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The Commercial Break

Showing You're Ass at The Wedding Mass!

25 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What challenges did Bryan face while preparing for the wedding?

8.384 - 28.069 Bryan Green

On this episode of the Commercial Break. But then, I know what a Catholic Mass entails. It entails kneeling. And I'm like, the second I fucking kneel, these pants are going to go... They're just going to split in the back. So, I had to kneel... Like this. I was like this.

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28.09 - 28.67 Olivia Maher

To the side.

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28.69 - 55.35 Bryan Green

Yeah, to the side. I was like, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, keep my testicles in my pants, please. I was doing this whole dance. I saw at one point Daniel looked over at me, and he's like, I ain't doing you. It's a fucking idiot even in church. This is my idiot son-in-law. He's as old as I am.

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Chapter 2: How does a Catholic Mass influence wedding ceremonies?

56.866 - 61.072 Bryan Green

The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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62.754 - 64.196

It's 30 in the morning!

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64.217 - 87.773 Bryan Green

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hosey. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Episode 900 and... Ooh. 60 unofficially. Like number 900. 89 or something like that, officially? I mean, like, the actual camera?

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87.793 - 88.153 Olivia Maher

Right, right.

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88.414 - 89.395 Bryan Green

Yeah, we're getting close.

Chapter 3: What humorous incidents occurred during the wedding ceremony?

89.415 - 95.601 Bryan Green

We're getting close. We're in probably a month and a half. We'll be at 1,000 episodes.

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95.841 - 96.501

That's wild.

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96.802 - 97.903 Bryan Green

1,000.

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97.923 - 126.296

We're going to have to have a party. From the flight deck, Mr. Captain. We're going to be flying right at about 1,000 feet up. Thanks for joining us tonight. Spot on.

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126.677 - 135.91 Bryan Green

That is. That's it. It's the McDonald's. It's either McDonald's. Love the McDonald's. Yeah.

143.881 - 151.632

Yes. Yeah. I want to. To make back.

Chapter 4: What unique aspects define a Venezuelan wedding?

153.034 - 153.495

No, I don't.

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154.91 - 203.109 Bryan Green

is that you had you had real life experience i did doing that but we even back even back then in the 1960s we had better communication than they do now in those damn fucking things i'm sorry did you say take my order Yeah, can I get two Happy Meals? No, two Happy Meals. Huh? What? Yeah, I'll take that. It's like four fish fillets.

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203.149 - 206.013

I thought you said French fries or apples.

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211.962 - 215.186 Bryan Green

No, I'm not using the McDonald's app. That's why I'm here at the drive-thru.

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215.286 - 219.6

Right. McDonald's out. Okay, fuck you.

220.921 - 245.228 Bryan Green

I don't even bother anymore. Don't even bother going to McDonald's anymore. It's just too much. Is it? It's too terrible. Unless I'm in Europe, McDonald's is terrible. I don't enjoy the food anymore. Because I don't know what happened in the last 20 years, but it has been a slow roll down to the bottom of the fast food chain. And listen, you know, you could say Taco Bell. Well...

245.663 - 249.928 Bryan Green

Actually, every once in a blue moon, I'll go have Taco Bell.

Chapter 5: How did Bryan's family handle the wedding festivities?

250.568 - 254.693 Bryan Green

And it's the same shitty food I've been getting for 50 years.

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254.713 - 255.814

At least you know what you're getting.

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255.834 - 276.388 Bryan Green

At least I know what I'm getting at Taco Bell. I know exactly what I'm getting. I'm getting good dog food. As my watch just alerted me, it's a loud environment. Yes, that's me, watch. I like Taco Bell every once in a while. I do too. You put enough of that Taco Bell hot sauce on there and you can't taste anything that's not good.

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277.429 - 278.931

I like a good crispy taco.

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279.832 - 281.433 Bryan Green

Me too. A hard shell taco.

281.453 - 282.335

Yeah, a hard shell taco.

282.615 - 308.897 Bryan Green

With sour cream that I am sure has no cream in it whatsoever. Yes. It's just some kind of gelatinous white stuff. And lots of fire sauce. And then away I go. I always feel... Less full than like, I feel more hungry than when I walked in, but I always, I always enjoy the, you know, six to 12 tacos that I guess you got to buy a lot of them. You know, I buy a lot of them. I say, Hey, give me the,

309.89 - 331.915 Bryan Green

give me the sack yeah give me the 17 pack in a box and then i roll i stomp through them i make a mess everywhere you know hot sauce all over my fingers and crumbs all over the table or the car whatever it is and then i for some reason i always feel like i could have more i'm always like yeah i could probably do another five tacos it's like it's like the the uh crystal burgers

331.895 - 336.025 Bryan Green

You could have 30 Crystal Burgers and still feel like you need another Crystal Burger.

Chapter 6: What funny stories did Bryan share about his kids at the wedding?

336.046 - 342.582

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've noticed that Crystal, too, down the street from you. Closed. Closed for like— For seven years.

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342.622 - 345.81 Bryan Green

And it says, opening soon, renovations.

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345.85 - 346.512

Yeah, yeah.

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346.795 - 374.275 Bryan Green

Oh, really? It was like two years ago, and I don't go to Crystal ever. My father-in-law thinks Crystal is the devil. Oh, really? Daniel is like, I think he had a bad experience one time, and he just refuses. He doesn't even want to look at it when he's driving by, for some reason. Crystal is like his fast food nemesis. Yeah. Just like Popeye's is my fast food nemesis or Kentucky Fried Chicken.

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374.495 - 389.383 Bryan Green

I do not want fried chicken from any of those places. I fear what's really in that chicken, right? But I pulled in there. Midnight. It was two years ago. I was so fucking hungry.

389.423 - 391.306

The crystal, yeah. I mean, it's right there.

391.406 - 400.778 Bryan Green

Our youngest was still a baby, and I was here working late on the show, and I was like, I need some food now. And so I go, and I drive, and all the lights are on.

Chapter 7: What were the challenges of finding shoes in Madrid?

401.398 - 422.415 Bryan Green

All the lights. Even the big sign. It's all on. And I go driving to the drive-thru, and you can hear that the drive-thru is on. And I keep saying, hello, hello, hello. Yeah. But no one responds to me. And so then I drive through and all the lights are on. It's like the place was open, but no one ever responded. And there wasn't another car in the parking lot. It's like literally.

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423.678 - 426.722

It's like a zombie movie. I was going to say, it's like a haunted crystal.

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426.762 - 445.465 Bryan Green

It's like one of those horror movies where the aliens take everybody and you wake up and no one's on Earth anymore. That's what happened. It freaked me out. Two weeks later, closed for renovations. Opening soon. Renovations. The sign occasionally changes, but no crystal. It's not open. And so, I don't know. I guess we lost our crystal over there.

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446.543 - 447.906 Bryan Green

Last night I went to Waffle House.

Chapter 8: How did the wedding reception differ from American weddings?

449.168 - 467.505 Bryan Green

I'm leaving the airport on the six and a half mile walk from the gate to my car because now they have a new parking deck that's open. It is much further away from any of the action than anything else. I will say it's more advanced. It tells you where the spaces are available.

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467.485 - 472.11

It doesn't have like Wi-Fi and stuff and all kinds of... It's got a little park in the middle of it.

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472.431 - 489.011 Bryan Green

Oh, it does. It's got escalators to go up and like in the old parking lot, you'd have to truck your shit up and down stairs. Now it's got escalators you can go on. Big signage everywhere. Like it's a nice new parking lot for sure. It's like Europe. Europe has all these modern parking decks, even the ones that are thousands of years old.

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489.491 - 497.201 Bryan Green

You know, the Romans were parking their fucking horse and buggies. They have the ability to tell you where the open spaces are, a little green light that says this space is available.

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497.221 - 497.822

Yeah, I like that.

497.842 - 513.464 Bryan Green

So you don't keep driving endlessly around. With the old parking lot, you just drove endlessly around. But I like the old parking lot in the sense that I knew exactly where to park, even though it's a confusing, confusing situation. I knew exactly where to park to get close to the terminal, close enough to the terminal, where I only had to walk five minutes.

513.484 - 517.429

Well, that old one that you're talking about, they're going to demolish it and then rebuild it.

517.589 - 538.195 Bryan Green

Okay. Yeah. All right. So, you know, 10 years from now when that opens, I'll be looking forward to parking there again. But this new red lot, it's further away. It's got a walkway, but that walkway in and of itself is very long. And then it just dumps you out on the side entrance of the North Terminal, South Terminal, whatever it is. South. Yeah, yeah.

538.175 - 559.204 Bryan Green

And so now you're at the far opposite end of where security is. That's like a quarter mile walk just from the door to security. I mean, the Atlanta airport is not small. There's nothing small about it. It's huge. And then last night when I get off the fucking plane, we land in B. They're parking us in B. Fine.

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