Off Air with Jane & Fi
Episodes
Let's Be Avenue! (with Mackenzie Crook)
05 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's off today, and Jane's feeling a bit under the weather. But it's Thursday, so hey ho! Jane covers sinister festive postboxes, Mr. Bungle, and reti...
The Jane Garvey cul-de-sac (with Michael Ball)
04 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode there's outrage at the cost of stamps, a yuletide yeti and the best named woods in the country... enjoy! Plus, performer and broadcas...
Looking at love from both sides and tripping up the escalator
03 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Life is a roller coaster—it's true... And so is this episode, Jane and Fi chat photo montages, Elon Musk's nan, and Joni Mitchell. Plus, civil righ...
Merry in front of the offspring (with Jonathan Coe)
02 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's motorised reindeer in the canteen, and you know what that means... misshapen veg is over! Please keep your saucy carrots to yourself! In this ...
Put off by a man in Y-front and socks (with National Art Pass)
29 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to this highly-cultured, special, sponsored episode. Jane and Fi get to skip the hoi polloi and walk around Tate Britain before it opens, acco...
Has anyone checked in with Charli XCX? (with Robert Hardman)
28 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's lost her Freedom Pass and she's not happy about it, but the chances of Fi getting her a black cab home are looking slim. They also chat materni...
Putting the funk in dysfunctional!
27 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
All the big questions are pondered on this gloomy Wednesday - What was Mr. Poppy doing in that primary school? What time did Jesus arrive? Have you ev...
Rod Stewart or shortbread? (with Gina Miller)
26 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you sitting or standing comfortably? Good, then let's begin... Jane and Fi chat batteries in 2024, Rod Stewart and soap dishes.Plus, businesswoman...
Emerging sprouts (with General David Patraeus)
25 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's made a start on some Christmas shopping. Jane is still experiencing issues with her dish, but she's recently found some comfort in the fact she's...
Book Club - The Trouble with Goats and Sheep
22 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back with their seventh book club - pour yourself a glass of wine (bonus points for cava) and find a comfy cosy corner. Plus, Joanna ...
Can you be passionate in Brentford Nylons?
21 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The search is on for the person who suffers fools gladly - let us know if you find them. There's also chat about enduring bedding, John Prescott and r...
I'm suddenly thinking of an Umpapa Band (with Joan Armatrading)
20 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is for lady-things! Lady pilots, lady hobbies, lady wees. There's also some day-time TV chat, advent calendar pondering, and some explici...
We'll have them a vulval pink, darling! (with Lady Glenconner)
19 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's off so Substitute-Jane-M is here and she comes bearing gifts for Dora! Jane and Jane chat bangers from Joseph, liberated female weeing and pleath...
A very low squat and a very fast get up (with Prof. Suzannah Lipscomb)
18 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's a general theme of standards on today's podcast: high, low and falling. There's also a very rude circumcised carrot, a rare blue mattress and ...
Pissed and looking forward to a jacket
14 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's cushion saga has led to her having a bit of a moment - It's Thursday, what can ya do! Fi provides a snippet of her AI children's story... could...
Sounds more gynaecological than intended (with Jo Malone)
13 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to this high-brow, award-nominated podcast (keep that in your mind's eye). Jane and Fi chat suspicious stains on sofas, bra extenders and pota...
A cheery potato bottom for the weekend! (with Larry Lamb)
12 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to the Home Economics Laboratory, otherwise known as the kitchen. On the menu is: Cheery Albert Bartlett bottoms, oxygen bars and elasticated ...
Knick-knacks for dickheads (with Adrian Dunbar)
11 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to this almost-Trump-free edition of Off Air. Jane and Fi ask whether you should be bringing J-cloths to a dinner party? Which Bloody Mary cam...
A not-much-to-be-ashamed-of appendage (with Jeff Stelling)
07 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Has anyone got a normal shaped carrot?! Apparently not, and we're OK with that! Jane and Fi muse on tingle or dingle, single gins and diet tonic and f...
Mystic Garv's retirement party
06 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The US election result is in and we're sending love to everyone. As well as some US political chat, Jane and Fi discuss hobs, christingles, and there'...
Incredibly strategic vaping by a cardinal (with Fern Britton)
05 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have some buzzwords and clichés lined up for tonight, so enjoy those if you're not already sick of them. They also reflect on Errol Musk,...
Fetid Groins, the heavy rock band (with Errol Musk)
04 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The Lady has arrived (not Fi, although she is back) and Jane is rather enamoured with it. They also chat Jane's cardboard cut-outs, common people and ...
Bring back goolies! (with Si King)
31 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Halloween! Fi's back Monday, so Jane M is still keeping her seat warm, but it's Halloween, so you can guarantee Bromley is still getting a menti...
Quiet now, I'm going to speak.
30 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's off for the rest of the week so Jane² is back on! Jane M is fresh off the plane from the US so expect lots of merch and some insightful politica...
Pottering across the landing, livid (with Vanessa Feltz)
29 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Thanks to a skilled correspondent sending in a diligent report from Iceland's Phallological museum, Jane and Fi will be spending their evening shreddi...
Happy carrot, legs akimbo (with Gyles Brandreth)
28 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Monday! Today, Fi considers a new Garvey-Glover enterprise making their own soft furnishings, but Jane has doubts...They are joined by writer an...
Oxygen is thin up here on our moral high ground (with Yulia Navalnaya)
24 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The Jane and Fi complaints box has been well and truly opened. They tackle your rants, seedy tomatoes, scams and Trump. Plus, Fi speaks to Yulia...
Has anyone heard from the Virgin Mary?
23 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are both a bit tongue-tied in this episode - please bear with us. They cover stray cats, phallological museums and rude fruit. Plus, &nb...
No need to give your goolies a shake (with Julian Clary)
22 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What is a me-bomb? Where was Eleanor of Aquitaine from? Why do men give their goolies a shake? All the big questions are answered in this ep...Plus, c...
Aiming to be fat and happy (with Bill Bailey)
21 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you a bean? You're about to come into your own. Jane and Fi chat Rivals, phallic carrots and doctors in the family. Plus, they speak to comedian ...
LIVE AT CHELTENHAM LITERATURE FESTIVAL (with Brenda Blethyn and Ann Cleeves)
18 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this bonus podcast episode, Jane and Fi are live on stage at the Cheltenham Literature Festival speaking to actress Brenda Blethyn and writer Ann C...
Tales from window cleaners to the stars (with Tim Spector)
17 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have had their testosterone shots and they're ready to talk cars! Someone get these guys a spin-off podcast! They also cover bath day, old...
I don't mind a tubby gent in a decent slack (with Nigel Slater)
16 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi discuss the importance of a good natter, blue light escorts to Muppet Treasure Island and men wearing skinny jeans. And they are j...
Hot Crotch Snippers (with Fred Trump)
15 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi consider alternative careers and the result is slightly worrying... we're not quite sure they should give up the day jobs just yet. They a...
Oaky Chardonnay, Marlboro lights and regret (with Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock)
14 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If you're sensitive to premature Christmas content then avert your eyes now... Jane and Fi are a bit perturbed by the politics of Father Christmas imp...
No severe wind has ever gone through Royal Tunbridge Wells!
10 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are reunited after a week apart for this email special- recording from Times Radio's swanky branded bus! They talk hurricanes in Hammersm...
Destined to talk sh*t for a living (with Oliver Jeffers)
09 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane G's been to the theatre and she's fiiiinally found someone cultured enough to talk to about it! Jane and Jane also discuss extortionate duvets, p...
The Undercover Janes (with Lindsey Hilsum)
08 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Jane look back on their time as subversive vegetarians and look forward to all the spicy margs they'll treat themselves to later in life. Pl...
Tales of a claustrophic submariner
07 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week, Jane G welcomes Jane M back to the pod in Fi's absence and together they define 'daddy'. Jane G also offers up a few golden nuggets of wis...
Sriracha would've blown my nan's head off (with Kim Cattrall)
03 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's going to be off for most of next week so supply Jane M will be here. Before that happens, Jane and Fi cover the world of condiments, how frequent...
Sporting his massive pantaloons (with Louise Minchin)
02 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi make many requests from you in this episode so please grab a pen and paper... They cover moving circus dentists, getting ID'd, menopause, ...
Up comes the phallic mast (with Alison Moyet)
01 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's back in good dental health but she's not yet back on the apples (to Fi's delight). They cover Smooth Radio at the dentist, Jane's dislike for T...
Envy knickers and a jealous bra (with Adam Peaty)
30 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, Jane considers renewing her Shetland pony travel card whilst Fi realises someone has stolen her genius invention: 'Fi's She Wee'. ...
Icicles gave her a thrill (with Michael Palin)
26 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's having some revelations about the podcast (2 years in) - not much gets past her! They also cover footballers protecting their genitalia, more l...
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness... and Dora's sh*ts (with Liane Moriarty)
25 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's Wednesday, let's slam a door and take a tooth! Jane and Fi are back in the room together to create this podcast magic... they cover unreliable In...
Only one of us is heavily medicated...
24 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane joins us from home as she's still suffering from adult teething issues. Fi updates her on everything she's missed, which is... not much. They cov...
Eating like he's got free healthcare (with Ian Rankin)
23 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's flying solo on this one as Jane is sadly off with adult teething issues (well wishes are welcomed)... Fi covers local newspapers, pickleball and ...
It's rubbish, but it's varied rubbish (with James Comey)
19 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The Hot Priest Challenge is being put to bed, due to some fundamental holes in the business plan... Jane and Fi also cover Facebook for OAPs, the impo...
Asking a lot of a Shetland pony (with Iain Dale)
18 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are considering making changes to their contract to include a stables, naturally. There's more from The Hot Priest Challenge, Fi has some ...
Givin’ on a Prayer
17 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this email special, Jane and Fi get themselves in a muddle trying to sue Eve, The Hot Priest Challenge is in full swing, a precious piece of pop me...
You do sound a complete dilberry (with Clare Chambers)
16 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's had a filling, excuse the drool. To Fi's delight, this also means there will be no apple-eating at the desk today! They also chat alpaca adopti...
Bring back Eve! (with David Olusoga)
12 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have a supply teacher producer situation today and they're just not used to this kind of discipline - but they still manage to chat about ...
"I've got to throw a bowl of spaghetti over Anne Robinson" (with Lynda La Plante)
11 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Following last night's debate Jane and Fi discuss alleged cat chomping from 'the walking wotsit'. They also set a pet embargo to save the pod from bec...
Finding the crevices in the niches...
10 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today Jane and Fi ask: what age is the cut off for public displays of affection? They also consider starting up a travel agency... Nantucket anyone? ...
I find a primary school loo VERY comfortable (with David Hepworth)
09 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Autumn is here and Shackleton is back! In today's episode, Jane reveals that she has always had time for George Clooney whilst Fi ponders whether ther...
Who dresses the pope?
05 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The summer is well and truly over! On a drizzly London day, Jane and Fi chat canine bed intruders, papal fashion and why 5'7" might just be the ideal ...
Is she kneeling? No, that's me!
04 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Listen up fellow listeners, Fi has a golden nugget of wisdom to share... she forgot it. Fear not, Jane has a conspiracy about the numbers on the back ...
I'm calling 111, I feel like I'm from Bromley! (with Janette Manrara)
03 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's eery feelings toward Bromley are getting stronger and she's considering taking matters into her own hands! There's also more chat of pet portrait...
In case you find yourself in an emergency picnic situation (with Alison Lapper)
02 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi discuss the different things a listener might keep in their tote: disposable handkerchiefs and emergency tampons... probably a poo ...
Is the hairy cornflake still with us? (with Craig Brown)
29 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are some important Parish notices in this episode, please take note! *cough book club announcement cough* After that, Jane and Fi chat fatbergs,...
Feeling a little frisky in Tesco (with Robert Harris)
28 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane ponders slathering herself in cat-attract spray (just to see what happens) and Fi struggles to say Kirstie Allsopp as she asks, when was the gold...
I don't think there is ever a time when a plop is romantic (with Susie Dent)
27 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back from their holidays and there is much to get through! Buckle in! They cover Sherwood, food bins, leprosy, open-plan Airbnb's, the...
Thank you for your use of the word 'golly'
26 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back tomorrow so, in the meantime, enjoy this hefty 'best bits' episode. This one features actress Liz Hurley, author Colm Tóibín, b...
This interview is OVER!
21 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Just in case you missed these fabulous chats the first time round, we're bringing them to you again for your enjoyment... Jane and Fi speak to mother-...
Looking for my corduroy, wondering where my trilby has gone.
19 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
'Your chance to enjoy again' has arrived. In this 'best bit', we hear from comedian Tom Allen and presenter Sara Cox.Jane and Fi will be back after th...
Never lose your impact (with Alice Loxton)
15 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are about to head off for a week, but they have one more episode to knock off first. This one goes out to all the Clares/Claires! They cov...
Beavers are rarely far from the headlines (with Sarah Rainsford)
14 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What's wrong with the tricycle? What's the point of sandwich spread? Jane and Fi may or may not answer these pressing questions... And Jane speaks to...
I've been controversial yet again...
13 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today's episode has a strong theme of food so make sure you have a cuppa and biscuit close! Jane and Fi discuss jam sandwiches at 3am, chutney taste t...
Shacked up at the Dublin Castle (with Mina Smallman)
12 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The heat in London is starting to get to Jane and Fi - there's a spat over holiday books, confusion with emails, and pondering of the concept of 'rawd...
Bits of me are trying to escape!
08 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Come through the macabre curtain and enjoy this episode that goes... everywhere. Jane and Fi cover football hooliganism, spanks, Charlie, still escala...
There's always nuance... (with Prof. Kate Williams)
07 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi of Slough and Jane the Short and Wise bring you this name-centric episode. Amongst the discussion of surnames, maiden names, middle names and names...
Don't let her back! She's trouble! (with Zandra Rhodes)
06 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Where are you listening to us today? Why not do everyone a favour and play us out loud at your GP surgery, dentist or opticians? You'll hear discussio...
Got anything else in your locker, William? (with Jon Holmes)
05 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What grade would William Shakespeare receive at university? Would TV characters live longer if they just closed their curtains? What would Jane and Fi...
Book Club - Missing, Presumed
02 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back with their sixth book club - get your celery sticks at the ready...'Missing, Presumed' was written by Susie Steiner. Her husband,...
Common-adjacent (with Mick Herron)
01 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's a funny smell in the studio today... is it the smell of the 1970s? Is it the smell of Homme?Also, keep an eye out for Parish notices, some rec...
Sent reeling by double-decker accusations (with Meera Sodha)
31 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
More highlights from the Olympics stick in Jane and Fi's minds and we hope they bring you some light during this difficult week. They also cover bins ...
Stark naked, starting the 100m (with Prof. Brian Cox)
30 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The heat wave has got to Jane and Fi so buckle up for this episode... they cover foxes, naked Olympics and the true history of Kellogg's.Plus, Jane sp...
Investigating a gentlemen's rain-repellent hair putty
29 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi were left feeling slightly underwhelmed by the opening ceremony and they're not afraid to make it known! Let us know your thoughts... They...
Great big fat cadences of hard rock! (with Denise Welch)
25 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are musing over their lunch choices (don't say we don't treat you!) after that they get round to Parish notices and discuss heavy metal, a...
Happy but private times (with Mark Cavendish)
24 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The days of stroking legs are gone... do with that what you will. Jane is thinking about the dog equivalent of a litter tray, meanwhile, Fi is losing ...
Powerful side-eye (with Elizabeth Day and Sara Collins)
23 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi reminisce on romantic partners of yesteryear but there are some conditions... They also muse of ageism, 'dreaded' wheat and US politics. ...
Popped her prediction cherry (with Carol Kirkwood)
22 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Mystic Garv is on her high horse today but can she stay on this roll? We predict not... Jane and Fi also chat Robert Dyas loyalty cards, cheese vendin...
Men whisperers...(with Movember)
19 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this special bonus episode brought to you by Movember, Jane and Fi chat about men's health, the impact it has on society and the importance of...
Have we got big nests? (with Rob Rinder)
18 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi get an insight into life in America from fellow listeners - vending machine bullets? No thank you! They also discuss whether West L...
Is there ANYTHING good about our lives? (with Mary Beard)
17 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Dancing over the fog-horn testing centre, Jane and Fi are covering about a 'billionty' other topics, from eating marmalade straight from the jar, and ...
I've just got too many Allen keys (with Tiggy Walker)
16 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi take a moment to think about the dark world of parenting before CBeebies. They also chat about skew-whiff black bin numbers, resign...
It's not too late... actually it is!
15 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today Jane expresses her disappointment following the Euros whilst Fi is wonders how tennis players pick their balls. They also reflect on a world bef...
You're so old you'll have to get married in a trouser suit! (with Nina Conti)
11 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ayesha Hazarika sits in for Jane today and she pulls back the curtain on the House of Lords - much to Fi's delight. They also chat abattoirs (again), ...
We are the weirdos (with Sir Trevor Phillips)
10 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane lists the qualities she looks for in a partner - please grab a pen and paper! After that, they cover wheelie bins, oven temperatures and more aba...
Quite a lot of Monty-Donery out there...
09 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Wimbledon dates have got Jane's head in a spin so do bear with us... Once that's sorted, Jane and Fi chat allotments, hospital instructions and trad w...
His fifth wife must be an optimistic soul...
08 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back from covering election night and they are ready to debrief. Today's episode will scratch your plumbing itch and make sure you hol...
A bit of a ninja turtle is he? (with Griffin Dunne)
04 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane is in Yorkshire whilst Fi heads to Surrey in preparation for election night so this episode is brought to you via the wonders of modern technolog...
And how many 'Confessions' films have you seen? (with David Baddiel)
03 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back in full swing with more of your window cleaner tales, all very suitable for the airwaves...just. Plus, net curtain chat! Yes, it ...
Drunk in a French department store (with Geoff Norcott)
02 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are reunited and it feels so good! They discuss the need for electric hot rods, Jane's small cactus and window cleaner etiquette. They ar...
Warning: Just a tiny bit more politics... (with Matt Chorley and Sir Anthony Seldon)
01 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane has returned from her week off refreshed but is missing one Fi Glover - so until Fi returns, Times Radio's Matt Chorley keeps the seat warm. They...
LIVE AT CROSSED WIRES FESTIVAL: Part Two
26 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are away all this week so we're bringing you a special two-part live episode from their show at The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield. In this...
LIVE AT CROSSED WIRES FESTIVAL: Part One (with Richard Coles)
24 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are away all this week so we're bringing you a special two-part live episode from their show at The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield. They're...
60 is just a number and a Freedom Card (with Tom Bower)
20 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are about to break up for their summer holidays but there's much to cover before that... In this episode Jane and Fi discuss funeral flowe...
Not in birthday month, please. (with Jill Halfpenny)
19 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The festivities continue for Jane's impending birthday with several Colins en route - no expense has been spared! After she's finished opening some ca...
But Princess Anne never did sidesaddle! (with Ashley John-Baptiste)
18 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane is reflecting on her upcoming birthday and Fi has some hard truths about the milestone... They also chat riding sidesaddle, cruises and retiremen...