The Daily Show: Ears Edition
FIFA Gives Trump a Gold Pacifier & Looming War on Venezuela Gives Jon Iraq Déjà Vu | Malala Yousafzai
09 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jon Stewart. Hello! Pleasure to be here tonight. We got a good one. We got a good one for you tonight, a great one for you tonight. Later on in the program, I'll be joined by Malali Asafzai. She'll be coming on the program.
Activist, author, producer, youngest Nobel Prize winner in history.
Chapter 2: What is the significance of FIFA's inaugural peace prize?
Yeah! Yes. And look at you people out there. She's the youngest Nobel Prize winner here. What are you doing? I'm thinking about maybe getting into writing.
I don't know.
I'm the guy in the audience. I'll tell you why he wants to be a comedy writer. How did I become a comedy writer? I tell him, and he goes, yeah, that might be fun. Seems like a lot of work. Let's get into the big story this weekend. FIFA. The World Cup is going to be held in the Americas, the United States, Canada, and Mexico.
And there was great suspense around, no, not who would be in this year's group of death or how FIFA would find a way to f*** over Scotland. No. It was who would win FIFA's inaugural peace prize. Oh. Because, no, it's inaugural FIFA peace prize. Because when I think of one sport that fosters peaceful coexistence, it's the beautiful game.
All right? Here we go. Who's it going to be? Please welcome the very first winner of the FIFA Peace Prize, the 45th and 47th President of the United States of America, Mr. Donald J. Trump.
Please. Oh, my God! I can't believe it! Hey, everybody! Oh, my God! I'm so surprised! Oh, oh, oh! Oh my God, he won the prize specifically created to appease him. The FIFA appease prize.
Mr. President, this is your prize. This is your appease prize. There is also a beautiful medal for you that you can wear everywhere you want to go. Right now. Okay, let me hold. Fantastic. Excellent.
Not boo, enjoy that. He's so weird. Enjoy that. The man just got a made up peace prize and his first move is... You know, he's so thirsty, he's not even gonna bag it. He's like, nah, just wear it out of the store. No worries. I don't want to say anything. I don't know if you guys got a good look at the trophy. But come on.
I think its design somewhat reflects, in all likelihood, how it was conceived. I take you to that meeting now. Why do we got to invent some prize just to satisfy some fragile egomaniac? Trump is so needy. It's like the world always has to reach out and stroke his balls. Oh, Donald, you're such a good leader. Oh, you're such a man of peace. Oh, you're a man of peace. I love you.
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Chapter 3: How does Jon Stewart compare the situation in Venezuela to Iraq?
she had them printed. She's a good friend. So if you think a military buildup and planned regime change is inconsistent with an award-winning man of peace, it's even more baffling when you think about how Trump ran as the non-interventionist, non-regime-changey America First candidate. And how the Secretary of War and fake cop stripper at Stephanie's bachelorette party...
He laid out those non-interventionist principles explicitly just days ago.
The War Department will not be distracted by democracy building, interventionism, undefined wars, regime change, and feckless nation building.
To many Americans, invading Venezuela to topple their leaders feels a little intervention-y. Which now puts MAGA World in a quandary. MAGA believes in non-foreign intervention. But they also believe in blindly following their leader. How will they square this circle and delicately reassure us that Trump is not like those other intervention presidents?
Now, a lot of people are gun-shy after Iraq. And I understand that. Totally get that.
Totally. What's with the tone? You sound like a creepy guy who's trying to have sex with a widow. Hey, slugger, I loved your dad too, but he's gone. And you know I miss him. Totally get that. But your mom's lonely, so I'm in a banger. This anchor's trying to fertilize the soil, getting America used to what might be, using his comfort voice and a little bit of basic education.
Let's just go over a few basics because maybe you don't know where Venezuela is, all right? Like me, all right? I know it's in South America. Very good. Let's take a closer look at South America. There it is. Now be honest, when you look at that map, who knows exactly where, which country it is? I know it's at the tippy top, one of those two, but all right, there it is, Venezuela.
I had a feeling, but I wasn't a thousand percent convinced.
You had a feeling? Do you guys not have a meeting before the news? Where they might show you where Venezuela is before you go on television? So you don't learn about it on air? Are you not an anchor? Do you just roll out of bed and hit the ring light like a news influencer? Is that what this is? Is this supposed to be one of those get ready for war with me videos?
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Chapter 4: What insights does Malala Yousafzai share about her life changes?
That's a literal translation. I'm sure that's not what they actually call it. I'm sure, like, when you're with a girl or guy, you're not like, how about a trabajo de manos? Like... But I know what MAGA is doing. They're convincing us that Iraq was an entirely different set of circumstances.
That country was led by a sword-wielding, mustachioed madman who held an iron grip on his people and his power. Nicolas Maduro is nothing like... Oh, shit. Well, look, I'm sure a lot of leaders use the same sword guy. Superficial coincidence. Same sword, same mustache. I'm sure they wear different hats. It's not a kind of a, oh boy. All right.
So the two dictators share a remarkably similar taste in facial hair, body shape, ceremonial sabers, and headgear. It doesn't mean that the pretext for the wars will be the same.
That drugged out dinghy was a floating weapon of mass destruction. Every boat carrying fentanyl and drugs in this country is a weapon of mass destruction.
Are you f***ing kidding me right now? You guys have the balls to tell us that the pretext for Iraq was bullshit and that war was a mistake and we're not like that. And also, Venezuela has weapons of mass destruction and we have to stop them. Or is WMD just the new slang? Like, yo, bro, Venezuela's total WMD, six, seven, what's up? Like, is that what we're doing? And for those of you...
who are like, oh my god, I didn't even realize that all the fentanyl in the US comes from Venezuela. That's because it doesn't. Like, almost none of it. Like, none of it. Look, you know what? I didn't want to have to do this. But you have forced my hand. If you're going to bring back early 2000s geopolitics, I'm going to have to bring back early 2000s Daily Show gotcha clips.
Because as much as you say war with Venezuela would be so different from Iraq, it seems like you may be using the neocon's sales manual. Like, other than WMDs, why was it so important to take down Saddam Hussein? His regime has an active support for and cooperation with terrorist networks.
Oh, terrorist networks.
That's the worst kind of networks. Even including Paramount+. It's the worst kind of network. Well... You were going to get me fired. Well, you'll never guess where the terrorists are now.
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Chapter 5: How does Malala discuss her journey with mental health?
Iraq, Venezuela, go! We're giving them full opportunity to do it the easy way. And when it doesn't work, we'll do it the hard way. If we can do things the easy way, that's fine. And if we have to do it the hard way, that's fine too.
Chemical weapons is a threat to the United States. Fentanyl poses a chemical weapons threat to the United States. Al-Qaeda terrorists inside Iran. Al-Qaeda of our hemisphere. If we can get rid of Saddam, it could really begin to transform the region. There's an opportunity to transform the entire region. Bringing freedom and democracy.
Democracy and freedom can serve as a beacon of hope. Shock and awe. Shock and awe indeed. If you think this is getting confusing, you're not alone. Even senators can't keep these Bush or Trump wars straight. This is Senator Tom Cotton from this weekend.
I think President Bush has every power under the Constitution to strike votes in international waters.
Oopsie poopsie. That was a little Freudian. Feels like calling the teacher mom in the middle of a war crime. Well, let's be fair. These wars aren't exactly the same. For example, how the Bush administration went to great pains to convince everyone that the Iraq war had a higher purpose. It has nothing to do with oil. Literally nothing to do with oil. Literally. Nothing.
So yeah, the one lesson this administration seems to have taken from Iraq is, beyond the weapons of mass destruction and fentanyl disruption and regime change, yada, yada, yada, there might also be a side benefit to this war you should know about.
Venezuela has the largest reserves of oil in the world. Venezuela that has a rich, talk about rich natural energy resources. Massive oil reserve, they have gold, they have rare earths. Oil, gold and minerals. And I am sure there are U.S. companies that would like to do business there. Venezuela for the American oil companies will be a field day.
You know, I didn't think this war was a wise decision, but if it helps the oil company smile again. So basically, all the bullshit reasons we used to justify the disastrous war in Iraq, the non-interventionist Trump regime are trotting out to justify war in Venezuela. So how is this war not considered a foreign entanglement? Well, it's easy, by redefining the word foreign.
And America first means we need a Western hemisphere where America is dominant.
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Chapter 6: What challenges did Malala face while pursuing education activism?
John! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What? I can't believe this!
Oh, my God!
this is unbelievable guys visit former iraq era daily show correspondent mr rob corddry is here this is amazing now what are you doing here and why are you dressed like marty mcfly Good question, John.
I just time traveled here from 2005 into the present because I need to warn you, the war in Iraq is a disaster. We cannot, John, make that mistake ever again in the future.
Uh... Yeah, we know. We're in the future. We lived through that already.
No.
Oh, my God. Oh, you're right. Oh, it would have made a lot more sense to go to the past, huh? Stupid idiot. Then you could have warned me. Yeah, giant, giant waste of a time machine. You know what? I should have gone back in time and f***ed my mom. Yeah. Yes. That's the movie. But here we are. Yeah.
In the present, John.
We're in the present.
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Chapter 7: How does Malala reflect on her marriage and personal growth?
Wow. Not great, yeah. Wow. Okay. All right. How about my favorite reality show, The Apprentice? I mean, that one... That one's still going. That show is a who? Yeah, it's not on the air anymore. What? Really? Yeah. What has happened to this place? It's a dystopia. I mean, you're fired. You're fired. So good. It's so good. I can watch that guy.
I can watch that guy all day, every single day for the rest of my life. Rob Corddry, everybody, when we come back. Every day.
Every day. For the rest of your life.
What's up? Very good.
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She's a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, education activist, and best-selling author whose new memoir is called Finding My Way. Please welcome back to the program Malala Yousafzai. Hello.
Hello. How have you been?
I haven't seen you. I know. When you came on the show, you were 16 years old.
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Chapter 8: What impact does Malala's school have on girls' education in Pakistan?
Here's what I loved about the memoir. You, at such a young age, we... We elevated you, not because it wasn't spectacular what you did, but we did make you a two-dimensional caricature. And the book humanizes and three-dimensionalizes you in a way that's really rewarding to see.
Yeah, you know, I thought I was supposed to live my life a certain way. It's, you know, it's quite rare to be called a Nobel Peace Prize laureate and an education activist when you are still a teenager. And I thought it means that I have to live a perfect life now. I have to be a perfect daughter, a perfect person. I cannot get anything wrong.
and that I'm supposed to know the answer to everything in my life, that I can't make mistakes. But I realized that, you know, that was not the true me, that I didn't have to sacrifice friendship and so much of my normal life. So when I went to college, that's when I changed everything. Because at school, you know, at this high school in the UK, I struggled to make friends.
By the end of my high school, I had only made one friend, and that's because she fell out with her best friend. I was brought to the UK for my treatment, and then I had to adjust to a new life. So in college, I said, you know what? I want to do this differently. I signed up for every club and every society because I wanted to meet as many students as possible so that I could make some friends.
And I had signed up for the Pakistan society and Christian society, Hindu society, Muslim society. And I was like, just go everywhere. We'll find someone.
Now, did that ever get confusing at some point?
Not at all.
No, you kept going. You signed up for rowing.
Yes. You rowed? That was a big mistake. Yes. Yeah, it's because you have to be up very early and I'm not a morning person.
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