Best of DLS: Chris Steals Greg's Laptop

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The Dan Le Batard Show 39 min 6 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What leads to the argument between Greg and Chris?

Dan Le Batard 0:00
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
Greg Cote 0:08
I've been asking... Go ahead and keep typing. Don't let us... Clack it away. I didn't know you were starting. You ended the last segment so well.
Unknown 0:13
The countdown usually is where... Oh, you didn't have your headphones on.
Okay. Okay.
Unknown 0:18
His team rankings are due today, guys. He has a deadline. You could clue me in that we're starting. How high do you have the Dolphins? I'm not telling you. They're going to be top. I happen to have my rankings open in front of me, but it's top secret information. I bet you I'm at 14. No, it's too high. Like 17.
Greg Cote 0:36
No, he'll be in the top 15. He would never go against his team that way. You don't think 17, Dan, would throw people off? There's just no way he's going under the midway point. I guess it would be 16. There's no way.
Unknown 0:48
Okay, first of all, the rankings that I have now, which Christopher probably purloined and illegally looked at, are not the official final rankings. I'm going to come in there and help you with something. I'm not going to look at your screen. No, this is not happening.
Greg Cote 1:04
I assure you, Tone, I assure you, I promise you that there's no way that he puts the Dolphins in the bottom half of the league.
Unknown 1:11
17 is just enough to throw the people off the scent, right? Oh, no! They're going to be elbows grabbed! They're going to be elbows grabbed! He's furious! Okay. I'm going to tell Christopher right now, if you reveal on the air where the Dolphins rank, I am going to be genuinely pissed at you. You do not do that. You're getting into my business now. Seriously, he better not do that. Okay, he steals my computer, breaks the whole screen. There it is.
Greg Cote 1:44
There it is. He's left you with just a keyboard. It's embarrassing. Christopher, Christopher. He took your dignity.
Unknown 1:49
I'm just looking. Don't say anything about it. I'm serious. Okay, I'm going to tell you this right now. Are you hearing me? If you say that on the air, I am not hosting the draft party Thursday night. Wow. Period. Do you understand me? Do you understand me? The draft party will not be at my house Thursday night.
Greg Cote 2:09
We've got an Avery Johnson situation.
Unknown 2:11
If anybody on this show reveals where I have the Dolphins ranked or anything else about my rankings, I am not hosting the draft party Thursday night. Take that to the bank.

How does Greg react to Chris stealing his laptop?

Unknown 2:21
I'm saying it all my life. You have so many tabs open. I'm saying it all my life. I will not host the draft party Thursday night if anybody says anything about my rankings on the air. Greg's standing on business right now.
Greg Cote 2:33
Is he clocking you? And now I want to push this because, among other things, I want Chris to actually take that to a bank. I want him to go to a bank and say, listen, my father. See what the teller's reaction is when you say my father has threatened that if I. Take that back.
Unknown 2:50
Give me back my computer. Jack.
Chris Cody 2:53
Avery Johnson's father thinks this is aggressive.
Stugatz 2:56
I may have exited out. I hope you have it saved.
Chris Cody 2:58
Oh, no.
Greg Cote 2:59
1440 is the password. Oh, no.
Stugatz 3:05
All right, I'm going to bring it back in.
Chris Cody 3:06
I'm scared.
Greg Cote 3:07
No, no, just hold on to it for a second. I'll stay here.
Chris Cody 3:10
Dan, you can't see our van. No, no, look, listen. This is a bad idea.
Greg Cote 3:15
I have seen him yell at Christopher this way since Christopher was four. When he starts throwing around the Christophers, I don't need to see the front of his face to know that he's serious. And... the greatest of all the threats, when he threatens not to host a draft party, when it's the center of his life, he doesn't want to take away that draft party. That's what he wants to be doing. But he will. But he will. If you reveal that the Dolphins are 14 instead of 17, if you reveal that and take away his paywall thunder, Really? He just spoke to me in sign language. No, it wasn't even sign language. He did not waste words. He just did Keanu Reeves the Matrix and summoned you over with a finger because he didn't want to waste the breath of having you test his rage anymore.
Greg Cote 4:14
He's just sitting here with nothing but a keyboard. And I got to tell you, it looks pathetic.
Unknown 4:19
I want my laptop back.

What are the consequences of revealing NFL rankings?

Unknown 4:21
I'm not the least bit amused by this.

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