Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
Episodes
‘Sorcha, I don’t need ChatGPT to tell me how to talk to my daughter and the girl she’s seeing’
17 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha asks me how I’m feeling and I tell her I’m in scintillating form – especially after the win over Sale yesterday. I’m half-thinking of d...
‘Potatoes au gratin? My old dear used to say they’re for people with money but no class’
10 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
“Come in,” she goes.This is Bernie I’m quoting – word for word, by the way – as in, like, Bernie the mother of Claire from, like, Bray of al...
We’re driving through Donnybrook and Sorcha shouts ‘Stop!’
03 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
“Stop!” Sorcha goes. Yeah, no, we’re driving through Donnybrook at the time. I generally slow down anyway as we’re passing the spot where Kiel...
‘Ross,’ Sorcha goes, ‘we’re not going to Dubai. We cancelled because of the war.’ I’m there, ‘What war?’ and I genuinely mean it
27 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
The airport is absolutely rammers and I’m in – it has to be said – scintillating form, so much so that Sorcha actually remorks on it. Hosted on ...
‘We’re losing, like, 32-0. The Blackrock first years are taking us aport’
20 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is actually happening? Yeah, no, you always try to think about worst case scenarios in your head – just...
‘I’m so full of myself this morning that I’m actually making myself sick’
13 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
This is me in my – yeah, no – absolute happy place. Castlerock College jersey with the collar popped. Rugby Tactics Book under my orm. The match a...
‘There you go with the school rivalry thing again. You need to move on’
06 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
So it’s, like, 11 o’clock on Sunday morning and I’m hord at work – albeit still in bed – making notes in my famous Rugby Tactics Book. Sorch...
‘The woman is as C as M – as my old dear used to say. Common as muck’
27 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
“Kicker!” the old man has the actual nerve to go. “To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more i...
‘How embarrassing is it for me to have three kids who are absolutely focking useless at rugby?’
20 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha says this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And it’s far from it. I could give her a list of 50 things, except I doubt if it would help my...
The words every south Dublin rugby parent dreads: ‘Dad, I want to join the drama society’
13 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
There’s no sugar-coating this one. We’ve been taken to the literally cleaners today. Yeah, no, beaten 45-10 by – and there’s easy way of sayin...
‘I’ve never said a word about Bray that wasn’t 100% warranted’
06 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
I’m like, “A what?” And Honor goes, “A double date. It’s cute.” I’m there, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Claire from Bray of all places–” Hos...
‘We’re getting rid of the cor. Right focking now’
30 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Joy Felton – yeah, no, one of our neighbours – is standing at the front gates as I swing the cor into the driveway and she nearly ends up with the...
‘What’s this about my old man being on the apps?’
23 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
A Prius pulls up at the next pump, just as I’m imagining what topics my pep talk would touch on, and suddenly I hear the driver say my name. She’s...
‘Dude, you’re going to have to choose between science and rugby’
16 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – I’m in the staffroom and I’m chatting to one or two teachers about the Leinster match against La Rochelle: Miss Casey, who tea...
‘There’s a Londis in Foxrock? I’d say my old dear is turning in her–’
09 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
I’m packing away the last of the Christmas bits and – yeah, no – I’m throwing out the Advent calendar that someone sent me obviously as a joke...
‘We’re going to run up the Sugar Loaf carrying rocks. Work through the pain barrier!’
02 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
“Okay,” I go, “today we’re going to work on one or two moves from this sacred text,” and I show the players my famous Rugby Tactics Book.The...
‘Elf went missing and Sorcha’s old man went loop-the-focking-loop. He actually rang the Gords’
19 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha’s old dear has a scream on her like Wayne Bornes’s whistle. Sorcha’s old man is like, “What in the name of God?” and we all rush into...
Christmas or no Christmas, I’m frankly disappointed by Sorcha’s lack of killer instinct
12 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“Mee, meh, mah, moh, moo,” Sorcha goes – and not for the first time since we left Dublin. “Mee, meh, mah, moh, moo.” And I’m there, “Don...
The old man goes, ‘I’m sorry. I just can’t muster any enthusiasm for Christmas this year’
05 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The old man says he doesn’t think he’ll bother with Christmas this year – “what with everything”. By which he means, what with it being the ...
‘We’re going to buy a sh**load of frozen turkeys - if there’s a shortage I can sell them for €500 each’
28 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha is in her – literally? – element. She goes, “This is gorgeous, isn’t it?” This being the humungous Christmas morket in – believe it...
‘Ronan is hanging out with the absolute scum of the earth: my old man and Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara’
21 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ronan shows up at the front door wearing a Santa hat and a big smile. I’m there, “What are you, drunk?” because I’m aware that the Ireland soc...
‘Dude, if you insist on coaching Blackrock, you can forget about me being your best man’
14 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Things have been a bit – yeah, no – strained between Christian and me ever since he got back with his ex-wife, Lauren. I told him straight out tha...
‘It’s all right for you,’ Honor goes. ‘You can have any woman you want’
07 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The front door slams and the entire orangerie – built without planning permission at the height of the Celtic Tiger – shakes to its foundations. S...
‘I don’t like who my son has become since he started playing rugby. He’s full of himself’
31 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The room is absolutely rammers and I’m listening outside the door as various randomers talk s, h, one, t, about me and my famous coaching methods. H...
‘There’s no such thing as academic-sporting balance. Not in schools that are serious about being winners’
24 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
There’s a meeting. That’s the big news of the day. I’m like, “What kind of a meeting?” And Fionn goes, “Ross, you’re not invited.” Hos...
This is my son now – north Dublin’s leading wine snob
21 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“Here, Rosser,” Ronan goes, pouring me a lorge glass of red, “get yisser laughing gear around that.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy fo...
‘I’m not going to call you Mister anything,’ I tell the deputy principal, and the boys all stort sniggering
10 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – the kids are all standing around me in a semi-circle and they’re, like, hanging on my every word. And I’m in my absolute eleme...
Honor’s date for the debs is a looker. She clearly takes after her old man in that regord
03 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha is up to pretty much 90. It’s the night of Honor’s debs and we’re all waiting for her date, Iarlaith – yeah, no, a girl – to arrive. ...
Ronan pours the wine and goes, ‘It’s a surprising little number with notes of candyfloss, anchovies and balsawood’
26 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The street in front of the restaurant is absolutely rammers and I spot quite a few familiar faces – we’re talking former government ministers, we’...
‘You were mugged in Dalkey? Things like that don’t happen there’
19 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha lets out a scream when she sees me. It reminds me of the time during the recession when her BT loyalty cord was downgraded from Platinum to Ele...
‘I didn’t do a tap in school and yet life worked out pretty well for me’
12 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
This is me in my absolute element. I’m there, “Rugby is a sport in which you travel forwards by going backwards, in which to succeed is to ‘try’...
‘The old man running a restaurant is like asking me to teach physics through Irish’
05 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha says she’s delighted for my old man. Yeah, no, as you may or may not have read in the pages of this paper, he and Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara h...
‘Rugby is the best idea we’ve ever come up with as a species,’ I go, channelling Fr Fehily
29 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It’s finally here. A day I’ve dreamt about for, like, 12 years. Brian, Johnny and Leo are storting school in Castlerock College, where their old m...
Sorcha goes, ‘The Dalkey Lobster Festival is this weekend. How am I going to show my face?’
22 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“I remember when you got your Leaving Cert results,” Sorcha’s old man goes. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you, Dorling.” H...
‘I think you should have a conversation with Honor about her drinking,’ Sorcha goes
15 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – we’re in the cor, on the way to the airport, to collect Honor, who’s coming home from her Leaving Cert holiday in, believe it ...
‘I got thrun out of Amedica,’ Ronan goes. ‘Me visa was revoked’
08 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So I’m walking around town with Ronan and – yeah, no – we’re playing a game we used to play when he was, like, eight years old: when we pass a...
When Honor drops the news, I sit there with my mouth open like someone from Roscommon seeing escalators for the first time
01 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha tells Honor that she’s leaving it very late.Honor’s like, “What are you talking about?”And Sorcha goes, “I’m talking about the debs...
The old dear made a seating plan for her own funeral. She didn’t want ugly people in the first three pews
25 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha says I can’t wear those.And I’m like, “My Dubes? What’s wrong with my Dubes?”She goes, “You can’t wear Dubes to a funeral, Ross. ...
I get this sudden flashback to when I was six or seven and I’d hold the wheel steady for the old dear while she drove home, half-cut
18 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“Okay,” the old man goes, “here’s another one you, Kicker!” because – yeah, no – he’s written a book of his Fifty Years of Letters to ...
The old dear goes, ‘Sorcha? I don’t know anyone of that name. Is she one of your tarts, Ross?’
11 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The room is absolutely rammers and through the door I spot so many faces from the past. We’re talking Angela and Dermot from the campaign to move Fu...
Oisinn goes, ‘Dude, you’re saying goodbye. You do realise that? You’re saying goodbye to your old dear’
04 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“What the fock?” Oisinn goes. “Are you serious?”I’m there, “Oh, I’m serious all right. I’m as serious as – well, you know what.”He...
Brett goes, ‘She’s close to the end, Ross. I was thinking we should arrange a living funeral for her’
27 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“He must have been in a fight last night,” Sorcha goes.And – yeah, no – she’s talking about my brother slash half-brother, Brett.I’m there...
I’m always telling Sorcha to tone down the southside when we come out to Bray but she never listens
20 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
I’m like, “Bray?”And Sorcha’s there, “Yes, Ross – Bray!”I’m like, “But why do we have to go to Bray?” sounding like a spoiled chil...
‘I haven’t really been living before now,’ Brett tells his wife. ‘Ross has slept with more than 800 women’
13 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So it’s, like, ridiculous o’clock on a Saturday morning – we’re talking nine, ten, something like that – and I hear a ring on the front door...
‘I’m not even a bit stressed,’ Honor goes, ‘I haven’t done a focking tap for these exams’
06 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha thinks we should maybe check on Honor and there’s an air of definite excitement in her voice when she says it? Yeah, no, it’s the night bef...
He obviously decided that he’d wasted his life, focusing on career, marriage and family goals
30 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha tells me that I need to do something and obviously, I’m like, “Er – as in?”Yeah, no, Angela – the wife of my brother slash half-broth...
We’ve been through so much. I slept with two of JP’s ex-girlfriends, and Christian’s actual mother and even that didn’t break us up
23 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“So this dude here,” Oisinn goes – and he means me, “he tucks the ball under his orm, beats five players and crosses the try-line under the po...
Honor goes, ‘People will talk about my speech for years to come. And that’s just in the libel courts’
18 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
My daughter is giving the valedictory at the Mount Anville graduation, and there’s a little something in it for everyone Hosted on Acast. See acast....
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘My old dear doesn’t have the embarrassment gene. It’s a South Dublin thing’
09 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – the old dear is in the swimming pool when we rock up to the nursing home, doing her – I don’t know – hydrotherapy exercises?...
Honor is staring at Brett like he’s an ATM and she’s sitting in a JCB, trying to work the levers
25 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Brett asks me what she was like when she was younger. I’m like, “Who?” He goes, “Our mother.” And it’s random because I’ve never thought...
‘That picture The Last Supper is weird. They’re all sitting on the same side of the table’
18 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – I grab a stick of Heinemite from the fridge and I ask Sorcha, “Who’s the kid in the bow tie?” The reason I ask is because I ...
Honor goes, ‘I’m editing the school yearbook photographs of anyone who pissed me off’
13 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Honor is sitting at her computer doing fock knows what? Although I’d be shocked if it was homework. I’m there, “Honor, I need you to brace yours...
‘Imagine no possessions. I wonder if you can,’ the old dear sings. Her earrings cost more than my cor
04 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
She’s sitting in the window of the, whatever you want to call it, nursing home, playing the piano – badly, I might add – and I get a sudden flas...
‘I most certainly do have an American accent,’ I tell my supposed half-brother. ‘I’m from south Dublin’
28 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
For, like, 30 seconds, I’m as quiet as Thomond Pork since 2019 and the dude ends up having to repeat himself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy...
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I hate my children too. Like, how could three kids of mine turn out to be such dicks?’
21 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So it’s, like, Paddy’s Day and me and the goys have arranged to go for our usual walk on Killiney Hill with the kids. They’re already waiting fo...
Most schools fear Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara like they would a typhoid outbreak
15 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Honor says she’s not worried. She says she couldn’t give two focks. But Sorcha’s like, “Well, you’d better give two focks. This is a serious...
I’m there to Honor, ‘You’ve never been good at school. I always thought you took after me’
07 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
“The fock is this?” I go. Yeah, no, I’m doing the morning school run, crawling up Trees Road in a procession of all-terrain vehicles, like an in...
‘I haven’t come here today to listen to you badmouth my mother – the axe-faced old trout'
28 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Conor Hession sits on the terrace, nursing a vodka lorge enough to put a grizzly bear to sleep. He’s like, “She was quite the most conniving, the ...
‘My old dear said you had a kid together. Well, I’m its half-brother. Or half-sister if it’s a girl’
21 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha rings me and there’s an air of, like, panic in her voice? She goes, “Ross, where are you?” Yeah, no, we’re in Portugal for midterm – ...
‘Only cheat with someone who’s married. It’s the principle of mutually assured destruction’
14 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha goes, “This is exciting, isn’t it, Ross?” because – yeah, no – we’re having dinner in Iguazu, a new hipster restaurant on Camden St...
‘I strip down to my boxers. I can always drive home commando. Wouldn’t be the first time’
07 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Dalisay says she’s in the pool. I’m like, “The pool?” “Yes,” she goes. “Your mother likes to swim every morning. Would you like to see h...
When Ronan was 10, I said, ‘I need to have the chat with you about sex.’ And he said, ‘What are you wanting to know, Rosser?’
31 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The Broken Orms is absolutely packed to the rafters for the engagement porty of Tina, the mother of my firstborn, to Tom, her fireman boyfriend, who f...
The dude goes, ‘The famous Rosser, what?’ looking me over like I’m a buffet item gone cold
24 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – I’m in Dunnes Stores in, like, the Stephen’s Green Shopping Centre, grabbing a few bits for Sorcha, who’s making a special d...
‘You wouldn’t last one day as a girl,’ Honor tells me
17 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Honor walks through the arrivals gate with a face as long as a wet weekend in Knock and I take it as read that the week in St Moritz was a bit of a le...
‘You’re both loved and feared, Honor – and I’m so proud’
10 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It would be an understatement to say that Honor was never the most popular girl growing up. As a matter of fact, on the very rare occasions when she w...
‘Why do you want to go disinterring the past, Ross?’
03 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The old man and Hennessy look a total state in their chef’s uniforms. Yeah, no, they’ve invited us all around to the old pair’s gaff for a New Y...
Sorcha is standing at the island with a boning knife in one hand and an espresso in the other, grinning at us like a serial killer
20 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So I’m, like, standing out on the balcony and – yeah, no – I’m vaping like a crazy person and I’m going, “Remember, goys, your old dear is...
The old dear goes, ‘I don’t want my vital work on the campaign Move Funderland to the Northside to die with me’
13 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The old dear smiles and I end up having to look away. I’m there, “Can you at least put your teeth in?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy fo...
‘I remember Past Ross thinking, you need to stort being nicer to Future Ross. He’s a genuinely good bloke’
08 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha says she knows me. She knows me inside-out. But I tell her that the Rossmeister General still has one or two surprises in his locker. Hosted on...
‘Sorcha, I’m wondering is climate justice maybe a bit above Santa’s pay grade?’
29 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – it’s that magical night of the year again when we all sit down as a family and write our letter to Santa Claus. We’ve the Bubl...
Sorcha goes, ‘I make no apologies for saying it, Honor. You are a danger to democracy’
22 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Honor is in an absolute fouler when she gets into the cor.I’m there, “Tough day at school?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more info...
When they see the copper, the triplets think it’s about them gobbing on the cauliflower and turmeric latte crowd - which I’m not even sure is a crime’
15 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There’s a Gorda cor bent around a lamppost and people are standing around looking shocked. Who could be responsible for this cornage? Hosted on Acas...
‘We’ve no idea what caused the fire. And we’re sticking to that story’
08 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha is flirting with the fireman while the focking house is on fire, but there’ll be focking war if she finds out about the fireworks Hosted on A...
‘People in the crowd are staring at Honor like she’s a cold sore on debs night’
01 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So I’m standing with Honor at the junction of Foster Avenue and the N11 and we’re watching people pass us by with agony, I don’t know, etched al...
‘The thought of booking a table for one at Shanahan’s on the Green got me through my prison sentence’
26 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara rings me. Which is a rare enough occurrence. On the four, maybe five, occasions it’s happened, it’s been to ask me to re...
JP is staring at me like I’ve said I’m really enjoying his old dear’s OnlyFans account
18 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
JP says Chloe is writing a novel based on her college days. He’s like, “She’s hoping to do for DBS what Sally Rooney did for Trinity.” Hosted ...
‘A threesome?’ Sorcha goes. ‘Why would you think I’d be into having a threesome?’
11 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha asks if the beef is from a regenerative form and I end up having to look away. Seriously, you can’t bring her anywhere. Hosted on Acast. See ...
‘Things have changed since you were at school, Sorcha,’ the old man goes. ‘We recognise that traditional media is our enemy now’
04 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hennessy, the old man and Honor are sitting around the island, looking as thick as thieves. Which is exactly what they are. Hosted on Acast. See acast...
The competition gets under way. The entrants are each told to remove a sock and put it in the pint glass in front of them
30 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Driving through the gates of University College Dublin (UCD) brings back one or two memories. Not that I spent much time in the place when I...
‘Your father is a moral eunuch, Ross. Those aren’t my words. That was a main finding of the Mahon tribunal’
20 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So we’re in Morton’s of Ranelagh, doing the big shop, when we run into Rebecca Leahy, the old dear of Honor’s classmate Diva Leahy. Actually, sh...
The porty invitations were returned with the words, ‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly? Are you focking kidding me?’
13 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I‘ve always worried about Honor – from the time she emerged from her mother’s womb and gave a “fock you” look to the midwife who slapped her...
A lot of things are storting to make sense, including the violin case Leo carries around with him like a Chicago gangster
06 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Leo’s music teacher, Mrs Gordon, says that Leo has a genuine gift for music and I’m thinking that I need this like Ranelagh needs more launderette...
‘Our daughter is nothing like Donald Trump, Sorcha – aport from the tan and the vengefulness’
30 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s, like, the first day back at school for Honor and she eats her muesli with the quiet, steely-eyed intensity of me doing my traditional 500 sit-...
Sorcha knows my game. She can read me like the instructions on an airplane vomit bag
23 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s true what they say – travel really does broaden the mind. And even though I’ve never seen the point of having loads of knowledge in my head...
It’s a miracle Sorcha’s old man has never killed me, though he did buy me a plot in Shanganagh Cemetery for my 40th
16 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Sorcha says this is the worst thing I’ve ever done to her. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done to her. It’s not even in the top 10. But I ...
‘Are you aware that your children are Protestants now?’
09 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So — yeah, no — Oisínn has landed himself an unbelievably cushy job. As a matter of fact, I have to ask him to repeat himself because I presume I...
How do you become a Protestant? ‘You have to drink the blood of a Sussex chicken on Dalkey Island under a gibbous moon’
03 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Alice says that was a very interesting reading by me the other morning. She says she’s never heard the story of the Prodigal Son told in that way be...
Honor has picked a theme for her year as Mount Anville head girl: ‘Vengeance’
26 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I’ve never been one of those parents. You know the kind I’m talking about. Their kid does a poo for the first time sitting on a toilet and they’...
‘Protestants are not that much different from us. I mean, they’re definitely less craic, but they get sh*t done’
19 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I’m not usually one of those, what I like to call Flat White Wankers, but that’s what I’m drinking this morning, sitting outside the Happy Out C...
‘What’s on offer,’ she goes, smiling, ‘is eternal life,’ and I do believe she’s flirting
12 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Leo is the first of us to get restless. He goes, “Oh my God, this is so boring!” and this is in the middle of the Protestant equivalent of, like, ...
‘Ross, it’s not just a case of filling out a form and – hey, presto – you’re a Protestant’
05 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If getting Brian, Johnny and Leo into a new school means changing my religion and getting up on Sunday mornings, then I’ll do it Hosted on Acast. Se...
Honor goes, ‘I was into Taylor Swift before, like, anyone?’
28 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Christian is sitting at our usual table in 3fe on Sussex Terrace and I can tell instantly that something is up. When you’ve played ten to someone’...
Sorcha goes, ‘You had an erotic dream – about my mom?’
21 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So I’m in the cor with Sorcha and we’re on the way to Clonskeagh to collect Brian, Johnny and Leo from school. Yeah, no, they’re finishing up to...
Sorcha refuses to meet my eye. And I don’t blame her – setting up her own daughter like this
14 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s the old Jonny Bell that hits me first – a combination of bacon, cheese and Tom Ford Portofino that comes wafting up the stairs and under the ...
‘I want it gone, Ross. I want you to get it lasered off’
07 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So – yeah, no – I’m mowing the back gorden with my top off again, portly to showcase the work I’ve been doing in the gym since the stort of Ja...
Honor and Liesel are both smiling and it’s like driving towards a cor with its lights on full beam. I end up having to turn away
31 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The school concert hall is absolutely rammers this afternoon. We’re talking, like, 1,000 students and parents crammed between the walls to hear the ...
‘Goys – it’s time that I got the tattoo’
24 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It’s Friday afternoon in London, the day before the European Champions Cup final. We’ve spent the last three hours talking about our favourite mem...
‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?
17 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So I’m driving along Vico Road – one of the bits of the road where two cors can barely pass – when I notice a black SUV coming towards me at spe...
‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’
10 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “what is she doing?” Yeah, no, she’s talking about Honor, who’s smiling so hord that it looks like someone has j...
Can’t a father and son go for a pint without there being some, I don’t know, anterior motive?
03 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
So it’s, like, Friday night and I’m having the usual pints with the goys in The Bridge. Dave Kearney asks how we’re getting on with a big smirk ...