Playing With Fire
Episodes
45 Silent agreement - One person's perspective on a sexless marriage
31 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Every marriage, every relationship is different. In this episode we talk about Ken's first marriage, his experience of infertility, and what he wi...
44 Three ways porn has brought us closer together
24 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever wondered how other people use porn? In this episode we talk about our own personal answers to that question, including de-stigmatizing p...
43 The missing ingredient in boundary work with guest Melissa Hite
17 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
"Our relationships with others can only be as strong as our relationship with ourselves." That's just one insight we hear about in this ...
42 It's normal to be a messy human in messy relationships. Really, it is.
10 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever done something and looked back and said "That's not like me!" How does that happen? What do we do then? How can we use thi...
41 Emotional regulation and co-regulation
03 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's really helpful to have specific tools to use when we find ourselves managing stress, or sadness, or grief, or any of the other feelings that ...
40 How to have a productive consensual non-monogamy conversation
26 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Last episode we talked about setting up for success starting the first conversation on non-monogamy with your partner. In this episode, we talk about ...
39 I want to be consensually non-monogamous: how do I talk to my partner?
19 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We've had so many questions about this! How do I bring up the idea of non-monogamy with my partner? What can I do to make it go well? Spend a litt...
38 How jealousy was the best thing that ever happened to me
12 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Jealousy shows up differently for each of us, but it is a typical human experience. In this episode we talk about defining it, dancing with it, and fi...
37 Summer's over... negotiating how we handle getting back to the grind
05 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The shift from summer to fall is an easy time to let unexpressed expectations quickly escalate to resentment. Having an intentional conversation about...
36 Vacation sex at home
29 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Want to feel like you're on vacation at home? In this episode we talk about some things you can do to bring that vacation feeling home, and specif...
35 How not to let your relationship agreement screw up your relationship
22 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Having a relationship agreement is important, but it can be used to hurt as well as help our relationships. In this episode we talk about what the rel...
34 Three ways masturbation improves your relationship
15 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Masturbation has gotten all kinds of press over the years - some good, some bad, some clinical. We are fans of masturbation. Let's talk about what...
33 Individuation Accelerator: What if we don't keep the same beat in our relationship?
08 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Joli calls relationships an individuation accelerator- is your love built for it? Navigating individual differences between partners is not easy (and ...
32 What do I do when my partner's family is driving me crazy?
01 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Our partner's family can add some challenges to our relationship. In this episode we talk about our own experiences, our mistakes, our successes, ...
31 Threesomes... what to consider before the fun
25 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Monogamy works really well for a lot of people and yet a recent study showed that group sexual encounters are the number one fantasy in the US. Maybe ...
30 How to go from off-the-rack to custom-designed relationship
18 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
You've heard us talk about making a relationship agreement that really works for your particular love... but what if you have been married and now...
29 Letting your partner grow at their own pace
04 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Last time we talked about managing hard times. What about the good times? Sometimes our partner will be having wins, and maybe we're not, and thos...
28 Showing up for your partner during heartbreak & grief
20 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heartbreak and sadness show up in all of our lives. How we show up for each other during those times can have a big impact on our relationships. In th...
27 Relationship agreements in the wild
06 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We are talking relationship agreements again, this time looking at how we actually, practically, maintain ours. We also found a hole in one of ours wh...
26 Doesn't this person ever leave?
09 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Quarantine has gone on a long time, now, and most of the natural breaks we used to get have disappeared. As the world opens up we are READY to get som...
25 No, really, who IS this person I love?
25 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Marriage is learning all the things you missed on your first meeting. Imagine asking your partner a question you know the answer to and getting a new ...
24 Do I really want my lover to see me?
18 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever feel hesitant to share your inner world with your lovers, partners, friends? In this episode we share our experiences and struggles with t...
23 Magic marriage ingredient: Play
28 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Finding a way to play with our partner can change how we experience life. In this episode, we are talking about how we introduce the joy of play into ...
22 Relationship flags - red, green, and otherwise
21 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Developing relationships takes care and courage. This week Angela Lussier joins us and we share thoughts and stories about dating and relationships in...
21 A secret weapon for relationship satisfaction
14 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sometimes we get caught up in the changes and challenges everyday life brings. In this episode, we talk about some ways we acknowledge and increase me...
20 What an open relationship *might* look like
07 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There is no one way for relationships to work. What does "work" even mean, really? That is up to the people in the relationship. In this epi...
19 The shame of a messy beginning
28 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In the second part of a mini-series about shame, Joli shares some vulnerability as we go into her feelings about the rocky early years of our relation...
18 Shame & secrecy (and sex!)
21 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In the first of a mini-series about shame, we aren’t holding back! The feeling of shame has kept parts of Ken hidden from Joli for years even though...
17 Sexual Fantasies
14 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sexual fantasies are exciting, but not everyone feels comfortable sharing them with their partner. This week we are talking about how we figured out w...
16 Relationship agreements and polyamory (or monogamy!)
07 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Joli studied consensual non-monogamies as a research psychologist but it is also an important part of our personal relationship design. In this episod...
15 What does intimacy look like if you are non-monogamous?
31 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Joli studied consensual non-monogamies as a research psychologist but it is also an important part of our personal relationship design. We are talking...
14 Why polyamory?
24 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
To kick off season 2 we are responding to a request from a listener who asked "Why are you polyamorous?" Joli studied consensual non-monogam...
13 Celebrating and still learning
29 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In the wrap-up for season 1, Joli and Ken are sharing what it feels like to share their relationship ups and downs with the world. The biggest lessons...
12 Feel like a failure when a relationship ends? 3 tools to help ease life's big transitions
24 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Episode 12 is about failure and what happens when we judge our relationship success only by how long it lasts. Endings and transitions can be extremel...
11 Making money talk-aboutable
22 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In episode 11 we are talking about money and how hard it can be to say what needs to be said when we share finances and responsibility for a household...
10 Navigating drastically different communication styles
18 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Working together, whether you are running a business together or just working from the same home office puts a bright spotlight on relationship weakne...
9 Fighting with love...how we relearned how to argue
15 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Even the word fighting can make people uncomfortable. But relationships are messy and people are complicated. In this episode, Ken and Joli talk about...
8 Sex reimagined...with one question
10 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Sex is a spot that easily leads to misunderstandings, even for a couple who are on the same page in so many ways! In this episode, Ken and Joli talk a...
7 How to get what you want for the holiday (or any day!)
08 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Having two different communication styles is a recipe for misunderstandings and hurt feelings. We had to learn the super-hard way how to ask for what ...
6 The courage to want
03 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
When holiday stress feels overwhelming I've had the impulse to turn away from my partner and just hunker down in my overloaded psyche. Learning ho...
5 Relationship resilience for the holidays
01 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The holiday season is awesome... and practically tragic in its ability to leave us feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and disconnected. In this episode,...
4 Who the heck IS this person I love?
26 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What is it about love that keeps us assuming that we already know each other, even though we are changing and living in a changing world? Joli and Ken...
3 Boundaries at the holidays
24 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Boundaries are an invitation to intimacy but the holidays can make it feel like your boundaries have no place in life. The gravity of tradition can ge...
2 Empowered relating & holiday stress
18 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Owning our *stuff* around the holidays is hard. Joli and Ken are sharing stories about navigating big feelings, a busy family, and old family patterns...
1 Wanting more in love (even at the holidays!)
17 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In episode 1 we are sharing stories about how we've worked on wanting a more-than-okay relationship. Joli and Ken talk about how they combined hol...