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Chapter 1: How can I handle rejection from my girlfriend's dad?
I really want to propose. I love her a lot, and I've asked her dad for his blessing twice now, and he's rejecting me twice.
Oh, no.
I want to respect him, but I also really want to get married, and I want to propose to my girlfriend.
Do you buy his concern, or do you think he just doesn't like you? What up, what up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Taking real calls from real people from all over the world. Talking about your mental health, your emotional health, your relationships, your marriages, your kids, whatever you got going on in your life. If you want to be on the show, I'd love to have you.
No matter what you're going through, I'd love to have you. Pull up a seat and we can figure out what's the next right move. Click the link in the show notes and it will direct you to the place where you can fill out the form and it will go to Kelly. The overlord of this whole operation.
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Chapter 2: What should I do if my girlfriend wants to get married but her dad disapproves?
Let's go to Seattle, Washington and talk to John. Hey, John, what's up, man?
Hey, how are you doing?
I'm good, brother. How are you?
I'm good. I'm good. A little nervous.
It's all good, man. What's up?
So, yeah, my question is, I've been dating my girlfriend for about three years. We started dating in high school. We're 20 now. And I really want to propose. I love her a lot. And I've asked her dad for his blessing twice now, and he's rejecting me twice.
Oh, no.
I want to respect him, but I also really want to get married, and I want to propose to my girlfriend. So I'm just wondering how to move forward with that situation.
What does she say about it?
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Chapter 3: How can I navigate family drama between my dad and sister?
We are young.
Right. But it's just hard, too, because I don't really have a relationship with him, so it's kind of hard to still try to, I guess, respect his opinion.
Well, the problem is you asked for it. And so the question is, were you asking him or were you telling him? Because you asked him, I mean, the first two times you asked him and he said no. So if you were asking for his permission, he denied it. If you were trying to do like a ceremonial thing and you really don't care what he says, then go on with your life.
And just know that it will come with some sort of cost. And the bigger concern I have is, and maybe this has already happened, is that he doesn't have the kind of relationship with his daughter that she could go out with him and say, hey, dad, this train's leaving the station. I want you to, like, I get that you think we're too young.
I get that you're, you see all the potential pitfalls, totally get that and understand it. I'm going to do this. I want you in my corner. And then her dad gets to make a grownup decision, which is no, I refuse to be a part of this thing.
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Chapter 4: What are the signs of an unhealthy father-daughter relationship?
And that will be heartbreaking. Or he can choose to stand up next to his daughter and knowing I don't, I wish they weren't doing this, but now that they are, there will be nobody more on their team than me. But that sounds like a conversation she needs to have with him. Yeah. Has she? Yeah.
No. Okay. No. And yeah, she has been kind of distant from him recently. She is actually living with my grandparents right now because he didn't have room in his house for her to live there. Her dad? Yeah.
She's 20. Why doesn't she have her own apartment?
We're both in school, so we don't have a ton of money, obviously. But the plan would be to get married and move in together.
Okay. I have questions, but those aren't the questions you're asking, so I won't answer them. I mean, the big deal is be a grown-up. If you're going to take the grown-man decision and make a grown-up, you're going to do a very grown-up thing, which is till death do us part. then make your move and just know that any grown-up decision always comes with an upside and a downside to it. Yeah.
Why doesn't she have a good relationship with her dad?
I think she feels that he doesn't put in effort, I think.
Okay.
So is he just armchair quarterback in this thing? He has no relationship with his daughter, doesn't help her with college, doesn't help her with anything, but then he's going to sure throw his opinions down?
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Chapter 5: How do I approach my brother about his risky online behavior?
Car insurance, cell phone, tuition, anything?
Maybe her cell phone. I think that would be about it, though. Okay.
Prepare for all of that to get cut off. Make a plan for that. And in fact, not only make a plan for it, step up and disconnect from that. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm of the, I, I have, I have friends that are still on a family plan that have been married for God knows how many years. And that's insane to me. Get your own plan. Right.
So like when you, when you, when you get married and you say, I'll take care of this woman for the rest of her life, I'm going to be in service to her forever. That's just going to, so make a budget together, make a plan together. How are we going to fund this thing? How are we going to live? How are we going to eat that kind of stuff? Yeah. Right. Yeah.
And it might be that y'all get married and live at your grandparents' house for a year or six months. If that's the case, sit down with your grandfather and come up and draft a, an actual, a lease of some of sorts. I want to pay you 200 bucks a month. That's all I have. And you're supporting like whatever it looks like is cool. It's all good.
Um, but it's just, I'm going to take full ownership of this. Yeah.
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Chapter 6: What are the potential consequences of my brother's online actions?
And, and, um, can I challenge you on something? I want you to take full, honest responsibility here. And what I mean by that is you don't... Respecting somebody means you take all of their opinions to heart. You don't respect this guy. You want him to like you. And those are two different things. Now, I respect people immensely, and I disagree with some of their positions on things.
And that's all good. That's life. But I don't hear that happening here. I hear what you really want is him to like you. And he's saying, no, I don't. I don't like your decisions. I don't like your choices. And so owning, I'm going to respect him. I'm going to always treat him with dignity. That doesn't mean I have to do everything he says. And he gets to choose whether he respects you back. Yeah.
But respect, let me say it this way. Respect is not approval. Respect is relational, right? It's a, it's a posture. It's a way of treating somebody, honoring somebody, even when, especially when you disagree with them. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah. I would, I think that pretty much sums it up. Okay. So, so let go of the facade that I want to do right by this guy and,
Chapter 7: How can I set healthy boundaries with my family?
And respecting him is going to be, I'm going to take care of his daughter till the end of time. Respecting this man is I'm never, ever, ever going to get sucked into an emotional fight with him. I'm never going to get sucked into any of this drama. I'm not going to get sucked into drama. Respect is I'm always going to treat him with integrity, even when he's not treating me with integrity.
Like that's what respect looks like. not just two people wanting to like each other. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, 100%. So are you going to do this thing or what? Yeah, I think I am. Okay. So I can't recommend strongly enough. If he is unsafe, then disregard what I'm about to say. But I think it's worth the conversation for his daughter and him to talk.
this is part of her being making a very grown-up decision and her stepping into her role as a new grown-up as a co a co-head of this new world y'all are creating yeah right and if she says no he's not safe he's abusive he'll yell at me scream at me call me stupid whatever that's fine then he's opting out but
I'm just telling you 30% of the calls, 35% of the calls that come into this show are about people cutting off their relationships with folks because they disagree with each other. And I just think that's a travesty. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But best of luck to you, man. I wish you guys the best. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate everything. Cool, man. Go get them.
And I've got a book on marriage coming out soon. Later this year.
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Chapter 8: What are the best ways to communicate difficult truths to loved ones?
And it's heading to the printer in a couple of weeks. And so pick one of those up when you can. I think it'll help as you guys launch into this new adventure. It's awesome. When we come back, a man asks if he should step in to fix the relationship between his sister and his father before it's too late. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Financial stress does not just destroy your bank account.
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Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. All right, let's go out to Dallas, Texas and talk to Lee. What's up, Lee? Dr. John, how are you doing today? I'm good, my man. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for taking my call. It's an honor to talk with you. It's an honor to talk to you, my man. What's up?
Yeah. So, hey, I've been chewing on this question in my head for quite a while. I'm worried about my sister's relationship with our dad, and I'm stuck between trying to give my honest yet unwarranted advice to her on how I think she should move forward and then just minding my own business and letting things unfold as they will. So I wanted to call and get your opinion on that.
I appreciate that, man. So tell me about the dynamics of their relationship.
Yeah. So, you know, my sister and I moved moved out here to Texas from the West Coast about four years ago. We live together. We have been super close our entire life. Our dad's been in our life our entire life as well. And I guess just over the years, from her perspective, she feels overwhelmed by his presence.
She feels that he's overbearing and controlling and actually used the word traumatized by her childhood with just how much he kind of took control of everything. Is that real?
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