Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Honor is only running for Mount Anville head girl to downgrade her old dear’s greatest life achievement

27 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The old man steps into the kitchen with a Montecristo the size of a rolled-up yoga mat burning between his fat fingers. Sorcha storts coughing – her...

‘There’s a video of me doing the rounds on this famous Tick Tocks dot com’

22 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

How quickly the years go by. That’s what I’m thinking as I’m taking the right turn at Donnybrook Bus Depot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/priva...

‘You should be ashamed of yourselves! We’re old enough to be your parents and we’ve taken you to three sets!’

12 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I had my nightmare again last night, the one where I have a one-night stand with Taylor Swift and then I ghost the girl and she ends up writing 15 or ...

‘If you play that match, Ross, our marriage is over’

08 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha is upset. I totally get that? But I haven’t seen her over-react like this since I ate a tin of macadamias from the hotel mini-bor o...

‘You are not having a hort attack! I’m not allowing it!’

29 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Réaltín smiles. Which might well be a first for her. Yeah, no, we’re in Baldoyle of all places, playing Thor Frimann and Lisa Murray – the reign...

‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’

22 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I tell Honor that I’m proud of her.I’m there, “Obviously, I don’t mean that literally?” because all she’s actually done is spend her Paddy...

Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly still rankles Heaslip

15 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I’m the first to arrive. I order a pint of the obvious and I do a quick circuit of the place. There’s no one here yet, even though I said eight o’...

‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school’

08 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.“Ross?” the dude goes, pulling a face at me across the net. “Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?” Hosted ...

‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’

01 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha asks me straight out if I’m having an affair.I’m like, “Why would you even think that?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more...

Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderly loved one

23 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I haven’t seen Honor look this angry since the time she spear-tackled a woman who tried to cheat her out of first place in the sack race at the Cast...

Sorcha goes, ‘I don’t need a 26-old copy of Cosmopolitan to tell me that I married the wrong man’

16 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha says she’s sorry and I’m there, “Hey, it’s cool,” even though I’ve no idea what she’s even apologising for?She goes, “Oh my God...

Our daughter came out of the womb with two middle fingers raised to the world. That’s not down to us

10 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

“If some wooden comes at you with a shank,” Ronan goes, “grab them be the wrist and twist it, then hit them at the base of the nose with the hee...

'I’ve got my top off, and Réaltín’s looking at me like my old man turning his nose up at cheap steak'

02 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

So I’m shaking hands with Hugh and Marie Atcheson after our latest victory in the Leinster Padel Championships and the famous Réaltín – as in, l...

‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly is not the victim. She is a highly intelligent young woman from a privileged background’

26 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Honor pretends to sneeze, but instead of ‘achoo!’ she goes ‘fock you!’ to the prosecution barrister Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for...

‘How could the child of a mother who puts the mental into environmental action grow up with a moral compass?’

19 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

So Honor is lying on her bed, her nose stuck in her phone, presumably trolling people on social media, when I tell her that Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara ...

'She’s hord work, my new padel portner. But the girl fascinates me. She’s like a female me'

15 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Réaltín and I have an intuitive understanding that only great lovers, or an out-half and his inside-centre, could fully understand Hosted on Acast. ...

‘Ross, this was my sliding doors moment. And I made the wrong choice’

05 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha has made an alarming discovery during her annual New Year’s Day clear-out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘The Leopardstown Races, eh, Ross? A great way to blow off the old cobwebs after Christmas!’

29 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Leopardstown on Stephen Zuzz Day is a tradition for the O’Carroll-Kelly men Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Honor is like, ‘There’s no chocolate Kimberleys left,’ and that’s when I end up suddenly losing my sh*t

22 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s three days before the big day and Cornelscourt is like the Battle of the Bastards scene from Game of Thrones Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pri...

‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’

15 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha wants to make our own Christmas tree out of books this year. I think she’s been at the eggnog Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more...

‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’

08 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We’re off to give my godson Ross Junior his Christmas present, but his old dear will already be in a fouler at the thought of me coming. Hosted on A...

‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’

01 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We’re doing the usual volunteering at the annual Christmas fete and this year we’ve been put on toilet-cleaning duties as a punishment Hosted on A...

‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’

24 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

“If we do this,” she goes, “my husband can’t find out about it. Under any circumstances?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more in...

I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?

17 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Or is Sorcha standing at the end of the bed, wearing the Tory Burch tennis whites she bought last summer to watch Wimbledon?She’s like, “Are you r...

Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusional

10 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s the Killiney and Dalkey Combined Christmas Fete meeting, and we’re about as welcome as a snot-nosed kid in a bridal shop Hosted on Acast. See...

‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’

03 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

“Sur! Prise!” we all go.But the old man – standing at the bottom of the stairs in Shanahan’s on the Green – barely raises a smile. Hosted on...

‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’

27 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I’m there, “I have a bad feeling about this.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’

27 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s a sad day. Everyone agrees. Not as sad – hand on hort – as Ireland losing to the All Blacks last weekend. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/p...

‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’

13 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So we’re in Corcoran’s on the famous Boulevord de Clichy – we’re talking me, Christian, JP, Oisinn and Fionn – and I’m telling the goys wh...

‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’

06 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I’m there, “I’d be in Paris now if things had been different,” and when I say different, I mean if my daughter hadn’t been chorged with 277 ...

‘I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset - and given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement’

29 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset? And given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement. She’s literally shaking with rage and whatever ...

‘Dad, you need to ask yourself what do you want to be – a rugby fan or a good father?’

22 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I love a crowd. Yeah, no, that’s as true of me now as it was back in my days as the best number 10 in the history of Irish schools rugby and the goy...

Some things are more important than family. Rugby happens to be one of them

19 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So I wake up in the hotel in Nantes to find a letter on my bedside table, which turns out to be from – yeah, no – my old man? Hosted on Acast...

‘There’s no caps for your so-called matches against Mexico and, I don’t know, Guava Larva. I made the entire thing up’

08 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The old man is as excited as I’ve seen him since the members of Elm Pork Golf Club voted to name the lateral water hazard on the 12th hole “the Ch...

‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’

01 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha is tense. Yeah, no, for her, the first day back after the school holidays is like the first day of the Six Nations for me. In other words, a ma...

‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goes

25 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The old man looks surprisingly well for a man who’s been banged up for, like, a week and a bit. I’m sitting in the visiting room when he walks in ...

I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes

18 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes – he’s Chorles O’Carrroll-Kelly, for fock’s sake – but...

Camino Royale: the final exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book

17 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is the final exclusive excerpt from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out today Thursday, August 17th. Hosted on Acast. See ac...

Camino Royale: the second exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book

16 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is the second of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on...

Camino Royale: an exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly book

15 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is the first of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on ...

‘Honor, there has to be a better way of trying to save the planet than this’

12 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha is sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop open and a pleased-with-herself smile that I recognise from the Mount Anville Class of 1998 gr...

Dude, you’re not allowed to just, like, shoot seagulls

04 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – we’re out in the old man’s boat in the middle of Dublin literally Bay, we’re talking me, the old man and Hennessy, and like ...

Father and son. From the same city. And we might as well be a donkey talking to a parrot

28 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So it’s, like, ten o’clock on a Friday night and Ronan’s at the front door. He goes, “How are you fixed for the Oddle Arelint football fidal o...

‘We caught the so-called SUV avenger tonight, in the actual act!’

14 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha smiles warmly at me – an event so rare that it’s actually worth mentioning. “I’m so proud of our daughter,” she goes. “She’s turn...

People like us don’t get embarrassed. That’s how we’ve ended up where we are in life

07 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The old man rings me at, like, two o’clock in the afternoon and goes, “Ross! You’re not busy, are you?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy...

‘What if the SUV Avenger turned out to be your daughter, Sorcha?’

30 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “they’ve struck again!”I’m there, “What are you talking about? As in, like, what the fock?” Hosted on Acast....

The SUV Avenger has slashed the tyres on Sorcha’s cor

24 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – we’re at the recycling centre with a boot full of empty cans and bottles from a recent borbecue to celebrate Sorcha’s 43rd bir...

‘Bloomsday is God’s way of telling middle class people they have too much time on their hands’

16 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I’m standing outside the famous Galloper on the Stillorgan dualler when Ronan rocks up. He’s as surprised to see me as I am to see him? Hosted on ...

There’s nothing like the school sports day to get the old competitive juices flowing

09 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I have to confess to getting a bit carried away, and I stort shouting things like, ‘Eat it up, you pack of losers!’ at the other moms and dads Hos...

‘I want to have – oh my God – everything done?’ Honor goes. ‘My chin, my nose, my forehead, my lips’

02 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Honor has been walking around under a bit of a cloud ever since a dude by the name of Jonah – Wesley College, before you ask – friend-zoned her. ...

‘What does Patrick Kielty have that I don’t?’ asks the old dear

26 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There’s no mystery as to why they chose Kielty for the Late Late. He’s not 76 years old. His bodily organs didn’t come from a black morket docto...

The old man is a focking embarrassment at rugby matches

20 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The old man is on the phone, shouting at me in his usual all-caps voice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The two of them are staring at me like this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. It’s not even in the top 10

12 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So we’re at a dinner in the famous Rochestown Lodge in – let’s be honest here – Sallynoggin, to raise money for the Seapoint Rugby Club U-8s T...

Honor says Joshua just wants to be friends. Better than nothing I say, but I hate lying to the girl

05 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Honor goes, ‘It’s because I’m not good-looking.’ I’m there, ‘Looks aren’t important, Honor,’ and I’ve no idea where I’m pulling th...

I’m the father of a 15-year-old girl. I think, by this stage, I’ve earned the right to embarrass her?

28 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

He’s, like, standing right in front of the gaff, staring at his phone. I throw open the front door and I’m like, “Whatever you’re selling, foc...

‘I’ve been polyamorous since the late 1990s’

21 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

People talk about polyamory like it’s a new thing. I’ve been polyamorous since the late 1990s. It’s just that I’ve never told my wife. Hosted ...

Here we are on the roof of the house, vaping away to our horts’ content

14 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I know they say it’s not good for your health but my relationship with Honor has never been better Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more i...

The old dear arrives at the door, smelling like a distillery tour, asking to see her granddaughters

11 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

She has so much filler in her face that she looks like she’s had herself embalmed to save us the trouble when she finally pops it. Hosted on Acast. ...

We’re a father and daughter vaping away to beat the band, properly bonding

31 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If everybody is doing something how bad can it be, Ross thinks, as he submits to peer pressure from his daughter and discovers vaping Hosted on Acast....

I’m 43. Andy Farrell would want to be pretty focking desperate for a 10 to pick me

27 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The old dear rings me and asks me to meet her for Sunday lunch in some, I don’t know, random Italian restaurant in Ranelagh. Hosted on Acast. See ac...

What a day . . . I’ll just send a quick congrats text to Johnny Sexton

21 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The final whistle blows and I burst into tears. The greatest day of my life? It’s definitely up there. People bang on about the birth of their child...

Girls, if Johnny Sexton was here, he’d tell you – you are never, ever beaten

17 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The big Castlerock College versus Newpork Comprehensive showdown has arrived Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Now I’m doing something that I never do, doubting myself

10 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When his ‘back me or sack me’ move backfires, Ross is left in a mild depression having lost his job as the coach of Castlerock College girls rugby...

I want this school to be a conveyor belt of women’s rugby talent

03 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Rossmeister General finds out about the ‘deleterious effect’ rugby is having on academic and behavioural standards among girls at school Hoste...

I’ve ended up on a poster for adult incontinence treatment on a gable wall in, like, Ranelagh

24 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Only the crookedest lawyer in Ireland can get me out of this contract I accidentally signed with a modelling agency Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pri...

I’m getting the tattoo of J-Lowe, a late 40th birthday present to myself

17 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s, like, Monday morning and I’ve taken the boys for a haircut – or, to be more, I don’t know, pacific, I’ve dumped them in the borber’s...

One day, there’s going to be a Leinster Schools Senior Cup… for girls!

10 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – the girls have been working unbelievably hord in training, which is why I’ve arranged a little surprise for them. I tell them to...

I’m surrounded by people who keep me grounded. I wish they’d focking stop

03 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

“Oh my God,” Honor goes, “you’re not actually wearing that, are you?”And by that she means my black, Canterbury elite protection body ormour...

Sixmas is what I call the Six Nations Championship – the most wonderful time of the year

30 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I go, “Twas the week before Sixmas, and all through the class, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse!” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for...

Would I have to take my top off for any of these jobs? That wouldn’t be an issue for me

20 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – I’m in Cinnamon in Monkstown, getting all excited about Sixmas, which is only, like, two weeks away now. I’m writing out my st...

If women’s rugby is ever going to be treated seriously, they’ll have to embrace the whole obnoxiousness thing

13 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

They stagger out onto the pitch in two or three different huddles, their orms folded against the cold of a horrible January morning.I’m there, “We...

I silently curse myself for giving St Michael’s College credit that they don’t deserve

06 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

No less a judge than the great Jerry Flannery once described me as “one of Ireland’s greatest thinkers” – and even though it was in the course...

‘You put the focking Quality Street, the focking Roses and the focking Celebrations in the same bowl!’

23 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The old dear is drinking a Baileys with her dental plate out and I don’t think I’ll ever have another amorous thought in my life. The old man rais...

'I’m having a slash when in walks Santa, and all my Christmases come at once'

16 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

So I’m standing at the trough in The Queens in Dalkey, having a much-needed slash, when I hear a voice beside me go, “Is that the famous Ross O’...

It’s the Castlerock College mince pie-eating contest, and Leo is stepping up to the plate

09 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The Castlerock College Christmas Fete has always been a massive event in the O’Carroll-Kelly social calendar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy...

‘I’m not having a Terenure College Christmas tree in the house’

02 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

“Corlow?” Sorcha goes – clearly worried about me. “Why on earth do you want to drive all the way Corlow for a Christmas tree when we can buy o...

'Honor isn’t for everyone. She takes after her old man in that regord'

25 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Hey, as I always say, it’s better to be someone’s shot of tequila than everyone’s cup of tea. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more i...

The neighbours have visions of the Vico Road turning into Morbella

18 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – I’m in, like, the gorden, throwing the old Gilbert around with Brian, Johnny and Leo, except we can’t complete three passes wi...

‘Schoolbooks shmoolbooks ... I didn’t do a tap at school and look at me’

11 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The school concert hall is absolutely rammers and the walls are pretty much vibrating with the sound of people being – as we say on this side of the...

‘Newpork is famous for kids with pierced lips...They don’t even care about rugby’

08 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Anyone who follows the Letters to the Editor page in this newspaper will be aware of my old man’s thoughts on the subject of girls slash women playi...

'It’s Halloween week and we’re living in a house that’s, like, haunted – literally'

28 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I end up pretty much not sleeping for, like, five nights straight. And I know Honor is exactly the same. I’m there, “Can you just explain to me ag...

'I’ve been shocked by the change that has come over my daughter since we moved to Terenure'

21 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

She’s quiet, cranky and liable to explode in a rage at the least provocation. Mind you, she’s been like that since she emerged from her old dear’...

'Already I feel like I’ve created a team in my image – in other words, winners'

14 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

“Ross O’Carroll-Kelly!” a voice behind me goes. “It is you, isn’t it?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

'I’m a big believer in overpraising my children. Never did me any horm as a kid'

07 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha is unpacking her collection of Lladro figurines from a cordboard box. She says she’s worried about Honor.I’m like, “Honor? In terms of wh...

'Honor storts screaming at the top of her lungs. But no one hears her. Because mine are louder'

30 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

So I’m in, like, Dundrum Town Centre with Honor and we’re racing for the lift slash elevator before the doors close. There’s, like, eight or nin...

'Ronan is a – what’s the word – Republican? As in, he’s got the names of the whole crew from 1915 tattooed on his upper orm'

23 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Claire from Bray of all places says the miniature Scotch eggs are – oh my God – divine? Sorcha says the secret is to fold some Worcestershire sauc...

'The girls are staring at me in just, like, awe – they’re ready to learn from the master'

16 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I’m like, “Okay, listen up, everyone,” spinning a rugby ball in my hands and – to be honest? – loving the way my voice sounds right now. Ho...

‘Just because I’m a serial liar doesn’t mean that I can’t be trusted’

09 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Lauren — as in, like, my best friend Christian’s wife? — has never been my number one fan. There are many reasons for that. For storters, she wo...

‘How much would it mean to the girls storting school here to have the legendary Ross O’Carroll-Kelly teaching them rugby?’

02 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It’s, like, the first day of the school year and we’re standing outside the gates of Castlerock College. Although it would be more accurate to say...

‘Sorcha Lalor, you were the best Dalkey Lobster Festival Queen we ever had’

26 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

There are – I think we’d all agree? – some great events in the South Dublin social calendar. There’s, like, the Dublin Horse Show. There’s t...

I’m lying by the pool, doing my daily sit-ups with my top off, when I hear Honor go, ‘Oh, for fock’s sake! Not these two focking clowns!

19 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The weather in — yeah, no — Portugal has been so good that Sorcha has been suffering the big-time guilts over the future of what she calls our pla...

‘Pissing in a swimming pool is a bit like farting at Mass. The trick is to squeeze it out quietly’

13 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It’s a cracking day in Quinta do Lago — but then aren’t they all? I’m having my first piña colada of the morning because I drank way too much...

What are the girls in Mount Anville going to say when they find out you’re living in a housing estate?

06 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

A well-appointed property,” Sorcha goes, reading from the bumf, “set in the hort of one of South Dublin’s most sagacious suburbs. Oh my God, I l...

I look fantastic for a man of 42, abs like speed bumps and pecs like bay windows

29 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

So – yeah, no – I’m in the gym in Riverview, trying to get myself beach body-ready for Quints in the middle of August. Today is orms day and I’...

‘No focking way. I’m not breaking into the dude’s office’

22 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The old man has a Cohiba the size of a Wavin pipe wedged between his teeth and I end up having to open the window so I don’t die of smoke inhalation...

‘I wonder sometimes are these kids definitely mine’

15 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Ireland are playing the All Blacks but Sorcha has planned a family weekend to Center Parcs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informatio...

Our daughter is completely devoid of human feeling

08 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It’s here — as in, like, the big day? Honor has reached the final of the Joshua Pim Shield and it’s the most excitement Glenageary has seen sinc...

Noah is graduating from creche. (Who the fock is Noah?)

01 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Sorcha asks me if I’m ready and I tell her – yeah, no – I think so? I’ve got my Rugby Tactics Book on the coffee table, twenty-four sticks of ...

Sometimes you have to break the Mount Anville code

24 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

“Daddy long-legs,” Leo goes, pointing at quite literally nothing. “It’s a focking daddy long-legs.”I’m like, “For the fifteenth time, Le...

‘You didn’t think I was going to sit back and watch you allow girls into this school, did you?’

17 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

“Ross,” Fionn tries to go, “you can’t keep turning up at the school like this.”And I’m like, “Who says so?” sitting down opposite him ...