Relationship Alive!

262: What High-Conflict Couples Taught Me About Healing the Political Divide

24 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

I've been working with high-conflict couples for more than a decade. While every couple is different, there's a consistent way that they either solve ...

261: Sue Johnson - Being Truly Seen: Healing Trauma Through Attachment Science (EFIT)

09 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When you’re stuck, you have powerful internal drives that you can harness to get unstuck. I’m not talking about pain vs. pleasure, or fear vs. lov...

260: How to Turn Your Vulnerability into Your Relationship Superpower - with Ken Page

08 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What if the parts of yourself you're most ashamed to show are actually your greatest assets in building deep, lasting relationships? In this powerful...

259: Don't Fight Your Negative Thoughts...Join Them! (to Overcome Them)

08 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Your negative thoughts feel like the enemy. They sure can get in the way of your goals and dreams! But when you embrace your negative thinking, you'll...

​​258: When Desire Fades, Come Together - Emily Nagoski & the Science of Longlasting Sexual Connection

10 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What if everything you've been taught about keeping desire alive in long-term relationships is fundamentally wrong? In this revealing conversation wit...

257: Two Obvious (but IMPORTANT) Healthy Relationship Principles

19 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What if the most important relationship skills were hiding in plain sight? In this episode, I return with two deceptively simple principles that form ...

256 - Something Personal - Where I've Been and Where We're Going

04 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I stepped away from the Relationship Alive podcast for a "quick break" that was only supposed to last a month or two. That break became a journey of t...

255: How to Be Courageous (especially when it's hard)

29 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's easy to talk about being courageous - but how do you actually take action when it feels like a huge risk? Whether it's the decision to enter a re...

254: From a "Fair" Relationship to Radical Generosity - the 80/80 Marriage with Kaley and Nate Klemp

30 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's easy to talk about being generous in your relationship - but how do you actually put it into practice - especially when things feel unfair or out...

253: How to Keep Children from Wrecking Your Relationship - The Baby Bomb with Kara Hoppe and Stan Tatkin

28 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

How do you keep your relationship strong despite the pressures that child-rearing can create? And how can you leverage your attachment styles in how y...

252: How and Why to Get Better at Conflict - Getting to Zero with Jayson Gaddis

30 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

When you can't be yourself in your relationship and avoid the tough conversations that you might need to have, it erodes your relationship AND your se...

251: Rebuilding Trust During a Crisis - with Pete Pearson

01 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are there ways to build trust in your relationship - even if you're in the middle of a crisis? How do you identify your relationship strengths - and u...

250: Start Your Day with Being OK

28 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

How do you find the place within you that's "ok" no matter what? And how do you use that place as a resource to help you handle the things that aren't...

249: When You're the One Doing ALL the Work

30 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when you feel like you're the only one doing the work in your relationship? When things would just fall apart if you weren't on top of ...

248: What Are Your Rights in a Healthy Relationship?

25 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

If your relationship is going to thrive and stand the test of time, then what are the essential ingredients for that to happen? What do you have the "...

247: The Path from an Insecure Attachment Style to a Healthy Relationship

25 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

If you have an insecure attachment style (or your partner does - or both of you do) - can you have a healthy relationship? And how do you know if an i...

246: How to Get Honest with Yourself

26 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever gone through a major life change, and then, in retrospect, wondered how you could have possibly been living the way that you were living...

245: How to Not Die Alone - Using Science to Crack the Code of Modern Dating - with Logan Ury

28 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Modern dating can be so challenging. Simply finding good people is challenging. Knowing how to take a relationship to the next level, when to commit, ...

244: A Practical Approach for Big Changes

20 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

When you want to shift something in your life, sometimes the scale of the change can seem daunting. So how do you get from point A to point B (or...po...

243: Ultimatums - The Good and The Bad

13 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Are ultimatums ever a good idea? If so - when? If not, what can you do instead? What should you do if you receive an ultimatum from your partner? And ...

242: Using Creativity for Emotional Alchemy - plus a song!

21 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

When emotions are stuck within you - how can you use your creativity to get things moving? Sometimes the muse within you is a quiet whisper - other ti...

241: Breaking Up and Moving On - What's Normal? What's the "Right" Way?

11 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

When it comes to breaking up, is there a right way to do it? How long should it take for you to get over your ex? How do you know when it's time to se...

240: When You're in Conflict - How to Find Optimal Outcomes - with Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler

24 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

When you’re stuck in conflict, how do you step outside of the situation enough to identify ways to break the patterns that are keeping you stuck? Es...

239: How to Avoid the Negative Bypass

16 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever feel like you *should* have gotten over something challenging - that you’ve grown, and learned from the experience, but that on some lev...

238: Unmotivated Partners - What To Do? - with Pete Pearson

26 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

When your partner is unmotivated to change and has resorted to stonewalling - or blaming everything on you - what can you do? If you’re a therapist ...

237: Overcoming Procrastination - Session with David Burns and Neil Sattin

19 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever procrastinate? If you’re looking for a way to finally stop putting things off - and get them done - then today’s episode is for you. A...

236: When Talking about How You Feel Goes Horribly Wrong

10 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How do you talk about your feelings - without your partner getting reactive and defensive? There are some common mistakes that we make when talking ab...

235: Microaggressions in Life and Love with Kevin Nadal

29 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Are you undermining your connection with your partner, or the others in your life, with microaggressions? While the “little things” can be the bui...

234: The Anti-Relationship Episode

15 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

WARNING: If you’re looking for the typical hope and optimism that you can find on Relationship Alive, then this might not be the episode for you! Af...

233: What Makes a Marriage Last - with Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue

06 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Let’s put the theory aside for a minute. When it comes to having a successful, long-lasting relationship, what has actually worked for couples whose...

232: Solving the Acceptance Paradox - with Neil Sattin

25 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In a relationship, it’s important to be able to accept your partner as they are. What if accepting your partner traps you in a relationship that isn...

231: How to Make Better Decisions in Your Relationships (and Avoid Common Pitfalls) - with Logan Ury

18 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of the decisions that you make. So, when it comes to love - is there a way to make better ...

230: How to Win Any Argument

11 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In today's world, it's challenging to avoid conflicts - whether with our intimate partners, or simply with people at the grocery store or on social me...

229: Sexting for Fun and Connection

29 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Sexting - what is it? How do you do it? Why would you want to do it? And...most importantly...how do you ensure it goes well - and how do you keep it ...

228: Facing Overwhelm - Session with David Burns and Neil Sattin

19 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

If you’ve got big feelings going on - overwhelm, anxiety, depression, sadness, anger - how can you discover the valuable messages they contain, and ...

227: Racism, Racial Equity, and Relationships - with Neil Sattin

06 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How do we confront our blind spots and tackle the ways that racism and privilege affect our relationships, our lives, our society? And...our podcasts?...

226: Feeling Good - What Matters and What Doesn't - with David Burns

29 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

What can shift anxiety, depression, overwhelm, or simply feeling “down” - into feeling good, or even great? What are the hidden obstacles that get...

225: Overcoming Shame and Getting Real about Relationships

15 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

One of the biggest blocks to lasting intimacy is shame. Shame keeps us from being honest with ourselves, and our partners. And from truly owning what'...

224: What Romance Novels Teach Us about Real-Life Love and Desire - with Mara Wells

25 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Life doesn’t always lead to Happily Ever After (or Happily For Now) - like a romance novel. However, romance novels tap into something deep in our h...

223: How to Boost Your Oxytocin for a Sense of Wellbeing - Even If You're Solo - with Jessica Zager

10 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes you just need simple strategies to give yourself a boost. In today’s episode, we’re going to cover ways that you can increase your sense...

222: Hints to Improve Digital Intimacy and Stay Sane (and Connected) during a Lockdown

20 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes all it takes is a simple adjustment to create a much deeper connection with another person. Today I'll offer you some obvious-but-not-so-obv...

221: Love in the Time of Coronavirus - COVID19 and Your Relationships

14 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How is coronavirus (COVID-19) impacting you? What are the implications of "social distancing" on your relationship - especially if you're cooped up to...

220: Reclaiming (and Enjoying) Your Sexual Self - Taking Sexy Back with Alexandra Solomon

05 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

What turns you on, and what turns you off? How do you get past the messages about sex that have been handed to you by others - to discover your own pe...

219: Your Questions Answered - More on Judgment and Grieving

22 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It can be easy to avoid being judgmental with people that aren't close to you, but what do you do when you feel yourself getting critical or testing t...

218: Sacred Instructions - Indigenous Wisdom for Your Relationship - with Sherri Mitchell

14 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How do we heal ourselves, our relationships, and the world we live in - all at once? How has our society created rifts within us (and between us) that...

217: How to Heal after a Breakup

07 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

How do you heal after a breakup or divorce? Whether you’re going through a breakup now, have been through a breakup and still have some cleanup work...

216: Steering Clear of Judging Yourself and Others

24 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Do you judge others or yourself harshly? How do you get past the judgment to a place where you can see a situation clearly, set appropriate boundaries...

215: Your Erotic Blueprint - The Work of Jaiya - with Ian Ferguson

16 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

What turns you on - and what turns you off? Once you know your erotic blueprint type, it’s so much easier to have the kind of intimacy that you most...

214: Do Breakups Have To Be Messy?

21 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

While some kind of issue is going to be at the heart of every breakup, how do you get past the issues and create a breakup that's kind, generous, and ...

213: How to Handle an Aching Heart - with Guy Finley

13 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do when you're suffering? How do you escape patterns of blaming in your relationship, and find the place within you that can turn painful ...

212: Something Deeply Personal - with Neil Sattin

07 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

For quite awhile now I've been mentioning that there have been some challenges and changes going on in my life. This week, I'm going to share some of ...

211: Sometimes You Just Have to Stop - with Neil Sattin

23 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

With all the focus on ways to improve your relationship, growth and change can become something of an obsession. Especially if things are painful! How...

210: How to Escape the Drama Triangle - with Stephen Karpman

15 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Ever feel like there’s a little too much drama in your life? Well, if that’s the case, then you probably have been caught in the Drama Triangle. I...

209: How to Communicate about Your Emotions - with Neil Sattin

08 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How do you communicate about your feelings in the most effective way possible? While we're at it, how do you even *feel* your feelings so that they ca...

208: Sex and Porn Addiction - Myths and Reality - with Paula Hall

26 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How do you know if you, or someone you love, is addicted to sex, or porn? What can you do about it? And along with healing patterns of addiction, what...

207: Getting Truthful about the Ways You Hold Back - with Neil Sattin

19 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Are you being true to who you are? What are the ways that you're holding back in your relationship, or compromising yourself? Even if you're single, t...

206: How to Benefit from Conflict - with Viola Neufeld

09 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Conflict in relationship is often viewed as a bad thing. It’s uncomfortable. It’s tense. It makes us feel bad, and often makes our partners feel b...

205: [Updated] Important Self-Care Basics with Neil Sattin

14 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It’s easy to talk about “Self Care” - to pay lip service to it - but what does it really mean to take care of yourself? In today’s episode, we...

204: Communication that Grows Your Relationship - with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

05 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

There are ways to communicate that keep you stuck, or that make things worse - and there are ways to communicate that foster the healthy development o...

203: How to Stop Controlling Each Other (and Why) - with Neil Sattin

29 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In what ways are you being controlled by your partner? In what ways are you controlling them? How does it help you? And how does it hurt you? In today...

202: Grounded Spirituality for Deeper Presence and Connection - with Jeff Brown

20 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Is it possible to be a spiritual being in a human body? Transcendent, yet grounded? And why is that so many “spiritual leaders” tell us to leave o...

201: Can People Really Change? - with Neil Sattin

09 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Can people really change? And how do you know if someone *will* change? It's a good question, especially if you're dealing with some significant chall...

200: Pleasure Activism - Change that Nourishes You - with adrienne maree brown

24 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

When looking to change things in your world, how do you let pleasure be the force that guides you? How do you fulfill desire while you fight for chang...

199: What To Do When Things Get Challenging

18 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

When things get challenging in your relationship, what's the best way to ensure that you and your partner can make it through? How do you avoid the lo...

198: Healing Your Earliest Attachment Wounds - with Peter Levine

10 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How would you know if there were experiences from the earliest moments of your life affecting you here and now? And if you are indeed being impacted b...

197: Sexy Consent - Deeper Intimacy with Neil Sattin

03 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Do you want one surefire way to know if the way you're interacting with your partner is something that they're into? Get their consent! Is there a pla...

196: Harnessing the Transformative Power of Your Core Emotions - The Change Triangle with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

25 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Beneath anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame, are core emotions that are hardwired into our circuitry. When you’re able to tap into the core emotio...

195: How to Turn a Negative View of Your Partner into Something Positive

04 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

As much as we don't like to admit it, we all hold a vivid image in our minds of our partner at their worst. When things start to go a bit off the rail...

194: Heart vs. Head: Mismatched Processing Styles with Sue Johnson

23 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do if you want to have conversations about emotions with your partner, and all they want to do is talk about how they think about things? ...

193: How Mindfulness Can Ignite Passion - Buddha's Bedroom with Cheryl Fraser

15 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Remember that spark you had with your partner when you first met? Butterflies in your stomach. Constantly checking for a text message or call from the...

192: When Love Vanishes or Affairs Happen - What To Do? - Your Questions Answered

09 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do if your partner tells you that they don't love you anymore - or, maybe, that they think they never actually loved you? What are your ne...

191: How It All Fits Together with Keith Witt

01 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

With so many different potential approaches to helping your relationship, how do you choose the one that’s right for you? And how do you make sense ...

190: How to Truly Be Yourself in Your Relationship

23 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Are you worried that your partner might not like you for who you truly are? And if you notice that you've been not entirely "you" in your relationship...

189: From Disconnection and Loneliness to Aliveness and Intimacy - AEDP for Couples with David Mars

16 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How do you actually heal old attachment wounds in partnership - so you can create passionate, secure attachment with your partner? Today you’ll lear...

188: Don't Be A Victim of Attachment Theory

10 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We’re all talking about attachment style now, and how it relates to the way that we show up in relationship. It can be enlightening to learn about y...

187: More Love Less Conflict - Communication and Mindset Secrets with Jonathan Robinson

02 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wished that you and your partner could communicate better with one another and avoid conflict? Communication can feel very complex - but...

186: Getting to the Truth within You

27 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How do you figure out your truth? In a loud world full of distraction, chaos, and uncertainty, there's a simple way to get to the truth within you - t...

185: 20 Minutes a Week to Relationship Bliss - with Alicia Muñoz

19 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What if you had a way to improve your relationship in just 20 minutes per week? Working on your relationship doesn’t have to be heavy and time-inten...

184: Forget the Love Languages - Let's Talk about the Four Fear Languages

13 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The Five Love Languages only tell part of the story. It's just as important for you to understand the "Four Fear Languages" because they actually come...

183: Real-Life Skills for Getting the Love You Want - with Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix

05 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What if there were a guide written to help you not only communicate better with your partner, and experience love more deeply - but that would also he...

182: Is Variety a Spice or a Vice?

27 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We all share a need for variety in our lives. Without it, our lives can be tedious and boring. But sometimes, our quest for adventure and novelty can ...

181: Depression? What You Can Do with Michael Yapko

19 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Is depression affecting you or someone you love? What do we know about the best ways to overcome depression? And how can we mitigate the ways that it ...

180: Are You Truly Committed?

13 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Are you truly committed to your relationship, or is it possible that you’re only partly committed? How would you know? Or, perhaps you know that you...

179: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love with Julie and John Gottman

05 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What if you could have eight powerful dates that could totally transform the most important aspects of your relationship with your partner? Whether yo...

178: The New Monogamy: From Assumptions to Integrity with Tammy Nelson

29 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What does monogamy mean to you and your partner? Sometimes a couple will have a different definition of what monogamy is and that miscommunication can...

177: How To Get Past Your Resentment

22 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How is resentment affecting your relationship? Are you holding onto something from the past, or is there something that occurs again and again in your...

176: Healing Trauma and Attachment Injuries through Intimacy: AEDP with Diana Fosha

14 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever felt stuck, within yourself or within your relationship? Have you felt the effects of depression or anxiety as a result? You may know th...

175: What’s Keeping You From Changing?

07 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Did you make any New Year's resolutions? Every January 1st many of us make resolutions to make some changes in our lives. Whether it be to change some...

174: She Comes First: More Orgasms For Women with Ian Kerner

01 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What are some of the keys to helping a woman experience pleasure, and orgasms? If you’re a woman and you’re not having orgasms - and you want to b...

173: A Gift For You

25 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

What are some key things you can do to start off the new year in a way the improves your relationships? How can you take action without feeling overwh...

172: The Power of The Hold Me Tight Conversation with Sue Johnson

18 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

How can what we know about attachment and the power of our emotions, create deeper intimacy and resolve conflicts with your partner? In today’s epis...

171: Does your need to feel special keep you from connecting?

10 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We all want to be special, right? Being special, or important, the need to feel significant, is universal. But is it possible that your need to be spe...

170: Embodying Well-Being and the Lover Within: Zapchen - with Julie Henderson

03 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

How can you bring a new level of presence to your relationship? And what if this new level of presence could also help you find a sense of well-being ...

168: Practical Skills for Building Your Emotional Intelligence with Jordan Harbinger

20 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

How does your emotional intelligence help you develop a relationship with someone? Is your emotional intelligence something you can improve? And...wha...

167: How to Keep Assumptions from Eroding Your Relationship

13 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever found yourself making assumptions about how your partner will take care of you or show up for you? Do you assume they’ll do certain th...

166: Are You Addicted to Love and Relationships? - with Sherry Gaba

06 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever felt compelled to jump into a new relationship a little too quickly? Is it possible that you’re actually addicted to love and relation...

165: Should You Start Over with Someone New?

31 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

When is it time to start over with someone new? Isn't your next relationship going to be better, simply because you've learned what to look for in a n...

164: How Love Can Dissolve Conflict - Relationship Magic with Guy Finley

26 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

They say that love can conquer all - but how do you really tap into “the power of love” to resolve conflicts in your relationship? On top of that,...

163: A Surprising Way to Create More Generosity in Your Relationship - with Neil Sattin

18 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is the level of generosity that’s taking place in it. Today we’re going to uncover one of the bigge...

162: Pleasure, Touch, and The Wheel of Consent - with Betty Martin

12 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Would you like to open up your ability to experience pleasure? And to not only increase your capacity for pleasure, but to also ensure that everything...