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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Kyllä, se on lempeä kesä nyt, kun elämänmaku on kaikista makein. Mieli kuin nuorena tyttönä kaurapellolla, kun saa liihottaa. Nauti vaan ja ota väli pala välissä. Ai ai ai, niin se on. Eloveena. Täyttä eloa.
Wowee, okay. Today was an interesting one. We rocked up to do an interview with a guest, but unfortunately she had an emergency that she had to attend to, which obviously completely fair enough.
So we got on the backfire and we were like, okay, who can we find who's going to be able to give us, you know, the education and the knowledge and the information that we really wanted for today's episode. So we made a phone call. My producer made a phone call and my God, did she pull through. So Justin Coulson, Dr. Justin Coulson is Australia's most trusted parenting expert.
He has a PhD in psychology. He's an author of 10 plus books, co-host of Channel 9's Parental Guidance, the host of Australia's number one parenting podcast alongside his wife, Kylie. Dad to six freaking daughters. Emphasizing that grandfather to one granddaughter, his new book on raising boys has dropped officially. And I think it was top three on Amazon, which is incredible.
What made him perfect for today's episode? He sits at the intersection of psychology, parenting, and digital culture. He's not alarmist. He's evidence-based and nuanced. He'll push back on lazy takes, which makes great for listening. Now, I wish I had more time with the dude. We had literally 20 minutes and the clock was ticking very quickly.
I was like, holy shit, how am I going to get through all these questions? Well, we didn't. We actually didn't. Barely scratched the fucking surface. He was also great in the 20 minutes, like straight to the point. Obviously, he knew that we didn't have much time because he had to get to another meeting.
Wow, did my brain just go through like so many brain zaps and like aha moments and like fuck, this is actually the world that we live in. This is a world that I'm also now raising a seven-month-old baby girl in and it is genuinely terrifying.
Like there's so much that we actually already know and we're aware of, but when you hear it from someone like Justin and it really sinks in, especially now being a mum, Like, I'm genuinely terrified and it's raising my cortisol levels as I fucking speak and sit here. And we just spoke about that too.
Obviously, like lately, I've been speaking a lot about trolling, cyberbullying, the effects on, you know, participants that I've had on the podcast. Obviously, it kept coming up and people were going through PTSD and, you know, not being mentally prepared to be basically famous and seen at the petrol station and recognized and There's been a lot of conversations of that on the pod.
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Chapter 2: What are the psychological effects of online trolling?
That's the game.
Interesting. Now, children online. So I've got a seven-month-old girl and I know that you've got a lot of... She's not online yet, right?
Yeah.
No, no, no, no. God, no. I mean, look, she appears on my profile, which I don't know if I regret yet, but I do honestly think about, you know, the internet and how she's going to grow up with it. And it genuinely freaking terrifies me. So as a new parent, or, I mean, there's a lot of parent mums and, you know, dads that tune in, what should I actually be preparing for her to grow up online?
So let me give you the bad news first. Here we go. Hold your breath. This is just going to be horrible for a minute. Let's talk about pornography. The average age of exposure to pornography in Australia, we think, is somewhere around 11 or 12. That's the average. That means 50% are later, but 50% are earlier. Girls tend to be later than boys, so that's average. Boys would be on the lower end.
I'm a dad of six daughters. This really matters to me. I've got six girls. My youngest is 12. My oldest is in her late 20s. She's married. She's got a baby. I've got a two and a half year old granddaughter. The scary thing for me is pornography, it changes the way people believe. It changes what people believe about relationships and intimacy specifically.
And when you change your beliefs, the next thing to change is your behavior. So let's go another step along this journey. When you get to about the age of 15, Australian data indicates that 34% of 15 to 29-year-old males are using pornography daily. They're intentionally accessing explicit material and they're seeking it out daily. A further 50-ish percent are consuming it on a weekly basis.
What that means is about 84% of Australian males aged 15 to 29 are consuming explicit content on at least a weekly basis. And you can't tell me that that's not going to change their beliefs and therefore their behavior.
When you talk to people working in the medical field, you talk to psychologists, counselors, you talk to people who are working in the DV family violence area, they will tell you that something that was once extremely niche choking has become mainstream.
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Chapter 3: How does public scrutiny impact emotional intelligence?
And I used to obviously run a lot more, which is interesting because I know that doing aerobic fitness, like running at a certain pace, strengthens your heart. And that in particular was actually suboptimal. So if that's not my sign to get back into running fucking ASAP, then I don't know what is. But my cholesterol as well was not high, but just in the orange zone alongside my heart health.
And I mean, the one thing I can really relate that to is my stress, because when your cortisol is elevated, that affects everything else in the body. Like nothing else is going to work properly if we're living in this high stress, high cortisol
zone day to day and he literally said like just because I'm like well what are the effects of this and he's like a fucking heart attack and I'm like great my chest is tight thinking about that like it's a real thing if like I'm in my 30s I'm young I'm healthy but obviously we know like sickness is something that accumulates over time and example like skin cancers are from 20 years ago a melanoma might have been there from our 20 year ago sun damage we did and we see it in our 50s
So it's like what we do now in our thirties and forties, you know, obviously our twenties as well, but I'm past that, that ship sailed. Like it is so important for us to be doing all these things now so that we are around later and we aren't dealing with some kind of disease or condition or risk that can end in a fucking tragedy. Yeah. Oh, so it's just like far out. It's actually crazy.
And you think about it so much more as a parent, I think. And I think I said that recently, like sometimes I lie awake at night fucking thinking about dying and leaving Pia behind and it fucking sends me into a black hole.
Now, something else that he really did, I would say, like shared the most part on because it's obviously an area that he knows a lot about and something he's quite passionate about. Now, we've always known that porn is a problem. And I actually did speak to Australia's e-safety commissioner, Julie Inman Grant, at the end of last year and said,
The one thing I did take away was how little control we have over the big online giants.
Being an online safety regulator and being the first in the world certainly is not easy. I mean we're coming up against the most rich, powerful companies in the world who are domiciled overseas.
very wily perpetrators in the form of trolls and those who aim to abuse, to hurt people and who are good at masking their identity and being able to avoid all sorts of, I suppose, repercussions for their actions.
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Chapter 4: What are the physiological effects of living in a fight or flight state?
And I think about Pia now and I'm like, fuck, man. Like, it is really scary. And if this is the problem now with 16-year-olds and accessing porn and explicit content and adult content now, imagine when Pia's 16 and how different things are going to be then and what's going to be around then. And, you know, it's crazy because I also feel like right now there is –
A lot of promotion around, you know, OnlyFans creators. There's that Stan show turned on, which I've actually started watching. Obviously I've had Bonnie Blue on the podcast. I've had Annie Knight. And then I'm going to be getting Lily Phillips on too.
And previously I've asked both Annie and Bonnie about the effects on children and they both, and they both claim it's adult content, despite doing barely legal campaigns, which obviously has to market to young boys who are, you know, under 18. Technically, yes. They are marketing to younger boys who are below the age of 18 because then they're going to be 18, which is barely legal, which is wild.
Anyway, I'm keen to delve into the impact with Lily Phillips as well. And I've been watching the show and I know other creators are annoyed that You know, creators like Annie are taking the industry way more extreme with these stunts. And I wonder if she thinks the societal impact. But then again, she's only 24. Maybe she's a product of this impact. I guess I'll just have to ask her.
I just loved Justin's quote of smart parents will give dumb phones to kids as well. It's things that we don't even know about. And look, I'm not a huge fan with screen time and peer luck. I've done it a few times. I've dabbled in Miss Rachel because it's funny. I thought I might be missing out on Pia's developments because everyone was like, oh, my God, Miss Rachel teaches my kids so much. And...
Then I watched this podcast interview with another psychologist more so focused on children and screen time and development. And it actually was saying that Miss Rachel is still not okay for a child before two and it shouldn't be really shown. And, like, look, I'm not coming for mums that use screen time whatsoever.
Like, I believe in you have to do whatever's going to get you through the day or your job. And I'm totally like, you do what you do, boo. But yeah, like I've tried it with Pia and she actually got a bit frustrated and didn't really have a pleasant time. So we don't actually do any screen time.
Sometimes I have meditation music on the TV and there might be like a real relaxing fucking scenic tour on of Italy or like fishes and stuff like that. But yeah, like it's, filling my mind with so many thoughts around that as well. And then I've got, you know, the thoughts around sharing peer online.
Like, obviously I've shared her since birth and that's because I have friends and family on socials who I don't see very often and they get to see her that way. And then I'm like, fuck, what if I just took her away tomorrow on social media, like erased all content and no one ever knew she existed.
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