Fair. Oh, touche. What an excellent comeback. How dare you? Don't worry, I'm going to get a dream catcher tattooed on my lower back and then we'll all be fucked.
Do you remember dream catchers? I used to have a dream catcher. I don't think, this is not culturally inappropriate. This is like, you want to see the ones that he has. No, it's not. I'm only joking.
There's every influencer in the Alps. Any influencer eating Alpen in their own home is wearing one of those hats this season. They're huge right now and it suits you.
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Chapter 2: What does Vogue wear while skiing?
I did the biggest beep beep on the slopes of the day. Nearly all I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. It was so embarrassing.
Was it for the tan?
It was for the tan. And they told me in a meeting pre-Christmas, they were like, our best performing post of last year was when he went skiing and you did a picture in the bikini. And I said, you know what? No way.
I'm going to try and top that bad boy. Yeah, fair play. Listen, business is business. Sales need to be made.
So I've been humiliating myself on the slopes and it doesn't matter because I have a helmet and goggles on so no one knows who I am.
Listen, you're not doing anything. I'm chronically online. This is classic winter behavior in the influencer world. And let's face it, you have a finger in that world. You have a finger in, not a whole toe, not a whole hand, but you do have a finger.
So I've seen people do the full bikini down the slopes and I admire them greatly. I just couldn't do the full bikini. Maybe pre-Christmas I would have liked to have done the full bikini. And well, no, I don't think so. It's just, it's really cold. It's minus 14. I've done what I can do next year. If this one does better than last year's post, then maybe I'll do the whole bikini.
And then the year after that, nude. Okay?
Nude. Pics let out your tits, won't take much.
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Chapter 3: How do influencers behave on the slopes?
Sorry, what do you mean? Over Christmas, you did the dog?
I did the dog on it. I'm going to tell you about that now. But that's when I say, I was speaking to Vogue yesterday. She knew I was in a bad place. I was, I was, I just wasn't ready for the year to begin. I just wasn't ready. And then I was like, oh, no, no, no more. Grant. 24 more hours.
Yeah.
Of drinking and eating cheese in hotels. Perfect.
Tomorrow I'll be Raji Jal. Tomorrow. Just crept up on you.
The three week break just really crept up on me there.
You're talking about your facial. I got offered my first, I felt I was so excited by it. I got offered my first boob job in Turkey. Actually, a boob job and a brow lift I got offered by a company in Turkey on Instagram. And I thought, oh, wow, how kind. Didn't know I needed the brow lift as well, but I appreciate the offer.
It's like when you go in for a facial and they're like, do you want a bit of dermablading, which is female for shaving, Jo? And you say, well, clearly I...
dermaplaning yeah dermaplaning I sliced my neck yesterday from that so when he comes in he's like what are you doing I'm like nothing dermaplaning what's all that in this thing I'm like dermaplaning it's a completely different process to shaving Jo and by that we mean it's completely the same but it's been feminised how dare you accuse me of shaving my yeah
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the 'privilege package' in all-inclusive resorts?
And I was like, oh, wow, what does it involve? And she goes, well, between the hours of three and nine, we help really drunk people get down the slopes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's like, sometimes we find people unconscious on the side of the slopes and they have to get them all down because people get really, like people apres ski, ski, like they really apres ski unconsciously.
And then they can't get down the slope. And so there's actually people who go around up and down the slope till nine o'clock at night, making sure that nobody is lying on the slopes about to die.
Skiing is, they're doing God's work. Skiing is incredibly dangerous. Like I heard that the travel insurance for skiing is through the roof. There was a girl that I did my master's with who died. Jeez. on a ski holiday, please. I know, everyone, I do, I'm always, I always kind of like to wrap up a conversation with a death at the end. It's very Irish.
I call Amber, Amber's called the grief gazette because she's always talking about people who've died.
I'm like, Christ, here we go. That's exactly what I am, the grief gazette. But this gorgeous person, Maria, she died snowboarding. She was killed in an avalanche. It's very, very, very, very, yeah, I know, I know. And it was only when we just finished college, she wouldn't have even been
25 26 I'd say or finish the masters I know so be careful out there Vogue yeah well she that's when you do skiing off-piste skiing people wear these backpacks that actually have like avalanche things and basically if an avalanche comes and you can hear it behind you press this button and this big thing like inflates like an airbag almost so it pulls you up so people can find you did you see that video online and it's not AI because it came out ages ago I'm really pissed off with the AI bullshit
It came out ages ago and there's this girl and she was like getting her helmet and stuff ready. She was on a snowboard and she was really off beat and filming herself like an osmo. And there's a bear coming after her, but she had headphones on. And it was only when she got home, she noticed the bear was coming after her.
I think I did see that, but was it real or is it not real?
When I heard about the ski angels, I thought we could get Joanne up here. Joanne, you'd love to after a ski. You would. You'd just have to do a bit of skiing in the morning and then you'd find yourself at a very long, long lunch and the ski angels would get you down.
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