Show notes
Most people think finding the right community will make them happier. It won’t—if you lose yourself in the process.
AJ sits down with author Luke Burgis to explore why so many people unknowingly adopt the desires, beliefs, and goals of the people around them. From social media and AI to family dynamics, identity, and the pressure to fit in, Luke explains how our need to belong can quietly override our authentic selves.
This conversation explores why we copy other people's ambitions, how technology amplifies that tendency, and what it takes to build a solid sense of self without sacrificing meaningful relationships.
Chapters00:00 – Why we lose ourselves trying to belong08:00 – Finding your tribe without losing your identity16:00 – AI, social media, and borrowed beliefs24:00 – The difference between a pseudo self and a solid self33:00 – Why smart people still copy other people's desires42:00 – Conflict, authenticity, and healthy relationships51:00 – Building confidence through real-world conversations59:00 – Practical steps to strengthen your sense of self
Episode resources:
https://join.theartofcharm.com/xfa
https://lukeburgis.com/
https://www.amazon.com/One-Ninety-Nine-Forging-Identity-Contagion/dp/1250373034/
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identity, self awareness, psychology, belonging, confidence, social intelligence, personal growth, AI, social media, relationships, authenticity, emotional intelligence, family dynamics, human behavior, mimetic desire, communication skills, self confidence, mental health, critical thinking, purpose
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