Chapter 1: What interesting Bar Mitzvah gifts did Zaslow receive?
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All right, kicking things off with Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the NFL and the number one vodka in the world. Chris Cody, you're here. Smirnoff!
Chapter 2: What are the details of the fantasy football punishment reveal?
Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff. Smirnoff! Chris, you know what goes great with Smirnoff? Smirnoff! Yes, but I'm really talking about the game day fit. The style's got to match the vibe. Smirnoff! All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. And that's exactly why your fit has to match the occasion.
Chapter 3: How does the Smirnoff campaign connect with NFL fans?
Smirnoff! Starting this December, Smirnoff is giving fans 21 and over the chance to score limited edition Smirnoff commission merchandise from some of today's top creators, including Kayla Jones, Gavin Matthew, and Alaylee May.
Smirnoff!
Here's the kicker. One lucky fan will take home the grand prize, a trip to the biggest game of the offseason. Plus, one fan will win Alaylee May's one-of-one game day jacket. Wow. The merch will be dropped on select dates from December to January 21, and it's all courtesy of what brand?
Smirnoff!
That's right, Chris. Fans 21 and over can head to Smirnoff Socials to learn how to sign up. And don't forget to grab a bottle of Smirnoff vodka, number 21, at your local retail. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff. Number 21 vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anybody under legal drinking age. Smirnoff.
No purchase necessary.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of Joe Davis hosting the Dodgers' parade?
Must be legal. U.S. resident, 21 or older. Sweepstake starts 12-15-2025 at 12 a.m. Eastern and ends 1-23-2026 at 11-59-59 p.m. Eastern. See official rules at program website.
Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your JƤgermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day? Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth?
Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jagermeister, must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it. Drink responsibly.
Jagermeister liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jagermeister U.S., White Plains, New York.
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
So as a lot of people know, I'm a big fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm. One of my favorite episodes of all time is, one of my favorite seasons is when they're trying to do the Seinfeld finale finale, right?
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Chapter 5: What are the best and worst gifts for a Bar Mitzvah?
The way it should have been done. But my favorite episode that season is when Michael Richards is suffering from this disease and he's really worried and he doesn't want to do the show because he's worried about his health. And Larry David says, no, my boy Danny Duberstein had it and he's fine. And so Michael Richards says, can you put me in touch with him? And Larry says, sure.
And he goes to Jeff and he says, Jeff, give me Danny Duberstein's number. I got to give it to Michael Richards. And Jeff's like, Danny Duberstein's dead? When did he die? Like two years ago. How did he die? He died of that disease that Kramer has. It's a really serious disease. So Larry now realizes he can't tell Michael Richards Kramer this. So he gets Leon to dress up as Danny Duberstein.
to go tell him if everything's going to be okay. And Michael Richards says, your name's Danny Devers? He's like, yeah. He's like, you're Jewish? You've been bar mitzvahed? He's like, three times. He's like, I thought it only happened once. Oh, no, sometimes you got to re-up the mitzvah. I bring all this up because Zazzle turned to me and says, you know, I got some bar mitzvah gifts.
I got a bar mitzvah story for you. Well, maybe you won't believe this. I don't know. I'll let you decide. I can't predict the future. So...
Chapter 6: How did Zaslow's childhood gifts turn into a financial surprise?
My mother sends me a message yesterday. All right. She texts me and she tells me, Jonathan, can we, you know, can I come over this weekend? You know, maybe we could do dinner at the house. I was going through a bunch of my stuff recently and I found some very, she capitalized very, some very interesting stuff you may be interested in. Oh, no. I don't want to hear that from my mom.
Now, I don't know how she thinks that I'm going to wait until Sunday to find out this very interesting thing that she's found. So I said, of course, yeah, you can come over this weekend. But what did you find? All right. So when you're bar mitzvahed.
Three times. It's only once. Sometimes you got to re-up the mitzvah.
And my bar mitzvah, you feeling like you haven't done the mitzvah recently? You got to re-up it. My bar mitzvah was 31 years ago, okay?
And you didn't play GoldenEye?
I told you what I was doing.
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Chapter 7: What does the Mad Dog rant reveal about sports broadcasting?
So when you get bar mitzvahed, you get gifts. You get a lot of good gifts. But you always got that one or two or three family members who get you the shittiest gift possible.
Sweater.
Oh, it's the equivalent of a sweater. The shittiest gift possible you can get when you're bar mitzvah. A dreidel? No, man. Dreidel's a terrible bar mitzvah guest for Hanukkah, player. Just sit back and listen. Every Jewish young man knows exactly what the worst bar mitzvah gift is that you could possibly get. And the worst bar mitzvah gift that you could possibly get is a bond.
It's the worst gift. I was right there for everybody. We were all tripping over one another. No. We were like the Oklahoma Sooners coming out before Ole Miss.
James Bond. It's an Israeli bond. And you get the little note that they also planted a tree for your ass. All right. In Israel?
In Israel. Not even a U.S.
bond. An Israeli bond.
Israeli bond.
It's basically the same thing. And they planted a tree for my ass, too. Now, I can't even tell you how much I don't care about either one of those things.
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Chapter 8: How is channel surfing making a comeback?
A tree? I care about one of them very deeply.
So you get the Israeli bond. You forget about it. And my mother tells me she found a bunch of bonds from my bar mitzvah. All right, hold up. She found a bunch of bonds that were never cashed and never accrued money over the last 31 years. Are you about to tell me you're a millionaire?
And not only that, by the way, not only that, but a gift that I used to get when I was young as well, really young. I used to have these Disney stocks.
Oh, you're a millionaire. Shut the hell up.
My mother found Disney stocks in my name from when I was a little kid.
Shut the hell up.
And Israeli bonds that I didn't give a shit about for my bar mitzvah, and I hate it as a gift. Well, neither of those have been realized, neither of them have been cashed, and she's bringing them to my house this weekend. Let's buy the Seattle Sounders. Let's just do it. I don't have the exact number yet, but they're worth thousands of dollars. So how about that?
Hold up. I got a guy.
What are you disappointing? That's amazing.
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