On Attachment

#152: 3 Tips for Anxiously Attached People to Experience Healthier Conflict

13 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing three tips for anxiously attached people to improve the way they approach and experience conflict. We cover ...

#151: My 3 Favourite Quotes on Life & Love

09 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing with you some wisdom from three of my favourite writers and teachers on life, love and relationships. These ...

#150: A Hard Truth About Setting Boundaries

01 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking about boundaries. Boundary setting is one of those areas that we hear about so much in the personal develo...

#149: 3 Life Lessons I Wish I'd Learned Sooner

23 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing three life lessons that I wish I'd learned sooner. These are around the theme of self-awareness, person...

#148: How Resentment Impacts Our Relationships

17 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're tackling the pervasive issue of resentment in relationships. We explore why resentment occurs, its impact on relat...

#147: 5 Traits To Look For in a Partner

11 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're unpacking five traits that everybody should be looking for in a prospective partner. It's so easy when dating...

#146: How to Reconcile Conflicting Relationship Advice

04 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever found yourself seeking out relationship advice online only to be bombarded with pages of seemingly conflicting and contradictory opinion...

#145: 3 Fights Every Anxious-Avoidant Couple Has Had

28 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm unpacking three common pain points that virtually all anxious-avoidant couples will encounter at some point in their...

#144: Why You Struggle to Let Go After a Break-Up (Even When They Were "Bad" For You)

18 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why you might struggle to let go of someone after a break-up - especially in circumstances ...

#143: Navigating Conflicting Needs for Togetherness & Separateness in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

05 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're exploring the tension between the conflicting needs for time together and time apart that can so often become a so...

#142: 5 Signs You Struggle With Receiving

29 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about receiving. For many of us, being the giver in our relationships is our comfort zone - which can ...

#141: "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?"

23 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the listener question of "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?" Wanting to...

#140: How to Not Lose Yourself in a New Relationship

14 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you someone who tends to go from 0 to 100 at the start of a new relationship? In today's episode, we're exploring how to not lose yourse...

#139: Reflections on Self-Trust, Control & Surrender

08 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some reflections from my recent experience of pregnancy and birth on self-trust, control and surrender. Thes...

#138: What to Do When a Partner Pulls Away

11 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to navigate a partner pulling away. If you're someone with anxious attachment patt...

#137: Self-Soothing for Anxious Attachment

02 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about self-soothing and anxious attachment. For most anxiously attached folks, self-soothing and self-...

#136: 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style (Part 2)

23 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is part two of a two-part series on 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style.  I'm going to be running through some of the less ob...

#135: 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style (Part 1)

20 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today's episode is part one of a two-part series on 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style.  I'm going to be running through some of the...

#134: From Conflict to Connection with James "Fish" Gill (@james_fish_gill)

11 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by James "Fish" Gill to talk all things conflict and conscious communication. Fish ...

#133: 4 Common Misconceptions About Avoidant Attachment

02 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're exploring some common misconceptions about avoidant attachment. Avoidan...

#132: Cultivating Secure Love with Julie Menanno (@thesecurerelationship)

21 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by Julie Menanno. Julie is a couples therapist, best known for her hugely popular instagram a...

#131: On Getting Back Together with an Ex

14 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about getting back together with an ex. Facing the prospect of rekindling after a relationship has end...

#130: The Pillars of a Healthy Relationship with Self

07 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

✨ Last chance to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨If you've ever come across standard "self-love" advice and it hasn't r...

#129: Building Self-Worth & a Secure Dating Mindset with Dr. Morgan Anderson

31 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson and we're talking all about building self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence ...

#128: Why Avoidant People Tend to Struggle with Defensiveness

23 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about why avoidant partners tend to struggle with defensiveness. While defensiveness is far from being...

#127: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

16 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about comparison. Comparison is one of those things that we're all susceptible to at some point o...

#126: 5 Hard (But Liberating) Truths About Break-Ups

10 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about break-ups. Break-ups are one of the most challenging and sometimes destabilising emotional exper...

#125: How to Live Courageously in 2024

31 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

For our last episode of the year, I'm sharing my own story about the power of choosing courage over comfort and making bold, scary, uncomfortable...

#124: On Trust, Risk & Vulnerability

22 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts about trust, risk and vulnerability. Many of us would prefer to trust only when we've com...

#123: 3 Relationship Superpowers

14 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're unpacking three relationship superpowers (which frankly are also life superpowers!). These are the skills and mind...

#122: Why You Should Prioritise Self-Care in a Relationship

05 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about the importance of self-care in a relationship, and how prioritising self-care can (somewhat coun...

#121: What is Emotional Availability?

30 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional availability. Emotional availability is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot...

#120: 10 Tips for Healing an Anxious Attachment Style

21 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

✨ DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF GUIDE HERE ✨In today's episode, I'm sharing 10 tips to start healing your anxious attachment style. While "...

#119: Am I People-Pleasing or Just Being Nice?

14 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about people-pleasing: what it is, why we do it, and how it's different to "just being a nic...

#118: Why Anxious & Avoidant People Are Drawn to Each Other

08 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted t...

#117: How to Know When a Relationship is Worth Fighting For

31 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm answering a listener's question of "How do I know if my relationship is worth fighting for?" This is ...

#116: 5 Things to Normalise in Long-Term Relationships

24 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about things that we need to normalise in long-term relationships. So much of the time, our expectatio...

#115: 5 Things Secure Couples Do Well

17 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking about 5 things that secure couples do really well to build safety, intimacy and connection in their relati...

#114: Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Q&A (feat. my partner Joel)

10 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're answering your questions about how we've navigated aspects of the anxi...

#113: How Stress Impacts Our Relationships

03 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress...

#112: When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Do The Work

26 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly co...

#111: The Pillars of Trust & Trustworthiness

21 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a ...

#110: What Healthy Interdependency Looks Like & How to Cultivate It

19 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationshi...

#109: Anxious Attachment & Open Relationships

14 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, th...

#108: How to Navigate Different Love Languages

12 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You've probably heard about the 5 Love Languages as pioneered by Gary Chapman. In this episode, I’ll share how to navigate the very common situ...

#107: Q&A: Mismatched Libido & Anxious-Avoidant Sexual Dynamics

07 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of...

#106: Retroactive Jealousy: Navigating Discomfort With Our Partner's Past

05 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Retroactive jealousy is one that focuses on the past, fixating on other partners or stages in your partner's lives and being threatened by it. In...

#105: "How to navigate being newly single in my mid-30s? I feel like I'm out of time."

31 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

With societal pressures and a ticking clock, being newly single in your mid-30s can be challenging. In today’s episode, I want to share advice on na...

#104: The Importance of Separateness in Relationships

29 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

As an anxiously attached person, space in a relationship can sometimes feel like the biggest threat. In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own experi...

#103: How to Help a Partner Struggling with their Mental Health

24 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Looking out for someone who you care for that is going through a hard time is a challenge most of us will have to face in our lifetimes. But feelings ...

#102: Break-Up Q&A: No-Contact, Reconciling, and Guilt

22 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm answering your questions on the topic of break-ups. Break-ups are a universally challenging experience, and an area ...

#101: Navigating Long-Distance Relationships: Tips & Pitfalls

17 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s episode, we’re exploring long-distance relationships. Despite the old adage of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, many people t...

#100: How to Stop Taking Things So Personally

15 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s episode, I’m answering a listener’s question on how to stop taking things so personally. This is something a lot of us struggle with,...

#99: Attachment Styles & Break-Ups

10 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about attachment styles and break-ups. While of course, break-ups are messy, personal and far from formulaic...

#98: Ghosting: Why It Happens & How to Process

08 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Does ghosting leave you feeling anxious, confused, and questioning your self-worth? If so, you’re not alone. Today, we're diving deep into thi...

#97: How a Fear of Abandonment Impacts Our Relationships

03 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're diving deep on the abandonment wound - a fear that lies at the heart of many insecure attachment patterns and rela...

#96: The Importance of Discomfort in Life & Relationships

01 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about discomfort — specifically, why it’s so essential in any healing journey to reframe the way we appr...

#95: 3 Essential Ingredients to Make a Relationship Work

27 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wondered why your relationship struggles persist, even when you love each other and have tried and tried to make it work?In today's...

#94: The Path to Healing Anxious Attachment

25 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Anxious attachment can be incredibly exhausting - but it doesn't have to govern your future.  And in today's episode, I'm going to be ...

#93: Why Are "Toxic" Relationships So Hard to Recover From

20 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wondered why it can be so challenging to recover from toxic relationships? Why the drama and unpredictability leave you feeling more dis...

#92: How to Manage Jealousy in Relationships

18 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Unless you're a true outlier, there's a pretty good chance you've had some experience with jealousy.  And yet, as universal as it is, ...

#91: How to Navigate Boundaries with an Ex-Partner

13 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Ever been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and...

#90: Breaking the Cycle of Situationships

11 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Ever been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, ...

#89: How to Care Less About Others' Opinions (For the Recovering People Pleaser)

06 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A epi...

#88: The Anxious Dater's Guide: How to Remain Grounded in the Early Dating Phase

04 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Is your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode...

#87: The Art of Secure Relating with Stan Tatkin

29 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and d...

#86: 3 Tips for Building Self-Trust

27 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work wi...

#85: “Am I Being Unreasonable?” (Part 2)

22 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today’s episode, I’m continuing my series of answering your questions around the “reasonableness” of certain expectations and requests in r...

#84: 5 Reminders If You're Going Through a Break-Up

20 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Unless you’ve married your high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, you have likely experienced a breakup in your life. In today’s epi...

#83: How to Navigate Addiction to Drama with Dr Scott Lyons

15 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why you keep attracting the same type of person, this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by Dr Scott Ly...

#82: “Am I Being Unreasonable?” (Part 1)

13 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

One of the things I’m most often asked is “How do I know if I’m being unreasonable in my relationship?”. This can be a really tough enquiry to...

#81: The Gift of Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

08 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So much of the content around attachment theory focuses on the challenges that anxious-avoidant pairings can present. And while those challenges are u...

#80: How to Get an Avoidant Partner to Open Up

06 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more g...

#79: 5 Reasons Why People Cheat

01 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

A couple of weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on if “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true, and today I’m continuing the conversation around t...

#78: Understanding Your Origin Wounds with Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft)

30 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vienna Pharaon. Vienna is a licensed marriage & family therapist, creator of the hugely successful @mi...

#77: "How to enjoy being single when I really want a relationship?"

25 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When you really want a relationship, enjoying being single can be something incredibly challenging. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m divin...

#76: 5 Communication Mistakes You're Making (& What to do instead)

23 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I’m sharing five communication and conflict mistakes that I often see people making in relationships and what you can do in...

#75: Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" true?

18 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Cheating within relationships can cause so much pain, grief and sensitivity around betray and infidelity. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m...

#74: Helping Men Thrive in Life & Relationships with Connor Beaton (@mantalks)

16 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm talking with NY-based coach, teacher and speaker, Connor Beaton about the challenges men are facing in our modern so...

#73: Why We Want to Believe in "The One"

11 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm unpacking the concept of "the one". When it comes to relationships, many of us have absorbed the condition...

#72: 5 Tips for Loving Someone Well

09 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips on how to love someone well. So often, we think we are being loving towards someone - when really, we...

#71: "Is he avoidant or just not that into me?"

04 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of "How do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that interested in me?" This i...

#70: 5 Tips for a Healthy, Balanced Nervous System

02 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking all about nervous system regulation in the context of emotional wellbeing. As many of you know, I'm a...

#69: "When is taking a break in a relationship a good idea?"

28 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm answering the community question of "when is it a good idea to take a break in a relationship?" This can b...

#68: How to Talk About Sex with Vanessa & Xander Marin

25 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vanessa & Xander Marin.  She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, ...

#67: Why Healthy Relationships Can Feel Boring

20 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of why healthy relationships can feel boring - especially if you're someone who's a...

#66: How to Leave a Relationship (When You Know You Need To)

18 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we're talking about how to leave a relationship from the perspective of knowing that you need to. Break-ups are hard - no matter...

#65: "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?"

13 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?". I get ...

#64: The Role of Criticism in Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics

12 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Today's episode is all about the role of criticism in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Both anxious and avoidant people have been known to deploy criti...

#63: "How to deal with an all-consuming fear that my partner will cheat on me?"

07 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to navigate an all-consuming fear & paranoia around a partner cheating - p...

#62: Understanding Your Nervous System with Sarah Baldwin

05 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm speaking with Sarah Baldwin - a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach who is trained in Polyvagal inter...

#61: What to Do When You're Feeling Stuck in Your Relationship

30 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this Q&A episode, I'm speaking to the common conundrum of what to do when you're feeling stuck in your relationship. This often happe...

#60: 5 Reasons You're Not Getting Your Needs Met (& What to Do About It)

29 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we're talking all about needs - specifically, looking at some common reasons why you're not getting your needs met in a rel...

#59: "How should I bring up moving in together with my avoidant partner?"

23 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to bring up wanting to move in together with an avoidant partner. This episode...

#58: From Anxious to Secure: 6 Shifts You'll Notice As You Heal

22 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In anticipation of the upcoming launch of my signature program Healing Anxious Attachment, today's episode is all about what changes you can expe...

#57: The Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy in Relationships

17 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, we're talking about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Depending on where you sit on the attachment spectrum, y...

#56: 5 Ways to Support a Fearful Avoidant Partner

14 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidan...

#55: "I can't help but hope that my ex comes back. How do I let go so I can move on?"

09 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we&a...

#54: From Honeymoon Period to Power Struggle: Navigating the Stages of Relationship

08 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period o...

#53: "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"

02 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?" We c...