Show notes
This week, we’re doing something a little different. As part of a special episode swap, we’re sharing a powerful episode from Renee Swanson of The Covert Narcissism Podcast—and this one is going to hit you right in the heart.
Mental Health Quote
“It’s not confusion—it’s communication. Different parts of you are trying to be heard.” — Renee Swanson
Episode Description
This episode is different—and intentionally so.
We’re bringing you a raw and deeply validating conversation from Renee Swanson, host of The Covert Narcissism Podcast, as part of a special episode swap. And if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I still miss someone who hurt me?”—this is for you.
Renee breaks down the internal war so many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse experience. That push-and-pull between what you know is true and what you still feel isn’t weakness—it’s your internal system trying to protect you.
Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, she explains how different parts of you—like the “firefighter” that urges you to reconnect and the deeper “exile” carrying pain—are working overtime to keep you safe, even when it feels confusing or overwhelming.
This episode isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding yourself. It’s about learning to sit with what’s coming up instead of judging it—and realizing that healing happens when you start listening inward instead of fighting yourself.
If this episode resonated with you, I highly recommend checking out Renee Swanson and her Covert Narcissism Podcast.Her work goes so much deeper into understanding these patterns and helping you reconnect with yourself in a way that actually creates change—not just more awareness.You can find her podcast wherever you’re listening right now. I’ll link her podcast and coaching in the show notes, so you can easily find her.
Keywords: covert narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional abuse healing, trauma bonding, internal family systems, IFS therapy, toxic relationships, emotional healing, self-awareness, trauma recovery, attachment wounds, healing journey, self-trust
Meet the Host of The Covert Narcissism Podcast — Renee Swanson
Renee Swanson is the host of The Covert Narcissism Podcast and a coach dedicated to helping people make sense of emotionally abusive and confusing relationship dynamics. Through her work, she offers grounded, compassionate guidance to help listeners untangle internal conflict, rebuild self-trust, and reconnect with who they are after covert narcissistic experiences.
Podcast: https://bleav.com/shows/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/Coaching: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/
Key Takeaways
Missing someone who hurt you is a normal part of trauma and attachment
Internal conflict is not weakness—it’s different parts of you communicating
“Firefighter” parts act urgently to protect you from deeper emotional pain
Healing begins when you stop judging your feelings and start listening to them
You don’t need to rush your healing—awareness is progress
Actionable Items
Pause when you feel the urge to reconnect and ask: what part of me is speaking right now?
Try Renee’s 6-step IFS process: find, focus, flesh, feel, befriend, fear
Practice responding to your emotions with curiosity instead of judgment
References Mentioned
The Covert Narcissism Podcast: https://bleav.com/shows/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/Coaching with Renee Swanson: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/
Important Chapters
00:00 – Why you can still miss someone who hurt you05:00 – Understanding internal conflict after narcissistic abuse12:00 – Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS)25:00 – Firefighters, managers, and exiles explained40:00 – The 6-step process for navigating emotional triggers55:00 – Building self-trust and ending the internal war
Closing CTA
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#MentalHealthPodcast #MentalHealthAwareness #Grex #DirtySkittles #Podmatch #CovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #TraumaHealing #IFStherapy #EmotionalHealing #ToxicRelationships #SelfAwarenessJourney #HealingAfterAbuse #AttachmentHealing #InnerWork #SelfTrust
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