Chapter 1: What concerns does a mother have about her daughter's sleepover experience?
I have an eighth grade daughter, and up until about a year ago, I had never allowed her to go to sleepovers. I decided to let her go. During that sleepover, one of the girls with the phone had the app Omegle, and an old perverted man had exposed themselves to the girl.
What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Man, I'm glad you're with us. A lot of hurting people out there and not a lot of people to call. So I'm glad that you've reached out. I'm glad you're listening.
Glad that you're pulling up a seat and we're going to figure out what's the next right move in your life with your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriage, your kids, whatever you got going on. Let's go out to Bend, Oregon and talk to Jessica. What up, Jessica?
Hello. How are you?
I'm good.
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Chapter 2: How does the mother navigate her daughter's anxiety after a traumatic encounter?
How are you?
nervous.
Oh, don't be nervous. I'm not very good at this. You're good. You're good to go. What's up? What's up?
So, um, I have an eighth grade daughter. I also have a fifth grade daughter and up until about a year ago, I had never allowed her to, um, go to sleepovers. She'd had like a handful of, you know, one-on-one sleepovers with some friends that are like family, but outside that I didn't allow her to do summer parties. But this year, um, Feels like there's one about every month.
And I decided to let her go. It was, you know, she has really good friends.
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Chapter 3: What is the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships?
She's a good girl. She went and the next day I could tell something was off. And she told me that during that sleepover, one of the girls with the phone had the app Omegle and an old perverted man had exposed themselves to the girls. Obviously, I was pretty upset about it. But now...
I'm in this situation where I don't know if I should stop letting her have them or appreciate that she told me, and I just don't know how to handle it going forward. They're just constant, and I'm the only one that doesn't let my daughter stay or had been. So just trying to figure out how to navigate this.
Number one, I hate that that happened to her.
Yeah, me too.
I hate all of it. I hate that I got to go to sleepovers when I was a kid, and we didn't make great choices, of course, but we sure didn't deal with that, right? Mm-hmm. And... Yeah. How much guilt are you carrying right now?
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Chapter 4: How can parents effectively communicate with their children about difficult topics?
I mean... I wouldn't so much say guilt. Something similar actually did happen to me. I'm 40. And when I was in the fifth grade, I went to a sleepover and somebody had put on a porno and it was very traumatizing and I never told my parents. And so my biggest thing was I was so happy that she was able to tell me because I carried as a child a lot of shame and guilt over that for years because my
I was very conservative, Christian home, and I felt like I had done something wrong. So I'm very glad that she was able to tell me, and I told her, it was not your fault. But yeah, I was mad at myself. I said, this is why I don't let her do this.
But I also don't want her to now stop telling me things, because if I now don't let her, then it's like, well, if I just hadn't told her, then I would be able to go. Yeah.
And I would tell you that is probably how an eighth grader, a 13 or 14 year old will process that. And that's okay. I want to tell you that you have, you have done hard work to change your family tree.
Chapter 5: What strategies can help manage caregiver fatigue in elderly care?
And what I mean by that is you've created an environment where your daughter feels safe to come tell mom big, scary things. And kids can handle a ton. They just can't handle it by themselves. Like you had to do when you were a little girl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so the fact that you've been able to process with her that you created a world over a decade or more, I don't know how old she is, but you created a world where she came to you, which is amazing. Okay. So I want to applaud you for that. Thank you. And I hear from kids, this is the way I hear that when they come back and say, hey, I went to this thing and this happened to me.
especially big, scary things like this, the way I interpret that is please help me. And so what you have to do is the next scary, terrifying thing, which is risk her being mad at you for her being safe. And that's a parent's job.
what that means is that if there's going to be a sleepover it's going to be at y'all's house which is inconvenient and which is a lot and it's dramatic and you've got boring rules that other girls don't have great yeah my wife is prepping one tonight that they're coming to our house and just so you know just so you're not the only weird one I know in your little community you might be there's zero technology allowed period
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Chapter 6: How can adult children address concerns about their aging parents' relationships?
Yeah. Yeah. And there was luckily after that sleepover, it did the host's daughter also told her. And there was a big group thing that went out and, you know, a bunch of every mom was on it. And there was a consensus like going forward, no phones after 9 p.m. or whatnot. So that at least is helpful. But it's still there. You know, there's there's always a way. Exactly. Technology.
So it's not even so much just the phone. It's just. The exhaustion, the lack of control over who's there, just the rest of it.
Totally.
Chapter 7: What are the signs of emotional neglect in family dynamics?
And that's why when they come to my house... Yeah. There's... I don't want to put anybody on blast, but I mean, I don't care how old they are. I have or my wife will call other parents and be like, hey, here's the regulations and the rules and the whatever. Right. And again, I've talked about on the show, I'm so obnoxiously over the top careful. But here's the deal.
You know that you can't let her go again, at least for a while.
Yeah. And so, and there is one this weekend and next weekend. And I, I did say, um, luckily it starts at like noon and then it goes into it. And, you know, I did say, Hey, you know, we have, and then I struggle with like, do I be honest about why? Or do I, I just said, you know, the next day you have like two basketball games. You've got, we have a friend Christmas party.
Like I just can't have you being exhausted.
Chapter 8: How can families create a supportive environment for aging parents?
Or do I just say it? We're not doing those.
I think saying that, having that conversation, not with one in the balance. Yeah.
Okay.
And so here's what an amazing moment would be for you and your daughter. Have you told her about what happened to you in fifth grade?
No.
Okay. This is an amazing moment of mom and daughter connection. She's 13. She's old enough to hear that story. But y'all go out to breakfast and you tell her, hey, I've been wrestling with something since you told me what happened. And I want to tell you, not in graphic detail, but somebody put something on in a movie that is still stuck in my head to this day.
and I knew better than to let you go, and I wanted you to have so much fun, and I don't want you to be the only weird kid, and here I am. I overrode myself, and then, good God, it happened again. I love you too much to put you in those kind of situations again. And you have full permission to tell your friends that your mom is an old-school, out-of-touch loser. Right.
But if there's, if there's a party and you're having this conversation at 4 PM on a Friday and the parties that night, it's going to go awful.
Not the right time. Right. Yeah.
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