Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the story of Vitasco the Victorious about?
This week on Myths and Legends, it's the story of Vitasco the Victorious, and you'll learn how to turn your child into a superhero. Turns out you have to get started very early, and you might have already disqualified them. Sorry, but if you manage to, I hope you enjoy your free, formerly dragon-infested castle.
The creature this time is an ape man, who may or may not have inspired a Soviet mad scientist. This is Myths and Legends, episode 437, House of the Dragon. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins, and others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen.
Today's story comes to us from the cultures of the Slovak and Czech peoples. The area that makes up the modern-day Czech Republic and Slovakia was, at the time this story was put down to paper, part of Austria-Hungary, an empire famous for sparking World War I and then also not existing after it.
After World War I, the country of Czechoslovakia was created, and then fell under Soviet control after World War II. After that empire fell, Czechoslovakia re-emerged, and after the Velvet Divorce, a bloodless dissolution, we have the modern-day nations of Slovakia and the Czech Republic.
That's a lot, and while I might be interested in the nuances of Slovak and Czech culture, the 1910s translation... is not. It's possible that there could be some elements from either culture or both, but the American writer just calls everything Czech.
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Chapter 2: How did Vitasco's childhood influence his future?
Anyway, we'll jump in with Vytautas, the hero of today's story, and his very reasonable request. "'Hey, Mom,' Vitasco the Victorious said after dinner. "'Yes, dear,' the mother said, buttoning up her shirt. "'All right, here goes. I think it's time for me to stop breastfeeding,' Vitasco said. "'What was he saying? Why? His mother didn't understand.' Well, I'm 21 years old, Vitasco replied.
And it's true. His mother had been breastfeeding him for 21 years. Being her only son, Vitasco had a lot of expectations placed upon him. When she looked on her baby boy... she had reportedly whispered to herself, he shall be a hero, and his name shall be Vitasco the Victorious. The gateway to heroism was, apparently, breastfeeding. a lot of breastfeeding.
One of my previous professional lives was in pediatric hospital medicine as a researcher, and breastfeeding is really good for babies. If you choose to go that route, places like the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend breastfeeding at least until the age of two. There appear to be a lot of different opinions about what age to stop.
But I think we can all agree that the age of 14 is too long. When Vitasco was 14, his mother took him out to the woods to an old beech tree and, pointing, told him to pull it up. Vitasco looked around.
Chapter 3: What challenges does Vitasco face while seeking a new house?
He guessed he could go back to the house and get a shovel and a pickaxe. It would probably take him a little while, but sure, okay. No, his mother had said, with your bare hands. There's a quote attributed to Henry Ford that says, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.
A little-known second part to that quote goes, unless the question is whether or not you can pull up a beech tree by the roots as a 14-year-old, with your only training being a lifetime of breastfeeding, then the answer is that you definitely can't. But Henry Ford was also a Nazi sympathizer, so maybe he was wrong about this too. Vitasco, to his credit, did try. And failed.
Because he was a 14-year-old trying to pull up a beech tree by its roots. Like Puxatani Phil, seeing his shadow and subjecting the world to six more weeks of winter... Vitasko failing to pull a tree out of the ground meant seven more years of breastfeeding. "'I just feel like maybe this is not healthy,' Vitasko said.
"'Most of my friends don't even remember when they stopped breastfeeding because they were so young, and yes, that is an awkward conversation to have with your friends.' I think you might be under some sort of delusion that breastfeeding is going to give me superpowers. His mother's eyes widened. It was his 21st birthday, that meant... Cut to them standing in front of the beech tree.
If I don't pull this up... Vitasco trailed off. We both know the answer to that. Another seven years of breastfeeding. The mother smiled. maybe thinking he should give it his all to make mom proud. Maybe Vitasco did not want to be breastfeeding when he was pushing 30 years old. The young man knelt down to lift with his legs and stood. At first he thought he lost his grip.
It was so easy to stand, but opening his eyes from the strain, he saw that he was holding on to the tree. It was done. He had done it. Vitasco had lifted a tree up by its roots. Turning, his slack, awestricken jaw didn't match his mother's. She was smiling. He tossed the tree to the side and asked how. How had she known that would happen? She put her hand on his shoulder.
Now, my son, you are strong enough, the mother said. Now you are worthy of your name, Vitasco. Forget not the mother who has suckled you for thrice-seven years, but now that you are grown... take care of her. Yes, oh my gosh, yes, Vitasco said. I will never doubt you again, and I see now how that would be difficult for you too, you know, doing this, so I'm very glad it's over.
What should I do now? Go out into the world, my son, and get me a house, the mother said. Oh, but Vitasco looked back to the cottage. We have a house? Son, the mother said, you don't help your child become an epic hero and then stay in the same house.
I always knew that upon nursing my kid for decades and turning him into a super soldier, I would leave whatever house I'm living in and get a better one. That's the dream of turning your kid into a super soldier. Vitasco wondered if there was like a forum she was going on. How does she even know this stuff? But he shook his head. He did owe her, sure. Did she have a place in mind? She did.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the beech tree in Vitasco's journey?
In the basement. In front of the iron door. Was it riches? Was it power? After all she had given him and done for him, spending decades getting him superpowers, for him to hold out on her now? It was basically a betrayal. No, no, no. She would see what was behind that door. Oh my gosh, what are you? She gasped and held her hand to her mouth. The dragon inside looked up at her. Oh, me?
I'm only a poor, harmless dragon, the dragon said. My name's Sharkon. My brothers chained me up in here. It was a short-term thing, but Vitasco killed them all. Please. Please free me. The mother looked to the side. That felt wrong, but okay, his brothers were evil, right? Yes, Sharkon said. And they imprisoned you, she continued. Then wouldn't it follow that he is not evil?
"'That's literally what I was trying to tell the other guy,' Sharkon sighed. "'But he seemed like a kid who, once he had an idea in his head, he wouldn't be moved at all.' "'Oh my gosh, you have no idea,' the mother sat down. "'I raised him. I gave up years to breastfeed him into being a super soldier. "'And did he ever thank me? No.
"'He was relieved that I wasn't making him do it like it was a picnic for me.' Well, I don't know what a picnic is, but I do know that that's ridiculous, Sharkon laughed. You being the other guy's mom, that is, there's no way. The mother turned to face the dragon, and why was that? Because, well, you look like you could be his sister. Sorry, I don't mean to make this weird, but you are stunning.
You must hear that all the time, though. She had been living in a shack with her son for 21 years. She, in fact, did not hear that all the time. Yeah, speaking of which, is the kid's dad, is he still in the picture, or... Sharkon floated, biting his dragon lip and looking her up and down. How do I unchain you? the mother asked.
The unchaining process turned out to be somewhat the same as what they both had in mind for what would come after the unchaining process. Wine. Sharkon instructed her on which cask to grab from the cellar and, pouring in his mouth, he grew in size until, with a flex, he tore the iron hoops around his arms, legs, and chest.
I can't believe him, the dragon man said to the mother, later, that he would give you this house and forbid you to enter a room? It's like he's holding this grudge and doesn't want you to be happy. Sharkon paused and took a deep breath. You look like one who has given so much for others. I wouldn't ask you to go against your son's wishes for what he commands you to do, but well, never mind.
No, what is it? The mother asked, sitting up next to Sharkon. Well, I love you, and I know this is moving fast, but I want to marry you. Your son would never allow that to happen. Meeting her dragon, well, her fiancé's eyes, the mother asked what she needed to do.
Bye.
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Chapter 5: How does Vitasco confront the dragons in the castle?
"'Also, obviously,' Vitasco said and readied his beech tree club. The dragon lunged and tackled Vitasco off his feet almost immediately." and it took all of Vitasco's super breast milk strength to keep the snapping jaws away from his neck. But when things looked the most dire, both the dragon and Vitasco heard something from the sky. Hey guys, I noticed you're fighting.
Which one of you wants my help? Oh, you, Mightiest Dragon, or you, Vitasco the Victorious? A voice cawed. Both looked up to see a giant, flapping raven. Help me, the dragon roared. Uh, sure, but I'm not helping you for free. I hope that was understood. Apparently it wasn't. What will you give me? The raven asked. Gold, as much gold as you want, the dragon barked.
Hey, sorry, hi, Vitasco here, but you already seem to know that. Who are you? I'm a giant raven. I feel like that's pretty obvious. The raven laughed. Do you live here? Vitasco asked, still straining against the dragon that was trying to kill him. No. Um, okay, this is, sorry, this is just a little weird. Help me and I'll give you, I don't know, all his stuff? You like horses?
I saw a bunch of horses grazing in a meadow over there. You can have those. Oh, sweet, deal, the raven said. What do you need a horse for? The dragon complained. What do I need gold for? You think there's a market economy for corvids? I don't even have pockets. And you think I want crows hassling me for shiny stuff? Vitasco called out that he would need help with a fire breath.
With that sentence, he finally reached his finger and turned the first ring. Strength surged through him, and he lifted up the dragon and shoved him waist-deep into the earth. Having just been reminded about his own fire breath, the dragon used his fire breath.
The raven swooped down and flapped his wings, creating a wall of wind that stopped the fire before it hit Vitasco, who took that opportunity to turn the other ring on his finger. The effects, indeed, stacked. And, leaping over the wall of air and fire... He was behind the half-submerged dragon, pushing him further into the earth until he was up to his scaly neck. I bet you think you've won.
But if you kill me, what's to stop you from becoming a monster? The dragon snarled. Um, I mean, not kidnapping princesses? Oh, not murdering travelers. Kind of doing the right thing, I guess. Having empathy. I mean, there's so many ways to not become a monster, Vitasco said with a shrug. Oh, the dragon replied, and then his head rolled across the ground.
Vitasco shook the tree and a golden apple fell. I've heard it said that adverbs are the weakest words and that you should avoid using them And the fact that the princess thanked Vitasco, quote, prettily, seems to confirm that advice. You have saved me, Vitasco, from this fierce monster, and now I am yours if you want me.
Vitasco said he did, yes, in fact, want that, but for now he needed to go home and save his legitimately sick, not manipulative mother. He would come find her. With that, he left her on the edge of the world to find her own way home. Mmm, kissy, kissy, kissy, Sharkon the dragon said, and did. Mmm, kissy, kissy, kissy, right back, the mom replied.
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