Why You Don’t Believe in Yourself (And How to Fix It) | Dr. Shadé Zahrai
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What is the science behind confidence and self-doubt?
Those who are the highest performers, they've understood that self-image, this concept of who we are, comes down actually to four key drivers. The first one is the obvious one that we associate with self-doubt. It's the belief that I am not enough, which comes down to what we call the attribute of acceptance, which is a learnable, trainable quality. The personality trait underscoring that is self-esteem.
Why is self-trust essential before gaining confidence?
So people who are able to achieve amazing things believe that they are inherently worthy.
How can body language signals enhance perceived confidence?
They're not seeking the validation of other people. They don't take feedback personally because they fundamentally accept that feedback is designed to make me better. They don't fear failure because they're not worried about what the failure is going to mean about them. They separate themselves from that. The second one is the second element that we associate with self-doubt, which is to do with our belief about our capacity and capability. Can I do this thing? Do I have the skills or the ability to learn how to do that? Third one is a very interesting one. Where do you place control in your life? Do you believe that you have some degree of control over the outcomes in your life? Or do you feel like it's completely out of your hand?
Now the very fourth one is the psychological trait of emotional stability. We call it the trainable attribute of adaptability.
What are the four psychological drivers of self-trust?
So it's your ability to understand your emotions, understand the emotions of other people, and then navigate between the two. Because understanding your emotional state at any moment gives you incredible insight.
If you wanted to give three daily habits, what would those be?
Dr. Sadeh Zarai, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. Now, I have to say, we just met, and this is amazing. You walked in, and you are very confident.
How do beliefs shape our perception of success?
Thank you. You are most welcome. And I want to know, what is the science behind this? either being and or appearing confident.
What daily habits can build self-trust and confidence?
I love that we're starting with this one. So I like to think of confidence as having two elements. There is how you feel and then how you're perceived. And so you just touched on the perception element of confidence. I may not have been feeling very confident, but you wouldn't have known that.
No.
And that's the power of making sure that we're aligning our behaviors with how we want to be perceived. I'm going to take a step back, though, because when we think about confidence, we often think it's something that we need before we get started. But let me ask you this question. What would you say is the opposite of self-doubt? Because self-doubt often holds us back. What is the opposite? Without thinking too hard about it.
The opposite of self-doubt would be agency.
Agency. I love it.
What strategies can help overcome overthinking and imposter syndrome?
I love that you said that. So we generally find 95% of people say confidence. And I tried to prime you with that, but well done for using the brain. So people think it's confidence or even agency. There's actually research that shows that confidence, that feeling that we're waiting for, actually comes after we've taken action, after we've done something. Because what's happening is when you achieve something in terms of doing the first step, achieving the task, you get the proof points, you get the evidence, which increases what's called your self-efficacy, which is a personality trait that can be improved over time. And when that increases, you suddenly feel like you can do it. You've developed some additional competence.
You've got some additional skills. And then the confidence follows. So when we're waiting to feel confident, it's the wrong goal entirely because that's the outcome or the result. Now, when we then go, okay, so what needs to happen first? It's self-trust.
How can perfectionism lead to burnout?
You trust yourself to show up with courage, to show up with presence. You trust yourself to handle a conversation, a new meeting. You trust yourself to handle yourself in the presentation that you're delivering, whatever it is. So when it comes to feeling confident, I wouldn't even encourage people to search for that feeling. Otherwise, you'll always be waiting and never take action.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the science behind confidence and self-doubt?
0:00–0:21
2
Why is self-trust essential before gaining confidence?
0:21–0:26
3
How can body language signals enhance perceived confidence?
0:26–1:14
4
What are the four psychological drivers of self-trust?
1:14–1:50
5
How do beliefs shape our perception of success?
1:50–2:01
6
What daily habits can build self-trust and confidence?
2:01–2:42
7
What strategies can help overcome overthinking and imposter syndrome?
2:42–3:36
8
How can perfectionism lead to burnout?
3:36–1:34:49
Speakers
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