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The Daily Show: Ears Edition

TDS Time Machine | Iran: Behind the Veil w/ Jason Jones

01 Mar 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 11.965 Unknown

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27.318 - 47.239 Jon Stewart

Last week we sent our own senior foreign correspondent, Jason Jones, to Iran. Really, we did that? That was stupid. Obviously, we didn't know there was going to be a dictatorial and somewhat violent crackdown on its people. Now, Mr. Jones did get out of Iran before the election, from what we've been told.

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48.662 - 68.119 Jon Stewart

But we believe the reports he will be filing starting tonight present an interesting snapshot of a nation unaware of the destiny which awaits it. Tonight, the first of Jason Jones' reports. The Islamic Republic of Iran, a nation in upheaval, a powder keg waiting to explode.

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68.94 - 106.023 Jon Stewart

But as we empathize with these courageous souls who are risking their lives to take a stand for democracy in the face of oppression, let us not forget, these people are evil. But just what is it that makes them so evil? I hadn't signed up for Twitter, so the only way to find out was to go and see for myself. As I touched down at Khomeini Airport on my 36th birthday, I was completely alone.

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106.764 - 111.812 Jon Stewart

No American embassy, no alcohol, not even exposed ankles to Lirat.

112.373 - 116.86 Unknown

I have a wife and children. Please don't hurt me.

117.962 - 149 Jon Stewart

Even leaving the hotel presented potential risk. Red wire, blue wire. But I assured my producer, Tim Greenberg, that as long as he was with me, there was nothing to fear. First up, I made contact with my translator, Mahmoud. We headed to a coffee shop off Azadi Square for a clandestine meeting with Iranian journalist, Maziar Bahari.

149.741 - 162.597 Jon Stewart

I was told he'd go by the code name, Pistachio, and I would recognize him by... Oh. I didn't see you there. I asked him the question on every Westerner's mind. Why was his country so terrifying?

Chapter 2: What motivated Jason Jones to visit Iran in 2009?

162.978 - 179.973 Jon Stewart

In one word, misunderstanding. The two sides, they don't understand each other. They don't know the values of the other side. They don't know how to talk to the other side. And actually, I've written about that for Newsweek magazine several times. Yeah, I didn't understand a word of that. Mahmoud, can you translate this for me, please?

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179.993 - 186.098 Jason Jones

Yes, he's saying that he's written about this problem that you have in Newsweek magazine and you can read about it.

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187.006 - 210.077 Jon Stewart

Okay. What did he say? He said that I said I've written about it for Newsweek magazine several times. I'm going to need someone who speaks English. The one thing I could understand was that this entire country is evil. The first thing to know about Iran is that it's not evil. Iranians and Americans, they have much more in common than they have...

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210.563 - 235.407 Jon Stewart

Difference what do I have in common with you who is number one enemy of the United States al Qaeda al Qaeda is also the number one enemy of Iran according to al Qaeda members any Shia any Iranian has to be killed and if you kill an Iranian you would go to heaven and you will have 72 virgins. Enough of his Western educated Newsweek doublespeak the real seething anger was on the streets.

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235.538 - 237.06 Jason Jones

American people are nice people.

237.08 - 238.503 Jon Stewart

Yeah, I like America.

238.763 - 242.028 Ebrahim Yazdi

The people are really friendly, very good. Very good people.

242.188 - 244.492 Jason Jones

I like the people. I have friends in America.

244.792 - 252.824 Jon Stewart

A less well-trained I might not see through their deceptions. So when did you start hating Americans? To hating Americans?

Chapter 3: What challenges did Jason face upon arriving in Iran?

396.714 - 420.426 Unknown

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420.807 - 445.129 Unknown

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445.109 - 452.797 Unknown

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456.901 - 492.439 Jon Stewart

Obviously, the situation in Iran is fluid and very dangerous and much more fluid and dangerous than we thought it was going to be when we sent Jason Jones there. So while he had gone to Iran in pursuit of a comedy piece, he met some people who were in pursuit there of much more. Iran scares us. But who scares Iran?

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492.719 - 507.46 Unknown

The elderly leader of the freedom movement, Ibrahim Yazeed, was arrested from his sickbed yesterday. Amongst those arrested, Mohammed Abtai, a leading reformist and former vice president. Newsweek magazine's Maziar Bahari was detained without charge Sunday morning.

507.58 - 532.98 Jon Stewart

Luckily, just two weeks ago, I was able to sit down with the axis of evils. Axis of Evil. First up, Ibrahim Yazdi. One glimpse of his fearsome visage and his trained attack lovebirds told me all I needed to know. I'd have to play this one carefully. My name? Ibrahim Yazdi. I'm just gonna call you Colonel Sanders.

534.192 - 556.54 Ebrahim Yazdi

I don't have any sandwich. You'd make a lot of money with a sandwich shop. I'm satisfied with what I have. But there are some things this leader of Iran's freedom movement is not so satisfied with. I am opposing American deeds in Iran. I'm opposing American policy towards Iran. I think that the American religions actually help the hardliner in Iran.

556.56 - 579.142 Ebrahim Yazdi

The former president, Bush, called Iran the axis of evil. Why did he call you the axis of evil, though? Ask him. Well, I know why. You're evil. How can you prove that we are evil? You're part of an axis. We are not. We don't have anything to do with Saddam Hussein or with North Korea. You are looking at your own picture in the mirror. Well, that's what I'd like to look at.

579.363 - 583.587 Ebrahim Yazdi

Both of us, we need to cooperate. Why you don't look at that angle?

Chapter 4: How do Iranians perceive the relationship with Americans?

630.851 - 641.766 Jon Stewart

You know what? I'm not going to do this. I can't sit down here without any preconditions, OK? So unless you agree to my preconditions, I am not sitting down to interview you.

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641.786 - 659.402 Jason Jones

You tell him that. Oh, you accept it? Yeah.

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659.422 - 677.128 Jon Stewart

I didn't think you were going to do that. Preconditions, preconditions, preconditions. All right. I want to sit in this chair. Yes? Is this for you? Yeah, it will. It is for me. Next. I want to take home this book.

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678.612 - 679.194 Unknown

Which book?

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679.214 - 681.14 Jon Stewart

This one, Dictionary of Religious Terms.

682.284 - 683.467 Unknown

Yes, this is gift to you.

683.748 - 704.092 Jon Stewart

Yeah, I will take it as a gift. Okay, this is going easier than I thought. But things went quickly downhill as he threw one bombshell after another. I have an institute about dialogue between religions, and I have written a lot about women's rights. You are pro-women's rights? Certainly. Nuclear weapons?

704.834 - 705.054 Jason Jones

No.

705.415 - 707.779 Jon Stewart

You don't support a nuclear bomb in Iran? No.

Chapter 5: How does the Iranian government respond to dissent?

867.348 - 874.935 Unknown

Say, you know, what's happening? Why are you doing this? We don't understand what we're seeing on TV. Please explain to us why you feel it necessary to do this.

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875.296 - 896.52 Jon Stewart

What about the idea that America being a very easy scapegoat for them and the idea that if we do anything we're seen as meddling and would cause the demonstrators more harm than good? That's true. That's why I think if people did it themselves, it would be more effective. Rather than government, but from the people. I think so, yeah. That would be more effective.

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896.901 - 914.56 Jon Stewart

Well, will you please keep in touch and let us know how things go for your father. And we can't tell you how much we appreciate you coming in and how much we appreciated your father speaking to us over there. And just what a lovely man that everybody who met him thought he was. And I can't wait until he gets back out. Thank you. It's great to see you. Thank you so much.

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914.58 - 932.445 Maziar Bahari

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932.425 - 947.132 Maziar Bahari

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947.152 - 965.462 Maziar Bahari

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965.743 - 986.977 Maziar Bahari

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986.997 - 1024.65 Unknown

Please support our show and tell them we sent you. When Jason Jones went to Iran, he had no idea what he would find.

1025.997 - 1067.326 Jon Stewart

because he thought we were sending him to France. It's quite a prank. But the biggest surprise turned out to be the people. Here's part three of Jason Jones' report, Behind the Veil. I had come to Iran to learn what this country we've been cut off from for decades was all about. I immersed myself in their customs. Their food. Their drink.

Chapter 6: What events led to the crackdown on Iranian protesters?

1516.541 - 1532.272 Jon Stewart

And we feel we shouldn't have bad influence on people. You got a lot to learn about rap, pal. But check this. Yo, drop the bass. J-Squared on the mic. Turn the headphones up. Here we go, here we go, here we go!

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1532.412 - 1555.302 Unknown

I'm an old school Persian, updated version Bitch slappin' all this fraud and subversion Second movers wanna cast an aspersion Go on motherf***ers, I'll lead the incursion I'm the world's greatest rapper in English and Farsi I got more rhymes than Tabbouli got parsley I spend like a pimp, I've lived like a thug I hired 80 versions to weave me a rug

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1557.256 - 1582.808 Jon Stewart

Now I'm rollin' down the streets of East Tehran Stoppin' by the mosque to get my Islam on Then I park for my hookah till my head gets hazy Even Ahmadinejad thinks that I'm crazy I'm an old school Persian, updated version Been slappin' all this fraud and subversion And rich like uranium, that's why I'm Iranian You'll never find my missiles cause they're all subterranean

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1585.876 - 1588.021 Jon Stewart

I'm assuming your laughing means you like it.

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1590.386 - 1590.646 Jason Jones

Yes.

1591.328 - 1620.844 Jon Stewart

Though if you want to analyze it professionally, the meter was not correct. Get out of here. You don't know nothing about rap. And with that, my time in Iran was up. What began in fear had ended in understanding. I had immersed myself in their culture, sampled their delicacies. Gel before shave. Gel before shave. I'll try some. It's good.

1621.162 - 1649.987 Jon Stewart

But as I watch what's happening there now, I know that somewhere in that sea of faces are the same people I had met. People who were gracious enough to take me into their homes and schools and coffee shops. People who indulge my asinine questions. People I hope will be safe and not be harmed or arrested for the simple act of wearing green and wanting a voice. Jason Jones and Tim Greenberg.

1650.794 - 1676.346 Jon Stewart

Nice job, guys. This is Jason Jones. Intrepid producer Tim Greenberg spent 10 days in Iran and came back with amazing work and amazing pictures that revealed a certain part of Iran that I think many of us hadn't seen before. So congratulations. Great job. Thanks. What's next? What's the next assignment? North Korea.

Chapter 7: What insights did Maziar Bahari share about his experiences in Iran?

1676.967 - 1688.222 Jon Stewart

We're going to Argentina.

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1688.723 - 1698.756 Unknown

All right. Yes. I knew it was one or the other. We'll be right back.

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1704.76 - 1732.844 Jon Stewart

Welcome back. My guest tonight, a reporter for Newsweek magazine who spent 118 days in an Iranian prison. He was released in October. Please welcome to the program Maziar Bahari. Sir. How's it going? It's going fine. Very nice. You were imprisoned in Iran. Yes, because of you.

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1733.164 - 1734.345 Unknown

Because...

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1735.642 - 1760.854 Jon Stewart

No, I'm just kidding. No. Well, we had sent Jason Jones over there, and you agreed to be interviewed with him. And Jason wore a keffiyeh and dark sunglasses and pretended to be a spy. As it turns out, your interrogators, uh... Didn't have a sense of humor, so they didn't understand. Yeah. Well, I don't know if the sketch was not funny or they didn't have a sense of humor, but I was the victim.

1760.874 - 1761.595 Jason Jones

I think I know what you're doing.

1761.715 - 1762.937 Jon Stewart

I was the victim anyways.

1763.078 - 1763.238 Jason Jones

Exactly.

1763.258 - 1781.848 Jon Stewart

I don't care. I was the victim. Here was the crazy part. So we obviously, we didn't know that all this tumult was going to happen after the election. So we call, or we got in contact with you before we ran the piece to say, is this okay to run? Are you going to be okay? And you answered, let me see if I have a quote there. It's fine, yes.

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