The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Jon Stewart's Best Trump Takedowns of 2025
11 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You're listening to Comedy Central. Of course it makes sense to wrap up the trade war right now so that we as a country can focus on the biggest thing that's weakening our great nation. Diversity, equity, and inclusion.
Chapter 2: What recent issues has Trump been involved with in 2025?
Yes. DEI, diversity, equity, and inclusion. MAGA Worlds blamed this scourge for everything from the fires in California to the attack on Bourbon Street to inflation to the Baltimore Bridge collapse to why your children are confused about the race of mermaids. Because mermaids, boys and girls, are gingers. They've always been that. The latest example being the plane crash in Washington.
It was the DEI-ist. But don't take my word for it. Let's let MTV's Road Rules star and Fox & Friends B-teamer... Explain DEI. You can't focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion when you try to hire air traffic controllers. You want the best. You want the brightest protecting yourself and your family. We will have the best and brightest in every position possible.
It is colorblind and merit-based. Look, there's a lot of reasons why the FAA is in a bad place. But these guys would have you believe that the main problem is that standards were somehow lowered to make sure that a black person or a gay person gets a chance to land your plane, even though the requirements to become an air traffic controller are the same.
But by culture warring this tragedy, Americans spent that terrible night holding their breath that the pilot or the air traffic controller wouldn't be a woman or a black person or in a wheelchair. Because what they're trying to do is make the default setting on competence in America a white guy. That's what this is, a reset to the factory default.
Because, of course, these two are there purely based on merit. It undercuts every black person, person of color, woman in this country that the job that they have, they don't deserve.
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Chapter 3: How is Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) perceived in the current political climate?
It's the mantra in the Republican Party that gives you brain turning moments like this. In the United States of America, we get ahead and succeed by merit and merit alone. Yes, merit and merit alone, says RNC Chairwoman Lara, hold on, let me get my glasses. Trump. It was a blind submission, never saw her name on the application. That's the irony of this whole thing.
The people standing next to Trump on that terrible night, blaming DEI and trying to reinstall white guys as the only non-suspect pool of hires are themselves DEI hires for one particular identity that they possess, the ass kisser. The president's leadership has been remarkable during this crisis. Mr. President, you make our jobs a lot easier.
I want to echo what the transportation secretary said about your leadership. Thank you for your leadership and courage on that, sir. I think you make a really important point on that, Mr. President. The president is right. And again, I want to thank you for your leadership, Mr. President. D-E-I. Sucking ego inflation. Obviously, if you think of sucking as a compound word.
As you know, we've been following the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, undocumented migrant from El Salvador, married an American woman, has a kid, living the American dream. Until the Trump administration sent him to an El Salvadorian mega prison by, and I'm quoting the Justice Department here, if I may, is an administrative error.
If only there was a convenient and timely way that the prisoner could be brought back to the United States, that wouldn't really inconvenience either nation. President Bukele at the moment flying from El Salvador to Washington, D.C. What? Saints be praised. Bukele can just give Garcia a ride. You don't even have to give Garcia the middle seat.
I'm sure Garcia would just grab the wing and Tom Cruise it over here if he had to. But sadly, Bukele arrived at the White House with just the Miami club promoter clothes on his back and a pocket full of excuses. Can President Bukele weigh in on this? Do you plan to return him? How can I disembowel a terrorist into the United States? I don't have the power to return him to the United States.
You know, can I honestly tell you, like, this is even, the thing that's, like, they're f***ing enjoying this. Like, the two of them. Our president, their president, I guess we'll just have to let him rot in a f***ing prison even though he didn't deserve to be there. I don't, you guys don't care about this guy. I'm talking about these two, but somebody else cares about this person.
And you just randomly, with no evidence that you'll show anybody, called him a terrorist. And one of the weirder parts about this is the thing, the only thing that seems to upset Trump about the entire situation is having to answer a perfectly reasonable question from Caitlin Collins about it. You said that if the Supreme Court said someone needed to be returned, that you would abide by that.
You said that on Air Force One just a few days ago. And they said that it must be facilitated. Why don't you just say, isn't it wonderful that we're keeping criminals out of our country? Why can't you just say that? Why do you go over and over? And that's why nobody watches you anymore. Nag, nag, nag. You sound just like the Supreme Court. Nag, nag.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of Trump's handling of air traffic control standards?
He's going to do that to U.S. citizens. I think the hosts of The View are about to get administratively errored. I got to tell you, I did not think he would get this authoritarian this fast. I really didn't. I'm sorry. Who could have known? Maybe if somebody out there had yelled at me on blue sky about this, I would have known. But no one did. Except every day. In all caps.
The real measure of Trump's first hundred days is the shrewdness he showed in the war he did start. My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day. Liberation Day! It was a devastating sneak attack launched from the Rose Garden. Fortunately, the country he snuck up on was ours. Tariff chaos, markets in free fall. Everybody kind of caught off guard, flat footed on Wall Street and elsewhere.
Major retailers like Target and Walmart have warned shelves could go empty in a matter of weeks. The bond market melting down overnight. There's now a 60% chance of a worldwide recession. There's chaos, there's uncertainty, no one knows what's going on. Yes. And apparently plunging our nation into this dark economic abyss is all part of the plan.
Well, in game theory, it's called strategic uncertainty. So you're not going to tell the person on the other side of the negotiation where you're going to end up. Right, right, right, right, right. But I'm pretty sure in game theory, you are supposed to tell the person on your side. on your side where they're gonna end up so they don't freak the out. Or maybe it's all bullshit.
And Trump launched a trade war without any of the pre-planning and preparation that needed to be done. And Besant has to go along with it because he's in the service of an impulsive man-baby that you have to lie to so he doesn't turn his virus of vindictiveness onto you. How did you not know that other countries weren't going to fight back? Did you miss that page in The Art of War?
Spoiler alert, it's on page one. China's retaliation now includes suspending exports of rare earth minerals and magnets to the United States. Those materials are essential to a number of American industries, including car makers, aerospace manufacturers, and semiconductor producers. China controls the refinement, the production of about 90% of the world's rare earth metals.
Elon Musk said that we're having problems with a magnet issue. The materials for the magnets for the robots come from China. Oh my god, the robots have no magnets! How will they hang up children's drawings on refrigerators? They're magnetless! And we could have stockpiled magnets and rare earth materials like Japan did in a spat with China.
But why bother preparing for a war that you yourself are launching? And really, how important are magnets anyway? Now, all I know about magnets is this. Give me a glass of water. Let me drop it on the magnets. That's the end of the magnets. So we have the end of the magnets, the beginning of the magnets. Does it really matter?
And we're in this position because we've been sold this idea of Trump as the master, the art of the deal. Only he can bring these nations to heel. It is all bullshit. I'm telling you, these countries are calling us up, kissing my ass. Trump told Time magazine that talks were underway and that Chinese President Xi Jinping had called him.
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Chapter 5: How has the Trump administration affected undocumented migrants?
That's about being skeptical of the motives of somebody who gives you a sandwich. A sandwich, a BLT. Now, imagine that that BLT has an engine nine bathrooms, and funds proxy wars. Admittedly, it's starting to feel like there might be something to this whole King thing. Let's go to the source. The original No Kings protest. The revolution. Let's see what's in the Declaration of Independence.
I just want to see very quickly if we have... Hold on a second. There's listed 27 specific grievances against the king. Time for a surprise inspection. Let me just see very... Oh, you know what's sad? There's no difference in color. The actual color of my hair is store-bought colonial wig. All right, let's see what the declaration says. Give me a beat. Come on.
The Declaration says, ah, he has kept among us in times of peace standing armies without the consent of our legislatures. Done. Cutting off our trade with all parts of the world. That does sound familiar. He has obstructed the administration of justice. It's getting hot in here. And here's one more. Oh, he has excited domestic insurrections amongst us. I mean, come on. I'm calling it.
Look, maybe Trump isn't an all-powerful king, the kind who can do whatever he wants, but he's undeniably king-adjacent, king-esque, moving for more. He's the imitation crab of kings right now. I can't believe it's not king. But most notably, this weekend marked the passage of the legislative coup that was Trump's big tax and spending bill. Now... I'm going to let you know there were some cuts.
The Medicaid cuts alone could total roughly $930 billion, with at least 11.8 million people at risk of losing their health coverage. It also cuts another $285 billion in food assistance. An end to clean energy credits from the Biden era. New caps on the amount that students can borrow in federal loans. Three million poor people and kids will lose school lunch help.
I think that last one is supposed to read, three million poor people and kids will lose school lunch. Help! Just an intonation. It's a lot of painful cuts on a lot of vulnerable populations. But to be fair, at least America will finally make a dent on the deficit. This mega bill will increase the deficit by $3.4 trillion. What the ? Holy shit! You, what?
You somehow managed to severely cut the safety net and expand the deficit. That's impressive. That's one of those, hey man, how did you gain all that weight? Ozempic. That's something that's hard to do. I'm on Ozempic and now I'm really fat. So even though some of our nation's most vulnerable are taking a pay cut, fear not. other people are getting a raise.
There's $157 billion in new spending for the military and another $150 billion for immigration and border enforcement. $150 billion for immigration and border enforcement? Are you telling me all this crazy shit that has been happening is broke ice? Is that what you're saying? What is ice gonna do when they have real money? Oh, oh, that's nice. They're gonna do the Kanye diamond masks. Classy.
But America's military and paramilitary weren't the only winners in this bill. Changes to the tax code could benefit corporate America and manufacturers. The bill features roughly $4 trillion in tax cuts, mostly for the wealthiest Americans. The estate tax becomes permanent and more generous. The holy grail of this tax plan, the best part of it for businesses, is bonus depreciation.
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Chapter 6: What are the consequences of the recent trade war initiated by Trump?
The president truth talked. You're a grown man. You're a grown man. Act like it. Secretary of the Treasury. Hey, yo, did you see what Trump truth out? Like six, seven bussing. Whoa, hey. I'm bussing. I was told that means something. So the courts ruled Friday that the administration does have to continue some SNAP benefits. And the administration has finally agreed to at least partially fund it.
But even then, they're so weird about it. We have a little rainy day fund for food stamps in case there's a disaster, which is about half as much as you need for a month of food. And they're saying, oh, just release that. Yeah. That's exactly what we are. It's a rainy day fund. This qualifies.
But also, as you've seen with the hurricane in Jamaica, that, you know, if our rainy day fund is gone, then what happens if we have a rainy day? It doesn't have to literally be a rainy day to be a rainy day fund. What is wrong with We have the money and I see you're hungry, but you're not hungry and wet. So get doused and then come back and see me. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.