Off Air with Jane & Fi
Episodes
Making noises getting off the sofa...
17 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Mystic Jane is defending her predictions after a weekend of football. More to come on that front... They also discuss milestone birthdays, pro and con...
Your History: A new podcast from The Times
14 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This Friday we're sharing an episode of a brand new podcast from The Times. It's called Your History, and each week it uses the obituary pages of The...
I think the orgy was in Welsh... (with Andi and Miquita Oliver)
13 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are 'bigging up Britain' and some of their suggestions are a bit of a stretch... Do get in touch if you can do any better! They also cover...
Residents of Basingstoke! Consider Winchester!
12 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane survived Redcar and she has some thoughts she'd like to share... brace yourselves! Then there's more motor-home tales, advice on ticks and a tiny...
Warning: May contain some politics (with Matt Chorley)
11 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In case you haven't heard (you must be the only one), Jane is in Redcar on the election bus. Times Radio's Matt Chorley fills in today as a double thr...
Stop The Cats (with Jon Ronson)
10 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane is climbing aboard the Times Radio broadcasting bus and she's making sure everyone knows about it! Then there's more chats of motor homes, warmed...
They always pick on Scousers! (with Harlan Coben)
06 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Mystic Garv is back and she's got some quite rogue predictions... There's also lots of vehicle-chat so keep your ears peeled for mentions of Ted Heath...
Jane and Fi, your local MPs... (with Tom Kerridge)
05 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's show, Jane and Fi chat about the hierarchy of pain, carriages for cats and things that grow in the dark. They are also joined by Tom Kerri...
Tragically alone in the sumptuous booth of love (with Colm Tóibín)
04 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi is sadly unwell today so Jane is flying solo. There's more chat of dogs in buggies, Bull's Blood and some important points made on care. Plus, she'...
Cheese and onion can distract the best of us! (with Doon Mackichan)
03 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back from Sheffield and feeling good! They chat the price of wagyu beef, dogs in pushchairs and confusing bin systems.Plus, Fi speaks ...
Your resting face is a little off-putting...
30 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's received some criticism in the inbox and she's ready to tackle it head on! Don't say we're not fair... After that, they chat surgical stockings...
Watching The Queen, clutching a 4-pack of toilet roll (with Frank Gardner)
29 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane Garvey is back! And she has anecdotes aplenty... Brace yourselves! In this slightly bonkers episode, Jane and Fi cover sea-swimming, King Charles...
The closest we'll ever get is each side of a pair of espadrilles!
28 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's Jane M's (Other Jane/Secondhand Jane/Supply Jane/Locum Jane/Jane By Proxy/Substitute Jane/Jane 2) last show before Garvey returns tomorrow! In th...
Down she goes! Just leap over her!
23 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Many names for Jane M emerge in this episode - how many can you count? Fi and Jane also discuss roller discos, parish notices and foreign accents. ...
Scrubbing your teeth with Fixodent Plus...
22 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi and Jane M have treated you to two intros today... lucky you. In other news, Fi poses her theory that the size of your thigh may determine your car...
Beware of the size of your jacket potato! (with Jonathan Dimbleby)
21 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane G is away so Jane M is here to play! Fi speaks about her plans to get a “job-stopper” face tattoo… And Jane M responds with an anecdote of ...
Garvey and Glover's Tops and Bottoms TM
20 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's email special, Jane enlightened Fi on 'mucky-tube'... buckle in for that. They also cover beautiful pebbles, Jane's Esther McVey impression...
This is worse than being married
16 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Is there such a thing as a funny Immodium story? What about a romantic pre-wedding wax? We may never know.In the meantime, Jane and Fi are joined by d...
Stripped naked at the brow place (with Liz Hurley)
15 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have some BIG Crossed Wires news so listen out for that! They also chat window tax, bank robbery and Raymondo. Plus, Fi speaks to actress...
Some very saucy snails coming towards you... (with Tina Brown)
14 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi are asking some big questions: Can you take your bra off with one hand? What size is one size fits all? Could you be a silent, inti...
A long way from Katie Boyle
13 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's feeling buoyed after a weekend of sunshine - we hope you are too. They chat Eurovision, ageing and plot holes in Red Eye.Plus, co-creator of the ...
Meat on the loose!
10 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this email special, Jane and Fi tackle a wide range of issues that you've sent in. They chat niche childhood phobias, sibling jostling and immersio...
Poetry I'd rather not (with Janey Godley)
09 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's Thursday, the end is in sight! And we'll be seeing you all way through Friday this week too as an email special will drop tomorrow morning! In th...
Like a Chelsea Pensioner at a rave (with Martin Freeman and Tony Schumacher)
08 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi didn't win an award but that's ok, because they didn't want it anyway... not one bit. In this episode, they also share their non-negotiabl...
They do hang low at that age... (with Ryan Tubridy)
07 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's complaining about the bank holiday weather but she doesn't let it ruin her trade-mark sunny attitude... They also reminisce about old radio gam...
Book Club - A Dutiful Boy
06 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back with their fifth book club - and this one is proved to be a bit of a tear-jerker... A Dutiful Boy is written by Mohsin Zaidi, wh...
May your chafing turn nasty! (with Niall Ferguson)
02 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi brings good news, brace yourself! After she finishes discussing nature, Jane and Fi chat naturists, heckling and Echo Dots. Plus, they're joined...
Boys who love each other in a military setting (with Aasmah Mir)
01 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi deal with lots of official matters in this episode: their work rota, local elections, Ofsted and public nudity...Plus, they're joined by T...
Let's share a thimble of sherry! (with Rachel Parris and Marcus Brigstocke)
30 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Jane and Fi go from West Country porn to exploring why we're obsessed with the breakdown of relationships. Fi also shared Cool Cat's ...
The stark naked coffee club (with Martin Clunes)
29 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today, Jane and Fi say Goodbye to speaking about Morris Dancers - may you prance in peace. Plus, Jane shares some speculative information she overhear...
And now: conception (with Vogue Williams)
25 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are talking being gross while out for a run, the perfect age to watch the Carry On films, and the fact that every now and then women can b...
There's no Brexit in space
24 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are wondering how they'd cope with getting the ick on the International Space Station. And whether they can get away with saying the word ...
Saint George was a bit of a tart (with Salman Rushdie)
23 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are putting the big question into Bing so you don't have to.. After that, they discuss Freedom Passes, naturism and spitting. Plus, they'...
A rather rude Midsomer Murders bingo card (with David Nicholls)
22 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi play a game of Midsomer Murders bingo, naturally. They also discuss elopement, marathons and spitting.Plus, they're joined by author David...
We do find ourselves in awkward positions... (with Marian Keyes)
18 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you keen on democracy? Do you often wonder which friend you'd call in a hostage situation? Do you sometimes just think men are a bit silly? Then t...
Hello everybody, this IS my first rodeo (with John O'Farrell)
17 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today Jane and Fi get a real telling off for failing to appreciate the art of Morris dancing. They now want to know, what do you use for your thrills ...
You shouldn't be hopping in your adult life!
16 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's experienced something traumatic and she needs to get it off her chest. Once that's done, there's more Morris dancing chat, Deliveroo shaming and ...
Morris dancers give me the willies
15 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's been attempting to understand the British cultural institution of terrible Saturday night telly, and Fi's pitching an Olympics for the third ag...
I had a FEW scoops
11 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane risks being caught by the paparazzi in a vulgar display of commonalty, while Fi asks: why bother with colonic irrigation when you can just drink ...
I'm plucking at chest hairs here (with Adele Roberts)
10 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
"Surprise surprise!" sings Fi in her best Cilla Black voice. Today, Jane and Fi ponder on Tom Dudley's buboes and the dangers of shoddy handwriting. ...
Jane Garvey's Chunky Buts (with Anthony Horowitz)
09 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are pondering potential future job opportunities and Jane's seemingly ruining any chance of hers... Amongst that, they also discuss rats, ...
Stapler to the stars (with Helen Lederer)
08 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back together and they're cracking into a bar of Milka, do excuse them... After that, they chat pickles, eclipses and ferry tours. Th...
There are so many men at the top of mountains (with Ray Mears)
04 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Today on the merry-go-round of fun that is Off Air, Fi and Jane M are pitching for dating apps to start basing their matches on the state of your kitc...
Deliveroo My Paperoo (with Arlene Phillips)
03 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi and Jane M have been work-shopping collapsible colander merch. They also chat about Jane's kink of dating people with opposing political views and ...
Weaponizing a jacket potato
02 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane M's headphones only has sound coming through one ear but it's helping her feel closer to her dad (every cloud...) Fi and Jane M also discuss affa...
Bottom medicine (with Sara Cox)
01 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Easter! Fi's back but Jane G is now off for a week (keep up!) so Fi and Jane M are here to keep you company this bank holiday Monday. They chat ...
I'm just going to lower the tone enormously
28 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's your last dose of Jane² this week. Today they're doing apologies as well as correcting the record on microwave baked potatoes...The Reverend Kat...
Meeting the love of your life in SpudULike
27 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane² are bringing you an email special and they tackle all the big questions. What's in their everything drawers? Is Jane G related to Pom Boyd? Wil...
100% bonk-buster (with Ade Adepitan)
26 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane M is experiencing mixed feelings about a certain former prime minister and Jane G is having none of it. They also cover Balham, women-only clubs ...
Dancing in quite a narcissistic way
25 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's off this week so we've got some good old fashioned Jane² fun for your Monday evening. They discuss new age camping, good funerals and successful...
Retinue of Flunkies (with Gino D'Acampo)
21 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's Fi's last day before she's off a week and emotions are high! Before she jets off to East London, they discuss vaping, owning your urges and Freem...
It's time to think of Jane.
20 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The pilot light is on. Welcome. Today, Jane and Fi discuss hedgehogs, the Kate-o-meter and Irish funerals. Plus, journalist Jenny Kleeman discusses h...
Leslie Phillips with knobs on (with Geoff Norcott)
19 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi discuss a new potential business venture, but it does need a bit of work... They also cover skiving, 3 wick candles and boarding schools. ...
Nostalgic smells of a phone box...
18 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Wishing you a happy St Gertrude’s Day! Jane and Fi discuss that plus Digbeth bus station, career changes and foreign exchanges. Plus, Fi speaks to ...
Several socks short of a drawer (with David Baddiel and Sayeeda Warsi)
14 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are talking LinkedIn, koalas taking themselves to hospital and why you should never trust a bank.They're joined by David Baddiel and Sayee...
In the factual sin bin (with Jay Blades)
13 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi tackle the big questions in this episode: Is Taylor Swift an only child? Where is the dullest place in Europe? And how many more cricket p...
I'll sleep on a slinky given half a chance (with Tom Allen)
12 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane has to run off to do big business things with the big boss but, before she gets plucked from the studio, Jane and Fi discuss gentle folk, frozen ...
Two women in the prime of their lives (with Linda Robson)
11 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's more extracts from the fruitful genre of 'celebrity non-fiction' so listen out for that... Jane and Fi also discuss compressed meat, foreign e...
A brioche operating in a dirty mac with a funny hat
07 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's the eve of International Women's Day and Jane and Fi are besides themselves! We hope you're feeling empowered... In this giddy episode, Fi runs ...
Strut, pose, maybe seduce
06 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Your emails have been pouring in (which we really appreciate!) so we had no choice but to bring you a very special, emails only, episode. Jane and Fi ...
Be more like me, be more patronising (with Ruby Wax)
05 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Raye, if you're listening to this podcast, you have a new fan in Jane Garvey! Congratulations! Everyone else listening to this podcast, we hope you en...
Sailing across a sea of ignorance
04 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane needs to get her headphones plugged in first but once she has they discuss Austrian spas, re-using frozen peas and womanhood.Plus, they're joined...
Book Club - An Elderly Lady Is Up to No Good
01 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are back with their fourth book club - and this one is causing some revelations...An Elderly Lady Is Up to No Good is written by Helene Tu...
Honestly, it makes me tingle
29 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane has just about finished her three hour salad, and in the meantime Fi's been worrying about baths being anywhere but the bathroom. They're joined ...
Birthday Boxing Day!
28 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's the day after Fi's birthday and there's much to debrief. Jane and Fi discuss biting your tongue at work, following cat wee and koalas with koalas...
Abundant paraphernalia on the bed (with Cathy Newman)
27 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to this VERY special episode of Off Air... It's Fi's birthday! Woo! Sadly, Barbara the cat didn't get the memo and has been leaving Fi undesir...
Identification of the chin hairs (with Davina McCall)
26 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi had a PAL-AV-UH in Brighton and Jane doesn't have much sympathy. Once they move past that, they chat estate agent pictures, pensions and star signs...
Alexa, get me a fella! (with Oti Mabuse)
22 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have a small confession about their intro into the guest today - hang around until the end of the episode to hear that. They also chat lon...
A terrifying 183% (with Richard Hammond)
21 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane nearly chokes on a piece of seaweed but once she's past that, they discuss eradicated dandruff, sourdough and penis enlargement. They're joined ...
What happens if my skirt just falls off? (with John Torode)
20 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are getting kicked out of the studio so Fi puts herself on 1.5x speed. Before that happens, they discuss meconium memories, characterful k...
Are you wearing your girdle? (with Tim Key)
19 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi is back! Jane is thrilled... can't you tell? And they've got lots of your emails to get through. They chat undergarments, scams and undesirable gol...
He's got mice down his trousers
15 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane G and Jane M have been told to 'keep it tight' on today's podcast, but they still have time to discuss welcome home cheese, the pros and cons of ...
Have you ever seen a nun at reformer pilates? (with Rosie Jones)
14 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane M is recovering from the leg wobbles while tensions run high between Jane G and producer Kate over some sound effects.They're joined by comedian ...
I just said quite loaded things like 'I gave birth to you' (with Caroline Quentin)
13 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane² is back with a bang, talking all things dead fox, Taylor Fever, and very large births. Caroline Quentin is our big guest today; actor, and now ...
Nobel Prize for Podcasting
12 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane G is reunited with Jane M and they're asking all the big questions: Would you bag up a dead fox and put it out with the bins? Are Tories really t...
Comfortable and cosy, or sexy and scintillating?
09 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's Friday and we're in your feed....it can only mean one thing: a very special, emails only, episode of Off Air.Jane and Fi talk pet cams and late i...
The smut-o-meter will be taking a battering
08 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's a bit giddy because she's going on holiday. Both are very much looking forward to the weekend, but not before this episode of Off Air hits your f...
It was a dizzy old crowd...
07 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are reliving their worst interview moments, discussing unremarkable genitalia and reviewing the London theatre scene. They're joined by Ca...
I've left my emotional voicemail on (with Prue Leith)
06 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have accidentally recommended a podcast they've never listened to, which gets them talking about seances, having a 'PBV friend' and losing...
Steady yourself against something firm (with Tracy-Ann Oberman)
05 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's got some time to kill, so she and Fi are asking what the point of shopping is, talking about how to break into a so-called tight-knit community...
I'm still firmly anti cruise (with Tim Marshall)
01 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are live at Destinations: The Holiday and Travel Show, reassuringly close to Jane's house in West London. The pair discuss their dream hol...
I really have lost my sense of direction if I'm on Grindr
31 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are trying to keep up with all the latest app trends and have renamed themselves 'Jn Grvy + F Glvr'. Whilst we wait and see if that sticks...
The worst men in the world favour a golf caddy (with Candace Bushnell)
30 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Jane and Fi decide they should be off doing their PhDs, considering their excellent grasp of detail. But before we get there, we go t...
I was an exceptionally slow walker, due to my bulk (with Jill Scott)
29 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Monday! Fi is manhandling microphones and Jane is feeling energised. Elsewhere, Jane and Fi share their film and TV picks, and we mark the end o...
P.S. leprechauns are real, obviously (with Dame Stephanie Shirley)
25 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi is away today so we bring you Jane² this fine Thursday. They chat the myth of the Irish driving license, silicone testicles and Italian roots.Plus...
Gimme Gimme Gimme a technical man after midnight (with Sathnam Sanghera)
24 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's lots to get through tonight because the likelihood is Jane has to get home to a fella on her flat roof... They chat #birthcanals, unfunny sitc...
Researching Ozempic for cats (with Tamsin Greig)
23 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane has been to a VERY important dinner and she's not letting Fi forget it. Amongst her many dinner anecdotes, they also discuss well-timed wees, fat...
Are you sitting comfortably and breathing through your feet? Then let's begin...
22 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane Garvey is off so for one night, and one night only, Jane Mulkerrins sits in (well, until the next time Jane and Fi are off). They work through th...
I just want beans on toast and a sleep (with Robert Hardman)
18 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi are a little worse for wear after a margarita filled evening, but you definitely won't notice... until Jane starts buffering.They're joine...
Fantastic equipment, massive nipples
17 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane is struggling to train a cat, Fi is unconvinced by slip-on shoes, and some tortoises somewhere are having very loud sex.They're joined by author ...
The Ponder On That think tank (with Alan Cumming)
16 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane and Fi have been sent some cheese - the King's choice of cheese, which of course gets them on to more royal chat... they also manage to cover Ver...
Winner of an apple and pear jockstrap
15 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's a Monday and Fi reckons Jane isn't in the best mood but they're persevering! They chat Annie Nightingale, Jane's cooking and jockstraps. Plus, a...
Trimmings are for life, not just for Christmas
11 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi is gazing into the middle distance, while Jane reminisces over her long lost German homestay. Award-winning children's writers Nadia Shireen a...
WARNING: Danger of sarong
10 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jane's got to get back to watch Vera but before that they discuss 'wacky baccy', breakfast tables and moon landings. Plus, musician turned author Dan...
Was it an absolutely fantastic fish cake? (with Simon Mayo)
09 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There's illness in the studio so Jane and Fi are keen to escape it but, before that, they discuss the Queen's podcast, HRT dreams and porn. Plus, Fi ...
Britney Spears in the US presidential race
08 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Fi's episode of The Weakest Link has finally landed - were you watching? Fear not, they're about to discuss it as well as Simon Le Bon, Puy lentils an...
Go off on one of your crazies (with Sarah Alexander)
04 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's the last episode of the first week back! Hooray! Jane accuses Fi of being unusually enthusiastic about leaving her but before that they chat abou...
I can't imagine a worse place to make love
03 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to the second Off Air of 2024: we haven't made any changes, it's the same you-know-what. In fact, we return to the ma'am issue, talk premium b...
Lady Jane Ma'am-a-lot (with Jake Humphrey)
02 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Aaand we're back! Jane and Fi are reunited and chat Christmas TV, the Queen of Denmark and fantasy lives. And they're joined by a noise in the studio....
We're totally in 'Twixt-mas'
28 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Back to the laundry room to survive Chrimbo Limbo? You can squeeze in with Jane and Fi as they relive the best bits of 2023.They're joined by Dolly Al...