Caller: “Tell My Church About My Secret Girlfriend?”
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Why does the pastor feel compelled to confess his secret relationship?
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I'm an assistant pastor, but the problem is is I haven't been living the life of spiritual integrity. I've been secretly hiding a uh a relationship with my girlfriend for several years. Do I confess everything and uh kind of accept the consequences that come with it? I don't think you want this job.
Not really.
What's going on? What's going on? This is John, the Dr. John Delune Show. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for sitting with us. Talking about your relationships, your marriages, your kids, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life, pull up a seat and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. I'd love to have you on the show. It's real people with real challenges. If you want to be on, click the link in the show notes and we'll get you on the show. Hey, if you have an Apple device, go to the Apple store and or the App Store, whatever, I don't know what the Kids call it these days, but get the Together app. It's the best app on the planet for helping you transform your marriage into something that's good, into something that's incredible.
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Hey, Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call. I appreciate it.
You got it, man. What's up?
So I'm an assistant pastor and uh my senior pastor's looking to step down soon.
Mm-hmm.
And they've unanimously decided, him and all the church, that I'm I'm the best fit for the job and But the problem is is I haven't been living the life of spiritual integrity and um I've been secretly hiding a uh a relationship with my girlfriend where we've been living together unmarried for several years. Um And uh So I'm I'm getting to that point where he's wanting to finally hand it over to me, but uh I don't I don't feel like I'm I'm uh worthy of that that spiritual leadership role. So my question to you is is do I confess everything and uh kind of accept the consequences that come with it, even if it costs my ministry? And uh deeply hurts the people that I love. And uh after living So many years without that integrity in my life, how do I become a man of integrity and character again?
How long has this been weighing on you, brother?
Uh Probably like four or five years.
Yeah. Um So you have a value set, you probably teach a value set, which compounds the angst, right? Um And this value set is You don't sleep with somebody till you're married to them. You don't you don't move in with somebody unless you're married to them. Whatever whatever whatever your value set is. And for years now. Um, you've been living, teaching, espousing to be one thing in front of folks and being different. Off to the side, right? Yeah. Okay. So I I have a an even deeper question to ask you.
Mm.
And push back on me, okay? Okay. I don't think you want this job.
No I I I Not really. I feel like that's it's my calling in life. I feel like you know, since I was a teenager that's what I wanted to do, but You know, I I had a picture in how everything would go and this is not kind of what I picture. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I I I
had several things that I wanted to do. I I I I mean I just I this is a whole other call and it might be fun to grab a few drinks and get you and some of some other pastors across the country to take apart this this It's madness uh to me, but this idea of calling. Um, instead of being able to say and and I d I I do believe in calling and all that, but man, I think it is so, so, so rare. And I think what we do is we have an idea, something we like, something we wanna do. And we're either nervous to say that that's what we want or we're uncomfortable We we feel like we need extra justification for Being excited about something.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
Why does the pastor feel compelled to confess his secret relationship?
0:05–10:24
2
How can he regain spiritual integrity and trust with his congregation?
10:24–21:28
3
What steps should he take to decide whether to resign or stay in ministry?
21:28–43:44
4
How does the weight‑loss caller describe his struggle with self‑image after losing 200 lb?
43:44–51:30
5
What mindset shifts does he need to stop chasing “the next level” and celebrate his new body?
51:30–58:03
6
How can he build a new identity that honors his hard work and family role?
58:03–1:02:45