Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship: How to Tell the Difference
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Is what I’m experiencing really coercive control or just a bad relationship?
confused about what coercive control actually is? Do you think you might be experiencing coercive control, but the examples you hear always sound so much more worse than what you're experiencing? And are you worried that you're just overreacting? Or you're constantly walking on eggshells, but then second guessing whether you should have a right to feel that way at all? Well, if that's you, today's episode is going to be perfect for you. Because we asked you To send in questions about coercive control, and oh my goodness, did you send in some questions? And we're going to be answering them for you. We thought it'd be one episode, but we have to turn it into a six-part series. And this first one is going to be answering the question that almost nearly every single message came back at the end saying, Is this really coercive control?
So if that's you, you don't want to miss the rest, so make sure you hit subscribe and you're subscribed to us on YouTube, Spotify or Apple, or that you've joined up to our email newsletter if it's safe because you don't want to miss the rest of these episodes. Now to help us answer these questions, we have our very special guest with us today, Krazi Keruva. She is a clinical psychologist who helps people break free from worn out, familiar patterns to live life on their own. own terms. Drawing on both her personal experience and her own first hand family experience, she has a deep interest in supporting those who go through domestic violence, coercive control, and emotional abuse. Krazi, welcome. We're so glad you're here.
Hi Laura. Hi, Leen. I so much love it every time I come on here.
We love it when you're here. So and of course my amazing mum, family law specialist with over thirty-five years experience. She's also going to be drawing on her own experience through law and also her personal experiences. Now there's a thread that ran through nearly every single question you sent us, and there was a lot. And like I said, if you were on the email list, you would have had an opportunity to send us your question. So please don't miss that. If you can sign up, it's not too late. You just go to the divorcecourse.com.au. But underneath almost every question was the same kind of line.
What examples best illustrate coercive control and why checklists can be misleading?
Is it me? Are they controlling or am I just needy? That's really what today is going to be about. We're not gonna be talking about the extreme coercive control stories you see in the news or on the headlines, we're gonna be talking about the quiet, confusing, hard to name version. And like I said, the ones where you're walking on eggshells, but then you're questioning whether you should be walking on eggshells at all and whether you're meant to be feeling this way. But before we get started, just a reminder to you all that everything we share today is general education. It's not legal advice, and it's not a diagnosis psychologically of your own situation either. Obviously, as well, there's going to be a trigger warning because we're going to be talking about coercive control and abuse.
And if anything lands a little too close today, please be gentle with yourself and reach out for support. We'll give you the numbers again at the end, but you can call 1 800 Respect if you're experiencing. any of this, or you can call Lifeline on thirteen eleven fourteen if you feel triggered. And of course if you're in immediate danger, always call Triple Zero in Australia or the emergency number for police in your country. Right. Thank you so much to come along today, both of you, for such a s a serious question and topic that it's getting confusing. There's a lot of information out there and a lot of people talking about it, and I don't think it's very clear for anyone, legally or psychologically at the moment.
Hello, I'm Laura, divorce mother of three, and I'm here with my mother, Lynnette Galvin, with 35 years experience in family law. You're listening to the Divorce Course Podcast. Through our candid discussions, we hope to help you through your divorce or de facto separation. We will be answering the most commonly asked questions and covering the stages and steps that you will face on your way to freedom.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Is what I’m experiencing really coercive control or just a bad relationship?
0:00–2:05
2
What examples best illustrate coercive control and why checklists can be misleading?
2:05–5:53
3
How do the three Ds (disrespect, disempowerment, distortion) define coercive control?
5:53–10:02
4
How does family law treat coercive control differently from criminal courts?
10:02–20:03
5
Can anger, yelling, or repeated pressure be considered coercive control?
20:03–32:55
6
Is coercive control possible without financial abuse, and can a main breadwinner be controlled?
32:55–42:11
7
How can I tell the difference between healthy compromise and covert coercive control?
42:11–56:18
8
Why do abusers behave this way and how can survivors begin to heal?
56:18–1:00:48
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from The Divorce Course Podcast
Property or Parenting First? Does the Order Actually Matter in Divorce Negotiations?
How Do I Prove Coercive Control? The Evidence That Actually Counts
Navigating the Family Home in Separation
Neurodivergent Kids & Divorce
Big or Small Property Pool? How Size Changes Your Divorce Settlement
Coercive Control and Your Kids: How to Protect Your Children From a Coercively Controlling Co-Parent