"Jennifer Lopez"

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SmartLess 1h 4m 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Sean Hayes 0:05
Okay, this is Jason. I'm doing a cold open. I'm real snacky. It's carbohydrates. They're crunchy. They're salty. They're not good for me, but man, it feels good. Doesn't it feel good, gang, to do a nice, crunchy, salty snack? Or do you like the gooey, sweet ones? I don't know. Maybe a combo of both is great, right? Which do you end with? What do you put in between? I know what you put in between. You put in a nice, big, fat, well-cooked episode of Smartless. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Welcome to Smartless.
Smart.
Jason Bateman 1:02
Fuck, the stress. You know, guys, I can't have the stress. I lost my voice, and it's just now come back a little bit. I still have a little brunt of cardio.
Are you screaming at people on set? Is it from the Knicks games, or is it just screaming at people on set again?
Jason Bateman 1:17
No, I think it was a— I want my chair over here! It was, I think it was a cold or it might have been allergies. No. I mean, yeah. By yourself? It started, yeah. It started in my throat and it went to my nose and then it landed on my vocal cords. You're a little fragile.
Jason's a little fragile. I feel like this is the first time we're meeting the real JB right now.
Jason Bateman 1:39
And I was a little frazzled getting to Mike today because that's what we call it, right? Getting to Mike. Getting to Mike. Because I wanted to have my teeth brushed for you. Do you guys brush your teeth for me? Of course, always. No, not me. You don't? Oh, look at his teeth. Did you sleep with a whitener on too long last night?
No, I went to the dentist yesterday, and he's like, I don't wipe my teeth.
Jason Bateman 2:06
How about that? And you smoke. And you drink coffee. I don't drink coffee. And you self-tan.
Don't self-tan. That's the one where don't make me mad. You and Kimmel. Nobody loves hitting me in my tan more than Molly. Wait, what's self-tan mean? You just laze out. That's like a cream.
Jason Bateman 2:27
But where do you find the time and how is it always so even, Mr. Trump?
Well, you know. You know. You know what I do every day. I do my walk every day. And so that's like an hour.
Jason Bateman 2:39
I don't talk to me like I'm fucking watching you doing your fucking heavy hands and shit. You know what my routine is. Your Velcro ankle weights. You know what my routine is.
With my weight vest. Somebody took a picture of me with my weight vest yesterday on Loma Vi.
Jason Bateman 2:55
Oh, really? I got to see that. But, Will, I spend a lot of time when I'm not working on the golf course, as we're aware. What? That's five hours of sun exposure, and I wear 100. So you're saying your 20-minute— I don't wear it. Okay, that's what it is.
A, and B, I don't wear a bucket hat.
Jason Bateman 3:14
Right. So you wear no sun protection whatsoever. You're kind of bragging about that right now to get yourself that nice color. I'm not bragging about it. But you're giving yourself fucking cancer. I'm not.
First of all, fucking cool it. It's early for me to die, okay?
Jason Bateman 3:29
I've had skin cancer already. I had something shaved off my eye. Remember that? Yeah, I do. You had to go in there and got it all scraped off.

How does Jennifer Lopez reflect on her early career struggles?

Jason Bateman 3:36
It was scary.
I get checked. I have a friend of mine, and she's been giving me a lot of shit about sunscreen lately.
Jason Bateman 3:41
Are these checks that you pay for, or is it... No. You say a friend.
Like a close friend of mine.
Jason Bateman 3:49
Does she check for tics at the same time? All those tough-to-find spots?
Will Arnett 3:55
Whoops, found another one. She just squeezes it out. Like a zit. You're covered in ticks. I found a couple leeches, too.
Am I so?
Jason Bateman 4:06
They have to remove the poison.
The ticks hit the tick.
Jason Bateman 4:11
Oh, my gosh. So wait, so you've got it. Yeah, now you're getting into a sweat because you're thinking about all the possible risks you're taking.
I've also had four coffees today, so I'm having a coffee sweat. Yeah. You know, we were at dinner the other night, JB. You were missed. I know. You were missed, and Jen brought a photo up from our big family trip from a few years back where we went with all the kids and everything.
Sean Hayes 4:33
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, I love that trip.
And there was a photo of all of us, and then my head's sticking out. in the back, remember how tan I was? And my hair's sticking up, and then I've got zinc on my lips, and I look like a crazy person, right, Sean?

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