Playing With Fire
Episodes
241 Betrayal & Non-Monogamy with Eve Rickert
07 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Betrayal isn’t a fun topic for anyone. But when it comes to non-monogamy, betrayal can actually be really hard to identify, because we often don’t...
[Replay] 222 The Greater the Tension, the Greater the Potential: Individuating in Relationships
28 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever felt totally torn between two seemingly incompatible desires? Like part of you wants the freedom of non-monogamy while another part long...
240 The Alchemy of Erotic Jealousy & Compersion: A Reverse-Interview with Dr. Marie Thouin & Dr. Joli Hamilton
21 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
If you’ve ever been turned on by feelings of jealousy, you are so not alone. Dr. Marie Thouin wrote the book on compersion, so she’s the perfect p...
[Replay] 229 Shadow Work in Relationships: What We Keep From Ourselves
14 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Secrets, privacy, and the journey to authentic relationships can be a complex terrain to navigate. When one partner keeps secrets—whether consciousl...
[Replay] 177 Shadow Dance: Navigating Projections in Relationships
07 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actuall...
[Replay] 105 Shadow Work: What if your monsters were trying to help you live the life you always wanted?
31 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Do your monsters sometimes stage a take-over, hurting you and others? If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would yo...
[Replay] 164 I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method)
24 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on taking responsibility and changing what we can change in our lives. But sometimes y...
239 Radical Relating with Mel Cassidy
17 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Radical relating isn't just about who you're dating—it's about dismantling systems of power and creating community. In this episode, we ...
238 Thriving in Long-Distance Relationships
10 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Long-distance relationships can feel like a never-ending uphill climb. When there are miles between you and your partner, it's easy to fall into p...
237 The Art & Practice of Shedding Mono-Normativity
03 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
We live in a culture where monogamy isn't just presented as one way to have relationships—it's positioned as the only natural, healthy, and ...
236 Co-Creating Magnificent Sex
27 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when two relationship experts who teach others about intimacy find themselves in an 18-month sexual drought? We recently emerged from wha...
235 I Think I'm Polyamorous, But I'm in a Monogamous Marriage
20 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Discovering your polyamorous identity while in a long-term monogamous relationship can feel both liberating and terrifying. It's a moment of perso...
234 How to Figure Out What You Want (And Why It’s So Damn Hard)
13 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There’s one really important prerequisite for a whole lot of juicy relational goodness… but it sounds deceptively simple… figuring out what you ...
233 The Case for ‘Boring’ Polyamory
06 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we're in the thick of navigating non-monogamy, especially in the early stages, it can feel like an endless emotional workout. The jealousy, the N...
232 How to Keep Going When Non-Monogamy Feels Too Hard
29 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Feeling exhausted by non-monogamy? You're not alone! Even when we know why we chose this path, the day-to-day reality can sometimes feel overwhelm...
231 The Holiday Survival Guide for Polyamorous People
22 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Holidays can be a joy-filled time, but they can also become incredibly complicated when you're navigating non-monogamous relationships. How do you...
230 Can Trauma Survivors Do Non-Monogamy?
15 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Many people wonder if their trauma history means they can't successfully navigate the complex emotional terrain that comes with open relationships...
229 Shadow Work in Relationships: What We Keep From Ourselves
08 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Secrets, privacy, and the journey to authentic relationships can be a complex terrain to navigate. When one partner keeps secrets—whether consciousl...
228 “I Only Get the Hard Parts”: Living with Asymmetry in Polyamory and Life
01 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ever feel like your journey into non-monogamy is all about hard work? You're not alone. Many people reach a point where they wonder if all the emo...
227 Transforming Shame into Love with Jessica Fern and David Cooley
25 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We all carry shame—it's part of the human experience. But what if there was a way to transform that shame into something more nurturing and supp...
226 The Secret Sauce of Happy Non-Monogamy: Exquisite Transition Management
18 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We all experience transitions in our relationships. And, they can actually be even more frequent in non-monogamous relationships, like when our attent...
225 Fears, Hopes, and Aftercare: Preparing for Polycule Gatherings
11 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Navigating shared spaces as a polycule can feel like stepping into uncharted territory. Whether you're attending a community event, family gatheri...
224 Relationship Anarchy with Dr. Nicole Thompson
04 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Most of us have been conditioned to follow relationship "escalators," those predetermined paths that dictate how our connections should progress. But ...
223 Recovering From Purity Culture with Lauren Elise Barnes
27 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Purity culture can often shape our sexuality in ways we don't even realize. Whether you grew up deeply immersed in it or just caught the edges, cu...
222 The Greater the Tension, the Greater the Potential: Individuating in Relationships
20 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever felt totally torn between two seemingly incompatible desires? Like part of you wants the freedom of non-monogamy while another part long...
221 The Art of Reassurance: Relating Through Doubt and Fear
13 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we're feeling insecure in our relationships (especially during transitions like opening up, navigating new relationship dynamics, or major li...
220 How to Finally Hear Each Other: Low vs. High Context Communication
06 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Communication is the foundation of all relationships. But what happens when we're speaking different languages without even realizing it? Often th...
219 A Patient Path into Non-Monogamy with Laura & Bill
30 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Many of us hear stories about couples who dive headfirst into non-monogamy without preparation (what I call the "jumping out of the airplane with...
218 What will opening up do to us?
23 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When couples consider opening their relationships, one of the most common questions that comes up is: "What will happen to us?" This fear makes perfec...
217 Jealous right now? Listen to this.
16 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jealousy can feel overwhelming, urgent, and all-consuming. It can make us want to act immediately—to confront, to check locations, to curl up and hi...
216 Helping Your Partner Through an Intense Moment of Jealousy
09 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jealousy happens—even to this jealousy expert! But when your partner is experiencing jealousy, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. Without the r...
215 Nurturing Established Relationship Energy
02 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When you've been together for years, it's easy to let your relationship run on autopilot. But what happens when you need to reconnect, especia...
214 Defying Mononormativity with @Polyamarla
26 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape ...
213 Psychedelics and Non-Monogamy with Dr. Nicole Thompson
19 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we think about altered states of consciousness, we often focus on individual experiences. But what happens when we bring psychedelics into our re...
212 Repair Skills
12 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Relationship ruptures happen to everyone, but repair is a skill that most of us were never really taught. When connections break down between partners...
211 The Drama Triangle: How to Get Unstuck From Your Sticky Fights
05 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We all get caught in relationship drama from time to time. Whether it's with our partners, friends, family members, or even ourselves, these patte...
210 Non-Monogamy Firsts: Managing Emotions When Your Partner Explores New Experiences
28 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When your partner experiences something for the first time with another person—whether it's a first date, first kiss, or first intimate encounte...
209 Transitioning from Swinging to Polyamory
21 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What actually changes when you go from swinging to polyamory? Is it just more dates—or a total shift in your emotional and relational world? We expl...
208 Relationship Anarchy: Tailor-Making ALL Your Relationships with Annie Undone
14 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Relationship structures don't have to follow a script. Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, you can intentionally ...
207 Turning Goals into Self-Agreements
07 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you’ve been a PWF listener for a while, you know that we love self-agreements. Creating self-agreements based on your goals may sound like a simp...
206 The Grief of Jealousy
31 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions. When we experience jealousy, we're experiencing a form of loss—whether it's the loss of ...
205 Hierarchy or Priority?
24 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Hierarchy in non-monogamous relationships can be one of the most divisive topics in our community. Some people proudly claim they want a hierarchy in ...
204 Liminality: Your Key to Relationship Paradigm Shifting
17 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we step out of one relationship paradigm, phase, or stage and into another, we often find ourselves in a strange, uncomfortable space—neither h...
203 Money & Non-monogamy: Skip This Episode at Your Own Peril
10 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When we open our relationships, we often focus on creating boundaries and agreements around emotions, time, and sex. But there's another crucial e...
202 How do we maintain the relationship renaissance after opening up?
03 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Many of us experience a relationship renaissance when we first open up. There's a delicious new energy, deeper conversations, rekindled passion, and a...
201 Lots of fish in the sea, how do I find mine?
26 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We’ve made a ton of episodes about how to work on relationships once you’re in them. But we also often get asked… how do I actually find good ma...
200 Episodes Strong: What We've Learned About Love, Business, and Growth
19 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Reaching 200 episodes of any podcast is a milestone worth celebrating. But when you're recording with your spouse while simultaneously building a busi...
199 Why Verbal Agreements Suck (And Why We Still Use Them)
12 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We make verbal agreements with others every day. This can look like something simple—“I’ll bring you a cup of tea”—or like bigger, more comp...
198 Why does jealousy freak out the nervous system?
05 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ok, so you’re working on nervous system regulation, and you’re working on jealousy. But why is it that the feeling of jealousy can just totally fr...
197 I Want What They’ve Got: Feeling Envy Towards Your Partner
29 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Envy in relationships can be sneaky. It often hides behind other emotions like jealousy, anger, or disappointment, making it hard to recognize—even ...
196 Envy: How to Use It and How to Lose It
22 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Let's be honest—most of us really don’t want to talk about envy. It's uncomfortable, it feels icky, and it brings up all sorts of emotions...
195 Help, I’ve Struck Gold: Handling NRE in Two Relationships
15 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
New Relationship Energy (NRE) can make everything feel like a shiny object. We get it, we love that feeling too! If you’re practicing non-monogamy, ...
194 Reimagining Relationships
08 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
When something isn't working, even if you’ve been practicing non-monogamy for a long time, it’s really easy to default into the monogamous par...
193 Beyond Good Intentions: Building True Integrity in Relationships
01 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What does it really mean to live and love with integrity? How can we stay in integrity while navigating multiple relationships, agreements, needs, and...
192 [Replay] What would you do with your full power? A conversation about kink, power exchange, and everyday life with Mollena Williams-Haas
22 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What if you could get to know your power intimately, and so get to know your whole self? What if you could use your story to have the life, pleasure, ...
191 [Replay] Turn your Toxic Attractions into Psychological Growth with Sunny Megatron
15 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
What if you didn’t have to cut yourself off from your own toxic attractions? Sounds ridiculous, right? I MUST have to go cold turkey on my romantici...
190 [Replay] Shadow work: What if your monsters were trying to help you live the life you always wanted?
08 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would you get to know them, and invite them in? What about sharing them with a...
189 [Replay] Can my attachment style do non-monogamy?
01 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Attachment theory has been all the rage recently, and hey, we get it - it’s a super helpful tool that comes up a lot in our work! But we’ve also b...
188 [Replay] Justice Jealousy
25 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them.Justice jealou...
187 [Replay] Imago Dialogue: Transforming Conflict into Connection
18 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Conflict happens. Especially when differentiation and individuation are parts of your personal and relational journeys. And that’s a good thing!Ente...
186 Polyamory in the Second Half of Adulthood with Kathy Labriola
11 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
For too long, conversations about polyamory have centered on younger people. But what happens to open relationships as we get older? Kathy Labriola, a...
185 Conscious Uncoupling
04 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Navigating the endings of relationships doesn't have to be a disaster. When it comes to consciously uncoupling, it’s about so much more than “...
184 Q&A Quickie: Why get married?
28 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If you’re polyamorous… what’s the point of getting married?? We get this question a lot. And although we are married, we also have a ton of mixe...
183 Pelvic and Sexual Health for Every Body with Dr. Ariana Cesare
21 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s normal. You do NOT have to accept pain, discomfort, and limitations when it comes to sex, pregn...
182 Q&A Quickie: What should I do when my partner wants gender-based rules in non-monogamy?
14 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Gender-based relationship rules might seem like an easy solution to difficult feelings that come up in non-monogamous relationships, but they often ma...
181 Q&A Quickie: Privacy vs. Transparency—How do I feel safer?
07 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Navigating privacy and transparency in relationships can feel like walking a tightrope—especially when you and your partners have different comfort ...
180 Hyper-Individualism vs Healthy Autonomy: Am I The A**hole?
30 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
How do you tell the difference between being selfish and practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won’t be surprised to hear that it’s complicate...
179 One Kid’s Reflection on Being Raised by Polyamorous Parents
23 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most common concerns we hear about non-monogamous relationships is “but what about the kids?!?” We have a lot to say in response… but...
178 The One to Share with Your Concerned Family Members
16 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Are you struggling to talk to your friends and family about your non-monogamous identity? Whether you’re unsure how to start the conversation or you...
177 Shadow Dance: Navigating Projections in Relationships
09 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actuall...
176 Dismantling Defensiveness
02 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Defensiveness feels like a good way to protect yourself from harm in relationships, but it’s usually more effective at closing yourself off from per...
175 Coming Out as Non-Monogamous: Risks, Rewards, & How To Get Ready
26 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Coming out as non-monogamous can bring its own set of challenges and concerns, especially if you also hold other marginalized identities. And maintain...
174 Social Monogamy: The Impact of Maintaining Your Mono-Image
19 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s totally normal and understandable to want privacy around your relationships. Especially in a culture that can be less than understanding toward...
173 Getting off the Relationship Escalator (Or Choosing Not To)
12 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Dating → becoming exclusive → moving in together → getting married → having kids. This is the assumed trajectory that all relationships will t...
172 Grieving Change: A Crucial Relationship Skill
05 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We do so much grieving in our lifetimes. And not just about the deaths of loved ones—every time there is a change in our lives, we lose an old versi...
171 Why Self-Agreements Will Make or Break Your Relationships
28 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If you have a hard time keeping relationship agreements, you probably also have a hard time keeping the agreements you make with yourself. If that’s...
170 Jealousy & Attachment Panic
21 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“Jealousy is just insecurity, so if you become more secure in yourself, you won't feel jealous anymore.” Ever heard that one before? We have, ...
169 Q&A Quickie: Why am I having such a hard time sticking to my agreements?
14 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Relationship agreements are awesome. They can take you from a place of ambiguity and assumptions to a place of clarity and transparency. But what happ...
168 Ethics, Responsibility, and the Changing Landscape of Non-Monogamy with Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin
07 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Eve and Andrea created a book that I wish I had 15 years ago when I was making the transition from monogamy to non-monogamy. And I don’t say that li...
167 Unfuck Your Monomind, Part 2
31 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Confession: We have not solved our mono-minds. The paradigm of monogamy runs deep in our society, so even though we’ve done decades of deep work to ...
166 Q&A Quickie: How do I deal with my anxiety when my partner is on a date?
24 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Scenario: your anchor partner is on a date with someone else. You know they have a super hot connection, and sex is definitely on the table. You’re ...
165 Monogamy, In This Economy? with Laura Boyle
17 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Money, parenting, sharing space, schedules, rental agreements… these may not be the sexiest and most exciting aspects of non-monogamy, but they are ...
164 I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method)
10 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on what we can change in our lives. Take responsibility and make the changes needed. B...
163 Playfulness, Vulnerability, and Parenting with Abbey & Liam from Evolving Love
03 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Abbey and Liam approach building conscious relationships in a way that’s refreshing, pragmatic, playful, and authentic, all at once. Their work focu...
162 Non-Monogamy & Community: Real Stories from YOO
27 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Opening up isn’t just about f*cking around and finding out. Done thoughtfully, it’s an experience of opening up yourself. It winds up being a jour...
161 Adopting a Polyamorous Lens with Alex Alberto, Author of Entwined
20 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When we read Entwined, Alex Alberto’s genre-blending memoir, we felt seen, understood, and represented on a whole new level. We knew right away that...
160 Getting Your Needs Met
13 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Opening up your relationship does not automatically lead to you getting more of your needs met. Monogamy or not, identifying and communicating your ne...
159 Q&A Quickie: How can I handle my resentment that my partner isn’t into what I want?
06 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Resentment is one of those emotions that can be truly destructive in relationships. It can turn into contempt, and even acrimony… which is why we wa...
158 Desire Discrepancy: What to Do When Your Wants Don’t Align
29 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Ever been in a relationship where one of you wanted a lot more sex than the other? Us too! It can be challenging to navigate, especially when you thro...
157 What Is Compersion? with Author Marie Thouin
22 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We talk about compersion a lot (duh, it’s awesome!!). But compersion is more than an emotion, and it’s more than the opposite of jealousy. Luckily...
156 Betrayal Trauma & Non-Monogamy
15 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is about betrayal. I know, super fun subject, but don’t click away!! Betrayal can touch on some of our deepest insecurities. But in my ...
155 Q&A Quickie: How do we rebuild from lost trust?
08 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
People hurt each other all the time. Even in the strongest relationships and with the best intentions, it happens! Ruptures in trust are not fun to th...
154 Research-Backed Therapy for Non-Monogamous People with Dr. River Farrell
01 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This one’s for you, fellow relationship nerds! Listen in on this fabulous conversation with Dr. River Farrell, a clinical psychologist, independent ...
153 Limerence vs. New Relationship Energy
25 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone— so strong that they took over your brain (and maybe even your life)? That kind of obsession ca...
152 How to Take Intentional Relationship Breaks
18 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When you hear the phrase "taking a break," do you think of fear, uncertainty, or sadness? We’ve been there, and we made this episode to he...
151 Justice Jealousy
11 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them. Justice jealo...
150 Asymmetric Agreements: How much balance should we strive for?
04 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So, you want to create relationship agreements with your partner. Great! You probably want those agreements to be fair, balanced, and symmetrical. Gre...
149 Relationship Agreements 101
27 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are a lot of bad ways to make relationship agreements. (Trust us, we’ve been there!) But creating supportive agreements can open up a world of...
148 Can my attachment style do non-monogamy?
20 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Attachment theory has been all the rage recently, and hey, we get it - it’s a super helpful tool that comes up a lot in our work! But we’ve also b...
147 How to Build Healthy Differentiation
13 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Differentiation is one of the pillars of conscious relationships—but it doesn’t just happen, we have to actively practice differentiation over tim...