FIFA Gives Trump a Gold Pacifier & Looming War on Venezuela Gives Jon Iraq Déjà Vu | Malala Yousafzai

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 44 min 3 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Unknown 0:01
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Jon Stewart 0:07
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jon Stewart.
Jon Stewart 0:42
Hello! Pleasure to be here tonight. We got a good one. We got a good one for you tonight, a great one for you tonight. Later on in the program, I'll be joined by Malali Asafzai. She'll be coming on the program. Activist, author, producer, youngest Nobel Prize winner in history.

What is the significance of FIFA's inaugural peace prize?

Jon Stewart 1:06
Yeah! Yes. And look at you people out there. She's the youngest Nobel Prize winner here. What are you doing? I'm thinking about maybe getting into writing.
I don't know.
Jon Stewart 1:22
I'm the guy in the audience. I'll tell you why he wants to be a comedy writer. How did I become a comedy writer? I tell him, and he goes, yeah, that might be fun. Seems like a lot of work. Let's get into the big story this weekend. FIFA. The World Cup is going to be held in the Americas, the United States, Canada, and Mexico. And there was great suspense around, no, not who would be in this year's group of death or how FIFA would find a way to f*** over Scotland. No. It was who would win FIFA's inaugural peace prize. Oh. Because, no, it's inaugural FIFA peace prize. Because when I think of one sport that fosters peaceful coexistence, it's the beautiful game.
Unknown 2:07
All right? Here we go. Who's it going to be? Please welcome the very first winner of the FIFA Peace Prize, the 45th and 47th President of the United States of America, Mr. Donald J. Trump.
Jon Stewart 2:23
Please. Oh, my God! I can't believe it! Hey, everybody! Oh, my God! I'm so surprised! Oh, oh, oh! Oh my God, he won the prize specifically created to appease him. The FIFA appease prize.
Unknown 2:49
Mr. President, this is your prize. This is your appease prize. There is also a beautiful medal for you that you can wear everywhere you want to go. Right now. Okay, let me hold. Fantastic. Excellent.
Jon Stewart 3:14
Not boo, enjoy that. He's so weird. Enjoy that. The man just got a made up peace prize and his first move is... You know, he's so thirsty, he's not even gonna bag it. He's like, nah, just wear it out of the store. No worries. I don't want to say anything. I don't know if you guys got a good look at the trophy. But come on. I think its design somewhat reflects, in all likelihood, how it was conceived. I take you to that meeting now. Why do we got to invent some prize just to satisfy some fragile egomaniac? Trump is so needy. It's like the world always has to reach out and stroke his balls. Oh, Donald, you're such a good leader. Oh, you're such a man of peace. Oh, you're a man of peace. I love you. You're the most peaceful man.
Jon Stewart 4:24
They're like, wait, hold that pose. Ferguson, I think you're on to something. Seriously, come on. The craziest part wasn't necessarily Donald Trump being awarded an entirely fictitious golden butt plug. It was the cognitive dissonance of flipping over to the news channels post-peace ceremony.
Unknown 4:52
Trump administration ramping up pressure on Nicolas Maduro.
Jon Stewart 4:55
On the brink of war with Venezuela.
Unknown 4:57
Possibility of regime change. President Trump giving him a stern ultimatum, leave the country or else. The brink of war?
Jon Stewart 5:07
President Trump. Did this meaningless award mean nothing to you? The whole world was tickling your balls. And Trump was like, I enjoy that. Wait, not you, Venezuela. By the way, if you think the Trump administration is not serious about Venezuela, they seem to be setting a pretty nice table.
Unknown 5:41
The Pentagon surging battleships towards the coast of Venezuela. Roughly 15,000 active duty troops. The largest U.S. show of force in the Caribbean in decades.
Jon Stewart 5:53
Well, not including, of course, your friend Stephanie's destination bachelorette party. That is the largest show of force in the Caribbean. You have to come. The T-shirts are already printed. So if you...

How does Jon Stewart compare the situation in Venezuela to Iraq?

Jon Stewart 6:10
she had them printed. She's a good friend. So if you think a military buildup and planned regime change is inconsistent with an award-winning man of peace, it's even more baffling when you think about how Trump ran as the non-interventionist, non-regime-changey America First candidate. And how the Secretary of War and fake cop stripper at Stephanie's bachelorette party...

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