Normalize therapy.

How Shift Work Impacts Marriage And What To Do About It

13 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

More than 1 in 6 people regularly work shifts outside of the normal Monday to Friday work week[i].  In today’s episode we want to look at some of t...

Here’s The Best Thing You Can Do After a Fight With Your Spouse

06 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Having a fight with your spouse is a stressful, upsetting experience that can leave you bewildered, frustrated and feeling stuck. In this episode, we ...

How To Help Your Husband Through His Man Cold

27 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s episode is on the lighter side. But did you know that researchers have actually done studies on the phenomenon of the man cold or man flu? Y...

How Losing a Child Impacts Marriage

20 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Thankfully, losing a child is a relatively rare event. However, this tragedy still happens to some in our world. And one of the common concerns I hear...

The Abusive Wife

13 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The classic domestic abuse scenario is a husband beating his wife. I think almost all of society gets that and understands it’s wrong. Then you have...

How Generosity Could Transform Your Marriage

06 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Who knew that something as generic as generosity could transform your marriage? It has the potential to increase marital quality, make conflict resolu...

When Others Don’t See Your Spouse as Abusive

30 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

When a spouse is being abused, one of the challenges they may have to face is that other people around them may not believe that they are being abused...

When Your Spouse is in Victim Mode

23 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s show, we’ll dive into the nitty gritty of victim mode: what’s really happening and why people even go there. If your spouse or if you...

Coming to Terms With Your Unexpected Pregnancy

16 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Did you know that one-third of all childbirths in the USA are as a result of unexpected pregnancies[i]? Now: that is not necessarily unexpected with r...

Relational OCD

09 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Today we’re going to be looking at relational obsessive-compulsive disorder — a condition that I was only made aware of in the last year first thr...

How And When To Tell Your Wife About Your Porn Addiction

02 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

When I work with married guys who want to break their porn habit they generally fall into one of two categories. Either their wife already knows or el...

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and the Impact on Marriage

26 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The Adverse Childhood Experiences study was a huge research study conducted in the USA that has traced the impact of very difficult childhood experien...

Couples Living With Extended Family

19 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In the US, living with extended family is increasing. 31% of children in the US now live with at least one additional adult in the house, as well as t...

Working Through Betrayal Trauma

12 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Discovering that your spouse has had an affair or has in some way been sexually unfaithful is often an extremely traumatic event. You’ll feel like t...

Is Your Own Sexual History Dragging You Down?

05 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes sexual guilt can be a real drag — acting like a wet blanket not only on your sex life with your spouse but also even dampening the joy you...

Things To Think About Before You Start Making Babies

28 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

So the transition from just the two of you into a family is a big one! I know when we were wondering about starting a family it was really challenging...

Betrayed by Your Husband? 5 Things You Need to Know

21 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

You have just discovered your husband's pornography addiction or the other woman. Your safe world or life as you know it has shattered/come crashing d...

How Your Theology Impacts Your Sex Life

14 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today we’re exploring the intersection between theology and our sex lives as married couples. These may sound like very disparate topics, but in rea...

Four Ways To Create More Intimacy In Your Marriage

07 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today we revisit the topic of creating more intimacy in your marriage. This is actually a replay of episode 108. We don’t normally do replays but Ve...

The Top 10 Rules for Fair Fighting

31 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Every marriage has conflict. As we often point out, it is not so much how often you fight, but rather what you do when you fight and afterward. Do you...

A Husband’s Guide to Ejaculatory Control

24 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

According to one source, 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration. At the request of one of our patrons, we went into the research liter...

How To Break Out of The Same Old Arguments

17 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The same old arguments … the same old cycle. In the marriage counseling world, we call these negative interaction cycles. The topic or concern or is...

About Showing Honor To Your Wife (1 Peter 3:7)

10 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

There are a constellation of marriage-promoting behaviors packed into the Biblical instruction for husbands to honor their wives. Today, we’re launc...

I Am a Virgin and My Fiancee is Not

03 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

One of the concerns that often comes up in premarital counselling is from a couple where there are different amounts of sexual experience. Even apart ...

Infertility And Its Impact on Marriage

26 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Infertility is the inability to conceive a child after at least 1 year of trying. Turns out about 10% of US couples experience infertility, and of tho...

How Working from Home Impacts Your Marriage

19 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Are you working from home, or thinking about working from home? In today’s episode, we want to show you how working from home could be a real positi...

Do You Compete With Your Spouse?

12 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Competing with your spouse: is it good, is it bad? Or like us — if you’re playing mini-golf — it’s just plain ugly! At least, as ugly as Caleb...

Why a Child Centred Family is Bad for Everyone

05 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Is it better to put more energy into your marriage, or should raising your kids properly be your first concern? If you think pouring your everything i...

Figure Out What Your Spouse is Actually Upset About

29 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Ever get the feeling that your arguments as a couple are going nowhere? Or maybe you find yourself thinking, “There has to be a better way to solve ...

How To Get Your Husband (or Wife) Into Marriage Counseling

22 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This has to be one of the most common questions I get emailed about. Turns out, if you can take a little time to understand why men or women react dif...

How To Handle Chronic Health Problems in Marriage

15 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It seems like with chronic illness in marriage you either hear the extremes of horror stories or, on the other end of the spectrum, some very beautifu...

The Hidden Costs of Marriage Problems

08 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Life gets really busy and difficult to manage sometimes, and as we encounter some challenges we can lose sight of the forest for the trees. Maybe we h...

When Your Spouse Constantly Criticizes: Holding Onto Self Worth

01 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Initially, I was a little hesitant about this episode. Talking about criticism? Sounded like it was going to be a real drain! This article aims to ans...

The Top 5 Benefits of Creating a Happy Marriage

18 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s episode is for those of you who just need to know that the hard work of creating a thriving, passionate marriage is worthwhile. Whatever you...

How Much Joy Is in Your Marriage?

11 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It’s hard to kick this episode off without thinking of that old Sunday School song, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in...

What To Do When Your Spouse Has Been Sexually Abused

04 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

There’s no doubt in 2018 that sexual abuse is a real issue and also one that is not uncommon. 16% of men and 25% of women have experienced some form...

When Your Spouse Is a Chronic Liar

27 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We have a tough topic today — and unfortunately, it’s also one that is all too common. What do you do when your spouse is a chronic liar? Well, we...

How to Increase the Love You Feel Towards Your Spouse

20 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s topic is like a coin: one object with two sides. In this episode one side of the coin is increasing the love and the other side of the coin ...

The Art and Science of Hugging

13 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

What is a hug without the squeeze? In America, they’ll tell you that’s like apple pie without the cheese. We prefer ice cream with our pie but we ...

What is Love Addiction?

06 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today’s episode is going to be one that will be a complete light-bulb moment for some of our listeners... or else more of a fascinating-and-helpful ...

How to Be Assertive With Your Spouse

30 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes assertiveness gets a bad rap in our culture. As if it’s a domineering or bossy attitude. Not so: in reality, healthy assertiveness is a re...

Is Therapeutic Separation a Good Idea?

23 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today, we’re going to be looking at therapeutic or trial separation- the idea of spending some time apart to heal your marriage. For many couples wh...

How Your Parent’s Alcoholism Affects Your Marriage

16 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Adult Children of Alcoholics — did you know that was a thing? ACOA’s are what we call them for short. If you’re an ACOA it means you had at leas...

So Your Spouse Has ADHD

09 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Here in North America we’ve become pretty conversant with ADHD as a culture. How it impacts kids at school, in the home, and so on. But it’s time ...

How To Get Your Abusive Husband Into Therapy…Safely

25 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

If your husband is abusive it can be really, really difficult to get him into therapy for help. And yet, this leaves the wife in a very difficult plac...

Is Your Wife Nagging Too Much? It Could Be Your Fault!

11 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Nagging is our subject for today. We’ve got some insights for you today! For example, did you know that there is a good reason why wives nag more th...

How Admiration Creates a Stable, Happy Marriage

04 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today we are going to unpack the virtue of admiration. By the way, did you know that admiration has a dark side?  I had no idea until we tackled this...

How To Get Your Flirt (Back) On… When You Have 3 Kids, a Dog and a Mortgage

28 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Can you remember what it was like to flirt with your spouse before you were together? The fun and excitement of figuring out you were into each other…...

Got a Sarcasm Problem In Your Marriage?

21 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Sarcasm: it can be one cutting comment that is never forgotten. Or, an easy habit that becomes part of our normal day-to-day interaction as couples. T...

So Your Husband Ogles Other Women…

14 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Ogling or objectifying the bodies of others by staring with obvious sexual interest can be an easy habit to get into. Especially in a culture that obj...

Is Your Career Ruining Your Marriage?

07 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Balancing work and family can be a tricky task for any marriage. In fact, sometimes it can seem like it’s impossible to really satisfy either area: ...

Are You A Loyal Spouse?

28 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Loyalty is the second strongest predictor of a long term, stable marriage. In other words, this is one of the most important features of creating a th...

Defensiveness in Marriage

21 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

I do not think that there is a human being on the face of our planet right now who does not struggle at least a little bit with defensives. Some of us...

Don’t Let Resentment Sink Your Marriage

14 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Resentment is what happens when you are treated unfairly and you begin to feel angry and bitter. Resentment can be directed at your spouse, at God, at...

How Marriage Counselling Works

07 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Today we want to lift the hood on the world of marriage counseling and look at one particular approach and how it works. If you’ve ever been curious...

So Your Spouse Has Mental Health Problems

31 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

I am excited about this episode today. We all dread mental health issues but today you’ll find out that there is a lot of hope for marriages where o...

How To Be A More Grateful Spouse

24 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

When you become aware and appreciative of that which is valuable and meaningful, that is called gratitude. Gratitude needs to be expressed, and what w...

Help! My Spouse is a Narcissist!

10 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We all carry at least a little narcissism in our hearts. We all show a few traits that belie underlying pride and entitlement. But what happens in mar...

What Makes Christmas Merry for Marriages?

20 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Christmas!! Or, at least, that’s the way it is supposed to be. But does it always work out that way? Read on and we’ll tell you why it might...

Pornography and Sex Trafficking

13 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Today is a difficult episode about the hardcore realities of the pornography industry. How is this marriage related? Well, pornography is a leading ca...

Loving Your Spouse’s Kids

06 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Families involving stepparents and step children are always tricky. And yet they’re a very common kind of family unit in today’s society. So how d...

A Husband’s Guide to Spiritual Leadership

29 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

One of the things I hear a lot of wives calling their husbands out on is spiritual leadership. Even in marriages that aren’t particularly distressed...

How Pornography Impacts Marriages

22 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

I’ve run across a number of couples lately — mainly younger couples — who are watching X-rated movies or pornography in order to “spice up the...

Why You Keep Misinterpreting Your Spouse

15 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

You know how sometimes you get so wrapped up in an issue — some kind of disagreement with your spouse — that you really feel like you cannot see t...

Fighting For Your Military Marriage

08 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A few days after this episode is released is Veteran’s Day or Memorial Day. We wanted to acknowledge our servicemen and women who serve our country ...

How Much Foreplay Does Your Wife Really Need?

01 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We are going to look at foreplay today. But before we do, please be reminded that emotional factors are a much stronger determinant of sexual satisfac...

What To Do When Your Folks Do Not Like Your Spouse

25 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when your family and/or friends do not approve of your spouse? As it turns out, there are a number of strategies to help with this, but...

Long Distance Marriage – Do’s and Do Not’s

18 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Does your marriage involve one spouse working away from home? Or travelling a lot? Maybe you are a military family or you commute to another city for ...

How to Beat Empty Nest Syndrome

11 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

At that moment the final child leaves the family home, you and your spouse go through a transition from parenting to empty nesters. For some, perhaps ...

What is Trauma Bonding?

04 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This is not a very well known term: trauma bonding. But if you are in an abusive relationship, or are supporting someone else who is in one, or if you...

How Does Wealth Affect Marriage?

27 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s easy to fall into the “if…then” trap when it comes to money. If we had an extra 400 dollars a month...

Q&A on a Disconnected Marriage and Shared Leisure

20 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

What if you’ve been doing things in your marriage for years that you now realize have really left you disconnected? And yet both of you want to rebu...

Q&A on Boundaries and PISD

13 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

So what if you’re good friends with another couple and the wife there is a little too attentive to your husband? Or, another patron is asking: what ...

Do I Have to Care About My Spouse’s Hobbies?

06 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This is a question that comes up more often than I would have expected. We’ll address this issue of shared interests but at the end of the post I am...

Dealing with Age Difference in Marriage

30 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

What about age difference in marriage? If you marry someone who is quite a bit older than you, does this make your marriage experience different from ...

Creating Purpose in Your Marriage

23 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Purpose and meaning. This is that deeper layer in marriage where you get to explore the meaning of having been brought together as a couple. And, how ...

Remarriage After Bereavement

16 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Remarriage after bereavement. Maybe I get a little selfish and hope that I’ll never have to face the loss of a spouse. When I’m feeling more noble...

Help! My Spouse is a Perfectionist!

09 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Perfectionism is not too far from any of our hearts. Certainly, anyone who is on Facebook or Instagram knows that we, just like everybody else, tend t...

Am I a Sex Addict?

02 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A while back, I completed 4 and a half days of training on the assessment and treatment of sex addiction. You might be thinking “I’m not a sex add...

Learn to Date Your Spouse Again

26 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

In our previous show, we talked about the neuroscience of romantic love. Today we’re going to address the behavioral side of things to help you reki...

The Neuroscience of Dating (Your Spouse)

19 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Who knew your brain was doing so much when you were falling in love? Well, we want to help you fall in love again (or, more deeply) by helping you get...

Is Fear Wrecking Your Marriage?

12 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Fear is a frightening thing. In marriage, it is usually an invisible force. Like the winds of a storm: invisible itself but threatening and destructiv...

When Introverts Marry Extroverts

05 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This one should be fun to look at as Verlynda and I personally sit on opposite sides of the field on this issue! But, as it turns out, there may even ...

How Does Menopause Affect Marriage?

28 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Now menopause isn’t something that I’m likely to experience but it is something that half of you are going to go through, or have gone through, an...

How to Porn-Proof Your Marriage

21 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Suggesting that it is possible to porn-proof your marriage may appear to be preposterous. Porn is so prevalent in our culture that it may be simply im...

Is It Even Possible to Have a Happy Marriage?

14 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Marriage can have some really, really tough times — maybe you’re in that mode right now — and have been for a while. You wonder: is this all the...

The Essentials of a Successful Cross-Cultural Marriage

07 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

One of the benefits of being a patron of The Marriage Podcast for Smart People is that you’re given the opportunity to request topics. One of our pa...

Can You Fix Your Marriage Without Dredging Up The Past?

31 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This is a great question! Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just leave all the past behind, turn over a new leaf, and start afresh?  Most couples...

How Much PDA is OK?

24 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

When it comes to PDA, or public displays of affection, what are you comfortable with? Holding hands? A light kiss? How about a passionate kiss at suns...

Why a Fair Division of Labor is Important in Marriage

17 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Well, this should be a fun subject! There are a lot of factors that go into how household chores get divided up between husband and wife, and today we...

A Marriage Survival Guide for Parents with Toddlers

10 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Maybe today find yourself in that crazy busy time of life: raising toddlers. It’s that endless flow of diapers, trying to get kids to sleep properly...

2 Questions To Think About Before You End Your Marriage

03 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when your marriage is absolutely at the end of the road? Is divorce your only option? Does separation ever help couples reconcile? And ...

My Husband Is Not an Emotional Guy

26 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

If I had a dollar every time a husband told me he wasn’t a very emotional guy, I’d be retired by now. But hey, I’m not judging. I used to think ...

Why Every Couple Needs to Pray Together

19 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

So for a long time, I thought praying together was just a nice thing to do. It was one of those optional, lets-do-this-if-we-remember kind of things. ...

What To Do When You’ve Just Discovered Your Husband’s Porn Habit

12 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This week we’re hitting a very specific moment that is occurring in many marriages; that moment when you discover your husband’s porn habit. ...

The Impact of Trauma on Marital Sexuality

05 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Did you know that 89% of veterans experiencing PTSD report one or more kinds of sexual dysfunction? And that survivors of childhood sexual abuse have ...

Is Trauma Impacting Your Marriage?

29 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever get the sense that an unseen force is at work in your marriage? I’m not going all woo-woo on you here, but what if you could identify th...

The Best Sex Happens Inside Marriage

22 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Is this just a Christian myth? Is the idea that the best sex occurs within marriage something that is only believed by church-going people? What does ...

Why You’re Using the Love Languages All Wrong

15 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

I was originally thinking of coming up with an inflammatory title for this post like “Chapman’s Love Languages Debunked” because that makes for ...

Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

08 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

How would you react if you found out that your spouse was cheating on you? No doubt it would be a severe shock and you would find yourself filled with...