Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
What the? Oh. Oh f- Yeah!
It's Nick the Rat, live from the sewer! Episode 7! I think it's seven.
Yeah. It's... This is episode seven.
they didn't think i could do it there was so many naysayers so so many of them um that song was uh i don't even know it's on archive.org uh classical gas what I don't know who did it or why it's even... Why it's even here. But, I don't know. I used it for my intro. It was okay enough. It had that old... That old feeling to it. That old time feeling. Um... So yeah, it's Wednesday.
The 24th of February. 2016. Um... 6 o'clock. I... I was able to get back to the sewer on time. I was out hunting for pizza and dropped breadcrumbs and whatever. The pigeons didn't... I hate those pigeons. Let's get rid of them. We should go out and feed the rats, not feed the pigeons. I'm going to start a petition against this one. It's raining out there. I don't know if you can hear that. Let's
Yeah, it's 54 degrees out, raining.
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Chapter 2: How did Nick the Rat acquire a phone line?
February. There's a lot of crazy things going on in the news and around the world. Dealing a lot with aliens today. There's going to be a lot of alien talk. That's all I can tell you. I have a couple of whoppers. Oh, man. I wish I found a whopper somewhere right about now. People don't throw those away. They usually eat all their whopper right on up.
And I don't... I don't get any of the freaking whopper. Anyway, there was a fireball.
Ugh.
I think this was definitely not a fireball, though, because if you look at it, you just see... It doesn't look like a fireball. It looks... That's definitely a crashing UFO. You can tell by the streak behind it. It's glowing a certain red color that usually comes out of the engines of these spaceships, because they're manipulating gravity, and you can tell...
From the gravitational pull on the light. Anyway, this was going over Chelyabinsk. Chelyabinsk. Chelyabinsk. Oh wait, no, this is the biggest fireball since Chelyabinsk streaking over the Atlantic. What is this one called? I read this article all wrong. I don't know.
It's kind of sad that... I don't know the name of this thing, but it flew over the sky, over the southern Atlantic Ocean on the 6th. It was... If anybody out there's ever watched X-Files, they know this is definitely an alien spaceship at the bottom of the sea. We need... We need to go there, and... We need to go there, and if we do, we should wear, like, really tight eye goggle type things.
You don't... That black oil stuff, man.
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Chapter 3: What alien news is being discussed?
I don't want that in my eyeballs. I don't... I don't know how people are getting away with that. Um... Other than that, that incredibly interesting news, there's big happenings going on over here. I got... I now have a phone line. I snuck it out of... It was the craziest thing. There's an office building above the sewer where I call my abode. And the window on the first floor was open.
I was... I crawled through... It took me a long time to get into this. I ramboed up into that window and I grabbed a phone line. I gnawed on it. I... and chewed right through it. Then I jumped back out the window with the other, the end, the live wire, and I got a little shock from it, but... You know, it cleared my sinuses.
I was kind of stuffed up earlier, but now I can breathe a little bit better. Sewer weather, it's no good. But anyway, back to the story of meaning of what this is about. I have a phone line now in the studio.
Can you believe that?
I have a phone line in the studio. People could just up and call me. It's quite scary. I might not answer everybody if I'm on the roll or something and you call me. You could just talk to the voicemail. I have a couple good voicemails that people already left me. I'm pretty excited about all this. I'll give you the number right now. It's 917.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of the ghost cities in China?
I got a 917 number in the sewer. So yeah, you call this thing. Oh, I gotta give you the rest of that number. I can't just say 917. You'll know where to call. So, yeah, the number's 917-719-5923. Yeah, you could call that... Anything on that line is liable to go on the air, so you better watch what you say. I don't edit. I don't really do anything.
I just started talking into the microphone and telling you about... Important things. There's really important things going on in the world today, and nobody's really talking about it. I've seen the news. You guys watch. There is mostly garbage on there. Men in tight pants touching each other. I don't... Why? Why do you do this? The sugar. Oh, God. Actually, you keep eating that.
You don't throw it down the sewer. I usually get, like, vegetables and stuff down here. It's... Thanks for being... Unhealthy, I guess. So, yeah. I got a couple phone calls and recordings I'm going to play. I don't even listen to them. So, I'm going to be experiencing them with you as well.
Chapter 5: How does Nick the Rat feel about his voicemails?
But... Before... Before we get into any of that, there's... I guess... I guess he's a special guest. He fell... He fell right through... Yeah, he fell into the sewer. I... I picked him up. I kind of, like, slapped him in the face. And... Yeah, we got... We... We got Vin Diesel here! Bullshit! No, it's not bullshit. You're here, man. Unlikely. You're here. You could leave after the show, okay?
You gotta be kidding me. No, I'm not. But anyway, we got a whole bunch of music to play, too. We gotta play music for the people and for the aliens, because... You know, aliens, they... They are probably listening to a lot of... A lot of bad music, and... They gotta know what's free and... Out there to... Free to listen to. Um... What should I... What should I spin up?
You know, I'm just gonna go in order... To make this easier for me, basically. Nobody else is here... Well, you know. That's funny. You're here. I know you're here. I was just talking about you. But anyway, we got SMAXA. It's S-M-A-X-A with Ice Killers. I don't even know if it tickles your pickle. It tickled my pickle.
Chapter 6: What humorous interactions occur with Vin Diesel?
I'm playing it.
Okay.
Yeah?
Bye. Bye.
I guess it would be Smaza. I don't know. I don't know.
Is he saying an ice filled with chicken riding on his dirty shit?
Shut up. Okay, I'll shut up. Fuck, man.
Why are you so mean anyway, man? You fell down here. I don't know who you think you're playing with. I don't play this game.
Hey, Vin Diesel, you fucking fell into the sewer. I'm helping you and you're giving me shit, man. Kiss my ass. Well, that was... That was Smaza. Ice Killers! That was a good track. I like it. That's why I put it all up on the Trippity Dip Do and whatnot. So Vin, man. What's the matter?
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Chapter 7: What are the latest updates on the Zika virus?
I'm trying to keep the people entertained. Yo, what's your name, Slick? I'm Nick the Rat! I got... I got... These voicemails. Let's go to the... Let's play my first voicemail that I ever received. Let's see what it is.
Hi, this is Raquel. I heard that you were a rat expert. I have a few rats that have telekinetic abilities. I wanted to talk to you more about them. Some of these things these rats have been doing are sometimes they massage me or sometimes they'll lift up things in the kitchen or the living room. It's pretty cool. I'd love to talk to you more. Maybe you can... cameo appearance on the show.
I think it's pretty remarkable here. Alright, well call me back. My name is Raquel Johnson. I'm from Utah. So give me a call back then. I like your show. It's great and I keep looking out for dragons every night because I hope maybe they'll fly over to here after you saw them in Brooklyn. Alright then. Take care. Bye-bye.
Thank you, Raquel. That was... That was really sweet of you. And I don't know if you want those dragons flying overhead. Let's just... They're here to clear us out and make way... Make way for the aliens. Man, there's been so much alien news going on right now.
Chapter 8: How does Nick plan to wrap up the show?
Especially in the China area of planet Earth. There... I think... So here's the story. Have you ever heard of the ghost cities of China? Well, I think we should change that now. Should we call the alien... We're not going there, cities of China. Because China, they've been talking to the aliens. And the aliens needed a place to go. And China was building all these cities.
They were fucking building cities for the aliens to come. There was just one problem. The aliens didn't come. Somebody unreliable. You just built a city for these people and they don't even show up. So get this. I was looking through the New York Times. And this goes right along with that story.
You know, when somebody doesn't show up and you build them a city, you're going to send a notice or a letter or some mail. You're going to send something to them. So China built a telescope. a huge one, a huge radio telescope, and they had to kick out 9,000 Chinese people.
They should just move the 9,000 Chinese villagers that they kicked out to build the telescope and put them into the ghost cities, even though there's nobody there except for possibly aliens one day if they ever come. I think we got the shorthand of this stick. So anyway, they made this thing to hunt for extraterrestrials. They're not even... It was a... 184 million dollars!
That's like more than money I'll ever have. Now I'm sad. I want this money. I'm a talking rat! That's cooler than aliens, man! Alright, so it's 500 meter. There's really 9,000 Chinese people living in a 500 meter area? It looks like it's in the middle of the woods, too. What is going on here? This is... This is strange. This is a very strange story. Very strange indeed. Yeah? Yeah, it is.
I don't know. Where would you... Finn, what would you buy if I gave you a hundred and, you know, a hundred and eighty X amount of, uh, X amount of dollar, X a million, X a hundred eighty, one hundred eighty thousand million dollars over here, what would you buy?
Dude, stop thinking Prog Police and start thinking PlayStation.
Okay, uh, you know, they're a little bit cheaper. They are a little bit cheaper than that. Alright, so, I don't know. That's interesting though. I want to go to China and move into one of these buildings. I could make it like my kingdom. Just me and my empty building. It would be pretty cool. When is this rain going to let up? So I got more alien news around the corner.
If anybody wants to call into the show, they could. I forget the phone number. It was like 917 something something. I'm taking calls. Even if you call during this next song I'm going to play, I'll stop the song for you. What are we going to talk about? You know, aliens and whatnot or whatever the fuck you want to talk about. I don't care.
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