Chapter 1: What are the highlights of the Super Bowl week in San Francisco?
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I might have to ask you to bring a few items to San Fran for me.
Okay.
We're flying out tomorrow.
What do you need? A soup ladle and some Mentos. Okay. Explain. Why would you need that?
Well, a day and a half ago, the left side of my bridge came loose. Oh, no, dude. Your teeth. What's up with your jibs? It was loose, and I was going to go in today to glue it to get it cemented back. Yesterday, I had a sandwich, big family lunch in the living room, had a sandwich. It popped down, and I swallowed it.
Your teeth are gone. Like you've digested your teeth.
That's where the soup ladle might come into play. Because there's only... I know how.
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Chapter 2: What happened with O-Dog's tooth bridge?
I want you to go through security and them to pull that out of your bag and be like, sir, what's this about?
Yes. You know when you do the big stand thing?
The guy is going to say, dude, you got half your teeth in your boiler. Like we are looking through you right now and there are teeth currently inside your boiler. We're going to have to pull you aside. Do you have a second mouth that we don't know about?
What else are you smuggling? Like that could be a real problem. Like you might get actually zapped on the way through. That's trouble, dude. So what are we talking about? How is this going to affect you? Oh, nothing.
It's perfectly fine.
You can talk. You can eat.
Oh, yeah. It's not my front teeth. It's like you don't even notice it. Okay. Wait, what are the Mentos for? Well, if you're going to dig this thing out and reuse it.
This is such an inappropriate conversation. It's such a wild way to start Super Bowl week. It's Super Bowl week. A lot of people are tuned in saying this is exciting stuff. And we're talking about this guy. This is why you win awards. Digesting teeth. Fake teeth. So is there a chance they disintegrate? Yeah, did you call a doctor and ask?
How does that work with fake jibs? That's a problem that's going to have to be solved after the Super Bowl. I'm sure they just don't dissolve.
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Chapter 3: How did the Maple Leafs perform against the Canucks?
There's a chance those things just decide to tap out completely. I know what this guy's up to. There's a chance those things just tap out and you never see them again. But all right, we're down a couple teeth. Super Bowl week. Monday is Super Bowl week. I never saw that one coming, Jonas. Do you remember Tom Arnold in the Austin Powers movie?
When he's in the bathroom.
Tom Arnold is in that movie?
Yeah. I don't remember his role. Well, there's a bathroom scene in that. Okay. In my brain, Jeff O'Neill in the airplane bathroom. Okay. Just hollering.
Which one was that? The first Oscar Matthews?
I think that's the first one, yeah.
Okay. Yeah, I don't remember Tom Arnold's role in that. They had a lot of cameos in those movies, though.
Those movies, yeah.
A lot of cameos.
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Chapter 4: What is the current state of the Maple Leafs' roster?
You know, we're going to be doing our thing. Obviously we've already lost. Oh, maybe he's lost teeth. I don't know what's going on with him, but, uh, There's a chance, you know, Doogie's going to be trying to get into parties, and like you said, maybe he gets hit with a chair. We're going to try to avoid that.
We're going to try to avoid any hijinks or any issues in San Francisco, but we are looking forward to getting there tomorrow.
It's going to be a lot of fun. Who do you think the biggest troublemaker on the trip will be?
I don't think any of us are. I mean, we're all pretty old now. Like, Doogie's the real wild card. Because Doogie's a young guy. Doogie might get lost, man.
Doogie, I don't think he knows. Doogie should strap his carriage to Luke Wilson and do the real deal Super Bowl.
Yes.
Experience.
I totally agree. Doogie has the chance for a week of a lifetime. Yeah. The three of us, that's kind of in our past. We're not really going to roll like that anymore, but Doogie has the opportunity to really have a great time. But it's exciting that it's finally here, you know, and we're inside a week and we're getting to our picks later in the week, obviously. And Al's brother's gone MIA again.
Like I sent that text out to get the ball rolling yesterday. HBO, not one comment from Al's brother. He is just completely icing us out, which is fine. Oh, you and I will do it ourselves. There's no problem with that. Exactly. We can do it ourselves, but hopefully at some point we do include him.
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Chapter 5: What insights does Matt Chatham provide about his Super Bowl experiences?
But I can't imagine on the outside the tone changing. I guess that's the combo I'm trying to drive home here.
Hayes, they always do the unexpected, though. They'll get pumped by Calgary tonight, and then they'll beat Edmonton tomorrow. That's what they'll do. Maybe. Can I give you guys a mini Jerry's? Am I allowed to do that? Yeah, of course. Absolutely. Mini Jerry's on them making the playoffs.
I think that's 20%. 10% for me. Like, it's still a possibility. I'm not going to say it's 0%. I said 25% when they were, like, 20 games into the season. That was pretty good on you. And then when they started winning, it was like, uh-oh, look out. But they're eight points out, and they have to jump over a bunch of teams.
Now, I think what's interesting is the conversation in Toronto is they're done, and yet in Florida, it's not. I know. Same in Ottawa? Yeah. Like, Florida is finished. They have lost three in a row. They have a minus 11 goal. They have the exact same season as the Leafs, more or less. More injuries. They've won more in regulation. But both of them have a minus 11 goal differential.
They both have 59 points, and I guess Florida's got a game in hand.
Okay, so you have to pick one to make the playoffs. Are you picking Florida? I don't think either of them are, man.
They're not. That's the point. And I think you could... Listen, in Florida, it's obviously a very different conversation because they've been to three straight cup finals and they've won two.
No bigger hall pass in sports.
All day. Barkov, your captain out immediately. Kachuk missed 40-plus games. Jones is out. Kulikov's been out. Marchand's been in and out at times. 100%. And I think you'll make the case. I will make the case. This is in their best interest. Actually, it could be a brilliant play. Not planned, but you played more hockey than anyone over three years. Give yourself the longest offseason you can get.
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Chapter 6: What are the strengths of Drake May's skill set?
Leafs, there are some that believe you've got to go scorched earth. Maybe it's a retool that takes a couple of years.
Can you answer me something? How do you go scorched earth? What does that mean?
Scorched earth, I think, is an organizational shift where Tree Living's out, Berube's out, there's a new president of Hockey Ops or something.
Matthew's gone, Nylander gone, that's scorched earth.
Yes, and you are basically committing to a five-year plan.
So who are the players on your team? I guess the question on that.
Well, you're going to keep some people. Right. But Scorched Earth is a plan to lose. Right. That's what it is. It's a softening of we're going to be awful and we're tanking and we're hoping that we can find a way to draft our future. That's Scorched Earth. I think that's feasible.
But if you don't get McDavid or a Matthews or Patrick Kane or Sidney Crosby... Like, it's very risky, man. Yeah. Like, Kevin Adams. Everybody was given this guy. By the way, if I was Nashville, I'd call Kevin Adams. Look at the team he put together in Buffalo.
I'd say... They're red hot. I mean, they lost to the Habs on Saturday at home, which is a rarity. It is. But anyway, like...
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Chapter 7: How do the Patriots and Seahawks compare in the current season?
How do I get better defense? Don't really have a lot to trade. I don't have picks, really. Maybe I'll get some picks. But it's like, how do I... I think Riley's obviously someone we're talking about a lot now. If I were them, I'd be thinking it's going to be really hard to trade him if you can trade him at all. Can we lower him down in the lineup?
Can we play him on a third pair where he's not having to play as difficult minutes? Maybe we can resuscitate his career and get him back on track. I think that's reasonable. But it's like, how do I get other defensemen on top of that who can play harder minutes, more minutes, difficult minutes?
Because Tanev signed, McCabe has signed, Ekman-Larsen signed, Carlos signed, Riley signed, Benoit signed. It's like, how do I improve this and what am I doing to get there? And I don't know the answer.
It's not easy. It's not an easy path. You're also living in a world now in the NHL that... Not a lot of change happens. Not a lot of guys hit free agency.
Well, like the best defenseman in free agency might be Darren Radish. Who's a good player.
He's really good.
Right shot.
in the core a bit, but it's like he's not changing your life, I think, as a team. Dangerous. You don't want to overpay. You don't want to get into a silly maneuver. And especially if Tampa's the team that's like, nah, we're moving. Maybe you should be thinking twice on that. If he leaves Tampa at all, I wouldn't be surprised if they just re-signed him.
I wouldn't be shocked if that news just came down over the Olympic break. We've re-signed him to a six-year extension at whatever amount of money. Wouldn't be surprising at all. It's a very conservative league, too. There just aren't a lot of trades. That's the other thing. So this is the issue that they have.
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Chapter 8: What was the incident with Jarrell 'Big Baby' Miller's hairpiece during a fight?
One of them is going to go because Hildeby's got to go on waivers next year and you're going to lose him for free. Someone is plucking him for free. So you have to find a way to get some value out of one of those guys. Who are you keeping? Which four defensemen are you keeping? That's probably what you're doing. What's up with Chris Tannev? What is his future going to be?
If you're a GM, if you're calling the Leafs, guess who you're calling on? Your first probably call is on Ekman Larson.
Yeah, he's got term. He's put up good numbers. It's like $3.5 million per. He's won a cup before. Steady, reliable. He plays pretty tough. Plays every night. I agree with you. I think there's real value in him. I think there would be value in Carlo. It's a dark place right now. Fraser Minton was just the rookie of the month or whatever.
Fraser Minton, it's just watching him is tough.
Yeah, he's a really good player.
And if Carlo goes out the door, that package, that'll be interesting to see how that unfolds.
Well, it won't match Minton in a first.
No kidding.
Yeah. So that's why I'm not sure they'll even do it. But this is why you're a GM, though. This is your job. This is the job.
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