No Such Thing As A Fish

276: No Such Thing As A Ninja With A Cat

05 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Gothenburg, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss ninja snorkelling, Spiderman's fall from a traffic light, and waiting at a train station for...

275: No Such Thing As A Squashed Microbe

28 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Oxford, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss lethal hippopotamus poo, ice cream-making warplanes, and how to avoid upsetting microbes.

274: No Such Thing As A Polite Baby

21 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Brighton, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Japanese musical floorboards, how much meat is in a Pepperami, and where you'll find the rudes...

273: No Such Thing As A Scuba Diver Covered With Meat

14 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Sheffield, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss urine-tasting, relocating entire buildings and the thing that's more painful to tread on than f...

272: No Such Thing As A Non-Judgemental Herring

07 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the world's most fashionable accountant, disapproval-based herring migration, and the invention of veganism.

271: No Such Thing As A Safe Robot

31 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Birmingham, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss underwater dog treadmills, hitchhiking robots, and the late, late Elizabeth Taylor.

270: No Such Thing As BIG SHERLOCK HOLMES

24 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss the Mona Lisa's wandering eye, coffee cups that grow on trees, and ancient Roman earlobe specialists.

269: No Such Thing As Singing The Sport

17 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Salford, Dan, James, Andrew and Anna discuss canine height restrictions, finch bite quotients, and the Manchester Of The East.

268: No Such Thing As Welsh Guinness

10 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Dublin, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss miniature miniature trains, bees in mourning, and unholy transplants.

267: No Such Thing As Mission Impossible For Slugs

03 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Newcastle, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss superglued frogs, how to get into an Ancient Turkish house, and the Oscar won by nobody.

266: No Such Thing As An Innocent Pisces Sign

26 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Cardiff, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Comic Sans engravings, nut products with no nuts, and transient jellyfish anuses.

265: No Such Thing As A Hole In The Bowl

19 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Redruth, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss Disney-themed punishment, grandfather clocks, and George Eliot's massive right hand.

264: No Such Thing As Bikes In Space

12 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Barnstaple, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss live scarecrows, the first ever caravan holiday, and the billionaire with only three things ...

263: No Such Thing As Millipede Lipbalm

05 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Cambridge, Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss silk-spinning goats, the invention of the scooter, and millipede PR problems.

262: No Such Thing As A Man In A Wine Bottle

29 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from the Eventim Apollo in Hammersmith, Dan, James. Anna and Andy discuss time-travelling swordfish, the actor who reviewed his own plays, and Wa...

261: No Such Thing As A Chocolate Train

22 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Uffculme, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss chocolate gramophones, licking your own forehead and Icelandic sheep dating.

260: No Such Thing As A Giant War Sausage

15 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Aberdeen, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the banning of sliced bread, broken turtle penises and muscly bums.Episode 260 - No Such Thing A...

259: No Such Thing As Flyagra

08 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Glasgow, Dan, James, Andrew and Anna discuss fly dating, 69ing on American roadways, and predicting the future with asparagus

258: No Such Thing As A Brutally Honest Yoga Mat

01 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss plumbing detectives, guinea pigs in the freezer, and the Head of Cybersecurity who's never used a computer.

257: No Such Thing As A Squilkman

22 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andrew discuss kissing hedgehogs, the time on Saturn, and competitive ploughing.

256: No Such Thing As A Puddle Photographer

15 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss flirty cuttlefish, rooster beer and the best weather for starting a business.

255: No Such Thing As A Bouncy Asteroid

08 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss skimming meteors, snowy bacteria, and incorrectly formatted declarations of war.

254: No Such Thing As A Toilet In The Car

01 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss gingerbread in the toilet, the invention of wing mirrors, and silent movie bags.

253: No Such Thing As Dolphins At The United Nations

25 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss talking NASA dolphins, Robert Louis Stevenson's death and how any parents have a favourite child.

252: No Such Thing As The Shark Tooth Fairy

18 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss baby sharks, bankrupt lottery winners, and the city where the streets are paved with used toilet paper.

251: No Such Thing As An Accidental George

11 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and Anne discuss undercover restaurant reviewers, weightlifting cockroaches, and what to pack for a trip on the Orient Express.

250: No Such Thing As The Mysterious Chamber

04 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss demolishing the Great Pyramid of Giza, with the WWF logo is a panda, and psychopathic teenage angst.

249: No Such Thing As A Pint Of Wine

28 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A compilation of the best deleted bits from the last year of Fish. Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas from Dan, James, Anna and Andy

25 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Christmas! Here's a bonus extract from the The Audiobook of The Year 2018, available to download. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for more.

248: No Such Thing As The Shatner Bunny

21 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Union Chapel, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the world's oldest krill, the £20 million bed, and the Christmas decorations that go up in ...

247: No Such Thing As Footprints On The Sea

14 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and Ed discuss whistling oysters, Captain Cook's goat, and King Lear's happy ending.

246: No Such Thing As The Worm Revolution

07 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the Royal Anagrammist, the man from M.O.U.L.D, and Darwin's publisher's not-so-helpful notes.

245: No Such Thing As The Very Sexy Caterpillar

30 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Brighton, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the police force made up of criminals, why mice walk so loudly, and the world's first crossword....

244: No Such Thing As A Fishman

23 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna, Andy and special guest Stephen Fry discuss frogs with regional accents, Canada's official tagline, and streaking in museums.

243: No Such Thing As Jean-Paul Sartre's Crabs

16 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from the Union Chapel in London, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss snail backpacks, the band from space, and Alexander Graham Bell's talking dog....

242: No Such Thing As The Ancient Monty Python Dynasty

09 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from York, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss scaring moths out of the sky, Sir Walter Raleigh's improv act, and why a robot would say 'poop'.

241: No Such Thing As Tom Cruise In A Manger

01 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Nottingham, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the Nativity with celebrities, giraffes with asthma, and chucking hospital patients into a bus...

240: No Such Thing As An Easy Tweet

26 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna, Andy and special guest Maxïmo Park frontman Paul Smith discuss banned bananas, earthquake-sensing belts, and the Great Lost Massive...

239: No Such Thing As The Queen Maaaaaaary

19 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andy and Alex discuss why wombats have the best bums, how to build an extension on a cruise liner and Who Do You Think You Are?'s rejected ...

238: No Such Thing As A Low Sofa

12 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Andy, Anna and Anne discuss the world's worst poetry recital, where all the world's hazelnuts go, and the first ever advert on Channel 5.

237: No Such Thing As A Closed-Minded Tortoise

05 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Anna discuss facial recognition for chickens, the whales older than Moby Dick, and the European Space Agency's rockin' sound syst...

236: No Such Thing As A Brie Sculpture

28 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and special guest Alex Edelman discuss illegal canoe practices, the funniest poo joke in history and Henry VIII's favourite pudding....

235: No Such Thing As Trousers For Spiders

21 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Alex discuss how to make spiders less scary, the oldest message in a bottle, and unusual features of the Mastermind chair.

234: No Such Thing As The Lemur Police

14 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss earwax grubs, armadillo sex and selfies with sunflowers.

233: No Such Thing As A Sexy Question Mark

07 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Beefeaters' birthdays, Roman ice and metal umlauts.

232: No Such Thing As A Seven Foot Bond

31 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss spiders with eyeliner, biblical teeth gnashing, and the sumo wrestler with silicone in his scalp.

231: No Such Thing As A 24-Minute Podcast

24 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Alex discuss the first ever stripper to jump out of a cake, the Queen of Sweden's business cards, and why holding your breath und...

230: No Such Thing As Tinder For Sloths

17 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from the Wilderness Festival, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss how the Macarena could save your life, the secret penis code in the Bayeux Tapest...

229: No Such Thing As The Great Modesto

10 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Alex discuss gold in the sewers, Robert Burn's homemade ink, and why Sweden's highest point isn't any more.

228: No Such Thing As Seatbelts On Your Sofa

03 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Not live and not from Bristol, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss indoor hot air balloon shows, McBaseball and what you'll find inside a giraffe's armp...

227: No Such Thing As A More Ambitious Crossover Event In History

27 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live (partly at least) from the Wellington Opera House, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss how to birth a lamb, the most niche Netflix categories, and ...

226: No Such Thing As A Turtle Painting The Ceiling

20 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Auckland, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss painting pants on portraits, why Moscow's politicians don't kiss each other, and how often men r...

225: No Such Thing As An Interesting Riddle

13 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from the Sydney Opera House, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss BBC stock orgies, being buried with a chicken and why you might cycle the Olympic ...

224: No Such Thing As Mixed-Species Martial Arts

06 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Brisbane, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss spider wrestling, policemen dressed as statues, and Ozzy Osbourne's no-so-last tour.

223: No Such Thing As A Worthless Doorstop

29 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Melbourne, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss death by meteorite, the Manhatt-ant and the downhill history of the slinky.

222: No Such Thing As A Warmongering Pigeon

22 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Melbourne, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss superloud fish sex, taxiing to a war zone and why these facts probably aren't true.

221: No Such Thing As A Fully Carpeted Country

14 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna, Andy and special guest Alan Davies discuss the street value of football sticker albums, anti-diving shin pads and instructional chat...

220: No Such Thing As A Million Dots

08 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and other James discuss bouliganism, flying on Titan, and tiny, tiny wasps.Episode 220 - No Such Thing As A Million Dots

219: No Such Thing As Jeremiah Wingdings

01 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss cosmetic surgery for Fish, how to get the edge in the Tour de France, and competitive typesetting.

218: No Such Thing As Tennis On The Moon

25 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss cavemen living on the moon, Victorian reaction times, and the mystery of The Mystery Of Edwin Drood.

217: No Such Thing As A Trapezium-Shaped Hankie

18 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Liverpool, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss bob.com, how to eat an avocado, and what the Ancient Greeks used for toilet paper.

216: No Such Thing As A Lobster War

11 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Perth, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the most annoying man in history, the regretful inventor of the Australian labradoodle, and how lob...

215: No Such Thing As A Chihuahua Dog Sled Team

04 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Dublin, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the monumental conception of Victor Hugo, when North Korea is the safest place to be, and why you ...

214: No Such Thing As A Criminal In A Fabulous Hat

27 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and special guest Original Elf Molly Oldfield discuss blue whale birthing, ceramic pillows and how to cast for a police line-up.

213: No Such Thing As Panda Gladiators

20 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Reading, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the world's first waterskier, Harvard for pandas, and the the record-holding mat holder called Ma...

212: No Such Thing As A Hipster Pharaoh

13 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Belfast, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss smuggling pasta, the Queen's tri-annual review and the designer chickens of Silicon Valley.

211: No Such Thing As A Photograph Of A River

06 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Edinburgh, Dan, James Anna and Andy discuss dinner party etiquette for 5-year-olds, ugly American shoes and divorcées falling down the stai...

210: No Such Thing As A Sheep's Bedside Table

30 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Leeds, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss sheep in a lift, the cocktail-endorsing pope, and why the RAF have banned Tunnocks Teacakes.

209: No Such Thing As A Sexy Black Hole

23 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Glasgow, Dan, James Anna and Andy discuss denim arson, and why 1p on the ground isn't worth anything.

208: No Such Thing As A Female Egg Thief

23 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Oxford, Dan, James Anna and Andy discuss the man with an egg stuck in his mouth, Lost Wife posters and Edward VII's driving-drink.

207: No Such Thing As Harry Potter And The Great Overreaction

09 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Brighton, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss suspended babies, computer-generated sweet nothings, and the man who waters his house every day....

206: No Such Thing As A Pig In Court

02 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Victorian fern mania, why stripes are a fashion crime and ice golf championships.

205: No Such Thing As The Number Six

23 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Andy, James, Anna and Alex discuss ski lift thefts, the world's largest wine cellar and what would happen if all the bacteria disappeared in the world...

204: No Such Thing As A Mean Butterfly

16 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the Great Maple Syrup Robbery, a musical Russian invasion and the great Greek god Doris.

203: No Such Thing As A Muscular Butterfly

09 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the secret Matrix sushi recipes, why our skin doesn't leak and butterfly sperm trickery.

202: No Such Thing As A Deadly Birthday Cake

02 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Coventry, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss trousers for horses, swimming the Atlantic, and why the inventor of basketball was so bad at tea...

201: No Such Thing As Lobsters At The Lobster Festival

26 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Dunstable, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss King Ferdinand's Orient Express phobia, the giant magnet roaming Glastonbury and Foyle's unorth...

200: No Such Thing As A Jigsaw For The Queen

19 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Birmingham, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the squatting Queen impersonator, misplace nuclear launch codes, and the statue in Belgium com...

199: No Such Thing As An Heroic Fire-Goat

12 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Leicester, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss meerkats' inside-out bottoms, California's imprisoned firefighters, and the risk of finding a g...

198: No Such Thing As Cleopatra Movie Trivia

06 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Up The Creek In Greenwich, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the dead author under the bed, the first ever sports bra, and Poopy the Ambassa...

No Such Thing As Wasted Material 2017

29 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

All the outtakes and deleted bits from Fish 2017. Happy In-between-Christmas-and-New-Year-bit!

Merry Fishmas!

25 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A special Christmas Day extract from the audiobook version of The Book Of The Year.

197: No Such Thing As Eurovision For Christmas Trees

22 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A special Christmas episode with Dan, James, Anna and Andy, live from Up The Creek in Greenwich

196: No Such Thing As Faking The Magic Dream

15 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Wimbledon, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss what makes flamingos pink, Cape Canaveral's dialling code, and the secret dream that lets you k...

195: No Such Thing As A Hummingbird With A Greggs Steak Bake

08 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Manchester, Dan, James, Anna And Andy discuss how much Coke a human-sized hummingbird would drink, the world's first rollercoaster, and Amer...

194: No Such Thing As An Orange Crocodile

01 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Nottingham, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss green robins, Lenin’s unexpected accent and the Nottingham cheese riots.

193: No Such Thing As Death By Conga

25 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss testifying in court through a window, the ant nests made of ants, and book the size of postage stamps.

192: No Such Thing As A Restaurant Menu For Hats

17 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Cardiff, Dan, James Anna and Andy discuss listening to the radio with your hat on, the useless mating call of the pumpkin toadlet, and salmo...

191: No Such Thing As A Cannibal Squirrel

10 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Bath, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Calvin Coolidge's robotic horse, the inventor of email, and the language it's easiest to speak while...

190: No Such Thing As A Magic Oven For Chimps

03 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Newcastle, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss British boomerangs, primate rock-paper-scissors, and why the Catalans are so anti-cat.

189: No Such Thing As A Meringue-Utan

01 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from the Cheltenham Literature Festival, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss the Queen's nickname, the man beaten in a marathon by a tumble dryer, ...

188: No Such Thing As A Mouth-Propelled Grenade Launcher

27 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Live from Newcastle, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss Mo Farah's only Guinness World Record, what's inside a Kit Kat, and how hamsters arrived in the...

187: No Such Thing As An Ant On Its Gap Year

20 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Andy, James, Anna and Alex discuss how to get ants drunk, the stolen cities in China, and The Sound Of Julie Andrews Being Blown Over By A Helicopter....

186: No Such Thing As Russian Hacking in the Cockroach Election

13 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Anna, James, Andy and Alice discuss portable bridges, sneeze-based votes, and why you can't detect magnets with your mind.

185: No Such Thing As Scottish Snow

06 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Andy, Anna, James and special guest Cariad Lloyd discuss Unity Mitford's BFFs, how planes (don't) cure deafness, and why you shouldn't eat Scottish sh...

184: No Such Thing As Dinosaur Diaries

29 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss snakes that eat snakes, mathematical street performers, and the celebrity most likely to give you a virus.

183: No Such Thing As A Bouncy Theatre

22 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Andy and Alex discuss how to drive a submarine, Gainsborough's 6-foot-long paintbrushes, and where 1% of all the world's wood goes.

182: No Such Thing As An Auction For Auction School

15 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andy and special guest Jason Hazeley discuss the British Lawnmover Museum, questionnaires for narcissists, how Christie's auctioneers get o...

181: No Such Thing As A Shark Vending Machine

08 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, Anna, Andy and Alex discuss Spielberg's Great White Turd, maverick train carriages and how bird always know when they're in Aberdeen.

180: No Such Thing As Playing Snake On A Plane

01 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Dan, James, Anna and Anne discuss Hitler's Beatles cameo, how lobsters fly, and the most surprising place to find John Goodman.