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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
This is an ABC podcast.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, jet ski loons looking for a picnic to splash and fat tyre e-bike rodeo clowns creating untold mayhem on footpaths across the nation. Our great code stands on the precipice of international sporting greatness. So, with soul in the shorts, feeling in the feet, and joy in the jumper, it's time to bump, it's time to thump, it's time to sink the slipper.
Let's pull the cord on the Evinrude two-stroke and set off for the far horizon. It's another blast of bludgeoning on the blindside with the master of midfield mayhem, rampaging Roy Slavin, and the man with a fistful of bait and burly, Captain Flathead, H.G. Nelson.
Yes, TF Much, Cedric Esmond, Sump AO, aka The Drain, trotting the blind side of blue paper for another week. Yes, it's the familiar sound of the sumpster camped in the ABC soundproof booth here on ABC Local Radio for another section of ABC Spot, including ABC Rapid, ABC Fish News and ABC Weather Reports. Hello, Australia.
HG Nelson lifting the lid on another magnificent week of consenting concussion magic. Oh, what a week. What a week. What an incredible week. A week when too much sport is barely enough. And look, I'm stumped by looking for superlatives, you know, in this show. I try to avoid them. But look, it is a super sad day. We've had a run of super sad days. That's all I can say. We're blessed.
We're so lucky to be living in this time. It is what it is. It's another super sad day. I can't build it up. You'll be listening to it. You'll discover that it's just a super Saturday. I can't do more than that to encourage you to stick with the concept of super and Saturdays and sport. Ah, bludgers. Remember, this is the trip of a lifetime and it just gets better and better each week.
And so did the greatest game of all. What a week. The scores tell one story, but the game once again is chock-a-block full of creatures crawling from the Black Lagoon with plot lines groaning with sickening horror scenarios and more nude stiffs turning up under the black dot than you can poke a stick at. That's a fact. A proven fact, but nothing stretches.
Nothing yet stretches the bounds of good taste or plausibility in season 2026. The St. George miracle. The miracle we have talked about for weeks. You know the story. You've been there every step of the way with us. The sacking of Coach Flanagan. The new centre of excellence in Wollongong. The record run of outs. One hand on the 26th spoon. The story as modern as tomorrow.
It was all put into perspective at this stunning demolition to the Broncos. last Sunday at Suncorp. The tune, if you don't mind, Super Jesus, Red V, Machine 30, Broncos 26. And you can have your extra stout back now, Super Jesus. Thanks very much for popping in, in the suit, the Spider-Man suit, or the you-know-what-I-mean suit, and doing those numbers for us.
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Chapter 2: What are the highlights of the week in sports?
I can't do it for them. All I can do is make suggestions, which I have. By the way, BRS turned up at the Brisbane Rooms post Hooter, a move that, wait for it, piqued my interest, piqued my interest and piqued the interest of many in various quarters of Rugby League.
Not sure what I make of this, but anything that submits the concept that Rugby League is war, remember Anzac Day is now synonymous with Rugby League, is great. And getting BRS there, sadly, he wasn't togged up. But either in the Broncos colours or the khaki.
But, you know, it was just a little extra button with these TV rights looming and everything needs to be pointed in that direction of a record number for the TV rights to rugby league. In passing, I did notice... in ripping things from the tissues, that the US Defence Secretary, Hegseth, has given the thumbs up to the moves by Australia to step up in the regional defence space.
He's clocked the developments with the pirates and the whole Bunnings Island infrastructure concept and has approved. He has filled out into Asia... He said the feel-out into Asia, should I say, into Asia, including the Kifusi line, the Taiwanese oysters, the Biak pythons, are all aimed at curbing Chinese aggressions in the Pacific.
And he rates this defence strategy, wait for it, on a par with AUKUS. only much more effective. Remember, the 20-team competition is lurking around the corner. Elsewhere, the men of Horn made a statement out front of the Rubble Central with a big win over the men in the Leather Chaps. Those numbers on the agony stick, Eric, if you can put down the milk stout. Sticky Steelers, 26. Cows, 12.
And the Bulldogs, after looking great for a weekend, succumbed to the Tigers' roar at Combate last Sunday, I think. Churned Stripes with Teeth, 22. Honkers, 16. Oh, look, don't get me started on the Tigers. I'll be here all day. It was a long, silent drive from the back home to the kennel from Parramatta for the Blue and White Army.
In post due to fallout, dog coach Serraldo sent an email to head office asking for the clown in charge to take a squiz at some of the refereeing howlers in the loss. to the Tigers. No evidence yet that anyone in head office can read or even knows where the laptop on switch is located. And those sharks at home in the House of Mould wiped out the eagle smile off the fish-eating dial.
Melody, if you don't mind, Dirty Cool. Shark Week Heroes, 28. Foz Ballers, 22. Post-Hooda, Coach Fozzie signed a three-year contract extension at Four Pines. The local venue will be now known as Foz Pines Park. Very, very funny. And approval week is a very long time in football. Thursday night at...
Foss Pines Park, the Eagles would put away, you know, put away the fellows in fur, that is Souths, 28 to 14. Things can change very, very quickly. One day zeros, next day heroes. Incidentally, isn't that shark show great on television? I didn't realise how great it'd be.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the recent Rugby League matches?
They'll move in ladder order, setting off along Collie Terrace to Anzac Highway, then wheel right straight up the highway left into West Terrace before swinging right into Gooja Street between the Hurricurry and the Golf World Adelaide before pulling up in Victoria Square where the Festival of Footy will be in full swing.
15 bands will keep the march in step and taking the salute out front of the Keswick barracks will be the current Brownlow medalist in full strip. And in one of those weird hands across the codes moment, the security for the march will be provided for. Wait for it. by the Rugby League Police, a contingent of Rugby League Police on secondment to the AFL. It's a great development.
It's going to get applause all around them. Once they see the police uniforms up top and the playing shorts and boots downstairs, they'll say, why haven't we got that in the AFL? And it won't be long before they do. And I know Junior Paolo will acquit the police force incredibly when the march steps off. World game. And Australia could be on the cusp of its best world campaign ever.
Never mind the 1-0 loss to Mexico in a friendly out front of 75,000 fans. Everything is on for, well, is on track for Coach Popper's campaign to push deep into the competition. Reinforcements have come in from Italy and they're ready to go. Popper's suggested five players to keep an eye on, Volpardo, Yengi, Harrington, Sakadi and Toure.
Gaff thinks the young Aussie stars are cup winners with Graham Arnold's Iraq their main danger. That's some line of... talent and, you know, success. Iraq's our main danger. Now, because, let's face it, Graham will have them tuned up in the Australian manner, you know, that Route 1 stuff, big head on the end of the ball, everybody thinking, big dukes, where is he? Here he is, et cetera.
American media, incidentally, are writing off the Socceroos, saying they don't deserve to be in the competition. All I can say is typical, just wait and see. Now, but there's a real waft of hitting about this 2026 shebang. Most pundits think our best chance is to make, our best chance ever to make the group of 32, mainly because it's the first time there's been a group of 32.
But the pool match card... Australia v. Turkey, yay. Sunday, the 14th of June at Vancouver at BP Place. That's a beautiful playing surface there. I don't know if you've had a chance to see it. It's just the ball rolls. It's just magnificent. Very true playing surface.
Then we're on to against the USA, who I'm, you know, let's face it, they're the D, I was going to say the dead shit team, and they won't take long before we knock them over and put them right in their place.
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Chapter 4: How is the World Cup of food being introduced?
Anyway, Saturday, June the 20th in Seattle at Lumen Field. Could be wet. But I think our team is, you know, obviously, you know, trained for conditions. I mean, it's going to be scorlingly hot some places, going to be freezing cold in others. I mean, it's that sort of stuff. Anything that goes from Canada all the way to Mexico is going to encounter odd weather.
And then the final one is Australia v Paraguay during the 26th Santa Clara at the Levi's Stadium. Now, that's near their home base. that particular one. The team are based at Oakland, California, for the Cup, utilising the facilities of, wait for it, the Oakland Roots and Souls Sports Club Alameda.
Don't know much about the Roots and Sports Club Alameda, but I've got an idea of what music they'll be playing in the night, well, in the small hours of the evening. A camp, you know, that will bring back many memories for those who can, you know, recall 2026 of Kaiserslautern. when, you know, Hoop Denton or Dink, sorry, Dink, and obviously Hughes held sway.
Still with the World Game, Arsenal won the Premier League a week or so ago and there was a massive parade through the streets of North London last weekend. Some estimates suggested two million fans turned up to cheer on the EPL heroes. But the weekend also saw the UEFA Cup Champions League final in the Puskas Arena in Budapest.
This was decided on penalties with PSG winning 4-3 in the shootout phase of the Wies. The French fans celebrated the win by turning on a riot. And in a nutshell, the difference between England and France. While thinking of the World Game, international sporting news, the Russians are coming. Yes, the Russians are coming, turning up for the Water Polo World Cup at Sydney Olympic Park in July.
And I just hope they've read the room. I just hope both organisers and the contingent of water poloists from Russia have read the room. Blindsided, stand well back and let the hounds see the hustle. See the hustle and the lure as we welcome to ABC Sport and ABC Local Radio a man who's passionate about Australian small business. And remember, this cobber, he's no dobber.
Before letting him off the leash to savage the pavlova, a reminder that the Bludge is fully committed to telling Australian stories of marketing, promotion and sales and success. The can't wait man is standing by to take us through it. Obviously, this great Australian contributes today on the condition of complete anonymity. I stress again, no one's got to know who it is. Rampaging Roy Slavin.
Can I get the bludgeoning bunny in motion for another week by asking what highlights caught your restless eye in the past set of seven? 4K HD, large language model, machine learning, AI encrypted. Bubble jabber. Yes. Thank you very much, HG Nelson. Of course, happy Rugby League, HG, to you and, of course, to your family.
And happy Rugby League to all Aussies who are comfortable in their Aussie skins with solid, considered, forthright, fair go, decent Aussie values and whose first thought is always, how can I help, mate? That's Aussies. If you need help, turn to an Aussie. So true. So true.
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Chapter 5: What is the concept of a World Cup food show?
With this show, we're talking about this soccer food show, World Cup food show. I'm wondering if you did have an example of a match like that, say, was it Scotland? And Germany. And Germany. We could look at fusions. fusion's all the go at the moment in world food, to come up with a Scottish-German. A total meal, do you think? A Scottish-German dish. Right. Yep, yep, yep.
And so we'd throw the lines open, you know, if you've got any ideas, give us, you know. How would it work? And are you seeing this as a daily program? Yeah, an hour a day. Especially for the month of the World Cup. During the World Cup, yeah, yep, yep, yep. And listener-driven, basically. Absolutely listener-driven. You just open up the lines, hello, everyone. I don't know who's hosting it.
It wouldn't matter. Welcome to World Cup food. Welcome to World Cup food. The lines are open.
Chapter 6: How does rugby league relate to international relations?
Hello, Bob, what have you got there?
Oh, g'day, mate, yeah. I love haggis and I tell you what, I love sauerkraut. I just thought I'd join the two. Oh, yeah, how are you going to do that? Oh, well, you grab the haggis and you grab the sauerkraut and shove it in and then you cook it. Sounds great.
See what I mean? Could go anywhere. Now, emails. This comes from Rowanna in Canberra. Yep. She says, I have a great interest in the pursuit of world peace through rugby league violence. Yes, good. And consequently chose to study international relations at the Australian National University. Isn't that great? It's a wonderful story.
I have so far been shocked at the contempt that my teachers and fellow students have shown for the vital role rugby league plays in international affairs. Australia-China relations are often discussed in class, but whenever I've asked about the Kofusi line, Bunnings Island or the Taiwanese oysters, I've been met with blank stares.
The ANU promotes itself as a leader in the field of international relations. However, my lecturers have no knowledge of the importance of rugby league in balancing power in the Asia-Pacific. I'm shocked by this. I would have thought, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the Chancellor was Julie Bishop. She's just... Former Foreign Affairs Minister.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of introducing jailed players to rugby league?
I know, but she... I know she's left. In the bad books. I know she's left, but when this course was being developed, she was the... Foreign... Well, the... She was the Chancellor. Chancellor.
Chancellor of the University.
With a previous history in foreign affairs. Yes, and the Chancellor prior to that was Gareth Evans. Oh. Now, nobody knew more about, or nobody knows more, he's still with us, about foreign affairs than Gareth Evans. You'd imagine that this would have spilt down into... The coursework. Into the coursework. And lecturers coming up to speed. Yeah. See, what I find about it, it's...
A view about tomorrow. It's not looking at the past. It's about tomorrow. So the Kifusi line, the Chinese already know they can't go beyond it. That's right. The oysters coming on board. They can see through Solomon Islands. I know. We're going to shut that down. Yes, I know. Hopefully. Backdoor way into it. Yeah. Do you know what disturbed me this week?
Did I see that the Chinese firm that owns the Darwin Port is now going to court to establish. Just to keep it. To keep it.
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Chapter 8: How could a prison rugby league competition work?
Yeah, that's right. That's right. Baffling, isn't it? I know. And they haven't, I mean, they are clueless that lot about rugby league and the importance of rugby league. I've been trying to think of the minister responsible, HG, for the sale of the port to the Chinese. I think his nickname was Chainsaw. He was the Queensland bloke. I can't think of his name. Yeah. It'll come to me in time.
As far as I can look it up, I guess. Now, this comes from Simon. in Marrickville. He says, while in Munich to take in the local froth, I wandered into a discount department store and found New South Wales blues jerseys on sale for 40 euros, down from 90. made me very upset that Rugby League has not yet taken root here.
Surely the man of feathers needs to investigate the parlour state of Bavarian Rugby League before the situation worsens. Wow. That's a shock, isn't it? Mind you, I hope he bought a few because that's not a bad price. That's a good price, good price. Yeah, I don't know whether they were current blues jerseys or what's in the past.
Were they being promoted well, you know, like with maybe a video loop of a game in the corner? It would have to be. You'd imagine. You'd imagine. Very modern place. Very modern place, yes. Now, this comes from Chris in Armidale. again from overseas, HG, he says a couple of things. I was watching the men's state of origin on a train in Italy. Can't you just picture that? That's incredible.
And the bloke next to me got talking about the game and why someone was sent off in the game. It must have been the Ponga incident. I explained that it was a tough game and if you don't tackle hard enough, you get sent off. He was fascinated. I could tell that he wanted to get involved. Yep. Anyway, we got to Florence, and as you can see, semi-wild pork was on the menu.
What's semi-wild pork, he asks. This raises many questions concerning shooting pigs at the upcoming Brisbane Games. Someone will need to check all beasts to make sure that they are wild and not semi-wild, or will semi-wild animals be accepted? What's the criteria for inclusion? He wonders. He sent here the menu, HG, and here it is, semi-wild pork steak with roasted potatoes.
It sounds delicious for only 18 euro, but I'm baffled by the prospect of semi-wild pork as well. I don't know how that works. No idea. Baffled I am. Right. Baffled. Would that mean maybe... I was trying to think of how much area you'd need to have it as semi-wild. Yeah. You know, some parts of Australia, it's easy to imagine that you've got a semi-wild.
You've got a fence out there, maybe 100 square kilometres sort of thing, old speak, and there's a few pigs running around. Well, they're semi-wild because they can't get out beyond the fence. Oh, well, that's true, I suppose. Yeah, well, that could be it. So if they're caught... They're free-ranging. They're free-ranging but within fence lines. Yeah, fence.
Okay, so they're semi-wild if there are fences involved. If there are no fences involved, they're wild. Correct, correct. Now, can I raise a question apropos of Italy and rugby league and so on? I got stumped the other day when we were on air about players who are Australian but were able to play for European countries when it came time for the World Cup.
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