No Such Thing As A Fish

369: No Such Thing As Quartz For The Courts

16 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss skillful french bunnies and ancient chinese sunnies.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, me...

368: No Such Thing As The Knipper And The Corpse

09 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss haemolacria, Olga Chekhova, butterflies and buttered muffins.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live ...

367: No Such Thing As A Horse Drawn Segway

02 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss drugs with colourful names, a prince with a colourful grotto, and a country without colour TV. Visit nosuchthinga...

366: No Such Thing As Listening To Your Marmalade

26 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss historical blocks, indecisive baboons and who acted sly when it came to Stallone. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com fo...

365: No Such Thing As A Smart Cheetah At Harvard

19 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss slow cheetahs, smart cushions and why doing long charity broadcasts might be a terrible idea. Visit nosuchthingas...

No Such Thing As Enough Money For Comic Relief

17 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In addition to your regularly scheduled weekly episode, here is a clip from last week's No Such Thing As A Fish 20-hour podcast, streamed live from la...

364: No Such Thing As Kylie Minnow

11 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss hungry marines, thirsty police and sleepy snooker players. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows...

363: No Such Thing As A Squiggly Pineapple

05 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss clothes pegs, pineapple burgers and a very Nortey footballer.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live ...

362: No Such Thing As Batman and Robinette

26 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss where to find Randy Andy, who Neil Armstrong's quarantine cockroach was, and why you start a fake dust company.  ...

361: No Such Thing As The Mosquito Effect

19 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss how many mosquitos you can fit on to your cutlery, how to disguise yourself as street furniture, and why every div...

360: No Such Thing As May Pole Syrup

12 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Polish dragons, turkey trots and leopard dentistry. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merch...

359: No Such Thing As A Sneaky Badger Swapsie

05 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss badgers, bombers, bees and books ...of the audio variety Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, ...

358: No Such Thing As The Gunfight At The Amazing Corral

29 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss unexploded bombs, unexpected shootouts and a very unpleasant way to go.   Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news ...

357: No Such Thing As A Rapidly Deflating Walrus

22 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss spectacular lost films, sensational Victorian plays and orgiastic tupperware parties.  Visit nosuchthingasafish....

356: No Such Thing As Potter The Great

15 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss double-thrones, rocking chairs and a load of old molluscs.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live sho...

355: No Such Thing As The Big Bad Virginia Woolf

08 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the grammar police, termite pizza and the practical jokes of one of the great poets of our time.  Visit nosuchth...

354: No Such Thing As Worrying About What Might Happen

31 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

An all-new bumper compilation of silliness with Dan, Anna, James, Andy, Jenny Ryan, Tom Scott, Rhys Derby, Alan Davies and Sandi Toksvig Visit nosuch...

353: No Such Thing As Hans Gruber's Silent Night

24 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, James and Andy discuss crap cracker jokes, Zen monk Grinches and the dangerous world of carol singing.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for ...

352: No Such Thing As Loki-day

18 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, James and Andy discuss a warrior who was Trieu, letters that are false, and why nobody seems to know what day it is Visit nosuchthingasafi...

351: No Such Thing As Pop Charts for Bagpipers

11 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, James and Andy discuss remote Russians, minted Madagascans and a very brazen Dane. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows,...

350: No Such Thing As Tickling Baseball Players

04 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, James and Alan Davies discuss people lending, perilous landing, rigid fishes and frigid dishes.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news ab...

349: No Such Thing As Tug of War for Clowns

27 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andrew and James discuss humidity, humility and a highly dangerous activity.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, mer...

348: No Such Thing As Infinite Toilet Paper

20 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andrew and James discuss burglary tools, hornet tales, and infinite tiles.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merch...

347: No Such Thing As A Bacon Scented Sleep Mask

13 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andrew and James discuss prisons, escapes, chess and why you can never have too much spam.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about l...

346: No Such Thing As An Unsexy Astronaut

06 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andrew and Major Tim Peake discuss an out of this world diet, the last species on Earth, and what Tom Collins has been saying behind all of...

345: No Such Thing As A Sideways Treadmill

30 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss a swearing mongoose, gangster candy and the wickedest man in the world in this year's Hallowe'en special. 

344: No Such Thing As The Icelandic Trampoline Corps

23 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss American Spooks, Indian Athletes and French Donkeys.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merc...

343: No Such Thing As A Dolphin In An Escape Room

16 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss bodacious inventions, heinous nuclear errors and most triumphant costume design. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for n...

342: No Such Thing As A Presidential Fight Club

09 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the most badass members of the Roosevelt family, the legend of Barry Towncouncil, and what on Earth a not-a-bird i...

341: No Such Thing As A May-I Sandwich

02 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Rhys Darby discuss dog dramas, wacky walks, and killer Kiwis.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchand...

340: No Such Thing As A Didgeridoo in a Bar

25 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Anna discuss immobile fish, inedible sandwiches and incredible traffic jams. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live sh...

339: No Such Thing As A Penguin in a Nightclub

18 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and Tom Scott discuss flashing lights, measuring trees and naughty penguins Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows,...

338: No Such Thing As Carthaginian YouTube

11 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Jenny Ryan discuss criminal times, baffling crimes and spurious rhymes. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows,...

337: No Such Thing As A Triangular Rectangle

04 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Anna discuss advanced spatial mathematics, linguistic philosophy and a really really big cow Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for ne...

336: No Such Thing As A Delicious Emergency Salad

28 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Sara Pascoe discuss DNA, 747s and TMI from a certain beetle. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandis...

335: No Such Thing As A Cardigan For Ginger Rogers

21 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Sandi Toksvig discuss Bargain Hoovers, Hidden Rivers and Ginger Rogers Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, m...

334: No Such Thing As A Babysitter's Trade Union

14 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss swimming, wrestling, necking, and a very unfortunate giraffe. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live show...

333: No Such Thing As Fingerprints On The Avocados

07 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

A show of outtakes from the last four months. Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Fingerprints, silly walks, figs, dunes and much much more.  Visit n...

332: No Such Thing As An Innocent Apple

31 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss stickers, smartphones and a man who spent a lot of time cooped up. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about liv...

331: No Such Thing As A Queen In A Fig Tree

24 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the Kings of Leon, debate some Mule-y Chambers, and find out Whose Snacks are on Fire Visit nosuchthingasafish.com ...

330: No Such Thing As An Antarctic Vindaloo

17 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss rocks of ages, cool treads and disco moles. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise an...

329: No Such Thing As A Female Cereal Mascot

10 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss ostriches, tigers and a history's loneliest crab Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandis...

328: No Such Thing As A Romantic Lollipop

03 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Summer Homes, Summer Treats and Sunday Trading Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise ...

327: No Such Thing As A SCUBA Diver In A Tree

26 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Spies, Flies and Tornado Lies Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes...

No Such Thing As The iSausage

22 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Extra Bits Special: Dan, James, Anna & Andy discuss Sausages, Eels and Unusual Swords in a bonus episode to raise money for the Care Workers Chari...

326: No Such Thing As An Infortunate Occurrence

19 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss a sure fire way to get a million quid, the secret of word peace, and why some people are more gullible than others. ...

325: No Such Thing As An Earwig Family Zoom Chat

12 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss medieval knights, 1001 nights, and French day trippers.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, m...

324: No Such Thing As Mambo No. 2

05 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Shameful Tunes, Moving Dunes and Historic Cartoons Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchand...

323: No Such Thing As Floating Vaseline

29 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss what vaseline does in water; why an owl was found in an owl; and why you need to always keep in the lines. Visit no...

322: No Such Thing As A Crown Of Willie Thornes

22 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

James, Anna, Andy & Dan discuss dizzy monks, soggy cheese and slimy sausages.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandi...

321: No Such Thing As A Frothy Beer

15 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

James, Anna, Andy & Dan discuss chalk giants, corn circles and what the Mayans got right in 2012.   Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about ...

320: No Such Thing As A Hairy Gearstick

08 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

James, Anna, Andy & Dan discuss the Greatest Showman, the Longest Limo and the World's Most Dangerous Mirrors Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for ne...

319: No Such Thing As 19th Century Feudal Japanese Monopoly

01 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

James, Anna, Andy & Anne Miller discuss the Amazon, Jumanji, Loofahs and Ooya! Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandis...

318: No Such Thing As 'Of Quails and Men'

24 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

James, Anna, Andy & Historian Greg Jenner discuss forks, eggs, ants, and why American audiences can be a little too Kean.  Visit nosuchthingasaf...

317: No Such Thing As Panic Buying Frankincense

17 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss innovations in socks, a sure-fire way to win the lottery, and the worst place to keep your small change.  Visit no...

316: No Such Thing As a Leg Made from Milk

10 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Meaty Biscuits, Leather Baths and Other Strange Tails.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, me...

315: No Such Thing As Tedious Moss

03 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Plato, pizza and pliable planes.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more epi...

314: No Such Thing As A Tiny Ferris Wheel

27 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Alex discuss 4-D, I.D., STDs and why we're all a little bit jealous of Jessica Alba.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news abo...

313: No Such Thing As A Dangerous Coconut

20 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss fruit that's expensive and dangerous; and people who got very hot and very cold.  Visit nosuchthingasafish.com f...

312: No Such Thing As Quentin Tarantino's Bambi

13 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss dangerous Roman toilets, what shoes were thrown at a Bush, and the love life of a Lothario turtle called Diego. V...

311: No Such Thing As A Michelangel-ogram

06 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss a bank that was too warm, a bottle that was too full, and a nose that was just right.  Visit nosuchthingasafish....

310: No Such Thing As A Mungmonger

28 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Romans vs Vandals; Artists vs Artists; Door-to-Door Sales; and Bear-on-Bear action. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com ...

309: No Such Thing As The Best Bubble

21 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss get-fit schemes, bubble extremes, Norma Jeane, and an olm's routine. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about ...

308: No Such Thing As The Land Of Flying Sheep

14 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anne, Anna and Andrew discuss Ringo Starr's exorcism, driving with a pavlova, and the tiniest classified thing at GCHQ. Visit nosuchthingasafish...

307: No Such Thing As EastEnders, The Opera

07 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the never-ending opera, whether worms are carbon neutral, and how Edgar Allan Poe helped to create Scrabble. Visi...

306: No Such Thing As Heavy Snuggle-Pupping

31 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and John Lloyd discuss correct gambling attire, the inventor of Vaseline, and Athens' sixteen thousand secret swimming pools. Visit ...

305: No Such Thing As A Sentient Jelly

24 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the world's first electric cargo ship, jelly wobbliness testing Edison's near-miss with a flying badger. Visit no...

304: No Such Thing As A Phantasmic Foot

17 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss parachuting beavers, why hotdogs are called hotdogs, and how your emails are warming the planet. Visit nosuchthin...

303: No Such Thing As Suckling's Column

10 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss 11th century rental eels, Nelson's lesser-known brother, and how to break into Alcatraz. Visit nosuchthingasafish...

302: No Such Thing As A Hedgehog Circus

03 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Happy New Year! Enjoy a  bumper compilation of deleted bits from 2019 - all the facts, flubs and terrible terrible puns that somehow didn't make the ...

Audiobook Of The Year 2019 Preview

27 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A clip from the audiobook version of the latest Book Of The Year instalment - buy it now from audible.com! Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news abou...

301: No Such Thing As The Queen's Christmas Burlesque

25 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Fishmas! Live from Birmingham, Dan, James Anna and Andrew discuss the earliest known pornography, Mariah Carey's Christmas tree, and how a poodl...

300: No Such Thing As Swimming In The Sky

20 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live at the Heinz Oberhummer Award ceremony in Vienna, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss edible sleds, the first attempt at laser eye surgery, and ...

299: No Such Thing As A Conscientious Brunette

13 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Washington D.C., Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the goats that guard Reagan's library, poppy field crop circles, and which Apollo moon ...

298: No Such Thing As An Emotional Support Amoeba

06 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from New York, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Hornigold the pirate, support animals for other animals, and why the French can't decide on w...

297: No Such Thing As A Shrimp Conga

29 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from New York, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the loudest birds on earth, the astronaut who ate shrimp cocktail 48 times in a row, and who ...

296: No Such Thing As A Glowing Ballet Dancer

22 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Philadelphia, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss crash test moose, radioactive slippers, and the multi-presidential inventor of chewing gum...

295: No Such Thing As A 200m Baguette

15 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Boston, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Bastard baguettes Saddam Hussein's campaign song, and the first ever criminal to be put in Boston'...

294: No Such Thing As A 15-Hour Working Week

08 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss hand-drawn stockings, raccoon-damaged temples, and the doomsday aircraft destroyed by a single bird. Visit nosucht...

293: No Such Thing As A Sexy Ceiling Fan

01 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss prehistoric sippy-cups, Rasputin's litigious assassins, and the coolest ever publicity stunt. Visit nosuchthingas...

292: No Such Thing as a Blatant Plug for the Book of the Year 2019

24 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss four facts taken from The Book Of The Year 2019, including Greta Thunberg's adventurous middle name, the polling s...

291: No Such Thing As A Quintruple-Cooked Chip

18 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss marrying chips, geese-rearing astronauts and the restaurant with tables in two different countries.

290: No Such Thing As A Winter Fax Machine

11 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Alex, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Tolstoy's hat-wearing habits, nuclear-powered icebreakers (literal, not conversational) and how to hack a fax fro...

289: No Such Thing As A Horse Called Brian

04 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss leaping maggots, the point of motion sickness and why you shouldn't put on too much red lipstick. Visit nosuchthi...

288: No Such Thing As An Elephant In The Airport

27 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss elephantine super-sniffing, Thomas Jefferson's version of the Bible, and André the Giant's all-night bender. Vis...

287: No Such Thing As Pets In Heaven

20 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Antwerp, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss diamond vacuums, North Korean app stores, and what happens when you give an elephant a gold ene...

286: No Such Thing As A Banana With Wifi

13 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the invention of ball pits, a fisherman's unluckiest fruit, and how the internet was nearly  called The Informati...

285: No Such Thing As Giving Birth Up A Climbing Wall

06 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andrew and Anna discuss special mud for baseball, why YouTube was invented, and Brazilian caesarian section parties. Visit nosuchthingasa...

284: No Such Thing As Salty Yeti Bones

30 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Paris, Dan, James, Andrew and Anna discuss odour-analysing t-shirts, New York under meteor attack, and self-pricking porcupines. Visit nosu...

283: No Such Thing As A Lost Shadow

23 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Geneva, Dan, James Anna and Andrew discuss selling shadows, exploding aphids and the emerging blimp driving industry. Visit nosuchthingasaf...

282: No Such Thing As A Bored Shrew

16 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Copenhagen, Dan, James, Andrew and Anna discuss Bjorn Borg's karate-tennis instructor, singing teachers for canaries, and what happens when ...

281: No Such Thing As A Chatty Cow

09 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Amsterdam, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss how to clean warship guns, the anti-Valentine's march, and interviewing a cow.

280: No Such Thing As A Permanently Latvian Bear

02 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Oslo, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss medically-induced drunkenness, how to avoid being eaten by wolves on holiday, and what happens if ...

279: No Such Thing As A Backflipping Doctor

26 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Berlin, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss chicken lifeguards, carrot concrete and the most-signed birthday card in history.

278: No Such Thing As A Herring-Okapi Hybrid

19 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna, Andy and special guest Richard Herring discuss Hitler's feet, greeting hyenas and George III in a house on fire.

277: No Such Thing As An Elephant Polo Rider In A Sombrero

12 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Stockholm, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Swedish cyborgs, swimming pools for horses, and self-destructing Game Of Thrones scripts.

276: No Such Thing As A Ninja With A Cat

05 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Gothenburg, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss ninja snorkelling, Spiderman's fall from a traffic light, and waiting at a train station for...

275: No Such Thing As A Squashed Microbe

28 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Oxford, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss lethal hippopotamus poo, ice cream-making warplanes, and how to avoid upsetting microbes.

274: No Such Thing As A Polite Baby

21 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Brighton, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Japanese musical floorboards, how much meat is in a Pepperami, and where you'll find the rudes...

273: No Such Thing As A Scuba Diver Covered With Meat

14 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Sheffield, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss urine-tasting, relocating entire buildings and the thing that's more painful to tread on than f...