Something You Should Know
When What You Said Isn’t What They Heard & The Real Way People Get Ahead
01 Jun 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: Why do dog owners tend to live longer and healthier lives?
Today on Something You Should Know, it's a fact that dog owners live longer and healthier, but why? Then, understanding the different communication styles and how what you said isn't always what people hear.
Yeah, it's really that understanding of how you come across and how other people experience you. We're all pretty clear on what we meant or what we intend, but we're not so clear on how that actually is communicated to other people.
Also, why more and more people are becoming nearsighted, and it's not just because of screens. And some proven tactics to get ahead faster in your career. They're cheat codes.
All of these cheat codes really point to how to play the game of office politics in a positive way, in a way that's going to encourage and uplift others, rather than playing it in the negative, slimy way.
All this today on Something You Should Know.
Hey, it's Hillary Frank from The Longest Shortest Time, an award-winning podcast about parenthood and reproductive health.
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Chapter 2: How can understanding communication styles improve relationships?
We talk about things like sex ed, birth control, pregnancy, bodily autonomy, and, of course, kids of all ages. But you don't have to be a parent to listen. If you like surprising, funny, poignant stories about human relationships and, you know, periods, The Longest Shortest Time is for you. Find us in any podcast app or at LongestShortestTime.com.
Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.
Owning a dog is good for your health. You've probably heard that, but it's a little vague. So we're going to begin this episode of Something You Should Know by explaining exactly why a dog is good for your health. Hi, I'm Mike Carruthers. Welcome. So people who own dogs tend to live longer. That is a fact. And researchers are getting more specific about why that is.
Chapter 3: What are the five distinct communication types?
A recent review of studies published in the journal Circulation found that dog owners had a significantly lower risk of dying, especially from heart-related causes. People recovering from a heart attack or stroke also tended to survive longer if they owned a dog. Researchers think part of the reason is obvious. Dogs get people walking, moving, interacting with others.
But there's more to it than just exercise. Studies show that simply interacting with a dog can lower stress hormones like cortisol, while boosting oxytocin, the feel-good bonding hormone. Dog owners also tend to have lower blood pressure, less loneliness, and lower rates of depression and social isolation. And here's something really fascinating.
Kids who grow up around dogs appear less likely to develop allergies and asthma later in life. Scientists believe exposure to the microbes that dogs bring into the home may help train a child's immune system early on. In other words, your dog may not just be your best friend, it may also be one of the healthiest relationships you ever have. And that is something you should know.
Think about how many arguments, awkward moments, and misunderstandings happen every day. Not because people are trying to be difficult, but because they are communicating in completely different ways. One person wants to talk everything out immediately, while another shuts down and needs space.
Chapter 4: How does office politics influence career success?
Some people communicate with emotion, others with logic. Some avoid conflict at all costs, while others come on strong and direct. And when those styles collide, relationships at work, home, and even with close friends can quietly start to unravel. The interesting thing is most of us assume the way we communicate is the normal way. It isn't.
In fact, understanding your own communication style and recognizing the style of the person you're talking to may be one of the most powerful relationship skills you can learn. Here to explain all this is Jason Van Ruler. He's a psychotherapist and speaker and author of the book, Discovering Your Communication Type, The Five Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships. Hi, Jason.
Welcome to Something You Should Know. Hey, thank you so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this. Well, you know what's so interesting is I think we all know that different people communicate differently. There are different styles of communication.
Chapter 5: What are the unspoken rules of getting ahead in your career?
And yet we don't often take that into account in a conversation. We don't think about that. We're more interested in getting our point across.
Yeah, well, that's a great point. The thing is, we don't often think about it like that. But you can think of a communication style or type much in the same way you'd think of someone's accent. So we've all got a different accent. And some of us can understand other people's accents easier than others. And some of us have different accents than others.
And so our communication type is a lot like our communication accent.
And that's important to understand because why?
Well, the thing about communication, it's really interesting. There was a researcher that examined self-awareness. And so she went to a room full of people and she said, how self-aware do you think you are? And of course, most of us would want to say, well, I'm very self-aware. And so they said, yep, I'm in the self-aware camp. And so 95% of people believed they were self-aware.
And the researcher then gave them an assessment to see how self-aware they really were. And it was surprising to most, but about 10% to 15% of people would have qualified as actually being self-aware. And so if there's 95% of us thinking that we are and 10% to 15% actually are, there's a big gap. And while you and I, I'm sure, are in the 10% to 15% camp, right?
Of course.
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Chapter 6: How does outdoor time affect children's eyesight?
Absolutely. Yeah. I'm certain of that. What's true is a lot of people aren't. And where communication tends to break down is when we don't have great awareness about how what we're saying comes across to the people we're saying it to.
Wow. Well, yeah. I mean, I have a sense of that, but it's not something I ever really think about because it's really more of, you know, I communicate the way I do. That's how I do. And I think I'm being pretty clear about That's why I'm saying it the way I'm saying it, and now it's up to you to hear what I say and do something with it.
But when you say, you know, only 10% of people are self-aware, what does it mean to be self-aware?
Yeah, it's really that understanding of how you come across and how other people experience you. We're all pretty clear on what we meant or what we intend, but we're not so clear on how that actually is communicated to other people. And we miss the mark more than we hit it? Yeah, unfortunately. I mean, we all wish that we just hit it every time.
But what's true is that because people are wired differently than us, sometimes that lack of awareness means that we just automatically miss the other person because we're listening for two different things.
So give me an actual example using two of the types that you've identified.
one would be a harbor and a harbor communicates for reasons of connecting on feelings harbor wants to talk about their feelings they want to talk about your feelings they want to have a lot of space for that deep conversation well then there's another one called a thinker and a thinker is all about internal processing and communicating about what's factual what's accurate and what's precise
And so if you are a harbor and you're talking about feelings to a thinker who's talking about precision and facts, we're going to miss each other, right? Because the harbor is likely to enter that conversation and say, hey, here's how I feel, Mike. Here's what's going on in my life. I feel this. I feel that. Meanwhile, the thinker is going, where are the facts?
Where is the data to support what you're saying?
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Chapter 7: What strategies can help you navigate workplace dynamics?
And so the less we practice it, the harder it becomes to start.
Do you think as people hear you describe the five communication types, they can identify themselves in there? Oh, yeah, that one is me.
That's been my experience. Yeah. Most people, when they're hearing that, they're doing one of two things. They're saying, yep, that's me. Or they're saying, yep, that's them. But most of us can kind of put together where we're at in the list or someone else can identify. I think my partner is more of a thinker or an advocate or whatever that thing is.
But it's simple enough that a lot of times we'll hear ourselves and others in it.
I want to ask you in just a moment here, which of these types do better or worse with which other types? My guest is Jason Van Ruler. He's a psychotherapist and author of the book, Discovering Your Communication Type. So Jason, do some of these five communication types go better and communicate better with other of the five types, or it just depends?
Well, I'm going to go with it depends. Some of them are going to have a more difficult time than others. So for example, someone who is an advocate and someone who's a peacemaker, they're going to have some challenges. And the reason for that is that a peacemaker is really out to have peace. They're out to have harmony. But an advocate is out to say what's right and what's fair and what's just.
And so without awareness, what's going to happen is the advocate is going to be doing the advocate thing and the peacemaker is going to be overwhelmed and probably feeling pretty much activated and not really sure what to do with what the advocate is saying.
All right, but given the status of what you just said, okay, you've got this type and this type, and they're not communicating, what's the goal then? To change your style? Because just being aware, I can be aware that this conversation is going nowhere, but that doesn't really help.
Yeah, the awareness part isn't hard for most people in terms of they can be aware if it's working or not, right? Most of us don't struggle with that. What we struggle with is how to actually get it back on track.
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Chapter 8: What actions can you take to build a personal brand at work?
Do you think that, well, you probably can because of the work you do, but that most of us in a conversation can fairly quickly identify if we try what the other communication style is of the other person?
Yeah, that's been my experience. I've done a lot of work with this, so I feel like I probably have an easier time than most. But lots of people who are aware of the structure and the different types find themselves going, oh, I bet that's what that person is. And knowing that, I'm going to speak to them a little bit more in terms that are going to resonate with them and we'll go from there.
So I think it's simple enough that when you hear it, you go, oh, I bet that's what they're saying.
What about in relationships, in couples, for example, do you find, is it fairly random or does it tend to be people were attracted to each other because they're the same style or they're completely different styles? Like, what do you see?
Yeah, I see a lot of different things, but a lot of what I see is that we are often attracted to someone who is a little bit different. So if I were the peacemaker, I might be attracted to the person who's willing to say the thing, the advocate or the person who speaks on the facts or data as a thinker.
Or if I'm a harbor and I look at feelings, I might be attracted to that thinker who is going to offset what I'm saying. So I think we tend to pick people who have something we don't that we admire. And that's wonderful until we get into conflict. And then it starts to become a little bit frustrating.
So take me through this because what I really want to understand is this. If you've identified your own style and you've identified the style and the potential problem of discussing something with this other person and their style, what do you do? So we've got these two styles that don't necessarily go together. How do you bridge that in the conversation so that it does go, so that it works?
That's a great question. And that's really the hope with this is that we use it to connect. So I'll give you an example. In my marriage, I've been married now about 20 years, I am a harbor. And so I am wanting to talk about my feelings and her feelings and all the feelings. And my sweet wife is a thinker. And so what she wants to talk about are the facts, the data, the statistics.
And so there were times in our marriage where I would come home and I would get some brand new opportunity or some business thing that I'd be really, really excited about. And I'd tell her all my feelings. And somewhere in the middle of me talking about all my feelings and asking her about hers, she would undoubtedly ask a question about the facts. or the data, right?
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