Chapter 1: What is the premise of 'Seeking Sister Wives'?
And welcome back to WSHIT's Cupid's Corner. It's 11.37 p.m. on the studio clock here on a chilly, rainy Saturday crabapple evening. I'm your host, Barbara Ballbanger, the fourth sister wife of Pastor Bill Ballbanger. I'm here along with my co-host, Crabapple's number one marriage and sex therapist, Dr. Judy Schlitznitz.
Every Saturday, we take listener questions, read your emails, and give advice on your relationship concerns. Let's review an email we just got here in the studio. This listener is calling herself Chastity. Chastity asks, Dear Dr. Schlitznitz, I've been in a relationship, a serious relationship, for the last four years with my boyfriend.
However, last week, I uncovered some concerning text messages on his phone and discovered he was having coital relationships with both my mother and my grandfather. Very concerning, Chastity. And while I certainly have my own thoughts on this, let's turn to the expert, Dr. Schlitznitz. Any advice for Chastity in what must be a very confusing and painful time for her?
You find yourself over in the corner crying because of a man don't love you anymore maybe because he's already got some love somewhere else and you just uh crying over a man with his thousands of fishes in the pool when you can find one that will just do everything you want to do but he ain't gonna cheat on you and give you all the things that you want
You just gotta learn how to get some things for yourself. Bye.
Well, that's certainly one way to look at it. In our family, we have a saying, if you kissed her, invite her to be your sister. Make lemons out of lemonade, Chastity. Okay, we'll be back with more Cupid's Corner after this commercial break.
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
At number six, you have the inability to bond with anybody. That's what Merrick said yesterday.
I love the notion that your body could tell the difference between a different penis. Like, uh-oh.
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Chapter 2: What relationship issues does Chastity face in her email?
Pussy bone. There you go. Yeah. Okay, so he said some really dumb shit, but he just topped it this last episode by claiming that at five guys, a woman then no longer has the ability to bond with another man because she's all full up on jizz. That's right. That you can't accept anymore.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the current co-host of the commercial break, Tina. Best to you, Tina.
Best to you, Brian.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Fear not, Chrissy will be back at some point. She is on a little break to do Mempho, as she does every year. So if you listen to the commercial break, you know this time comes around. We just did not record enough episodes to cover that gap, and so we're hoping that she's having a great time at Mempho.
And you get some Tina time.
And I get some Tina time. And they do love me some Tina. So it's been a great deal of fun. Here's to hoping we continue that. You know, we're on a hot streak.
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Chapter 3: How does Dr. Schlitznitz advise Chastity on her situation?
Let's keep it going. Memphofest.com is where you can buy tickets if you're in the Memphis area this weekend and you want to see Widespread Panic and Tyler Childers and a bunch of other great artists are playing. It's three days of music, food, and fun, as they say. Memphofest.com. M-E-M-P-H-O-Fest.com. Tell Chrissy we said hello. Okay.
So, over the last couple of days, we've really covered a lot of ground. But one of the things we talked about that I just thought might be interesting to the audience, I think we have done, Chrissy and I did this a number of years ago when Seeking Sister Wives first came out. We reviewed what has got to be the dumbest... Dumbest, dumbest human being that's ever walked the face of the earth.
Garrick, I think Merrick is his last name. I think it's Garrick Merrick. No way. I think it is.
That's worse than William Williams.
I think it's Garrick Merrick. Let me just check this. Oh, that's rich. Garrick Mirfield. I'm sorry. It's Garrick Mirfield. But we can call him Garrick Merrick, right? I only wish his name was Garrick. Oh, his Instagram is private. Fuck that, Garrick. Come on. Anyway, Garrick is one of the couples who has survived the entire six seasons of Seeking Sister Wives. That's a lot of S's.
Because they are constantly on the hunt for a new wife. There is another couple. Well, I wouldn't even say a couple. There's four of them. There's three wives and one man. They seem to be relatively stable, though they're always looking for a new wife. They've had a couple that have come in and out, too. But the three, the four of them, that core seems to stick together. That polycule. Polycule.
I like that. They seem to stay together. Everybody else is fresh and new this season except for Merrick and his wife. The Mirfields, again, are some of the dumbest motherfuckers on earth. Some of the stuff they've said on this television show is really quite unbelievable that any human being would believe this. But we reviewed yesterday where it comes from.
It really comes from a place of not doing any homework, having no... Anti-science. Anti-science. That's right. Red pilling themselves to death and believing that the DNA that comes from spermatozoa inside of a woman's vagina then transmutes into the DNA of the woman. And she carries around that DNA for the rest of her life. A new DNA. A new DNA has been born.
And one less relationship or bonding experience that she can now have.
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Chapter 4: What are the outrageous claims made by Garrick in the show?
This happens. Someone has my Bluetooth on.
Yeah.
Brian's watch. No, what? In the good geez-ba-deez. Did TLC already ban it from my phone? They probably did. Let's see here. Oh, there it is.
Serious question, like you and her, me and her. Especially because I knew she had a passing. She had some men treat her really bad. I mean, they found that after running around five men, that they just can't, like...
every woman has like five different partners the chances of her bonding or even having a lasting relationship drops like crazy amount like just percentage wise like it's just the sperm being inside of her it's the sperm being inside of her like it just hangs out for life
I kind of want to know, but I don't want to know exactly what that guy's podcast library looks like. He must be listening to some of the craziest of the crazies.
That or like just his search history.
His search, yeah.
Or his chat GPT.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts react to Garrick's beliefs about women's bonding?
A reason to get arrested. He definitely doesn't use that. Yeah, a reason to get arrested. Tina and I were Googling yesterday about Blame It on Rio, and I was thinking to myself, this is a chat history worth arrest. I mean, I'm like, blame it on Rio. How old is Demi Moore? Okay, so here's what I thought we'd do.
For those of you that aren't aware of the Garrick-Mear fields, which is probably most of you, I thought we'd give you a little refresher. Not a refresher, but let's take a listen to their journey kind of on this TLC show, Seeking Sister Wives. We're not going to get through all of it. We probably won't even get through most of it.
But I just want to give you an idea of who Merrick and his wife are.
Garrick.
Garrick. I'm sorry. Who Garrick? Garrick Merrick. Garrick Merrick. Who Garrick Merrick and his wife are. I can't even remember his wife's name. What's her name?
Do you know it?
I don't. I can't remember it either. We'll hear it here on the thing. Okay, let's cue it up on the old TCB-malator here. And here we go.
All right.
Merrifield. Oh, the Merrifield. Oh, Merrifield. I'm getting it so wrong today. It's not the Merrifields. It's not the Merrifields. It's not the Merricks. I'm Garrick.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of introducing a new sister wife?
That's the first night I sobbed.
Pause. Pause.
It is kind of wild that we found a sister wife that does live halfway around the world, but we definitely wanted to start living together as soon as possible and be united as a family.
So we researched different ways to bring her here and talked to an attorney and realized that the only way to get Roberta here is for Garrett to legally marry her.
First of all, Shoes on the bed. Shoes on the bed. What are you doing? Animals. Animals. They're not even human beings. When you have shoes on the bed, you are not a human being in my mind. That is absolutely disgusting. Don't do that. Second of all, there are children, young children in their family. How must that fuck with their heads when your daddy wants a new mommy?
Right. What's going on? This is what Jesus wants?
Yeah.
Huh?
Huh? Not according to the Bible, Dad. That's not what they told us at Jesus School. That's right.
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Chapter 7: How does the family plan to accommodate Roberta's arrival?
Is that normal over morning coffee?
Yeah, this whole family. And they're living in an RV. Look at that. They're living in a trailer. Why? Because they were building a house, I think.
Oh, okay. I'm like, they had a house.
Roberta definitely wants to have children. We did try it in Cabo when we went down last November.
Garrick failed on getting her pregnant. She's been dying to say that.
Can't wait to cut him down. Garrick's limp dick didn't work with me and it doesn't work with her. Even a new hot Brazilian wife couldn't fix his boner problems. It's half hard. Thanks for doing the dishes, buddies.
Thank you.
In preparation for Roberta coming to the U.S. and hopefully Bert and Garrick having more babies, we started building a bigger home from scratch.
I have a custom home building company, so it's a lot easier for us as a family to design a home that fits our plural lifestyle.
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Chapter 8: What are the challenges faced by Garrick and Danielle in their plural marriage?
The men get together to help each other with the homosexuality.
I mean, I'm all for it. At least they got a safe place to go.
No, no, no. They're not fucking. Oh. They're trying to keep each other on the straight and narrow. They're openly gay, but they're married. And they're openly gay in the church.
How? Okay, well...
It's called like Secretly Gay or something like that, right? Or no, Openly Secretly Gay. It's some show. I heard about it a couple of months ago. I found clips online. I read about it. It sounds infinitely entertaining.
Now I'm going to have to see if I can go prime it so easy like I did Rio.
It got so much flack from the church and from other people that TLC took it down and they wiped it from the Internet. So there are people who have have parts of it out there, but you can't find much of it. And it's these like five or six men and they are openly gay and openly gay in the church and they have wives, but they will not go there. They just don't go there.
They just don't have sex with men. Okay. That sounds incredibly unhealthy to me, but okay. Yes. Okay.
Whatever. There's blowback. There's always a blowback.
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