What to Actually Do When Someone Says They Don't Want to Live - #528
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Why are common suicide myths like “it’s selfish” so harmful?
When we talk about suicide, society loves to lean on easy labels. We call it selfish. We call it cowardly. We look at someone in deep distress and ask, how could they do that to the people who love them? But if you've ever sat in the dark with suicidal ideation, or if you've loved someone who has, you know that the public narrative couldn't be further from the truth. Before we jump into today's episode, if you love the show and wanna help us keep it going, there are two easy ways to support us. First, join us on Patreon. It's the best way to become part of our exclusive community with monthly bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, exclusive merch discounts, live streams, and so much more. And if you want to rep the show, check out Shop For Everybody.
That's where you'll find all the hats, clothing, and merchandise you see on the show, including our exclusive For The Dads, For The Moms, and you are loved merch. And here's the best part. Patreon members get exclusive discounts on merch. So if you enjoy the show and want to get more from the community, join us on Patreon or grab some merch at Shop For Everybody. Thanks for supporting what we do. Now, let's get into the episode completely uninterrupted and ad-free. So in this solo episode of Something for Everybody, I will do my best to try and break down what actually goes through the mind of someone experiencing suicidal thinking, separating intrusive thoughts from real desires, and confronting the heavy misunderstood question of, is suicide really selfish?
Now, this episode is to provide context and further the conversation around suicide and mental health, hoping that we can get to a place where we're proactive instead of reactive in regards to our mental health. And this is specifically about suicide, but it's not all encompassing. There's a ton more information and research and literature that you can go into.
How do intrusive thoughts differ from impulsive suicidal urges?
I'm just trying to break down some of the most important pieces that we really need to understand. So with that said, let's start with a foundational question that doctors and therapists hear all the time. Are my suicidal urges my true self? Is this my core character revealing itself? Now, Dr. Scott Ehlers, who also has a great YouTube channel, points out that many people experience suicidal thoughts either consistently or acutely as a response to severe life stressors. But we need to separate two very different mental phenomenon, intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unprompted, disturbing images or ideas that pop into our head like a flash of driving into oncoming traffic.
If it shocks or stresses you out, it's likely an intrusive thought. It's your brain's kind of clumsy way of warning you of saying, hey, Existence is fragile. Please pay attention. It does not mean you want it to happen. Again, it's kind of the brain's clumsy warning system, right? That's intrusive thoughts. Then we go into impulsive thoughts. Impulsive thoughts, on the other hand, carry a core desire. But even when suicidal ideation takes that form, it's rarely about wanting to be dead. As many people have shared, it's almost universally about something else, an overwhelming desire for the pain to stop. That is a really important distinction to be made between intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts and about the thing that many people have shared almost universally, right?
It's an overwhelming desire for the pain to stop.
What does it really mean when someone says they want the pain to stop?
This brings us right to the most damaging misconception out there and one that I'm very, very personally connected to. Suicide is selfish. This is one that I just cannot stand for because my sister Rachel died by suicide in 2018 and I will not have people disrespect her and all the loved ones that we have lost to suicide by claiming that suicide is selfish. I will not have it. so let's listen to what people with lived experience and suicidologists actually say about this and this is from recovery.com and i quote people who are thinking about suicide feel like taking their life will make life easier for other people so again it's selfless not selfish
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
Why are common suicide myths like “it’s selfish” so harmful?
0:00–2:06
2
How do intrusive thoughts differ from impulsive suicidal urges?
2:06–4:02
3
What does it really mean when someone says they want the pain to stop?
4:02–6:17
4
How does perceived burdensomeness distort a person’s view of themselves?
6:17–8:18
5
Why are micro‑connections more effective than grand gestures in saving lives?
8:18–9:42
6
What practical steps can friends and family take to support someone in crisis?
9:42–10:44
7
How can listeners turn this conversation into proactive suicide prevention?
10:44–10:45
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Something For Everybody
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