STOP Trying To Be Happy | Spotify Video Exclusive
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You have this big vision for your life that you want, and on this side, your family gets kidnapped, and if you don't do something, they will kill them all.
How can negative emotions be used as motivation?
Which of those motivates you more right now in this video? When I was 15, 16, 17, I was a pretty angry kid. I thought that I had all these issues. I would tell people I have anger issues. I'm not a nice person. I would tell people those things because I believe those things to be true. And I saw them as problems. And then I went to college. And in college, it's all propaganda of people who are teaching who've never actually done work in a real economy ever.
What personal experiences shaped Alex's perspective on happiness?
They're all tenured. They don't live in reality. They tell everyone they should pursue their purpose and their passion and the things that they love. And I ate it up. And so I read all these books on positive psychology. I watched all these TED Talks. And the problem was I didn't make any progress. And I felt like there was something even more wrong with me because I didn't feel any of that stuff. I wish I could go back and tell myself, dude, all the stuff they're saying is just not true. Like you don't need any of that. You can embrace the fact that you are angry. You can embrace the fact that you feel like you are in pain and you can use that to make the life that you want. You don't have to use the lovey-dovey purpose passion to build the life that you want to build.
What it does is it tells people that having a negative emotional experience is a bad thing. But half of your life is below average by definition. And so if you are not using the half of your life as energy or motivation to create the life you want, then you're at a huge disadvantage.
They interviewed the top Olympic medalists, and they found that they don't actually love winning, they hate losing. When they win, they experience relief, not euphoria. If you look at Steve Jobs, he wasn't some happy-go-lucky dude who was like, man, I just wanna make the world a better place. He was a tough dude to work for, but he created something beautiful from that pain. MJ, you look at Kobe, they had imaginary situations that they created in their minds to create more suffering,
in their own life to motivate them and use as fuel. Imagine you have this big vision for your life that you want, and on this side, your family gets kidnapped, and if you don't do something, they will kill them all. Which of those motivates you more right now in this video? Probably the one with your family getting kidnapped.
Why is impulse control important in achieving success?
It's not trying to harness a lovey-dovey feeling, it's harnessing pain. Felt like I had experienced more pain than I had good. I saw it as a disadvantage. I saw it as something that I had to overcome. I didn't have this big purpose. I didn't have this thing that I loved. I didn't have this thing I was passionate about. And if I could have just skipped all of that and started the moment I accepted that it was okay to be angry. What wasn't okay was not doing anything about it. While I procrastinated by trying to find purpose, jumping from thing to thing to thing, trying to find the thing that really lit my fire and just accepted that it was totally okay to work my face off in disgust from my current circumstance and who I was, then I would have gotten to where I wanted to go much faster.
So many people are believing a lie. They have to be happy, they have to have purpose, passion for what they're doing in order to get out of their situation. They think that they are poor because they don't have passion. That is false. You are poor because you're not doing the activities that make you rich. And you can fuel those activities whatever way you damn well please. And so if you are somebody who is more motivated by the dark side, then lean into the dark side. Unlike the saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the equal opposite of that is the road to heaven is paved with bad intentions. You can do good shit with bad motivation. And when I say bad, I mean negative experiences, pain, anger, etc.,
I still have tons of motivation from that side.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:07
2
How can negative emotions be used as motivation?
0:07–0:35
3
What personal experiences shaped Alex's perspective on happiness?
0:35–2:16
4
Why is impulse control important in achieving success?
2:16–4:06
5
What does Alex mean by 'leaning into negative emotions'?
4:06–6:07
6
How do Olympic athletes view winning and losing?
6:07–6:11