Chapter 1: What is the significance of manually stimulating glands?
What are you, darling? Where's your costume? This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else. On this episode of The Commercial Break... So yeah, it's adapting to the new technology, and I think the new technology is helping people. It's like, how many of these comics are releasing Netflix specials every two months, three months? That used to be like...
But, you know, you'd have a special like once every once every three years.
Yeah.
Chapter 2: How do pinpoint pupils relate to health issues?
Like they'd be working on that for three years and then they do the special. Now it's like you see like a comic that you just kind of it's his like eighth Netflix special. It's like, is it? The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. Minus one pair of thyroid. This is Chris and Joy. The best friend and co-host of this terrible podcast. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Alien.
I miss that. So many people do. I get that often. Where's the aliens? After 772,000 different episodes of me pressing that button, I decided to give it a break. But every once in a while, I do miss it. I agree. You got to hearken back to the days.
Chapter 3: What role does Hulk Hogan play in contemporary comedy?
I was going to do... Yeah, boy! But I went with the aliens. As we come back today. Yesterday, our first day back after my parathyroid surgery. And I just got to tell you right now, not the best the commercial break had to offer. For sure. But I was just trying to muddle through somehow. And I'll explain why. So yesterday was... Yesterday was Wednesday. Tuesday, we had a best of.
Christina did a great job on the best of. Did you listen to the best of?
Yes, and they were very good.
Christina did a great job. I laughed out loud. I do love me some Christina sometimes. She was really funny on Tuesday's best of. She replayed a couple of the episodes where I was talking about my vasectomy, pulling my V-card, and also not foliating beforehand. You were telling me that I had to exfoliate my nuts?
Chapter 4: How does Doug Bass describe his experience on Kill Tony?
Yes. But anyway, I got my parathyroid taken out. Yesterday, Chrissy and I, I said, okay, let's try and get back in the studio. My throat's not 100%, but let's try. When I got my parathyroid taken out, one of the things that they have to do is they have to go behind your actual thyroid. So they make a slice in your throat where your thyroid is.
Then they pull your thyroid out and they look for that sick parathyroid, the tumor behind my throat.
when they do that they stimulate they manually stimulate that gland like a lot of glands are manually stimulated uh they manually stimulate the thyroid in some cases and then you get an additional you know another fun little thing you get to deal with which is called thyroidism hyperthyroidism and that's like when you get a shot of thyroid hormone which is
It feels to me like being in my 20s behind a bar. That's what it feels like to me. It feels like 17 cups of coffee, way too much cocaine, additional speed in your body. I don't know any other way to put it.
Yeah, and you were so tired before.
Now it's gone the other way. Yeah, now it's going the opposite direction. I can't sleep. I'm jittery. I'm nervous. And so I called the surgeon. The surgeon gave me his cell phone number, which I think is about the dumbest thing you could do to a hypochondriac.
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of cancel culture for comedians?
Give a hypochondriac your phone number when you have an actual medical degree. See how that works out. So I called the surgeon and I said, hey, man, I just want to check and make sure that these things that I'm feeling are like normal in the process after a parathyroidectomy. And he said, no, actually, they're not.
What I think you have is that we were feeling for nodules on your thyroid and we probably stimulated your thyroid. And then it released a bunch of this.
thyroid medication and I said oh okay well you know I haven't slept in a couple days hopefully tonight I'll get a good night's sleep and he said yeah probably not you're probably gonna be dealing with this for a couple more days and I was like oh thanks so then last night I'm staring in the mirror like because now I'm just totally out of my fucking brain so I'm staring in the mirror like a crazy person and I'm like oh my god I just want to come down just a little bit I want to come down just a little bit
And I realized that I have no pupils whatsoever, Chrissy. Like pinpoint pupils. I look like the Cheshire Cat in the opposite direction. And so I go, Astrid, look at my eyes. And she was like, what are you talking about? And then she looks at me, she goes, oh my God, you don't have any pupils. And I'm like, isn't that insane?
You're like a record.
I'm like a little possum running around.
I know, after all the possum talk.
I know.
And then you've got to possumize.
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Chapter 6: How does social media influence modern comedy?
I go, turn off the lights and then turn them back on real quick. So if anybody had the scene in my bathroom last night, it's Brian staring in the mirror for half an hour and then Astrid flipping on and off the lights. Testing it. Testing my pupils. She's like, you really don't have any pupils. I go, yeah, it's like I'm 26 again. I don't have any pupils.
Your body is just adjusting, readjusting.
Oh my God, readjusting. Like I've had enough drama. Now I got to go in the opposite direction. It's just a fucking nightmare. Anyway, I'm back. I'm feeling a little bit better today. We're so happy. Everything went well. Yeah, generally it went well. I guess I'll just be sick this way for a little while. It's better than the alternative. I'll be honest.
Chapter 7: What are the controversies surrounding the Fantasy Comedy Scam Camp?
If I'm going to be something, let me be awake and not asleep.
Right.
But of course, I have no excuse to take a nap anymore because Astrid doesn't believe me. She's like, yeah. I saw that tumor. I see your pupils. Yeah, I see your pupils. There's no nap. That is the worst. When you're trying to go to sleep and you can't, it's... It really is. It's not an insomnia. Yeah, it's your body doesn't even feel tired.
I'm just tossing and turning and watching endless amounts of bad British television on Amazon. It's horrible.
I hear you.
So here we are, just a short couple of days from the election, and I don't want to get all political because everyone's stressed out about it. Let this be a break from... Let's be a little bit of a break from the politics anyway. Yeah, let's be a break.
But I do have to mention, because I think we said yesterday's show that we would talk about it, I do have to mention, you know, Trump put together this big MSG rally, and... Yeah, I don't even know, you know... I get it.
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Chapter 8: What insights does Doug Bass provide about the future of comedy?
This is a game of inches right now for both campaigns. And those game of inches, you need to reach as many people as possible and pull just those few. First of all, when they talk about these undecided voters, who in the fuck are these undecided voters exactly?
I don't know.
Who has been living on this earth? Who has been living in the United States of America since 2014 and still undecided about who they're going to vote for? I really don't have any clue. But there are apparently a few of them out there, and this is what they have to do.
They have to get out there, make a bunch of noise, get as much free press as they can, and then hopefully poll one or two of those voters aside. At the MSG rally, they put together a who's who of... Celebrities to introduce Trump, including one. I used to – there was a time. There was a time way back in the 80s, and I think you'll remember this too, Chrissy, when Hulk Hogan could do no wrong.
Exactly. Hulk Hogan was a hero amongst heroes. He was a man amongst men. Women, men, children, old people, young people, everybody had Hulkamania. Everybody. The entire country. If you weren't alive at this time or you were too young to remember – Hulk Hogan took the world by storm for about four years, and he was just like a god.
He really was like a Greek god here on Earth, ripping his shirt, running at, running down, you know, WWF, those WrestleManias, running down, ripping his shirt off.
I am a real American.
Now he's at the Trump rally trying to rip off his shirt. Do you see that? He was trying to rip off his shirt for like two minutes and he couldn't quite do it. You know, Rudy Giuliani, Hulk Hogan, some other people. They all got together at that Trump rally. And listen, okay, Trump has... Cool, dude. Put your rallies together. You know, Harris is doing the same thing.
I guess that's just what we do these days, put together rallies and have famous people show up to introduce us. But I'm sure you have to have your head in a fucking hole not to have heard about Kill Tony, Tony Hinchcliffe, and his kind of...
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