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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

How to Fall in Love Without Losing Yourself This Year (5 Rules to Avoid Getting Stuck in the Wrong Relationship)

23 Jan 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: How can you fall in love without losing yourself?

0.031 - 4.197 Dr. Jesse Mills

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.

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Chapter 2: What is the biggest mistake we make in love?

5.438 - 22.201 Dr. Jesse Mills

This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom Podcast. Each January, men promise to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken. But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist Dr. Steve Poulter to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name.

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22.642 - 29.211 Unknown

Part of the way through the valley of despair is realizing this has happened, and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward.

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29.258 - 31.341 Dr. Jesse Mills

Our two-part conversation is available now.

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Chapter 3: How should love enhance your life instead of replacing it?

31.561 - 36.148 Dr. Jesse Mills

Listen to The Mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

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Chapter 4: What signals indicate you're losing yourself in a relationship?

37.63 - 39.133 Dr. Priyanka Wally

Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Wally.

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39.253 - 40.495 Dr. Jesse Mills

And I'm Hari Kundabolu.

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40.515 - 45.021 Dr. Priyanka Wally

It's a new year, and on the podcast Health Stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about our health.

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45.061 - 49.508 Hari Kundabolu

Which means being honest about what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be.

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Chapter 5: What are the three love boundaries you must never cross?

50.169 - 61.404 Hari Kundabolu

I like to sleep in late and sleep early. Is there a chronotype for that, or am I just depressed? Health Stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone.

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Chapter 6: How can you choose a partner who respects your life?

61.664 - 67.382 Dr. Priyanka Wally

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Chapter 7: What principles support healthy love that fosters growth?

67.733 - 84.316 Mike Della Rocha

A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new. It invites us back home to ourselves. I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal. This year, we're talking honestly about mental health, relationships, and the patterns we're ready to release.

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84.877 - 97.234 Mike Della Rocha

If you're looking for clarity, connection, and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you. Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Della Rocha on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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97.703 - 123.069 Jay Shetty

I've seen so many good people who are excited, desperate, or impatient make bad decisions in love. Here's how not to be one of them. See, falling in love can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world, but it can also be the place where people disappear. Not physically, but emotionally, mentally, identity-wise. We've all seen it, right?

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123.47 - 145.425 Jay Shetty

Someone meets a person they're excited about, and slowly their world becomes smaller. Their friends see them less, their goals get blurry, their routines fall apart, their sense of self starts to merge into the other person until they can't recognize where they end. and where the relationship begins. So many of us dissolve into our relationships.

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146.106 - 167.175 Jay Shetty

One of the most shocking things is how many people we'll push away when we think we found our person. Your person won't let you push them away, and you won't because you won't leave your life for someone else. Because love was never meant to erase you. Love was meant to reveal you.

167.817 - 191.636 Jay Shetty

So today, I want to show you how to fall in love or deepen love without losing the most important relationship you'll ever have. the one with yourself. This episode is for people who want a relationship this year or want to strengthen the one they're in without losing their independence or their identity or their inner compass.

191.656 - 220.712 Jay Shetty

By the end of these 30 minutes, you will understand how to build a relationship that feels like support, not sacrifice. Alignment, not abandonment. Growth, not disappearance. Let's get into it. So why do we lose ourselves in love? Psychologists call it self-expansion theory. The idea that we merge with someone we love to grow and expand our identity. Now, that's healthy.

221.293 - 254.897 Jay Shetty

What's not healthy is when expansion becomes erasure. Here's what often happens. The biggest mistake we make in love is we confuse being chosen with being safe. We confuse intensity with intimacy. We confuse butterflies with compatibility. We confuse staying together with growing together. We confuse someone needing us with someone valuing us. Let me give you a real life example.

255.518 - 284.071 Jay Shetty

I once coached someone who, whenever she entered a relationship, would slowly give up the parts of her life that made her, her. She stopped her hobbies first, then she stopped seeing friends, she adjusted her goals, then her schedule, then her standards. When I asked why, she said, I didn't want to lose them. But the irony was heartbreaking. she was losing herself to keep someone else.

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