I’m a Night Guard at a Museum. The Olmec Heads Started Speaking to Me | Part 1
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
If you're into horror with a heavy dose of sci-fi, classified experiments and things humanity was never meant to understand, check out my other podcast, The SCP Experience. Each episode pulls you into the hidden world of the SCP Foundation, where dangerous anomalies are studied, contained and sometimes unleashed. These aren't just scary stories, they're classified nightmares. Click here to listen now or search for The SCP Experience wherever you get your podcasts. Gotta get a job, they say. Gotta pay the bills, they say. Gotta work for the man. Well, I got a job, and I do work for the man, and the man is Mr. Izer. I don't like Mr. Izer. Mr. Izer has squeaky shoes, and he smells like cheese, and he thinks I'm crazy.
Everybody always thinks I'm totally loco. Crazy Albie, just because I talk to myself. Sometimes people are scared of me too. Yeah, like moms and dads with little kiddos. Ay dios. They look at me and scowl, or they tug their kiddos away, or they even cross the road. They think I'm wicked, wild, or that I want to hurt their kiddos. Dumb, so dumb. Mr. Eiser isn't scared of me, but he doesn't like me. He says I talk too much. He tells me to keep my thoughts in my head, but I tell him that I can't do that because my head's already too full of other thoughts to make room for any new ones. But Mr. Eiser doesn't care what I say. But he can't fire me, nope, because I'm good at the job. I even like my job here at the Cultural Anthropology Museum just off the boardwalk and... Dios mio!
Look at that. A dead seagull by the back door. Whoa, its head is all bloody. Probably got lost in the rain clouds and crashed into the side of the building. Smack! Ooh, I think I see its brains. That's very gross. That's beautiful. Wow. But oh, yuck.
How does Alberto describe his job and nightly routine as a museum night guard?
Someone left a dirty plastic bottle on the ground. Disgusting. Those people are the worst. Okay, okay, okay. Keys? My keys. Okay, good. Yes, I have them. Back to work, back to work. I'm good at my job here. Night security guard, that's me. And I'm better at security than that lazy evening guard. He clocks out early half the time. We're not supposed to do that. I never do that. And I'm always on time. It's 9.57 now. And I follow the checklist. And I monitor the camera feeds. And I do the patrol on time three times a night. 10.15 p.m., 2 a.m., 5.15 a.m. I patrol the whole museum. And it's a big place with big halls and big rooms and high ceilings with big echoes. There are five wings to this museum. Africa, Asia, Europe, Oceania, and the Americas.
I know every corner of every wing and... And I know all the artifacts inside. Yes. Yes, I like the artifacts. I know all about them. Not the way the experts do. No, I know. Their stories. I like their voices, even the scary ones. Especially the scary ones. Like the one in the America's Wing. The artifact that doesn't whisper. The ones whose voice is like... Dios! Oh, thunder! I don't like thunder. It startles me. The sound rattles my bones, and it makes my jaws tighten and my teeth squeak together, and I hate it. Just breathe. Respira, Albie. It's okay. You're okay. It's okay. Right then. Okay, okay. Security room.
Hmm.
Looks like the evening guard left early again. He sucks. Okay, okay, okay. Gotta log in. Alberto Reyes. Yes. 9.58. Yes. I'm two minutes early. But they don't pay me for those two minutes. That's not fair. It's bullshit. But if I tell that to Mr. Iser, he'll tell me to stop complaining and be grateful for the job. And I do like the job. Even though I don't like Mr. Iser. I don't like the way he looks at me. And he dresses like some old professor from a movie. So dumb. Hey, Albie. Dah! Oh, it's Reg. Reg startled me. I don't like being startled. Hey, sorry, man. Just popping in for a cup of joe. Getting startled makes me angry. My muscles tense up and it hurts. We'll try to remember not to startle you next time. Want any coffee?
Coffee tastes like sour shit water. I don't like it. But I don't not like Reg. No, Reg is fine. Reg is the night custodian at the museum. I think he's good at his job too, but he takes a lot of breaks. And he thinks I don't notice when he pours alcohol into his coffee.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–2:03
2
How does Alberto describe his job and nightly routine as a museum night guard?
2:03–7:45
3
Why does Alberto hear voices from the museum artifacts and which ones talk most?
7:45–12:52
4
How does Alberto interact with his coworkers Reg and Mr. Iser during his shift?
12:52–26:55
5
What is the story behind the West African 'coward's drum' that Alberto hears?
26:55–32:50