Is It Time for Me to Give Up on My Marriage?
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Should I stay and try to fix my marriage or is it simply beyond saving?
That's a big one. 20 years means you've dealt with a lot of gnarly actions inside your home. Give me an example of a few of them. What up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking calls from all over planet Earth about your marriages, your relationships, your mental and emotional health, struggles with addiction, whatever you got going on in your life. My promise is this, I may not have all the answers, but I promise I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. I've been doing this for more than two decades and it's one of my, one of my the highest honors of my life that I get to sit with folks amidst their pain and amidst their trust and see if I can point out on the horizon and find a small pinprick of a light that might provide hope for the next right move. If you want to sit down and have a chat with me, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K. Love to have you on the show.
Let's roll out to Ontario, Canada and talk to Audrey. Hey, Audrey, what's up, lady?
Hey, oh my gosh. I'm a big fan.
You've been with me on my journey. I'm a huge Audrey fan. This is big for both of us.
What's up? Thank you. Thank you. So I guess my short question is, should I stay and try to fix my marriage or is it simply beyond savings?
Ooh, that's a big one. So if you've listened to me for more than like three minutes, you know, I'm not going to give you that full answer, but I'll, I'll, I'll sit with you. What you got going on?
Um, okay. We've been together for about 20 years, um, two young kids and he's also had a, um, binge cocaine addiction, um, The entire time. It's gone spans of a year not using, but it's been consistent. And we've tried rehab. He's tried rehab. We've tried counseling. We've tried everything. And it's continued to escalate. And finally, about six months ago, when he brought it into the house, I kicked him out and separated and told him to leave. And so it's been six months. Um, we've done therapy, we've done family therapy, IV therapy, we've done all the therapies and we're just stuck. And the only difference is he doesn't live here. And he sometimes sees the kids when he's not using, um, he only uses on the weekends it appears and he's high functioning otherwise, but not functioning for our family. And I'm stuck.
Yeah. Um, To get this out of the way, otherwise it'll just spin in my head and loop and loop and loop. I absolutely hate the phrase high functioning.
Yeah.
Because all that means is somebody has X, Y, or Z challenge or struggle with addiction or mental health disorder, whatever it is, and they go to work and get a paycheck. High functioning rarely is in reference to the wake state. that somebody like your husband leaves relationally, emotionally, financially on the people that love him. And for those, I've spent a lot of time with people who struggle with cocaine. Just for people who are listening who don't have that kind of reference, 20 years means you've dealt with a lot of gnarly actions inside your home. Give me an example of a few of them.
Well, I had a hard time going away, but when I did go away about a year and a half ago on a trip that was pretty important across the world, he was with the kids and used. And my daughter called, FaceTimed. She's young, but she FaceTimed. And I had to get somebody to the house to take the kids away. And that was kind of the thing that I said I would never be okay with. And it happened. And then it took me a year before he, you know, just continued to do it. And he brought it into the house when we were all sleeping and I caught him.
And he's been bringing it into the house forever.
Yeah. There's more. There's more. How many times has he cheated on you? Exactly. Five years ago, I found out there was escorts too. Hmm. And so it's bad.
What about your finances?
We're both in finance, so finances are not bad. They're good.
Okay. Ish. For now. I'm thinking of what they could have been 20 years ago versus how much they've just literally been snorted away. So can I ask you a personal question? I want to kick you while you're down, but can I ask you a hard question?
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