I’m Still Sexually Attracted to My Ex-Wife
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How do I move past my sexual attraction to my ex-wife?
How do I move past my sexual attraction to my ex-wife? I've had relationships with new women, but it never seems to gratify the same way as it did with my ex-wife.
Is this about sex or is this about a 20-year relationship where somebody knows everything about you and there's a deep, safe, intimate connection there? What's up? What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show coming to you not live. That kind of feels like it is, right, Kelly? Kind of feels like it is. Well, I mean, we're live in the fact that we're all in here doing this show right now, but when the people hear us, it will have been... I think one day we're going to do this show and there's going to be like some big wild thing and we're just going to be like... Like before COVID when all those people had recorded their shows.
Right, because, yeah, I mean... So from the time we record this until it releases... It's a good five weeks, four weeks. No, more than that. And so, yeah, things happen in that amount of time. And we're just like, la, la, la.
We transcend the dailies.
Yeah. I'm worried about like baseball season has started and spring is here, you know.
I don't really care about baseball because the Astros traded away everybody. That's why I'm a huge believer in the Nashville Stars because my Astros gave everybody away. So we just need the White Sox to have one more really obnoxiously bad year. They can just move on down south to the Nashvilles. I don't even know if that's supposed to be how it works out, but that's what I'm hoping for. Hey, glad that you're with us on this show. Kind of distracted today because Kelly got a new tattoo. She got a dragon across her stomach. And if you're wondering, was it weird when she showed us? Yup, it was. But I'm glad that you're here talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your coworkers who just get weird tattoos and just feel the need to show you.
Oh, so you're going to talk about weird tattoos.
All right, let's go out to Phoenix. TJ, what's up, brother? Not much. What are you up to, sir? Dude, I am rocking on to the break of dawn, brother. Just chilling. Are you? Yeah, what about you? Good, good.
Oh, you know, just enjoying life. Excellent. In the warm, in the great area here. Awesome. What's up? Well, my question to you is, how do I move past my sexual attraction to my ex-wife?
How do you move on from your sexual attraction to your ex-wife? I need some more context. I would assume you're still sexually attracted to her. That's a strange assumption. So tell me what you're struggling with.
Well, we were married for 23 years and we've now been divorced for three years. And, you know, I've had relationships with new women and whatever else, but it never seems to... or satiate the same way as it did with my ex-wife.
Is this about sex or is this about a 20-year relationship where somebody knows everything about you and there's a deep, safe, intimate connection there?
I would say it would be a bit of all of that.
Well, because one of the funniest misnomers is that the best sex you're ever going to have is when you're 25. And what the data tells me is married couples who are in their 40s and 50s are having the best sex. Okay. But that's not because they look the greatest. I was way more attractive when I was 20, right? It's not the things that we think matter when we're younger. It is, I know what you're into. I know what makes your toenails curl. I know, like, I know all about you. And there's a safety. There's a relational safety that is super deep after two decades with somebody. Yeah, I would agree with all that, yes. So I guess, like, let's take sex out of the equation. I don't know. No, we can leave it in.
What are the complexities of long-term relationships?
I guess to have the same level of trust and sexual compatibility and intimacy, you're going to need more time. Like you're going to have to build that relational stability. You were married to somebody. Now you're just hooking up with people. That's a different anchor point.
Yeah, when you say it like that, yes.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
How do I move past my sexual attraction to my ex-wife?
0:05–4:18
2
What are the complexities of long-term relationships?
4:18–29:27
3
How does depression affect marriage and trust?
29:27–46:58
4
What should I expect while rebuilding my marriage?
46:58–57:30
5
What role does intimacy play in relationships?
45:11–57:30