In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often oversimplified.I talk about the difference between basic effort and genuine capacity, and why assuming someone’s behaviour always reflects a lack of care or love can miss what’s really going on. We explore how attachment patterns, protective strategies, and stress responses shape how people show up in relationships — often in ways that can’t be changed through willpower alone.This episode is about shifting the focus from judging someone’s intentions to getting clear on your own boundaries, non-negotiables, and whether a relationship works for you as it is — or not.

Ask this episode

“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

Transcript

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