We kick off this loaded episode celebrating National Fortune Cookie Day by cracking open a few fortunes before dropping an announcement: we are officially heading to New York City as credentialed media for the USATF National Championships on Randall's Island! Expect plenty of athlete interviews and uncut unhinged content. Erin gives a 12 week pull up program progress report. We stack up our week 12 numbers against day one, revealing insane gains. We also vent about the discouraging social media comments claiming a pull up takes years, and recap our contrasting weekend social lives, including surviving a next door neighbor's party in "hard pants". Next up, we dive into a heavy dose of local shore chaos for "Erin's Tea Time". The controversial LBI mega house was somehow approved. The zero parking situation boiled over when contractors blocked a driveway, prompting two police cars to show up, much to the delight of our ticket obsessed seven year old. Meanwhile, Dan took on the local beach badge checkers after they called the cops on surfers, pulling out the official rule book to prove that anyone can legally "traverse" the sand to get to the water without a badge.We then put on our Esquire hats for a massive journalism and law segment, starting with a fascinating soccer history discovery: why players walk out holding hands with children. Speaking of soccer, we look at the concessions data out of Philadelphia's stadium, where 410,000 fans crushed 290,000 beers and 55,000 hot dogs, and we applaud FIFA's partnership with the nonprofit Musically Fed to donate leftover food instead of tossing it in a dumpster. We then shift to some wild court cases, covering the Troy Turkey Trot race director charged with grand larceny for stealing $114,000, the class-action lawsuit against United and Delta over "windowless" window seats, a ridiculous trademark battle between a sneaker company and Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes' new 1587 Prime steakhouse, and a petty cookbook author coming after a creator over a cake pop recipe. To wrap things up, we compare two totally different fitness movements: an incredibly cool, Rolling Stone approved underground calisthenics street league in New York City featuring a brutal 100 burpee and 65 pound dumbbell squat face off, versus a lame, corporate, $15 million backed CrossFit rival called Xenon that uses AI photos. Finally, we close out the episode with a health rant about the Cyclospora parasite outbreak causing weeks of explosive diarrhea across the country. Finally in our No Bad No Sad segment we talk about a kid getting advice from professional NFL players regarding his football stances.

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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