Table Read
"Who Knew Christmas Needed a Jew?" - Original Song from "The Jew Who Saved Christmas"
07 Dec 2024
Chapter 1: What is happening with Christmas?
Wait, what's happening?
Chapter 2: How does Santa feel about Christmas this year?
Christmas feels different. Something feels new. The snow is whiter and so much brighter. And it's all because of you, Noel.
Chapter 3: What does Bernie think about Santa's comments?
Wait, are you talking about me?
Chapter 4: How has Santa's experience changed this Christmas?
I've roasted all the chestnuts, killed all the Christmas geese. But it's been so monotonous, delivering world peace. Suddenly threw your eyes a brand new view. Who knew Christmas needed a Jew?
Chapter 5: What is the significance of Bernie in this Christmas story?
Ish. We prefer Jew-ish. But I think I get what's going on here. Your next miracle is to be all Barbara and sing.
Chapter 6: What humorous twist does Bernie add to the song?
I've whistled all the carols that could ever have been sung. Chimneys I've been sliding down have given me black lung.
Wait, what? I've been sliding down chimneys all friggin' night.
Chapter 7: What do Santa and Bernie plan to bring to Christmas?
Look, I no longer have the soot flu. Who knew Christmas needed a Jew?
Okay, if you think I'm going to join you in some dorky little ditty, then you are absolutely correct. I've spent every Christmas eating Chinese food alone. The dark house on the block, that's what they used to call my home. But with you, I think I finally got my shot. Christmas needed a Jew. Who knew a Jew needed Christmas? Okay, sorry, I don't have like a magical we've given song gift.
I can't like improvise rhymes on the fly.
That's all right. I'll bring all the jolly.
And I'll bring all the oi.
We fit together perfectly.
This Hebrew.
And this goy. You lit up my yuletide log and it's burning bright.
The sleigh is not the only thing that's higher than a kite.
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