Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
Episodes
Recovery and Healing ARE Possible—Here's HOW to be Successful!
28 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Porn/sex addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma can be SO confusing, frustrating and even come to the place of hopelessness! In this epis...
The “Abuse Cycle” Par Two—The Impact of Abuse on Betrayal Trauma and Healing
21 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In Episode 127, Mark and Steve addressed the "Abuse Cycle" and its effects on addicts in recovery. In this episode, they talk directly to th...
The “Abuse Cycle” Part One—The Impact of Abuse on Addiction
14 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark shares his own story of abuse as a child to illustrate how the "abuse cycle" is often directly related to addiction. -...
My Addict Partner of 33 Years is Out of Control and I Don’t Know Where to Start!
07 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This heart-felt description, question and request comes from a PBSE listener—I’m a wife of 33yrs in betrayal trauma after finding husband on multi...
How to Surrender Control of an Addict’s Behaviors while Maintaining Boundaries and Accountability.
31 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
It's very normal for a betrayed spouse to seek to be safe and avoid being "blindsided" by more betrayal, by trying to "control&quo...
“To Masturbate or Not to Masturbate?” that is the question!
24 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Masturbation is an extremely controversial topic these days; one that elicits a lot of heated debate. This is especially true when an addict spouse en...
It’s NOT an Addiction if I’m Only Using “Porn Substitutes”—Right???
17 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There's a lot of heated debate out there about "what is pornographic" and "what is not." Too often in these arguments, the RE...
How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part Three—The Conclusion!
10 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This is Part Three—the concluding episode on "How Mark and Steve moved from defensiveness to fighting for their marriages. In this episode, Mar...
How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part Two
03 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In "Part Two," Mark and Steve address a VERY difficult situation for recovery addicts and their spouses—HOW to navigate people and places ...
How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages"—Part One
26 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
One of the greatest challenges we face as sex/porn addicts in recovery is becoming "defensive" when our partners offer feedback, speak their...
How Long Should I Be “Sober” Before I Start Dating or Having Sex Again?
19 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This PBSE episode is directed at single listeners and those already in a relationship. A PBSE listener who is single sent in the following quesiton—...
Should I Just be “OK” with my Partner's Lusting?
12 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's question about her struggles with her partner lusting after a co-worker— Hello Mar...
Are you Sick & Tired of Relapsing? Then it’s time to “Be Stubborn”and “Get An Attitude”!!!
05 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Are you trying to break free from porn viewing and/or other unwanted sexual behaviors, but you just keep falling back into it?! In this episode, Mark...
How can I KNOW when my Partner has finally Stopped Lying and is Serious About His Recovery?
29 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve answer a spouse's questions about her addict husband and how she will KNOW that he is serious about recovery and ...
I Have Discovered My Husband's Relapses More Than a Dozen Times. What Now?
22 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a major challenge faced by many betrayed spouses—they keep uncovering and discovering their addict partner&a...
When is it OK for my Addict Partner to “Back Off” from His Recovery?
15 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How long should a spouse expect her addict partner to keep up his recovery? Doesn't there come a time when he can "back off" to some de...
What if my Betrayed Spouse Won’t Keep Up?
08 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve openly and passionately address a PBS listener's situation and questions. Here's what he asked— I have be...
Episode 112: As Addicts, We Can Throw Up HUGE Barriers to Recovery and Mending Our Most Important Relationships!
01 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a situation and series of questions from a PBSE listener who is the partner of a porn/sex addict and strugglin...
TV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part Two: What to do if you are the Spouse.
22 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In episode 110, Mark and Steve addressed the responsibility that a recovering porn/sex addict has with regard to TV, movies and media--both for his ow...
TV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part One: What to do if you are the addict.
15 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Something that can be a BIG issue for couples—when one is a porn/sex addict in recovery and the other is a betrayed spouse trying to heal—is TV, m...
Are Your “Resentments” Holding You Back?
09 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Resentment is a POWERFUL emotion! And while it most certainly can be very legitimate based on actual events, history, betrayal, etc., it also acts a...
As a Spouse, You Have “4 Primary Rights” with Regard to His Disclosure!
01 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
One of THE most important milestones in real recovery is when a porn/sex addict prepares a completely transparent and authentic "disclosure"...
How Can I Ever Dare to Trust Him Again?
25 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
When there has been Betrayal Trauma, it can seem impossible to ever dare to fully trust again. A PBSE listener describes this struggle as "forebo...
All the ways we convince ourselves we are “entitled” to act out in our addictions
18 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There are MANY reasons the ego-addict part of the brain convinces us that we are entitled to escape into our addiction outlets. These can include: I...
How do we move out of a “Trauma Response” into “Relationship Authenticity”? (Part Two)
11 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Once you recognize that you and/or your partner are caught in a "Trauma Response," HOW can you intentionally move into a place of "Rela...
How do I Recognize when I or my Partner are Caught in a "Trauma Response"? (Part One)
04 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There are MANY "trauma triggers" that can create great conflict, pain and difficulty between partners. If you truly desire to work on mendin...
New Year’s Resolutions Can Make Addiction Worse! Try this Instead.
28 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark & Steve talk raw and real about why the traditional "New Year's Resolution" failed for them SO many times—a...
How to Balance Christmas (and other holidays) with the Trauma of Recovery & Healing
21 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In what can sometimes be the "hellish" experience of addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, can we still find wonder, enjoyment and...
When Stress Hits—STAND UP for Your Personal & Couple-ship "Bill of Rights"!
14 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Everyone faces different kinds of STRESS in everyday life. But, when we're in addiction recovery or healing from betrayal trauma, that stress is ...
This is Our 100th Episode! In the Pain of Addiction & Betrayal Trauma—There is GREAT HOPE!
07 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Although we can't quite believe it, this is PBSE's 100th Episode!!! Thank you to all our listeners who made this possible! It would never ...
My Spouse is in Recovery but will NOT have Sex with Me! What Can I Do?
30 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There are plenty of situations where an addict spouse wants to have sex all the time. There are situations where the spouse suffering from betrayal tr...
How Do We Find Connection When There’s Been “Mutual Betrayal”?
23 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A PBSE listener recently sent in a situation and question—He has been in recovery and "clean" for a year. At one point during that year of...
What Should Come First—Him Ending His Affair, or Us Starting Couples Counseling?
16 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We know—the title of this episode is INSANE!!! But it comes from an actual question sent in by a PBSE listener—My partner and I are STUCK. We ha...
How Can I “Adequately” Explain to My Spouse WHY I Looked at Porn?
09 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Here's a question from a PBSE listener—I am a recovering sex and porn addict working on my recovery and trying to reconcile with my wife and he...
My Husband Watches Female Professional Wrestling. Is That a Problem?
02 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who asks a very important question about one of her spouse's favorite pastimes—watching f...
As an Addict, How Can You Move Past Your Defensiveness to Truly Connect With Your Spouse?
26 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's sincere inquiry about HOW to move through his defensiveness in response to his wife&...
Has Your Addict Partner Truly "Forgotten" His Past Betrayals OR is He "Gaslighting" You?
19 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve take on a PBSE listener's question about her husband's "claim of not being able to remember the details...
How Do I Overcome the Shame of My Past "Toxic Sex/Me-Centered" Behaviors?
12 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Mark and Steve respond to a very heart-felt question by a PBSE listener—My wife and I recently listened to your episode on healthy s...
Is My Partner Lying About His Porn Use? How Can I Know?
05 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How do you know if your partner is telling you the truth about his porn use and other sexual behaviors? A PBSE listener recently submitted this ques...
How Can I Forgive a Man Who Has Spent Nearly Our Entire Marriage Lying?!
28 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a very heart-felt message and question from a PBSE listener: a spouse struggling to forgive her porn-addi...
How Do I Know if My Spouse is an Addict or Not?
21 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a common question submitted by a PBSE listener—I have listened to many episodes of your podcast. They have a...
Unhealthy Relationships Can Help Fuel Porn Addiction—How Can You Move from Co-Dependency to Recovery?
14 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Growing up, a PBSE listener suffered from an abusive relationship with his father, which was a BIG factor in the development and ongoing struggle with...
When Your Partner is a Porn Addict, What Does “Healthy Connection” Look Like?
07 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If your partner is a porn addict, is it even possible to have any level of "healthy connection"???In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw a...
Does Recovery & Healing require that we STOP Internet use, AVOID going out in Public and NEVER talk to the opposite sex?
31 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When it comes to daily life and being subjected to a "sexualized culture," what are the "healthy boundaries" in sex/porn addiction...
Your Chosen Path of Sexual Experience—Healthy or Unhealthy? Connecting or Disconnecting?
24 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In working with people all over the world, we often get questions from couples regarding what IS and what is NOT healthy and connecting in their sexua...
You are "Powerless" to Control What He’s Thinking During Sex—or Any Other Time!
17 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a HUGE issue many partners struggle with. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed it—My question is with a...
Should I have Daily Sex with my Husband so He can Recover?
10 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We know—this title is ridiculous!!! It's intended to be totally SARCASTIC! But it's in response to a lengthy, raw, heart-felt, super a...
Stuck? Real Recovery & Healing REQUIRE a Trajectory!
03 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's SO easy to get STUCK in a negative, hame-based mindset; trapped on an endless rollercoaster of dark emotions; feel like your relationship is...
After the Betrayal of Porn Addiction, Can We Ever Have “Healthy Sex”?
27 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Here's a heart-felt question from a PBSE listener—Since learning that my husband of 44 years has been addicted to porn our entire marriage, a f...
Do You STINK at Setting and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries?!
20 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request—You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries. While we understand that each co...
Letting Go of Control & Manipulation to WORK Your Own Recovery!
13 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Mark and Steve openly address a PBSE listener's questions about what to do with an addict spouse in recovery who still tries to e...
Navigating Summertime and Sex Addiction!
06 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you...
Let Go of "Emotional Wallowing" & Embrace "Vision & Meaning"
29 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When we rely on "sheer motivation" to break out of porn addiction, this will easily plunge us into a pit where we become stuck in "emot...
Father's Day—Addiction & Trauma Trigger or Healing Event?
22 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There are MANY "triggers" that can impact and even derail addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma. One trigger that can blindsid...
Why is Mindfulness & Connecting with Myself SO Hard?!
15 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We constantly talk about how and why “mindfulness” and CONNECTING with your True, Authentic Self is SO critical to recovery and healthy living! ...
Erectile Dysfunction and Your "Arousal Template"
08 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related ...
I’m Engaged to a Porn Addict—What Should I Do?
01 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who is engaged to a porn addict. She submitted a message through PBSEpodast.com describing her s...
Is Physical Touch the “Love Language” of Most Porn/Sex Addicts?
25 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address and excellent question submitted by a PBSE listener—In the book written by Gary Chapman it talks about the 5...
Moving from Addiction to Connection: Reconciliation with Family
18 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a question submitted by a PBSE listener:My husband has been in active recovery since earlier this year. You...
From Surviving to Thriving in Your Marriage: A Vision for Addicts
10 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Mark and Steve use the analogy of a unique little bird known as the "Bower Bird." HOW can we guys who are in recovery from a...
When is it Time to “Shake Up” Your Recovery and Healing?
04 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Your recovery and healing are always at risk of stagnation, burnout, boredom, overwhelm, relapse and other potential "disrupters." In this e...
How Inadequate Self-Care Sabotages Your Recovery and Healing!
27 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Mark and Steve discuss why Self-Care is SO crucial to overcoming porn addiction, healing from betrayal trauma and mending your marriage. And why it is...
The Wall Between Betrayal Trauma and Healing/Connection
20 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In Episode 66, Mark and Steve explored the walls an addict spouse often throws up in defense against his betrayal-trauma-suffering spouse beginning to...
The WALL Between Conflict and Connection
13 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A BIG part of beginning to heal a marriage marred by pornography addiction, is for the addict spouse to provide a SAFE space for the betrayed spouse t...
How Can a Struggling Couple Come Out of "Relationship Limbo"?
02 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a recent email from a listener—“I’d like to know how is it that your wives were willing and able to s...
Can I Ever Go Back to Porn?
30 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve openly address a common issue they faced in their own recoveries, and one they see often with their clients—"Ca...
What it Takes to SUCCEED in Recovery and Healing!
23 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve give listeners a window into what they've learned from their own recoveries and what they've experienced ove...
Defining "Slips" and "Relapses"
16 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When a couple is working together through addiction recovery and healing betrayal trauma, it can be VERY difficult to understand the differences betwe...
Where is the line between “loving” someone and “trusting” them?
09 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a PBSE listener's heart-felt dilemma. After discovering her spouse's addiction to porn and feeling t...
Spiritual Safety and Sexual Intimacy: You Can Have Both!
02 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a questions submitted by a listener—"Can you discuss the dynamic of being the spouse of an addict who i...
Is it "OK" to "Offend" Your Partner?
23 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address some very poignant questions submitted by a listener:"What do you do when the proof is in the pudding tha...
Great! He’s in Recovery . . . but What is He Thinking?
16 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a recent question by a listener—a very honest, legitimate, excellent question—"Hi there, my recoverin...
Why Would the Man Who Loves Me, "Gaslight" Me?!
09 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about an extremely destructive behavior that porn addicts engage in with their partners—GASLIGHTIN...
What Does it Take to Get "SERIOUS" about Real Change?
02 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode Mark and Steve speak openly about what it took for them to get to the rock bottom place where they were ready to start down the path o...
The Addict's Journey from Escape & Avoidance to Authenticity & Transparency
26 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It has been said, "We are only as sick as our secrets." Another way of coming at this would be: "Living in secrecy keeps our addictio...
How to Navigate Mental Illness AND Addiction/Betrayal Trauma
19 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Mental illness and addiction, as well as betrayal trauma, can be parallel struggles! And it can be very difficult to understand where one starts and t...
Should We Hide Sex Addiction and Betrayal Trauma From Our Kids?
12 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's hard enough navigating through porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma as adults! But what happens when we're raising kids at the same t...
How to be Emotionally Healthy as an Individual and Couple in 2021
05 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We're all SO glad 2020 is over! In fact, we should all receive a t-shirt that reads, "I Survived 2020!" And we're all hoping 2021 ...
Ditch the “New Year’s Resolution" BS—it doesn’t work!
29 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Can you believe it--it's a NEW YEAR! And it's that infamous time again--New Year's Resolutions! In this episode Mark and Steve get ...
Learning from Mark & Steve's "Recovery Ghosts of Christmas Past"
22 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is a kind of "Christmas gift" from Mark and Steve to their listeners. They talk raw and open about how too many Christmas seaso...
Recovery, Healing & the Holidays—Part Three: Finding Serenity in the Midst of Family "Stuff"
15 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
During the holidays, "families" can be both an opportunity AND a challenge! Family interactions can support us on our paths of recovery and ...
Recovery, Healing & the Holidays—Par Two: "Self Care? Forget that! It's the Holidays, Bro!"
08 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's SO easy to "go off the self-care rails" during the Holidays! If we're not careful, we can tend to use as an excuse for lazine...
Recovery, Healing & the Holidays—Part One: Preparing for and Managing Triggers
01 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
The holidays are a time for MAJOR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS—good and bad. In fact the Holidays are intended and designed to elicit intense emotions. These ...
Where Relationship Expectations Collide with Individual Boundaries
24 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's very natural and legitimate to have certain expectations in our marriage relationship. And we NEED healthy boundaries in order to make stead...
The "Unholy Triad" that can Decimate Your Marriage!
17 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In their own addictions, recoveries and healing, and working with people all over the world, Mark and Steve have come to understand an "unholy tr...
What Does it Really Mean to "Man-Up"?
10 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
With so many dominant influences from Hollywood, the mainstream media, pornography and the role models we were raised with, there's a LOT of conf...
How We Get Stuck in our Pain . . . and How to Heal and Move Forward
03 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve come from a very heart-felt place in speaking to the women who may find themselves "stuck in the pain of Betrayal...
Is there a Place for "Sexual Entitlement" in a Healthy Marriage Relationship?
27 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Mark and Steve produced this episode in response to a PBSE listener's question—Hi Guys! Would it be possible to talk about entitlement in an ...
If You Don't Have Honesty—You Don't Have Much
20 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This episode starts with Mark and Steve getting super raw about how lying was a big part of their addiction years and early recovery. - There are MA...
Are YOU Choosing Your Life . . . OR . . . is "IT" Choosing You?
13 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Mark and Steve get personal and talk about how, for much of their lives, they lived in "victim mode" and ran around spouting off cliches lik...
In Recovery & Healing—Is God Your Problem or Your Solution?
06 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal "God journeys"—how God operated in their lives BEFORE recovery and ...
Hey, we're doing well, so we can let up on our Boundaries—Right?
29 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
When things have been going well for awhile in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, there can be a temptation to relax the boundaries we&ap...
I'm Not Sexually Attracted to My Partner—Are We Done?
22 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We live in a culture that can easily tend to make physical/sexual attraction the "be all, end all," in marriage relationships. In this episo...
How to Have DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS that bring TRUE CONNECTION!
15 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Our most DIFFICULT conversations can also be the most CONNECTING! In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and real about WHY we avoid difficult and un...
How Do We Become Trapped in a "Marriage Crisis" and Can We Ever Come Back Together?
08 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Porn addiction, Betrayal Trauma and other challenges can plunge us hopelessly into a seemingly perpetual pattern of Negative Relationship Patterns! Th...
How "Pain Avoidance" feeds Addiction & Betrayal Trauma!
01 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
It's natural to avoid pain--that protection mechanism is built directly into the human brain. BUT, "pain avoidance" often creates and t...
Separating "Attraction" from the "Addiction"—Where are the Boundaries?
25 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Mark and Steve address the questions and concerns of one of the PBSE podcast listeners. As the spouse of an addict in recovery, this ...
Porn Addiction Relapse—the Fallout and Breaking the Addiction Cycle
18 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when there is a "Pornography Addiction Relapse"? The Fallout of Relapse—For the Addict: Hopelessness, shame, resignation, a...
Refuse to Be a "Victim"—"Let Go" and Allow Her to Heal from Betrayal Trauma!
11 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
- Learn how to “let go” of Your Spouse’s Healing- Instead of focusing on what she is or is not doing—put all your energy into YOUR recover...
Breaking Free from the "Victim Trap" of His Porn Addiction
04 Aug 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Addiction and Betrayal Trauma can easily plunge us into the "Victim Trap"! In this dark place, it is nearly impossible to progress on our pa...