Chapter 1: What are the consequences of a losing fantasy week?
Coming off a losing fantasy week, that means you're one week closer to losing your league.
That's stressful, which can lead to nighttime teeth grinding. Dentek wants to prevent teeth grinding and has raised the fantasy stakes with a once-in-a-lifetime punishment. Keep an eye out for the ultimate fantasy football punishment reveal at the NFL Pro Bowl. or on Dentek.com slash ultimate punishment.
If you're still feeling fantasy stress, try a Dentek nighttime dental guard to protect your teeth. Available at all major retailers. All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff!
Chapter 2: What is the ultimate fantasy football punishment reveal?
Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff. Smirnoff! Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff! All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion. Smirnoff!
Starting this December, Smirnoff is giving fans 21 and over the chance to score limited edition Smirnoff commission merchandise from some of today's top creators, including Kayla Jones, Gavin Matthew, and Alaylee May.
Smirnoff!
Here's the kicker. One lucky fan will take home the grand prize, a trip to the biggest game of the offseason. Plus, one fan will win Alaylee May's one-of-one game day jacket. Wow. The merch will be dropped on select dates from December to January 21, and it's all courtesy of what brand?
Smirnoff!
That's right, Chris. Fans 21 and over can head to Smirnoff Socials to learn how to sign up. And don't forget to grab a bottle of Smirnoff vodka, number 21, at your local retail. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff. Number 21 vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anybody under legal drinking age. Smirnoff.
No purchase necessary. Must be legal. U.S. resident, 21 or older. Sweepstake starts 12-15-2025 at 12 a.m. Eastern and ends 1-23-2026 at 11-59-59 p.m. Eastern. See official rules at program website. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your JƤgermeister ice cold.
That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day? Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth? Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence.
Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jagermeister, must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold.
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Chapter 3: Is Rose the new host of Off-Rohding?
Oh, blue Michigan all the way. Michigan. Michigan again. They're mad. Four years, they haven't won in, what, 2,163 days? This is our second home. We use this as a vacation home. This is Ann Arbor the second.
Do you guys have someone you would like for Penn State to hire as their head coach? Joe Brady. Does anyone miss James Franklin out of this crew?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
No comment.
No. Not really. No. No.
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Chapter 4: What Halloween costume did Rose wear and why is it significant?
What do you think James Franklin went as for Halloween this year? Probably himself because he has a big ego.
Unemployed. Not a costume. I mean, it's a fact.
What do you think Ryan Day was for Halloween? Probably Crybaby. One of those big blow-up suits, Crybaby. Where we go, we don't need roads. Who's the scariest team in college football that's not Ohio State?
Oregon.
Indiana. They're good. They're good. They're real good. They're real good. Kirk Cignetti. He's the man. Google him. Google him. If you want to go to a college football game, maybe even a UNC game, download the Game Time app and use Colusi for $20 off your first order. Terms apply. It's spooky.
Days and two hours. You're going to be there.
Dan, given the number of firings that I have been a part of recently, I was a little worried about credentials for this one. But I was like, no worries. We'll go to Columbus. We'll have a good time. I tried to walk into the stadium. They have this hanging up. They have this hanging up. Thank God they picked such a pretty picture of me. But guess I want to keep Ryan Day around here.
All the gates are locked and they won't let me in. Because what, I'm too pretty? That's not cool. Because what, I might get your head coach fired? What do you think's going on in there? I feel like I'm being bullied. Maybe discriminated against for being too funny. Is it because I'm wearing white? Do you think they're not letting me in because they saw how Rose was dressed? Michigan would never.
Well, it turns out Penn State did need James Franklin to lose to Ohio State. They could do it with an interim, too.
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Chapter 5: How do the vibes differ between college football tailgates?
Do you rank Tennessee, who hasn't beat anybody? Where do you put Miami after losing this weekend? I think we'll get a lot of questions answered. This is always one of my favorite days because, like, everyone gets so mad. And it actually really does matter. We're like the eight people. I'm just mad at it for no reason.
Lucy, what is America's fascination with Vanderbilt?
I think it's just like they're I don't want to call them lovable losers because they're not losers anymore. They're winning. I think there's just this sort of like this is a team that was so bad for so, so long. And you bring in Diego Pavia, who has this great story of.
He went to a military college and then he went to New Mexico State and now he's at Vanderbilt and he's come in and he's striking the Heisman pose. And you saw them this weekend, obviously lose against Texas, but play incredibly competitively coming back from down double digits to be inches away from recovering an onside kick. That stuff never used to happen to Vanderbilt, I think.
it's weird to me that that sort of like fascination hasn't necessarily I think hit the same with Indiana who's also as historically bad as Vanderbilt if not worse but I think it's because Indiana is so dominant and it's just so confusing because like we don't really like there's sort of an SEC bias with it but I think it's just this is a team that was so so bad for so so long to see them win is really exciting.
Which fans will be angry tonight, Lucy?
Oh, that's a good question. I think Ohio State fans will be angry because I think they're going to put Indiana number one. I'm curious to see what happens. I think some SEC fan bases are going to be really, really angry. I don't think it's going to be Alabama, and I don't think it's going to be Georgia. And obviously not Texas A&M.
But I think that the SEC right now, for me, is a very difficult conference to evaluate. Because I think, Mike Ryan, you'll appreciate this. The SEC and the ACC are very similar in the way they're beating each other. But there's a different narrative with both of those conferences. And so for me, I think the SEC is obviously going to get the benefit of the doubt.
And you might see teams like Tennessee, who has not beat anybody at all, find their way in a good position when they probably shouldn't be.
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Chapter 6: What does being a Buckeye mean in college football culture?
And if you get one to two losses, you're in that discussion. Whereas Oregon, really soft schedule. this year. Incredibly soft. So what do you think happens this weekend? And what do you think the conversation should be around the Big Ten?
One, I know that me personally, I'm going to be miserable because this game is already ruining my life because I really think Iowa's going to win. And when they don't win, it's going to kill me. This is like a playoff elimination game of some sorts for Oregon. Iowa, theoretically, if they win out the rest of the season, they should be in the playoff. They probably will be in the playoff.
That's a stretch that I'm not really ready to take mentally and emotionally quite yet. Yeah, if Oregon loses this game, which, by the way, this is a very, very weirdly good Iowa football team. They're scoring a lot of points. Their defense looks phenomenal. Like if they lose, it's not a bad loss. But Oregon, I do believe they still have Washington and USC left on the schedule.
Those are two teams that could really sort of help your case. I think we're sort of in a little SEC bias mode again. We're like Washington, Iowa. These are teams that probably should be getting a little more praise than they are. So nationally, they don't look as good of wins as they could possibly be, but they are really good wins.
But I do think that if Oregon loses this weekend, it's over for them. And it's another team that you look at and objectively view what you've said. It's true. It's hard to evaluate how good they are because the only real example we have is them losing by two touchdowns to Indiana. Iowa did not lose like that. Iowa was a couple plays away from beating Indiana had their quarterback not gotten hurt.
So it's hard to evaluate this game. All I know is that I'm doing mentally really, really poor about it. It's ruining my life.
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Chapter 7: What controversies arise from the college football playoff rankings?
You know, ride them up. Let's go.
That's been Lucy's Internet Minute.
You guys are so horny for college football. It's great.
It's new to me, Lucy. This horniness is new to me. I haven't felt it in like 15 years. Boom. 25 years maybe.
Yeah. Haynes King will do that to you. Oh, man. Haynes King. That guy can do that to you.
Lack of steam for a white quarterback. It is cute you think Georgia Tech's good. What? They are cute.
I think Georgia Tech's good.
They are good, but their resume, when you really hold it under a microscope. You line them up, we knock them down. How about that for a resume?
I have a take. I feel like nobody's resume is good. Like nobody's resume is good.
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