Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hello, I'm Sinead O'Moore and this is Stretchworks Podcast. And it has been a while, a long while, to be honest, and I wasn't quite sure when or where I'd be back with the pod. I need to get my hands on a new sponsor so I can stay regular again. But two incredible women that I admire and adore immensely reached out to me separately and asked if they could be guests. And honestly, I nearly died.
This episode is with the first of them. It's Helen Thorne, one half of comedy duo Scummy Mummies, and she got me through some pretty dark days on my first mat leave. And, by the by, Scummy Mummies are coming to Ireland in November, and I may have floated the idea with Helen that I gather some Stretchmark listeners and we go together. So I don't know.
Please send me a little DM if this is something that sounds good. But today's episode, it's not about Scummy Mummies, it's about Helen. Her life, her husband's affair, her new book, How to Face Big Change and Come Back Stronger. I listened to the audiobook in about two days. Couldn't get enough. The affair was a catalyst for change, but this book is for everyone, regardless of the reason.
This pod has always been about life changes, the things that arrive and stretch us. And this book is a remedy for how to go through it all and meet yourself on the other side with a whole lot of solidarity and in Helen's case, a giant sense of humour. Basically, your husband doesn't need to have an epic affair for this book to be a must read. Being a woman
navigating life is reason alone so thank you for sticking around while I get my shit together I promise you this conversation is worth it also Helen Thorne wanted to come on my podcast and honestly I'm not over it okay much love Helen Thorne, thank you so much for joining me on Stretch Mark's podcast.
Delighted, delighted. I feel very excited that we're meeting online, but I can't wait to meet in person one day.
A little full circle for me. So in 2018, when I was on my first mat leave, incredibly lonely, incredibly shook, very in love, but abandoned. It's like life just kind of fell apart. Scummy Mummy's podcast is Like a lifesaver. Like therapy. Like taking the pills. Like it just got me through what I thought was supposed to be perfect. Yeah. So thank you for that.
That is just such a joy because, like, for me, like, you know, Ellie and I sat in Ellie's lounge, as you know, and banged on, had a few wines and talked about the chaos, the mess, the unbelievable frustration that was motherhood, but also the total, as you said, love, joy and all those sorts of, all the extremes.
So for me to know that I was in your ears, I was in your life, that's a lovely thing.
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Chapter 2: What inspired Helen Thorn to write her book on facing big change?
And I tell this story to any podcaster that I listen to in the depths that pulled me through. But I think the laughter of Scummy Mummies was just so desperately necessary. Yeah. So you've done us a service. You really have. And you continue to because I have listened to How to Face Big Change and Come Back Stronger. I messaged you. I was still on the intro and I was crying in my kitchen.
Now, I did get my period later that day. So that explains some things.
Yeah. Yeah. Which I did.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, okay. Aha, aha, yeah. A little bit of heightened emotions, hormones, that's fine. But actually, sometimes you need that push to cry. Let it out.
Yeah. I couldn't get over how something in your words triggered, similarly to how you did in 2018 with Scummy Mummies, something in your reality and the way that you could phrase the... the more silent, I don't want to say shameful, but you know the things that we keep to ourselves about how difficult it is when you recognise that you've forgotten about yourself. Yeah.
And your intro is very about that. I know your story, and we'll get into, I suppose there was a pivotal moment that inspired all of this big change, but ultimately it was also a reckoning of where did Helen go?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And I think it was, you know, there were so many layers, so many things like, you know, the terrible marriage and losing myself in all aspects. And then when it is out of your control, stripped bare, and you're having to rebuild that, that's... Very confronting because you know who you project to people.
You know the version of yourself that you're telling or you want people to think of you, but who is the real version? Who is, what's actually going on behind, you know, all the positive Instagram posts and all the other things and the outwardly giving, going, I'm fine. What can I do for you? Because that will make me feel better because that actually distracts me from actually working on myself.
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Chapter 3: How did Helen cope with her husband's affair?
It was all to do with who you were. Yes. Who you were was the catalyst for all of this success.
Yeah. And it did not sit well with him. He's like, how come you get to have this and I don't? And even when, so we did 18 months of couples council during that full year of the affair, because I knew that he'd been a bit withdrawn and I thought, oh, we need to nut it out. And I did think that we were getting closer, you know, we were, we were talking more, but he was having that affair.
And he did say during couples council once, he said, How come when you walk into a room, you light up the room and everyone wants to talk to you and no one wants to talk to me? And that just made me want to shrink. That made me like, I'm sorry. I don't know. Maybe I'm not a bastard. Yeah. And I remember after we'd separated, I said, you know, we did do counselling once a week for 18 months.
You could have brought it up. You know, it was a kind of a safe place when the therapist said, anything else you want to talk about? Didn't, didn't, yeah, didn't think that was the right spot. So the Yeah, I think when you're going back to what you were saying a few minutes ago about the betrayal, there were so many opportunities for him to go, I've made a mistake, I'm out.
He wanted his cake and eat it. And, again, I wrote about it in the book when I said, you know, you never said I was beautiful. And he said, yeah, but you were a good mum and you were good with friends. So he wanted that. He wanted that. But he found someone else sexy and someone else would distract him. So ā and he didn't have a problem with that.
He said, I just never wanted you to know about the affair. And I just think that's so cruel. That's so cruel. Like ā you robbed me of romance and proper love, but he thought I was getting what I wanted because I had a house and children. And I guess if I never found out about the affair, that's, I guess, what I would have just been given. I wanted to ask that.
Can you imagine? Can you imagine who you'd be today had you not found out about the affair?
Yeah, I think, I mean, I would have liked to have thought that I would have evolved because I would have kept doing the comedy. That gives me... You know, that's really important to me that we keep doing Scummy Mummies and, you know, we're touring. We're even doing a tour in Ireland later this year. Yes, we're doing a marvellous tour for a week in November. So we'll come and see you.
Well, I will see you. We'll come and have a proper cuddle. Come out as a side. But yes, I think. I think that's what I found incredibly cruel that I didn't get to experience desire and, you know, I was fed that lie. And I think ā and I took my vows incredibly seriously and I think that's what I found. I was like ā Because he started the affair when I was 38.
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Chapter 4: What lessons did Helen learn about self-worth after her divorce?
don't know what we're doing it's all a bit of a mess but there's so much good to be found and and and sort of trust the process thank you so much for writing it thank you so much for turning what happened to you into something that is going to help other women because there is a woman today finding a letter there's a man today finding a letter there's people today finding that letter or there's people getting a phone call that's literally going to change
what they thought their future would look like and it happens to people all the time and we are just critically underprepared I think and then not able in that moment to help ourselves so having stories and having other women without shame being like this is what happened and this is how I helped myself little baby steps little shoots Little steps. That's all we need. And you've done that.
And also you're incredibly funny and you're putting on your shows in Ireland. So we're all going to come see you.
Yes, please, Ireland. Thank you.
We need a Stretchmarks night out in November. I will share the dates in the show notes. Yes, please. You have to go and have a call with an agent.
Yeah. We need to say goodbye. La-di-da. I know. Oh, my God, I love you. Gosh, yes. But, but, but, listener, I'm wearing pyjama pants or pyjama bottoms and that's me in a nutshell. Business on top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've got my vaj... My vajamas? Your vaginas. I've got my vaginas. So many vaginas. What a very classy way to end. Sorry Sinead.
Thank you so much for listening. And if you've been affected by the topics in this podcast, I've left a list of links to support services in the show notes. It was so brave of Shona to ask me to cover it, to then come on and to tell her story. I'm really proud, but I'm also really privileged that she trusted me with it. If you have a second, please do leave a review on Apple or Spotify.
Do subscribe and help share this podcast so we can continue to grow and I can continue to share the real experiences of women in Ireland. Get in touch with me at stretchmarkspod at gmail.com.
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