On Attachment
Episodes
#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph)
30 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph epis...
#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing
21 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, ra...
#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)
16 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it ...
#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup
14 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply he...
#248: How to Cope With My Ex Being Happy in a New Relationship (Ask Steph)
09 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new...
#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?
07 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there som...
#246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an Ex? (Ask Steph)
02 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?While staying connected can somet...
#245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid Avoidants?
31 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.While it mi...
#244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore?
26 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious att...
#243: How to Create Healthy, Balanced Relationships with Nedra Glover Tawwab
24 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it reall...
#242: When Does Self-Improvement Become Self-Sabotage? (Ask Steph)
19 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.Wh...
#241: How to Date from Self-Worth
17 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole ...
#240: The #1 Thing to Focus On to Heal Anxious Attachment (Ask Steph)
12 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s Ask Steph episode, I’m answering the listener question: If you were only going to focus on one thing to start healing anxious attachmen...
#239: The Anxious Attachment Healing Roadmap
10 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
If you've been putting in the work to heal your anxious attachment but still feel like you're treading water, this episode is for you. In toda...
#238: Can a Relationship Survive If Only One Person is Doing the Work? (Ask Steph)
05 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their a...
#237: How Anxious & Avoidant People Differ Around Breakups
03 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we explore one of the most painful dynamics after a breakup: watching your ex seem “fine” while you feel completely unravelled —...
#236: Coping With Separation Anxiety When Your Partner Is Away (Ask Steph)
26 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener who says they generally feel secure in their relationship — except when their partner travels and...
#235: What Attachment Theory Does (& Does Not) Explain
24 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Attachment theory has become a widely used framework for understanding relationship patterns — but it’s often misunderstood, overextended, or trea...
#234: What Makes an Avoidant Partner Feel Safe to Open Up? (Ask Steph)
19 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, we explore one of the most common (and understandable) questions in anxious–avoidant dynamics: what actually helps an avo...
#233: How to Put an End to Situationships (Once & For All)
17 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Situationships can feel exciting and full of potential, but over time they often become a source of anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt. In this episod...
#232: Why Do I Miss My Ex Now That I’m Dating Someone New? (Ask Steph)
12 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about why old feelings can resurface when you re-enter the dating world, and what to do...
#231: Why You Can't Love Someone Into Changing
10 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we explore the belief that if someone truly loved you, they would have changed — and why this story so often keeps people stuck in ...
#230: How Do I Know My New Partner Will Be Better Than My Last One? (Ask Steph)
05 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question that will feel very familiar to anyone with anxious attachment: How can I be certain that ...
#229: The Hallmarks of a Secure Relationship
03 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
A secure relationship isn’t one where nothing ever goes wrong — it’s one where the foundation is strong enough to hold the hard stuff. For many ...
#228: When You Want More Words of Affirmation — But Don’t Want to Ask (Ask Steph)
29 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about wanting more words of affirmation from a partner — but not wanting to feel like yo...
#227: The Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage After a Break-Up
27 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Break-ups are painful — but often, the way we try to cope with that pain can quietly keep us stuck in it for much longer than necessary.In this epis...
#226: “If They Wanted To, They Would” (Ask Steph)
22 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often ov...
#225: How to Know Whether to Keep Trying or Walk Away from a Relationship
20 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Few decisions feel as emotionally loaded as deciding whether to keep trying in a relationship or to walk away. There is no universal right answer — ...
#224: I Drunk Texted My Ex and Feel So Much Shame — Help! (Ask Steph)
15 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not k...
#223: What It Really Takes to Make an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship Work
13 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly b...
#222: Can a Fearful Avoidant Change After Cheating? (Ask Steph)
08 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.Rather tha...
#221: How to Let Go of Someone You Love (For Anxious Attachers)
06 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nerv...
#220: 3 Hard Truths About Changing Your Life
30 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel read...
#219: How a Fear of Rejection Keeps Us From What We Want Most
16 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative li...
#218: Why You're Attracted to Unavailable People
09 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different...
#217: The Missing Piece in Your Healing Journey
03 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar pat...
#216: My Story of Healing Anxious Attachment
25 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth...
#215: Resentment, Real Repair, Conflict Avoidance & Navigating Dating With Kids — ft. James ‘Fish’ Gill
20 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected ...
#214: Parenting Q&A: Fears About Having Kids, Staying Connected After a Baby, Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics & More
11 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 m...
#213: How to Care Less About Others' Opinions & Trust Yourself More
04 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for r...
#212: How & When to Start Dating Again After a Break-up
28 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic tim...
#211: The Hard Truth About Closure After a Break-up
21 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly ...
#210: Can You Heal in a Relationship That Constantly Triggers You?
14 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynami...
#209: 5 Green Flags in Early Dating
07 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if y...
#208: Anxious Attachment & the Fear of Infidelity
30 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evide...
#207: Why You Feel Secure When You’re Single (But Anxious When You Start Dating)
23 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a ...
#206: How Understanding Your Nervous System Can Make You A Better Partner & Parent with Alyssa Blask Campbell
16 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful tools you have for creating secure, connected relationships. But too often we approach i...
#205: How to Process a Sudden Break-Up (AKA the "Avoidant Discard")
09 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When a relationship ends without warning, it’s common to feel blindsided, confused, and deeply hurt. This is often labelled the “avoidant discard”...
#204: Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns
02 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people?...
#203: How to Soften Your Inner Critic and Forgive Yourself for the Past
26 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode...
#202: How Attachment Styles Influence Friendship Dynamics
19 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We don’t often talk about how attachment dynamics play out in friendships — but if you’ve ever felt anxious, hurt, or overly invested in a frien...
#201: How to Actually Heal from a Breakup
12 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you’re someone with anxious attachment patterns, the ending of a relationship can bring up some of your deepest wounds: feelings of abandonment, ...
#200: How to Like Yourself More
05 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So many of us struggle with the idea of self-love. For me, and for many others, it can feel vague, aspirational, or simply out of reach. But what if, ...
#199: How Our Early Imprints Shape Our Lives & Relationships with Lael Stone
30 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, I’m joined by educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone to explore the powerful role that early imprints play in shaping the stories...
#198: What Anxiously Attached People Need to Thrive in a Relationship
22 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be hard to know what you actually need to feel secure — especially if past relationships have left...
#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship
15 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can...
#196: How & Why We Self-Abandon in Relationships
08 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways.In today’s episode...
#195: Two Simple Principles for a Healthy Nervous System
01 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, I’m sharing two key principles for building a truly resilient, balanced nervous system — and why one without the other tends...
#194: When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship
24 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you often feel like you're fighting for a place in your partner’s life—like you’re always waiting to be chosen or noticed—this episode...
#193: The Gifts of Anxious Attachment
17 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
While it’s easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts...
#192: Boundaries vs. Ultimatums
10 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the subtle (but important) differences between requests, boundaries, ultimatums, and dealbreakers. While these...
#191: Pleasure, Rest, & Feeling Good in a Culture of Chronic Stress
03 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us struggle to access pleasure, rest, and a felt sense of wellbeing — especially in a culture t...
#190: How to Stop the Anxious Spiral
28 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in...
#189: Why Anxiously Attached People Struggle with Jealousy
25 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we’re exploring where jealou...
#188: When Your Relationship Feels Stuck (& What to Do About It)
17 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Feeling stuck in your relationship? Like things are off, disconnected, or just… heavy? You're not alone. Relationship ruts are common — and t...
#187: Is It Better to Heal While Single or in a Relationship?
10 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Whether you’re single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There’s often an unspoken belief t...
#186: When Life Hasn't Gone to Plan
30 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life ...
#185: How Caretaking Impacts Our Relationships
26 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
REGISTER FOR MY NEW FREE TRAININGMany of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring ...
#184: Understanding the Power Struggle Stage of Relationships
16 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the sur...
#183: How to Be a Better Partner
08 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re ...
#182: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Work on Themselves (or the Relationship)
02 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to mee...
#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop)
25 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisat...
#180: 5 Hard Truths About Healing Anxious Attachment
18 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confi...
#179: Why You Struggle With Self-Trust
11 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for wors...
#178: When Your Partner Isn't Meeting Your Needs
04 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or comm...
#177: How Social Media Exacerbates Anxious Attachment
25 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that fe...
#176: Conscious Dating: How to Raise Your Standards & Date from Self-Worth
19 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-con...
#175: Perfectionism & Anxious Attachment
11 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we explore how perfectionism intersects with anxious attachment and impacts our ability to form secure relationships. We exam...
#174: Anxiety vs. Intuition: How to Tell the Difference
04 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? If so, this episode is for you. We're talking all about the diff...
#173: How to Rebuild Self-Worth After a Break-Up
28 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're talking about how to rebuild self-worth after a break-up. It's so common, particularly for anxious attachers,...
#172: 10 Signs You're Moving From Anxious to Secure Attachment
20 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we’re exploring the key signs that you’re moving from anxious attachment toward greater security. While every healing jou...
#171: How to Transform Your Life
08 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Mov...
#170: Dating Q&A: Early Dating with Anxious Attachment, Navigating Texting Anxiety, Not Attaching Too Quickly, Prioritising Values Over Chemistry
17 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this Q&A episode, I’m answering your most common questions about early dating—particularly through the lens of anxious attachment. If datin...
#169: Self-Sabotage: Why We Do It & How to Break Free
10 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we’re diving deep into self-sabotage—those frustrating patterns where we seem to work against our own best interests. Whe...
#168: How to Support an Avoidant Partner to Open Up
03 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode of On Attachment, we’re diving into how to support an avoidant partner in opening up emotionally. If you’ve ever felt frustrated b...
#167: How to Balance Compassion for Others with Boundaries for Yourself
26 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're talking about the delicate balance between compassion for others, and boundaries for ourselves. For those of us wh...
#166: Signs an Avoidant Partner is Deactivating & What to Do About It
19 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we’re diving into what avoidant partner deactivation looks like and how you can respond to this experience in a way that pr...
#165: Why Validation is so Important for Anxiously Attached People
12 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in buildin...
#164: 5 Unexpected Triggers of the Abandonment Wound
05 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're talking all about the abandonment wound — and specifically, five scenarios that might unexpectedly trigger your ...
#163: How to Address a Partner’s Excessive Phone Usage
29 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we dive into the growing issue of phone usage and its impact on relationship satisfaction, especially when one partner feels neglecte...
#162: How to Stop Hoping Your Ex Comes Back
22 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we're exploring the common and very human experience of hoping an ex will come back after a break-up, saying they've change...
#161: How Fearful Avoidant Attachment Shows Up In Relationships
15 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identi...
#160: How to Work Through a Trigger
08 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argumen...
#159: 5 Signs You're Ready For a Relationship
01 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question — and in today's episode, that's...
#158: How to Stop Obsessing About Someone
24 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we’re tackling the challenging topic of obsessive thinking about someone and how to break free from that mental loop that causes su...
#157: 3 Things You'll Notice in Your First Healthy Relationship
17 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we’re exploring three key things you’ll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy re...
#156: Sex & Attachment: How Anxious & Avoidant Attachment Styles Impact Sexual Dynamics
10 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, we’re diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these difference...
#155: Fearful Avoidant and Anxious Attachment: Key Similarities & Differences
03 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we're diving into fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment and how it differs from anxious attachment. We’ll ex...
#154: 4 Reasons You Keep Attracting Situationships
27 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In today's episode, we’re exploring the common patterns and beliefs that lead people into situationships — those ambiguous, frustrating "...
#153: 3 Tips for Avoidant Attached People to Experience Healthier Conflict
20 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week, we're talking all about how avoidant attached people can experience conflict in a healthier, more productive way. I'll be sharing...