Trump’s Cabinet Is on TikTok, Conservatives Move Iran Goalposts & TDS Turns 30 |

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 36 min 8 speakers 7 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Shannon Maldonado 0:00
I founded Ornot in 2013. I think the best thing about Shopify is that we can practice business without technical skills. We can manage the company's background and front-end and sell online. If Shopify was a bicycle, I think it would be a bicycle itself. That's how things are handled and our business is handled in Shopify. Start a free trial at shopify.com.
Professor Devi Sridhar 0:30
Olen Shannon Maldonado, käsintehtyjä artesaanituotteita myyvän Jaui lahjakaupan perustaja. Valitsin Shopify, koska alustoja testatessani totesin sen ehdottomasti yhdeksi helppokäyttöisimmistä alustoista. Minulla oli tärkeää pohtia kehittymistämme tulevaisuudessa. Kaikki myyntiin tarvittavat työkalut, kuten varaston suunnittelu, ovat kätevästi dashboardissa. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu shopify.com-sivustolla.
Sean Stewart 1:01
You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydon.
Desi Lydic 1:39
We've got so much to talk about tonight. The White House accidentally cures your TikTok addiction. Trump gets triggered by his own war. And I hope you brought us a present because tonight the Daily Show turns 30!
Desi Lydic 1:58
But first, let's get into our continuing coverage of the war in Iran.
Donald Trump 2:05
Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.
Desi Lydic 2:10
You might remember back in March when President Trump quickly launched his quick war in Iran, and conservative media told you how quick it was quickly going to go.
Correspondent (likely a Daily Show contributor) - Unknown 2:18
We've already knocked out so much of their capability. It looks like this is just a wrap-up mission at this point.
Sean Stewart 2:24
I don't see how this thing can continue much longer. The war may be over right now.
Greg Kelly 2:29
I just left the president today. It was a great interview. I said to him, Mr. President, you keep talking about the war like, was, was, was.
Shannon Maldonado 2:37
I said, is it over? He said, it's over.
Desi Lydic 2:42
Aw, she was so happy there, dressed like a pimp on Martha's Vineyard. Kind of like if Katharine Hepburn was in a music video for Three 6 Mafia. Anyway, that was five months ago. So by now, the end must surely be in sight. Tonight, no end in sight in the war against Iran.
Greg Kelly 3:01
Mr. President, there are no signs that Iran is ready to stop fighting. So what is the plan? Is the plan to just keep bombing until they give up?
Donald Trump 3:08
There are no signs. What? Do you know something that I don't know?
Greg Kelly 3:11
Well, they continue to attack our allies.
Donald Trump 3:14
You don't know anything. You know something that I don't know? Do you know something I don't know?
Desi Lydic 3:20
My God, this guy's cranky. Get him to a cabinet meeting so he can take a nap. But yes, it's a little awkward for Trump's media boosters that the war is still going on, and it's especially awkward for Greg Kelly, Newsmax anchor and guy who's definitely been kicked out of an airport Chili's. He's gone all in for Trump, and he really put his reputation on the line. I guess this is not a bold prediction on my part because the president just said it, but I predict also this time next week, we may be able to declare victory. I tell you what, I tell you what, though, it's still better than his other prediction. Diarrhea-free summer. That did not go well. But yeah, one weekend, Greg predicted that the war would be over soon.
Desi Lydic 4:05
And did he flinch a week later when the war was still going? No, he did not.
Donald Trump 4:09
The war in Iran, which is only 17 days old. And from what I'm hearing, this thing is going to be over probably before the 28th day. This is contained.
Desi Lydic 4:22
There you go. 17 days and over before day 28. Is it over or is it just beginning? Maybe a little bit of both. We are right now at 30 days. Gotcha, gotcha. We are now at 30 days and the war is over, and also just beginning. And before you say, wait, those are opposites, may I remind you that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Closing time. But the point is, chill out, guys. Don't make Greg get sarcastic. Wow, this Iran war has been going on for years, months? No, 52 days. 52 days. Relax. And quite frankly, we're not even shooting anymore. 73 days, and the coverage is relentlessly negative. Well, by one count, you could say 81 days.

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