8 Years Sober and I Realized Sobriety Hadn’t Fixed Me | Victoria Vanstone
episodePreviously titled “I spent 8 years pretending I was drunk- The Sober Pivot with Victoria Vanstone” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 19, 2026
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Why did Victoria realize after 8 years of sobriety that she was still ‘pretending to be drunk’?
Okay.
Hello and welcome to One for the Road with me, Sober Dave. Over the next few weeks I'll be talking to some incredible guests, all of whom have made the decision to look at their relationship with alcohol and take steps towards a positive change. My guests are all at different points in their journey. Each one has a powerful, uplifting story to share and that's why I hope every episode leaves you feeling inspired. Do you fancy eight days in Thailand this October? Well I'm heading out with this week's guest, the wonderful Victoria Van Stone, for a sober retreat like no other. And the itinerary is packed, including breathwork classes, yoga, kayaking, an ethical elephant sanctuary and food you'll actually remember.
And company that really gets it all without a drinking sight. This is what SOA can look like. So if you're interested, head over to Sobrealkward forward slash retreats for all the details.
Good morning, Victoria. And welcome to my I know it is where you are, isn't it? Welcome to My podcast one for the road for the second time 'cause you've been on already, but we thought we'd catch up and see how you are a bit later on down our journey.
Yeah, it was a while ago since I've been on. Yeah, I'm good. I mean, yeah, life gets a bit lifey sometimes, doesn't it, Dave? I've got a lot going on this week. My daughter's having to have a knee operation next week, so we are, you know, grounded at home for the next six weeks while we take care of her. But you know, nothing's perfect in sobriety, which I I think we're gonna touch on a little bit today. But yeah, life has got its pointy parts, which I'm dealing with on a day to day pace basis, especially with parenting on top of everything. You've got to keep a billion plates spinning all the time. Yeah, and honestly I do find it quite hard some days, but I am sober and I do get on with it and I do somehow always pop out the other side okay.
So I suppose that's good.
Yeah, it's never linear, is it? It's it's um up and down. But um we spent a bit of time last year in Thailand at the retreat and we got to know each other even more, even though we've known each other for a long time. And um I think we were chatting back in February and you hit a bit of a wall, didn't you, in your sobriety and w what you around eight years, aren't you? Eight years.
Yeah, I was eight years in March. Yeah. So yeah. They do say there's a bit of a seven year itch, don't they? Where, you know, you can start questioning and even thinking about moderation and all of those other creepy thoughts. But yeah, it was eight years for me that I started to question, in fact, all of my sobriety behaviours until that point.
Mm. Really late actually, isn't it? I mentioned it to you at the time. I said, you know, that normally happens around about the sixth month mark where I always look at it like learning to drive, that you get in the seat. I remember my first driving lesson because the guy that taught me to drive um was a friend of my mum and he was building an extension and my driving lessons for months was to go into the dump with a load of rubble. Like it was literally in a Ren 05 bright yellow. And um he lived in a place called Yule in Surrey and we used to go to the Epsom tip. And um three or four times and then he said you better have A few proper driving lessons for your test, and I caught in the car and the bloke thought what a bloody boy racer already because I used to whiz around in this 105.
Um, but I I look at it at the beginning of of like learning all the logistics of sobrieties, like how to manage cravings, boredom, loneliness, you know, but then once you kind of of crack that bit and y you can begin to go out and people know you're not drinking, then you start to question who you are, what your identity is and that. And it Bless you, Vic. It took you eight years, didn't it?
Yeah. Can you believe it took me eight years? So yeah, it took me eight years. It's embarrassing really, isn't it? And I spent eight years pretending to be drunk, which is really bad because it takes a lot of effort when you're sober to still be a drunk person without any alcohol.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why did Victoria realize after 8 years of sobriety that she was still ‘pretending to be drunk’?
0:00–9:22
2
How did the hidden exhaustion of ‘performing’ sobriety lead Victoria to question her identity?
9:22–17:05
3
What role did people‑pleasing and boundary‑setting play in Victoria’s sober pivot?
17:05–24:39
4
Why do friendships often change after giving up alcohol, and how did Victoria handle it?
24:39–32:31
5
How does parenting sober differ from parenting while drinking, and what challenges did Victoria face?
32:31–40:06
6
What impact did perimenopause and a possible ADHD diagnosis have on Victoria’s recovery journey?
40:06–47:32
7
How can socialising without alcohol be enjoyable – did silent discos help Victoria feel free?
47:32–53:50
8
Why is recovery considered a start‑line, not a finish line, and what ongoing tools does Victoria use?
53:50–59:24